Seeking a Green Card

[appleblossom 3,454]

36 minutes ago, csh2020 said:

She is talking about coming home. Is she is doing that then where is the logic in her coming home? I don't understand that part? It also doesn't make sense the sudden change of heart once she gets her documents as to why she wants to come home. 

 

I don’t think you understand - without a valid marriage to you, she has no way to stay in the US unless her asylum is granted (unlikely). I think she’s suddenly realised that and that’s why the sudden change of heart. You really are far too trusting if you think that her intentions are genuine in any way at all. 

 

 

[csh2020 34]

1 minute ago, appleblossom said:

 

I don’t think you understand - without a valid marriage to you, she has no way to stay in the US unless her asylum is granted (unlikely). I think she’s suddenly realised that and that’s why the sudden change of heart. You really are far too trusting if you think that her intentions are genuine in any way at all. 

 

 

Even with an EAD/SSN Card? I guess I still don't understand the asylum process. But why the sudden change of heart just as she gets her cards? It seems convenient and makes no sense. 

[appleblossom 3,454]

Just now, csh2020 said:

Even with an EAD/SSN Card? I guess I still don't understand the asylum process. But why the sudden change of heart just as she gets her cards? It seems convenient and makes no sense. 

 

Yes, even with those. They aren’t relevant to her getting a green card. 

 

And as said above, the change of heart will be because she’ll have just realised that she’s given up her only realistic chance of a green card. And because she wants to come home to build her VAWA case with a bunch of false allegations against you. She will struggle to do that from a distance. 

[Crazy Cat 42,755]

1 minute ago, csh2020 said:

Even with an EAD/SSN Card?

Those confer absolutely no immigration consent or rights.

[Ontarkie 14,664]

12 minutes ago, csh2020 said:

Even with an EAD/SSN Card? I guess I still don't understand the asylum process. But why the sudden change of heart just as she gets her cards? It seems convenient and makes no sense. 

Yes even with her EAD. 

 

I know your lawyer knows nothing about immigration and he/she is taking too long to get this done. The lawyer gave you bad advice more than once regarding immigration. Like not to withdraw or notify Immigration of the pending divorce. 

Please tell us you did in fact send the letter to withdraw her AOS? I know I asked but I'm not sure what part you answered yes too. 

[Ontarkie 14,664]

I'm am glad you found this site, and glad we can offer some advice. It is sad that many of us have seen similar scenarios and why we are all telling you the same thing.  It happens far too often, and men and women like you fall prey to ppl like her. She will bring on the big crocodile tears, beg you for forgiveness anything to make you feel bad. Anything to get back into the house with you or just keep stringing you along to have you continue to get her that GC. Exactly like she is doing to you now. She thinks because those came in soon she will get the GC. She doesn't know you sent in the letter to withdraw. When she finds out it will get ugly.

 

You are so worried about her getting deported even after getting her SSN and EAD. You need to close your heart off, you are not protecting yourself enough. Get angry, get upset, get mad and stomp up and down. Close off your heart to her. I'm not saying go make her life a living (you know). I'm saying back away, and let her chips fall where they fall. Serve those divorce papers, and get far away from her. Block her number, before you lose more then your job and housing. 

 

 

Edited March 4 by Ontarkie

[csh2020 34]

16 hours ago, Ontarkie said:

I'm am glad you found this site, and glad we can offer some advice. It is sad that many of us have seen similar scenarios and why we are all telling you the same thing.  It happens far too often, and men and women like you fall prey to ppl like her. She will bring on the big crocodile tears, beg you for forgiveness anything to make you feel bad. Anything to get back into the house with you or just keep stringing you along to have you continue to get her that GC. Exactly like she is doing to you now. She thinks because those came in soon she will get the GC. She doesn't know you sent in the letter to withdraw. When she finds out it will get ugly.

 

You are so worried about her getting deported even after getting her SSN and EAD. You need to close your heart off, you are not protecting yourself enough. Get angry, get upset, get mad and stomp up and down. Close off your heart to her. I'm not saying go make her life a living (you know). I'm saying back away, and let her chips fall where they fall. Serve those divorce papers, and get far away from her. Block her number, before you lose more then your job and housing. 

 

 

Thank you Ontarkie. Some of the things you said really made me think because it fits with the things that she has been saying. Yesterday, as I was working out, I got a text from her saying that she is really sick (bleeding in pain) and if I could take her to the doctor and for her to spend the night tonight and go back tomorrow (supposedly she is 2 hours away). (It's convenient for her to be sick after machine gun texting about coming home all evening). When she made that request, the only thing I could think of is what you had said about her trying to set up a VAWA. I had to go fully stoic, and I sent her a screenshot of the insurance card and told her to take herself and that I will see her Monday (when I plan to have her served with the divorce papers). Of course, she responded as one could imagine. Guilt tripping. But I ignored her. Stayed the course and said that I will see her Monday. Yes, I've got to shut off the emotions and get this done or my daughter and I both could end up paying a price. I'm pretty much done. Like I said, I'm exhausted with it and tired of this game. It's getting boring really fast. 

