Seeking a Green Card

[csh2020 10]

Greetings, Fellow VJers. I just posted a few days ago and I hope it is okay to post again (not the same topic).  My wife and I married in July through the courthouse after only having met two weeks earlier. I am a UCS, and she is from Nicaragua but lived in Costa Rica since she was a kid. She applied for asylum at the border when paroled on the basis of her Nicaraguan citizenship. She lived in another state about three hours away. I admit marrying that quickly was a rash decision, and I did not know or understand the parole/asylum process.  After we married, she did not want to move in with me immediately because her church told her that we weren’t really married until we married through the church (so she said). So, we had very little relations. When she came to visit my house, she would bring a friend and she and I would sleep in separate rooms. I spent 18,000 on the wedding pulled from my retirement. We got married through the church in September. It was a beautiful wedding. She proclaimed her love and even sang to me!  She moved in and then quickly went to work that took her out of the home over 15 hours a day, four days a week. I’m a pastor of a church and she conveniently worked during church time (an English-speaking church). While away, she does not text me at all. 15 hours go by with radio silence. Even when she is home, she does not text me and often is slow answering my texts. I have noticed a pattern in her behavior. In front of my family, her church, or anyone else in public, she is affectionate but in private she doesn’t even want me to put my arm around her at night. She only gives me a peck when she kisses me, and it is usually limited to one or two a day. Last week, things finally came to a head. She literally said to me that she wants to be married for the sake of the church and my kids but in private, we are not mates and even invited me to go out and fill my needs elsewhere if I need it because we are not doing anything else. When I tell her I love her, she doesn’t respond and says it is not something that she says often – though she tells everyone else, family members including my daughter that she loves them without a problem. Then I found on an old Facebook page her proclaiming love for a man in Costa Rica who she has been with for over 15 years and that was only four months before she met me. She said that one day they will be back together, and their hearts will beat as one. She is not active on that page, and I gave her the benefit of the doubt that it was a past love. I don’t want to get so personal here and air out my laundry, but many of you have seen and experienced this type of thing. I told her today that I’m thinking about a divorce based on the lack of communication, the feeling that she has avoided me since we met and the lack of affection (no touching, no holding, no kissing, very limited physical contact). When I brought up the word court, instead of taking it in context of what I meant – divorce court – she immediately assumed that I meant immigration court and went into a whole tirade about how she doesn’t need (…) papers. I am a pastor, and we live in a parsonage. I have put my whole life, my retirement and even my housing on the line for her and I am getting suspicious because the evidence is beginning to point in that direction. What are your thoughts?

 

I'll probably need therapy after this, but I know that you all are familiar with this sort of thing. Your thoughts are appreciated.

[appleblossom 3,130]

I’m sorry to hear that’s so tough, marriage can involve hard work sometimes but shouldn’t be *that* hard! That does sound very odd to me, every relationship is different, but most people would still be in the honeymoon ‘can’t keep our hands off each other’ stage after only 6 months of marriage. Personal question I know, but is there a big age difference? How long were you together for before marriage?

 

I see from your other thread she’s thinking of going back to Nicaragua which will mean her AOS is abandoned. Maybe that will be the test of her true feelings and help you work out if she genuinely wants to be married to you for the rest of her life, or is just using you for a green card? 

[csh2020 10]

2 minutes ago, appleblossom said:

I’m sorry to hear that’s so tough, marriage can involve hard work sometimes but shouldn’t be *that* hard! That does sound very odd to me, every relationship is different, but most people would still be in the honeymoon ‘can’t keep our hands off each other’ stage after only 6 months of marriage. Personal question I know, but is there a big age difference? How long were you together for before marriage?

 

I see from your other thread she’s thinking of going back to Nicaragua which will mean her AOS is abandoned. Maybe that will be the test of her true feelings and help you work out if she genuinely wants to be married to you for the rest of her life, or is just using you for a green card? 

She is 42 and I am 54. So, we are both adults. I just feel that she has used excuses to avoid me since we met, which makes me highly suspicious. I know if I am suspicious then certainly an immigration officer will be suspicious. 

 

My last thread needs correction: she is talking about going back to Costa Rica but then said last night that she can't.

