Seeking a Green Card

[csh2020 47]

Now that she was served divorce papers, she is asking to come home and reconcile. My attorney predicted this would happen. She says that I have until the end of the month and if I decide no, then she will sign the divorce papers. She doesn't know that I cancelled the marriage visa petition with USCIS. Not surprised. And saying that she is in bad health because of this. I didn't choose to leave. It was her. I told her that apparently, she thinks gringos are gullible. Too old for games. If she signs, then the process will be over quicker and easier. 

Edited March 13 by csh2020

[OldUser 8,349]

7 minutes ago, csh2020 said:

Now that she was served divorce papers, she is asking to come home and reconcile. My attorney predicted this would happen. She says that I have until the end of the month and if I decide no, then she will sign the divorce papers. She doesn't know that I cancelled the marriage visa petition with USCIS. Not surprised. And saying that she is in bad health because of this. I didn't choose to leave. It was her. I told her that apparently, she thinks gringos are gullible. Too old for games. If she signs, then the process will be over quicker and easier. 

I'm so glad you're recovering from this toxic relationship!

[TBoneTX 46,567]

10 hours ago, csh2020 said:

Now that she was served divorce papers, she is asking to come home and reconcile. My attorney predicted this would happen. She says that I have until the end of the month and if I decide no, then she will sign the divorce papers. She doesn't know that I cancelled the marriage visa petition with USCIS. Not surprised. And saying that she is in bad health because of this. I didn't choose to leave. It was her. I told her that apparently, she thinks gringos are gullible. Too old for games. If she signs, then the process will be over quicker and easier. 

It feels good to be strong, correct?   

[csh2020 47]

9 hours ago, TBoneTX said:

It feels good to be strong, correct?   

T-Bone, thank you for your words of encouragement. I must be honest and say that I have had moments of weakness, especially when she is asking to come home because I look back wondering if I made a mistake by filing for divorce and canceling the I-30 petition. Did I overreact? Does she really love me? Am I throwing away a woman who really does love me? Those are questions that are needling at me. It seems that now we are at the point of no return because the petition has been cancelled, I have already told the church boards and now in process of them making decisions of my fate as pastor, which will involve locating housing if the vote doesn't go in my favor (that is what I'm expecting to happen). Tradition and polity normally take precedence over grace in this ecclesiastical system.

 

The damage has already been done. I went as far as I could by giving her opportunity after opportunity to return but she waited too late. Things would never be the same now. It's as one suffered irreparable tornado damage.  

 

She seems so convincing. But in these moments of weakness, I have to remind myself that she left over a disagreement and then stayed away for 2 months, wanted "weekly Monday dinner dates" for 30 minutes -1 hour with little to no contact between. And the avoidant behaviors before her leaving. What's more is I still do not know where she is or what she has been doing all this time. When she started texting, I had an attack yesterday while at work - severe headache, dizziness to the point of fainting, and trouble staying awake as if my body was shutting down. It might have been the onset of a stroke, I don't know. I went home and slept the rest of the evening and a full night and now I feel better. 

 

I just think it is too convenient that she did not want to come back until she got her EAD/SSN cards and now that she was served, she has upped the ante of wanting to come back. This is a woman who barely texted me even when we were together who now machine gun texts. It is stressful to say the least. I only wish I didn't love her but that is what makes it so difficult. 

Edited March 14 by csh2020

[appleblossom 3,553]

14 minutes ago, csh2020 said:

T-Bone, thank you for your words of encouragement. I must be honest and say that I have had moments of weakness, especially when she is asking to come home because I look back wondering if I made a mistake by filing for divorce and canceling the I-30 petition. Did I overreact? Does she really love me? Am I throwing away a woman who really does love me? Those are questions that are needling at me. It seems that now we are at the point of no return because the petition has been cancelled, I have already told the church boards and now in process of them making decisions of my fate as pastor, which will involve locating housing if the vote doesn't go in my favor (that is what I'm expecting to happen). Tradition and polity normally take precedence over grace in this ecclesiastical system.

 

The damage has already been done. I went as far as I could by giving her opportunity after opportunity to return but she waited too late. Things would never be the same now. It's as one suffered irreparable tornado damage.  

 

She seems so convincing. But in these moments of weakness, I have to remind myself that she left over a disagreement and then stayed away for 2 months, wanted "weekly Monday dinner dates" for 30 minutes -1 hour with little to no contact between. And the avoidant behaviors before her leaving. What's more is I still do not know where she is or what she has been doing all this time. When she started texting, I had an attack yesterday while at work - severe headache, dizziness to the point of fainting, and trouble staying awake as if my body was shutting down. It might have been the onset of a stroke, I don't know. I went home and slept the rest of the evening and a full night and now I feel better. 

 

I just think it is too convenient that she did not want to come back until she got her EAD/SSN cards and now that she was served, she has upped the ante of wanting to come back. This is a woman who barely texted me even when we were together who now machine gun texts. It is stressful to say the least. I only wish I didn't love her but that is what makes it so difficult. 

 

I really feel for you, but it’s pretty obvious that she only now wants to come back because you are an easy route for her to stay in the US. The way she’s treated you makes it clear she doesn’t love you at all.

 

Now that you’ve served her with divorce papers, why not just block her number? I can’t see any positives to staying in contact with her, it’s just allowing her to continue to try to manipulate you and cause you huge amounts of stress.