Edited March 5 by csh2020

[Ontarkie 14,664]

5 hours ago, csh2020 said:

Thank you Ontarkie. Some of the things you said really made me think because it fits with the things that she has been saying. Yesterday, as I was working out, I got a text from her saying that she is really sick (bleeding in pain) and if I could take her to the doctor and for her to spend the night tonight and go back tomorrow (supposedly she is 2 hours away). (It's convenient for her to be sick after machine gun texting about coming home all evening). When she made that request, the only thing I could think of is what you had said about her trying to set up a VAWA. I had to go fully stoic, and I sent her a screenshot of the insurance card and told her to take herself and that I will see her Monday (when I plan to have her served with the divorce papers). Of course, she responded as one could imagine. Guilt tripping. But I ignored her. Stayed the course and said that I will see her Monday. Yes, I've got to shut off the emotions and get this done or my daughter and I both could end up paying a price. I'm pretty much done. Like I said, I'm exhausted with it and tired of this game. It's getting boring really fast. 

You're welcome, I was worried I was too harsh. It sucks I know but you did do the right thing. If she is two hours away and needs to be seen by a doctor. She needed to go to the nearest place. It was good to send her a copy of the insurance card. She won't be able to use that against you. 

Shutting off your heart is the hardest thing ever. I've had to do that with my ex. He was very toxic and at the end violent. I already made up my mind at that point but it was still hard. If he stayed with me I would have lost my kids. It sucks and it hurts but you did good. Now time to keep yourself busy, have a plan set of replies you want to use to keep her thinking nothing is wrong and you're just super busy. Fingers crossed for you on Monday. 

[csh2020 34]

Keep you fingers crossed that today will go smoothly. I'm not looking forward to it at all. She and I are scheduled to meet in a public place for our "Monday meetings" and there, the process server will show up with divorce papers. After that, I'm blocking her because I'm pretty much done with the games and charades. What happens from that point forward is on her.

 

My daughter and I were fine before I met her. We had housing for my pastoral salary. Now, that is in jeopardy. So, I'm angry with what this woman has put us through. After being done with this, I'll have to explain to the church board why I married a person whom I barely knew without coming to them first for wise counsel. The impulsive move nearly resulted in my removal and, after this, it likely will. There is a high probability that my daughter and I will have to locate housing because of this. This person was only interested in papers regardless of who is hurt in the process. That's just me thinking out loud. We'll make it through this but it's a process. 

 

Edited Monday at 05:02 PM by csh2020

[Edward and Jaycel 922]

@csh2020 Stay strong - Do what's best for you and your daughter going forward. Once the papers are served, blocking her is the best thing you can do. I might add, get really good at starting a video recording on your phone in case she shows up after all of this to make a scene with you. That way you will have evidence of what transpired.

[Ontarkie 14,664]

Good Luck, sending lots of prayers and positive thoughts and vibes your way. 

[csh2020 34]

17 hours ago, Ontarkie said:

Good Luck, sending lots of prayers and positive thoughts and vibes your way. 

Thank you everyone for helping me navigate this process. Update: she showed up yesterday evening at a local meeting place and the process server served her. She kept saying that she was planning to come home yesterday and that she would never sign. I told her that her signature is not needed for a default divorce. She didn't make a scene but left immediately and blocked me on social media. Needless to say, last night was horrible because I do love this woman (it would be much easier if I didn't) but right is right at the end of the day. What has to be done has to be done. I don't want to harm anyone. I just want my daughter and me to be safe and okay and to move on. So, I guess the best thing to do now is let my attorney do his job and for me to begin channeling my energy into self-improvement so that I can be the father that my daughter needs and so that someone better may come along when the time is right. Feeling melancholy this morning but I will survive it. Thanks for your support because I truly feel part of this community and you all are awesome for that! 

[Edward and Jaycel 922]

Glad to hear she got served. Now do your part for yourself and your daughter. Do not accept any contact from her whatsoever going forward. You have the right attitude in your post above. Just focus on pouring your energies into being the best father you can for your daughter and being the best you for yourself. Jaycel and I will pray for a stable path ahead for you. Stay strong! 😊

[Ontarkie 14,664]

I'm glad she was served.

Of course you still love her. You would not have married someone you didn't love. It will take time, let yourself grieve the life you thought you were building. Protect yourself and your daughter. Go ahead and block her number and social media accounts. She could unblock you to mess with you more. 

Big hugs and I'll continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers. 

Edited 15 hours ago by Ontarkie

[TBoneTX 46,455]

Congratulations on your strength and keeping the big picture firmly in mind.  It hurts now, but you'll end up being just fine, if not even better than before.  Rely on your faith.  Blessings!