[Crazy Cat 42,293]

***Moved to a more appropriate forum for discussion***

[csh2020 10]

16 minutes ago, csh2020 said:

Greetings, Fellow VJers. I just posted a few days ago and I hope it is okay to post again (not the same topic).  My wife and I married in July through the courthouse after only having met two weeks earlier. I am a UCS, and she is from Nicaragua but lived in Costa Rica since she was a kid. She applied for asylum at the border when paroled on the basis of her Nicaraguan citizenship. She lived in another state about three hours away. I admit marrying that quickly was a rash decision, and I did not know or understand the parole/asylum process.  After we married, she did not want to move in with me immediately because her church told her that we weren’t really married until we married through the church (so she said). So, we had very little relations. When she came to visit my house, she would bring a friend and she and I would sleep in separate rooms. I spent 18,000 on the wedding pulled from my retirement. We got married through the church in September. It was a beautiful wedding. She proclaimed her love and even sang to me!  She moved in and then quickly went to work that took her out of the home over 15 hours a day, four days a week. I’m a pastor of a church and she conveniently worked during church time (an English-speaking church). While away, she does not text me at all. 15 hours go by with radio silence. Even when she is home, she does not text me and often is slow answering my texts. I have noticed a pattern in her behavior. In front of my family, her church, or anyone else in public, she is affectionate but in private she doesn’t even want me to put my arm around her at night. She only gives me a peck when she kisses me, and it is usually limited to one or two a day. Last week, things finally came to a head. She literally said to me that she wants to be married for the sake of the church and my kids but in private, we are not mates and even invited me to go out and fill my needs elsewhere if I need it because we are not doing anything else. When I tell her I love her, she doesn’t respond and says it is not something that she says often – though she tells everyone else, family members including my daughter that she loves them without a problem. Then I found on an old Facebook page her proclaiming love for a man in Costa Rica who she has been with for over 15 years and that was only four months before she met me. She said that one day they will be back together, and their hearts will beat as one. She is not active on that page, and I gave her the benefit of the doubt that it was a past love. I don’t want to get so personal here and air out my laundry, but many of you have seen and experienced this type of thing. I told her today that I’m thinking about a divorce based on the lack of communication, the feeling that she has avoided me since we met and the lack of affection (no touching, no holding, no kissing, very limited physical contact). When I brought up the word court, instead of taking it in context of what I meant – divorce court – she immediately assumed that I meant immigration court and went into a whole tirade about how she doesn’t need (…) papers. I am a pastor, and we live in a parsonage. I have put my whole life, my retirement and even my housing on the line for her and I am getting suspicious because the evidence is beginning to point in that direction. What are your thoughts?

 

I'll probably need therapy after this, but I know that you all are familiar with this sort of thing. Your thoughts are appreciated.

 

16 minutes ago, csh2020 said:

Greetings, Fellow VJers. I just posted a few days ago and I hope it is okay to post again (not the same topic).  My wife and I married in July through the courthouse after only having met two weeks earlier. I am a UCS, and she is from Nicaragua but lived in Costa Rica since she was a kid. She applied for asylum at the border when paroled on the basis of her Nicaraguan citizenship. She lived in another state about three hours away. I admit marrying that quickly was a rash decision, and I did not know or understand the parole/asylum process.  After we married, she did not want to move in with me immediately because her church told her that we weren’t really married until we married through the church (so she said). So, we had very little relations. When she came to visit my house, she would bring a friend and she and I would sleep in separate rooms. I spent 18,000 on the wedding pulled from my retirement. We got married through the church in September. It was a beautiful wedding. She proclaimed her love and even sang to me!  She moved in and then quickly went to work that took her out of the home over 15 hours a day, four days a week. I’m a pastor of a church and she conveniently worked during church time (an English-speaking church). While away, she does not text me at all. 15 hours go by with radio silence. Even when she is home, she does not text me and often is slow answering my texts. I have noticed a pattern in her behavior. In front of my family, her church, or anyone else in public, she is affectionate but in private she doesn’t even want me to put my arm around her at night. She only gives me a peck when she kisses me, and it is usually limited to one or two a day. Last week, things finally came to a head. She literally said to me that she wants to be married for the sake of the church and my kids but in private, we are not mates and even invited me to go out and fill my needs elsewhere if I need it because we are not doing anything else. When I tell her I love her, she doesn’t respond and says it is not something that she says often – though she tells everyone else, family members including my daughter that she loves them without a problem. Then I found on an old Facebook page her proclaiming love for a man in Costa Rica who she has been with for over 15 years and that was only four months before she met me. She said that one day they will be back together, and their hearts will beat as one. She is not active on that page, and I gave her the benefit of the doubt that it was a past love. I don’t want to get so personal here and air out my laundry, but many of you have seen and experienced this type of thing. I told her today that I’m thinking about a divorce based on the lack of communication, the feeling that she has avoided me since we met and the lack of affection (no touching, no holding, no kissing, very limited physical contact). When I brought up the word court, instead of taking it in context of what I meant – divorce court – she immediately assumed that I meant immigration court and went into a whole tirade about how she doesn’t need (…) papers. I am a pastor, and we live in a parsonage. I have put my whole life, my retirement and even my housing on the line for her and I am getting suspicious because the evidence is beginning to point in that direction. What are your thoughts?

