YOUR Husband WILL BE different now that he is in the USA - Beware

[MyNigerianKING 11]

To all women marrying abroad. Please understand the reality, when you travel to the other country to see your husband of course it will be laid on thick for you because if they aren’t contributing anything in the financial process the goal is TO GET TO AMERICA. You will never be the only reason why they want to come here. You may be part but not the only reason , in their mind they want to get money to take care of their family back in Africa. They think all Americans are rich and don’t want to spend their money. I am still with my husband he is a hard worker but he is nothing like I thought he would be towards me . If I can give you any advice have every conversation possible that you can think of before he arrives to the USA so you can see where his mind and heart is with his goals when he arrives to the USA. I would advise that you highly consider what choice you are making before you start the process. I know all men are not the same BUT understand you are marrying a culture as well as a person. If you can don’t rush and get married and make him pay for things that the IR1 Process calls for. 

[TBoneTX 46,823]

Big revelations can occur when you suggest moving to live with him in his country.  Do this in person or at least by video chat.  Listen closely, and observe body language and facial expressions like a hawk.

[JeanneAdil 6,857]

Agree with the above and sorry for your disappointment 

but the man is a hard worker as you say so appreciate that fact and honor him and ask him to honor u and your wishes / marriage is always a work in process

Good luck to you both

 

You do not marry a man (from these cultures);  you marry the family

anytime i went the family was with us if i rented a car as they did not have one so we traveled the country with various family members

to me marriage in this fashion takes away from the courting time and romance of dating and throws you instantly into working on a marriage 

 

SO DATE SOMEONE and know them before marrying him or her

 

but i knew all  this as we spent time with 5 visits and 10 months together 

You have to know anyone u marry and know what the person likes and dislikes

you have to know what is expected of you in the marriage and what the other is willing to  do and help you with

 

no matter what person you pick for a partner ,  take time , get to know them inside and out

 

Anyone considering this type of marriage should read warnings from ICE and many US embassys that post  warnings on home site

 

https://www.ice.gov/news/releases/top-story-ice-leading-nationwide-campaign-stop-marriage-fraud

 

1. U.S. Department of State & U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services Warnings: 

 

• Marriage Fraud:

  The U.S. Embassy in the Dominican Republic, for example, has a page dedicated to explaining what marriage fraud is and the consequences of entering into a sham marriage. 

   
• Consequences of Sham Marriages:

  Engaging in a sham marriage can lead to serious consequences, including visa denial and even legal prosecution. 

   
• Importance of Legitimate Marriages:

  The U.S. emphasizes that marriage to a U.S. citizen does not automatically guarantee a visa for the foreign spouse. 

   
• Reporting Fraud:

  If you suspect marriage fraud, the U.S. Embassy encourages reporting it to the appropriate authorities. 

   

2. Key Points about International Marriages:

• Legality:

  As long as your marriage is legally valid in the country where it was performed, the U.S. will likely recognize it. 

   
• Requirements:

  There may be requirements for obtaining a visa if a foreign national is married to a U.S. citizen, such as medical screenings or visa applications. 

   
• Documentation:

  You may need to provide proof of marriage for certain processes, such as filing taxes or updating Social Security records. 

   
• Cultural Differences:

  Be prepared for potential cultural differences and legal/procedural complexities that may arise in overseas marriages. 

   
• Consultative Services:

  The U.S. Navy's DVIDS (Defense Video and Imagery Distribution System) recommends taking advantage of consultative services provided by the command regarding legal, procedural, and intercultural issues related to international marriages. 

[JeanneAdil 6,857]

14 minutes ago, TBoneTX said:

Big revelations can occur when you suggest moving to live with him in his country.  Do this in person or at least by video chat.  Listen closely, and observe body language and facial expressions like a hawk.

Yeah , great point , offer to make the move and see how fast some drop talking 

 

but understand the culture and see if you can live with it 

read about the culture before you travel as even things are very different in English speaking countries 

[Ontarkie 14,782]

~~Moved to Moving Here and Your NEw Life, from IR1/CR1 P&P- the OP is speaking of the reality of her marriage after moving to the US.~~

[PGA 294]

40 minutes ago, TBoneTX said:

Big revelations can occur when you suggest moving to live with him in his country.  Do this in person or at least by video chat.  Listen closely, and observe body language and facial expressions like a hawk.

This right here👆. If the mere mention of moving to their country sends him or her into a panic and/or results in an argument, you'll know what's up. I tend to believe a lot of folks don't make this suggestion because they are afraid of what will be revealed. 

[Boiler 46,760]

To be fair Nigeria is in a category of its own.

[JeanneAdil 6,857]

1 hour ago, Boiler said:

To be fair Nigeria is in a category of its own.

True and USC's thinking to go and marry should inform themselves on all that is involved as the country is known for being high fraud

but using the internet all who are talking online to someone should also be able to look on internet to see the pitfalls of international marriages and romance scams even ask google about -country specific

 

https://www.ice.gov/about-ice/hsi/news/hsi-insider/romance-scams-protect-yourself

 

and Lagos webpage has scam warnings

 

https://ng.usembassy.gov/scams/

 

 

Understand that studies on foreigners shows Nigeria had the highest number of college grads (old Stanford study shows 24% ) but AI (if u believe AI) now says this

 

Nigerians are known for having a high level of educational attainment, particularly among immigrants to the United States. A significant portion of Nigerian immigrants in the U.S. hold college degrees. For example, one study showed that 63% of first-generation Nigerian immigrants to the US were college-educated, and 71.1% of second-generation Nigerian American women had bachelor's degrees or higher. 