Edited March 14 by appleblossom

[SL2024 175]

2 hours ago, csh2020 said:

T-Bone, thank you for your words of encouragement. I must be honest and say that I have had moments of weakness, especially when she is asking to come home because I look back wondering if I made a mistake by filing for divorce and canceling the I-30 petition. Did I overreact? Does she really love me? Am I throwing away a woman who really does love me? Those are questions that are needling at me. It seems that now we are at the point of no return because the petition has been cancelled, I have already told the church boards and now in process of them making decisions of my fate as pastor, which will involve locating housing if the vote doesn't go in my favor (that is what I'm expecting to happen). Tradition and polity normally take precedence over grace in this ecclesiastical system.

 

The damage has already been done. I went as far as I could by giving her opportunity after opportunity to return but she waited too late. Things would never be the same now. It's as one suffered irreparable tornado damage.  

 

She seems so convincing. But in these moments of weakness, I have to remind myself that she left over a disagreement and then stayed away for 2 months, wanted "weekly Monday dinner dates" for 30 minutes -1 hour with little to no contact between. And the avoidant behaviors before her leaving. What's more is I still do not know where she is or what she has been doing all this time. When she started texting, I had an attack yesterday while at work - severe headache, dizziness to the point of fainting, and trouble staying awake as if my body was shutting down. It might have been the onset of a stroke, I don't know. I went home and slept the rest of the evening and a full night and now I feel better. 

 

I just think it is too convenient that she did not want to come back until she got her EAD/SSN cards and now that she was served, she has upped the ante of wanting to come back. This is a woman who barely texted me even when we were together who now machine gun texts. It is stressful to say the least. I only wish I didn't love her but that is what makes it so difficult. 

 

I thought that earlier in this post you said you were going to block her? How come you haven't done that yet?

[csh2020 47]

22 minutes ago, SL2024 said:

 

I thought that earlier in this post you said you were going to block her? How come you haven't done that yet?

I haven't blocked her because she still has some things that she needs to pick up (tax forms, etc and she is saying that she is willing to sign the divorce agreement, which would make things easier. My attorney said that, even though she was served, she still has to be informed of the court date. If we can't locate her, then it will still have to be a publication - 30 days, which can cost a few more hundred dollars. I'm trying to save time and money. So, keeping her unblocked helps with planning to end this.

[TBoneTX 46,567]

3 hours ago, csh2020 said:

now I feel better

And this feeling will continue.  In addition to sleep, violent physical exercise or immersion in an intense hobby will help.

[appleblossom 3,553]

54 minutes ago, csh2020 said:

I haven't blocked her because she still has some things that she needs to pick up (tax forms, etc and she is saying that she is willing to sign the divorce agreement, which would make things easier. My attorney said that, even though she was served, she still has to be informed of the court date. If we can't locate her, then it will still have to be a publication - 30 days, which can cost a few more hundred dollars. I'm trying to save time and money. So, keeping her unblocked helps with planning to end this.

What phone do you have? Blocking her doesn’t mean you couldn’t contact her if you really needed to, it would just mean her messages would be hidden and any phone calls would ring out. Which would be a much better idea for you and your mental health.
 

You can keep her number for when you need it, you don’t have to delete it. 

[csh2020 47]

She is proclaiming her love for me. I told her love is expressed by honesty and openness. If she loves me then she will prove it by telling me where she is staying and working. She would not. I even told her that if she will tell me where she is living/working, I will consider dropping the divorce and working toward reconciliation. She still refused to tell me. 

 

Then about 10 minutes later, she pressured me into seeing her in person today. She knows that I will be home alone. She made all kinds of promises and told me that she will tell me where she is staying and working face-to-face. I told her that I need to know where she is living/working before she comes. Then turning it onto me by saying that I am choosing not to see her. I really don't know what she is doing by trying too hard to come here. I can't understand what the big secret is. Why can't she tell me where she is living/working via text or phone? Why does it have to be face-to-face. She said I'll understand why she didn't tell me when she does in person. I don't know. It seems that she is trying awfully hard to see me in person. This is the same woman who avoided me for months. I'm truly concerned that there is a motive. She has also stated that she left because I threatened her with immigration (not true, I never mentioned immigration but divorce court). She said that she left out of fear because I yelled at her. I never did yell. It was a disagreement - not even an argument. It is beginning to smell like a VAWA. Would an uneducated immigrant know about VAWA? Just curious. I told her that I will not see her unless she first tells me where she is living/working, and I want an address. Says she'll tell me when she gets here and gave me 30 minutes to respond. Thanks to Visa Journey, I learned about VAWA because, before participating in these forums, I never knew about it. 

Edited March 14 by csh2020

[Crazy Cat 42,877]

10 minutes ago, csh2020 said:

Then proceeded to tell me that she wants to see me in person today.

I would not take the bait.  This could be her play for a VAWA claim.  I would conduct all communication through your divorce attorney.

Edited March 14 by Crazy Cat

[csh2020 47]

1 minute ago, Crazy Cat said:

I would not take the bait.  I would conduct all communication through your divorce attorney.

You think I'm being baited?

[MalloryCat 447]

you shouldn't continue to respond to her at all in my opinion.

you should only be speaking with her if it is in regards to your divorce. or have only your divorce attorney speak with her

you don't have to block her, but as someone who dealt with a very manipulative relationship in the past, its better to just not respond at all. they eventually tire out.

[Edward and Jaycel 1,014]

2 minutes ago, csh2020 said:

You think I'm being baited?

1000%

 

[Crazy Cat 42,877]

6 minutes ago, csh2020 said:

You think I'm being baited?

Absolutely. Very possibly for a VAWA claim.  I would let my attorney do the talking.

Edited March 14 by Crazy Cat