Recognizng the signs

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

This thread was supposed to be a helpful thread for women/men who may not know the signs for abuse. Could a moderator please split the whole mena discussion off perhaps? I feel it's really taking away from the purpose of the discussion.

Thank you !

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

I'd actually also like to know about the divorce laws in MENA and how life is for a divorced woman over there...anyone?

This is an extremely broad question. ME/NA is a big big place, with many different countries. Each one has its own legal system, which may not be the same as its neighbors. There are vast differences in traditions, opportunities and options between different countries and especially between various socio-economic groups, even within the very same city.

But you could easily look up specific info for yourself on the net, by typing in each country along with "divorce laws."

Aside -- Why is there such a tendency to lump all ME/NA countries together as "over there" (or even the people as "them" ?) My god these are HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF INDIVIDUALS living in DOZENS OF DIFFERENT COUNTRIES.

*sigh*

So what's life like for a divorced woman in your SO's country, wom?

for the aside......

'over there' cos it's not here! I'd say that when talking about ANY country not America. COS IT'S THERE. *points*

Secondly....I most certainly can google...but we're all having a great dialogue. Enlighten us with what google cannot...share your experiences. I think this is a great conversation! Let's keep it on track!

"My" experiences ? I'm not divorced.

[Fandango 1,439]

So what's life like for a divorced woman in your SO's country, wom?

for the aside......

'over there' cos it's not here! I'd say that when talking about ANY country not America. COS IT'S THERE. *points*

Secondly....I most certainly can google...but we're all having a great dialogue. Enlighten us with what google cannot...share your experiences. I think this is a great conversation! Let's keep it on track!

"My" experiences ? I'm not divorced.

I meant in general while visiting your SO. Sorry that came out wrong!

[chri'stina 190]

I'd actually also like to know about the divorce laws in MENA and how life is for a divorced woman over there...anyone?

This is an extremely broad question. ME/NA is a big big place, with many different countries. Each one has its own legal system, which may not be the same as its neighbors. There are vast differences in traditions, opportunities and options between different countries and especially between various socio-economic groups, even within the very same city.

But you could easily look up specific info for yourself on the net, by typing in each country along with "divorce laws."

Aside -- Why is there such a tendency to lump all ME/NA countries together as "over there" (or even the people as "them" ?) My god these are HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF INDIVIDUALS living in DOZENS OF DIFFERENT COUNTRIES.

*sigh*

So what's life like for a divorced woman in your SO's country, wom?

for the aside......

'over there' cos it's not here! I'd say that when talking about ANY country not America. COS IT'S THERE. *points*

Secondly....I most certainly can google...but we're all having a great dialogue. Enlighten us with what google cannot...share your experiences. I think this is a great conversation! Let's keep it on track!

I am not sure who is insultingly saying "over there". I don't know if people are getting defensive or truly feel it's an insult to say "over there", when it just means geographically. Should we list every single MENA country in every discussion about MENA? If we talk about Europe we should do the same I guess.

The links I provided did mention specific countries. I'm sorry if anyone took anything as I said as an insult. I just see it as discussion. But if it's detracting from the original topic I will stop now. I just thought it wasn't true to say it's not more prevalent in countries that are still having gender issues greater than the US. MENA, India, and add whatever other country where more % of women are dealing with DV than somewhere like the US. I never said it didn't happen in the US either. Anyway, that's all.

[bhajishah 4]

IF ANYONE ,other than momma,drag me out of bed @ 0600 am and pulls me into the kitchen. They would be going to LOUISVILLE therapy real fast courtesy of Mr slugger. cops would be called as soon as momma was done batting!!!

[doodlebug 3]

But if it's detracting from the original topic I will stop now.

[joelunchbox 0]

Playful Use of Force In Sex

The abuser may like to throw you down and hold you down during sex, or act out fantasies where you are helpless. The abuser may start to have sex with you while you are sleeping or demand sex while you are ill or tired or right after an assault.

a short comment here....Key words are "playful" and "demanding".

Playful--is just that. In the bedroom, you can be playful--but please talk to the other person first. Settle on a duress word so both will know when to stop(and this applies to many aspects of life in the bedroom). Some people can not bear to be restrained and in that case, anything of this sort would be out of bounds and would be abusive because the person does not want it.

Demanding--If someone has to demand something of another, I don't feel that it is sign of a good healthy relationship. There should be give and take but demanding is something else. It is doubtful if there are two people on the face of the earth that agree 100% about everything. But, demanding is something that shouldn't happen in the bedroom. I am wondering whether demanding someone attend a family reunion is abuse... I can actually see it as abusive or as just enforcing good familial relations.

Do remember there is emotional and physical abuse. Do talk to someone to get some perspective on your situation. Be careful here-some "friends" will unload their feelings on your relationship. As I look over the signs of abuse listed here, I also see that a few of these are signs of depression. Your partner may need help. If you had/have a good relationship, the two of you may need counseling. Sometimes a tune up on how to communicate can work wonders. If you want your relationship to succeed, I suggest a counselor with a religious background. Unfortunately, there are many counselors who have their own agenda of making everyone independent of anyone else. Guess how I know this.....

If someone exhibits only one of the traits--be aware. But, if you like the person otherwise, spend the time and effort to see why they are like that. Someone may be worth the effort or you may not have it in you to find out. One exception--they hit you. That is strike 1,2 and 3 and they are out. If there are two or more...worry.

One of the best defenses against abusers sounds simple but it is possibly the hardest to attain. Be happy and secure with yourself. There is a big difference in "needing" someone and someone "enhancing" your life. I need my fiance because she enhances my life.

Very good thread.

[Caladan 19]

There's a world of difference between consensual playful or rough sex and rape.

[bhajishah 4]

There's a world of difference between consensual playful or rough sex and rape.

Whew i was beginning to think i was an offender

[joelunchbox 0]

There's a world of difference between consensual playful or rough sex and rape.

ABSOLUTELY!!! I would stress that a good relationship is based on good communication. If you can't talk about something freely, your relationship will be stunted. If you can't talk about bedroom topics, your sex life will be stunted. who knew you both wanted to dress up like chickens?? Ask, be open and be truthful.

Again, the key is to know yourself, be yourself, know what you deserve and know that there are literally millions of people you haven't met yet-one of whom may be perfect for you. And yes, it does mean that you may be hurt in the process (hopefully not physically!) and it also means that you may hurt someone else (again, hopefully not physically!!).

[rclouse 0]

Thank goodness the discussion has lightened up!

--removed out of respect for all persons that have been victims of abuse

[peezey 0]

####### IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This discussion has not lightened up.

[doodlebug 3]

That picture is in EXTREMELY bad taste. You really should remove it.

[mybackpages 0]

That picture is in EXTREMELY bad taste. You really should remove it.

well maybe in the context of how it was presented, but the pic is actually an ad trying to educate people about domestic violence. It is an attempt to show the absurdity of the violence.

[rclouse 0]

I'll remove it the consensus agrees it's in sufficient poor taste to warrant removal.

It's obviously a parody on domestic violence posters. I'm sorry two of you (at least) didn't get the humor.