 

[MyNigerianKING 11]

Again, I understand everyone is different but I have been swooned by the man as I see all the women are. I’m just saying take time out to understand it’s NOT ABOUT LOVE ENTIRELY for them. American women we want what our culture has portrayed as being a good man. BUT please mam take your head out the clouds for just a moment , ask him tough questions, what are his goals and how do you fit into them once he arrives? Think about what you think you can depend on him now for will that change when he arrives? What is his love language and what is yours? Does he know what yours is? Is he willing to be the same way when he arrives? What do you expect from him? Is he a minimalist and if so how I’ll that play into him meeting any household needs that you expect a man to do? The expectation if not effectively communicated between the two BEFORE he arrives will devastate you. If it wasn’t for me having a relationship with GOD I would divorce. Also, if you are paying for everything when you go travel please understand ! Do it not expecting anything in return because once he is making more money than he has ever made in his life you will see right where you fit in and I PRAY it’s what you expected but just in case it’s not , as the woman you have to submit and compromise if you want your marriage to last. I WANT TO BRING AWARENESS TO AMERICAN WOMEN because our culture have the toughest time adjusting to the headship of our husbands. 

[Boiler 46,760]

My observation from the no end of posts I have seen on here and it applies to both men and women is that the usual thought process that would apply if say the other person lived in a different state goes out the window, my other observation in 99% of cases despite this being suggested it is ignored.

[KMG 194]

1 hour ago, MyNigerianKING said:

Again, I understand everyone is different but I have been swooned by the man as I see all the women are. I’m just saying take time out to understand it’s NOT ABOUT LOVE ENTIRELY for them. American women we want what our culture has portrayed as being a good man. BUT please mam take your head out the clouds for just a moment , ask him tough questions, what are his goals and how do you fit into them once he arrives? Think about what you think you can depend on him now for will that change when he arrives? What is his love language and what is yours? Does he know what yours is? Is he willing to be the same way when he arrives? What do you expect from him? Is he a minimalist and if so how I’ll that play into him meeting any household needs that you expect a man to do? The expectation if not effectively communicated between the two BEFORE he arrives will devastate you. If it wasn’t for me having a relationship with GOD I would divorce. Also, if you are paying for everything when you go travel please understand ! Do it not expecting anything in return because once he is making more money than he has ever made in his life you will see right where you fit in and I PRAY it’s what you expected but just in case it’s not , as the woman you have to submit and compromise if you want your marriage to last. I WANT TO BRING AWARENESS TO AMERICAN WOMEN because our culture have the toughest time adjusting to the headship of our husbands. 

Yeah, these types of conversations have to happen BEFORE marriage.  In the case of my husband and me, we lived together after marriage for more than a year before we even decided to move to the States- and when we decided, I continued living here during the entire I-130 process. Although I make a dollar salary in my teaching job, he was gainfully employed as well. Our salaries don't exactly match, but he has no hesitation in contributing to "us".   

 

It is true you marry a culture and not just the person, which is why I think some time should be spent in the spouse's home country as well.

Edited April 18 by KMG

[JeanneAdil 6,857]

OP 

on VJ we have read many stories of disappointed romance / marriage but in all honesty ,  the advice given falls on deaf ears

they are in love and common sense isn't

What happened to you happens to many even those USC's married to other USC's 

its good to see written and maybe will help someone and if so, hope that person lets you know that they listened 

but most on here have already committed and truth is they don't listen to advice =not even from family who see the dangers and pitfalls or friends who say "he /she is just looking for a green card 

 

A good marriage is GOOD (even when problems come up)

A bad marriage is bad (and problems are made worse when they come up)

 

AND there is no in between

[Sam Burns 173]

That sounds like relationships 101. Don’t rush into things, get to know each other, experience challenges so you can learn how you both react, spend time together etc etc. All the things that rushed K1 and other immigration visas don’t give you much chance to do.

[P3ACHY 26]

I'm sorry what you're going through OP. You have good advice; though it's hard for those in love to hear it. But without a doubt everyone's expectations should be nailed down early in any relationship. Especially when your spouse is from a vastly different culture. And if possible, spend a significant amount of time living together, experiencing health, life, work, financial challenges in person.

 

I've been living in Russia for almost a year now with my husband (and we lived together a year+ in other countries). And adjusting is super hard, all new family and friends. No one speaks English. Food, holidays, lifestyle is all totally different. I have no means of working here or even accessing my own earned income. It's given me a lot of perspective about how hard it's gonna be for my husband to adjust to the US (but also how amazing of a husband he is). You lose a bit of yourself living outside of your own culture. And it takes time to bridge that cultural gap together.

[nastra30 2,491]

20 hours ago, MyNigerianKING said:

BUT understand you are marrying a culture as well as a person.

Very crucial. For insrance, in most African countries the whole extended family (in addition to nuclear family) is prioritized. In the US, priority is mostly given to the nuclear family.