 

I'll probably need therapy after this, but I know that you all are familiar with this sort of thing. Your thoughts are appreciated.

 

Let me add that I have already sponsored one immigrant spouse while she was in her home country, and we were together 7 years. If I withdraw this petition (just filed in December), will that disqualify me from future petitions if I ever meet anyone else? Not looking but just wondering how that might go. 

[OldUser 7,528]

12 minutes ago, csh2020 said:

 

 

Let me add that I have already sponsored one immigrant spouse while she was in her home country, and we were together 7 years. If I withdraw this petition (just filed in December), will that disqualify me from future petitions if I ever meet anyone else? Not looking but just wondering how that might go. 

It won't disqualify, but the more you sponsor, the more difficult it gets.

[Ban Hammer 13,548]

Quote

Then I found on an old Facebook page her proclaiming love for a man in Costa Rica who she has been with for over 15 years and that was only four months before she met me.

 

Quote

we are not mates and even invited me to go out and fill my needs elsewhere if I need it because we are not doing anything else.

the above  certainly sounds like you are being used.   you need to pull that petition asap, file for divorce, and get her out of your residence.
the longer you drag this out, the more time she has to learn about us laws and how they can be used to benefit her, and the more painful the consequences will 
become.  take immediate steps to protect yourself financially and do not be alone with her.

[Ontarkie 14,473]

Way too many red flags and you know this or you would not be posting. 

This is how I am seeing it. 

She came in and applied for asylum. She is well aware that she has a slim chance of being successful of it being granted. 

She married you, stalled as long as she could to keep stringing you along to stay out of the home (not really being married because her church said so). I would bet money she has someone coaching her. 

She has outright told you she is in it for the GC. She's not doing this for the kids and church. Tells you to go find someone else because she is in love with her (probably husband and child's father) in her home country.

Once she gets that green card she is going to bounce and then bring him over. 

 

Please pull the AOS now and talk to a lawyer. 

[Ontarkie 14,473]

Oh and stop listing to your heart. She can use it against you. Listen to your gut and your head. 

[csh2020 10]

22 minutes ago, OldUser said:

It won't disqualify, but the more you sponsor, the more difficult it gets.

But if the petition is pulled, does is that considered as "sponsoring" her? Since it wasn't even reviewed?

[JeanneAdil 6,651]

AS pointed out cancel the AOS and let her go

OR you are stuck 10 years for the I 864 

I am very very sorry but quit being used 

When someone is so uncaring about you and your feelings , open the door and tell her not to let the door hit her in the butt on the way out

you can't hold on to someone who doesn't want to be held, so to speak

 

your heart will take time to heal so all you can do at to protect assets

[OldUser 7,528]

9 minutes ago, csh2020 said:

But if the petition is pulled, does is that considered as "sponsoring" her? Since it wasn't even reviewed?

You cannot unring the bell. It will always remain in history with USCIS.

I'd say it's probably the least of your concerns right now with everything going on in your life.

 

Stay safe and seek divorce ASAP.

Edited 21 hours ago by OldUser

[Crazy Cat 42,293]

14 minutes ago, csh2020 said:

But if the petition is pulled, does is that considered as "sponsoring" her? Since it wasn't even reviewed?

After withdrawing the I-130 and I-864:

Have you ever filed a petition for her? Yes.

Do you have legal obligations under an I-864? No

Edited 21 hours ago by Crazy Cat

[appleblossom 3,130]

1 hour ago, csh2020 said:

She is 42 and I am 54. So, we are both adults. I just feel that she has used excuses to avoid me since we met, which makes me highly suspicious. I know if I am suspicious then certainly an immigration officer will be suspicious. 

 

My last thread needs correction: she is talking about going back to Costa Rica but then said last night that she can't.

 

Then if she’s not leaving I agree with the above, I’d be cancelling the application personally. Too many red flags and it certainly doesn’t sound as though she genuinely loves you or sees a future with you. 

 

It does sound as though you were just ‘back up’ in case her asylum case didn’t work out. 

[JeanneAdil 6,651]

going to add 1 thing

When she finds out there is possibility she can not adjust if u withdraw the support, she will talk to others and realize that she will not be able to sponsor the "other man"

so don't fall for the "I love you BS" to get u to continue the AOS 

after getting 2 year green card she could then divorce and remove conditions for a 10 year green card (later- the ROC process) with a divorce waiver.  Seen that happen also

Please know there are people who do care and i hope u have good emotional support (real friends and family)