Newsom Assures Wildfire Victims He Is Diverting Millions Of Dollars To Emergency DEI Initiatives

[TBoneTX 46,010]

Newsom Assures Wildfire Victims He Is Diverting Millions Of Dollars To Emergency DEI Initiatives

 

LOS ANGELES, CA — As the world looked on in shock while multiple wildfires ravaged areas outside of Los Angeles, California Governor Gavin Newsom held a press conference to assure victims that he was diverting millions of dollars toward the state's emergency DEI initiatives.

Tens of thousands of residents had been ordered to evacuate as the fires spread across areas including Pasadena, Pacific Palisades, and the surrounding communities, with no indication that any of the blazes were close to being contained.  Newsom vowed to not rest until much-needed relief funding was funneled to the state's DEI programs.

"We're doing our best to make sure monetary aid goes somewhere else," Newsome told the media.  [...]

 

https://babylonbee.com/news/newsom-assures-wildfire-victims-he-is-diverting-millions-of-dollars-to-emergency-dei-initiatives

[Boiler 45,993]

 

[TBoneTX 46,010]

Biden Comforts Fire Victims By Telling About How He Once Ordered A Steak Medium But It Was Served Well Done

 

LOS ANGELES, CA — In the wake of the flaming devastation of California, President Biden offered fire victims a comforting story of the time that he once ordered a steak medium but it was served well done.

Biden told the smoke-streaked, newly homeless Californians the destruction of their homes is just like the time that he was at an upstate restaurant but the chef got his order terribly, terribly wrong.

"Now look, Jack," Biden explained, gazing at the crowd of huddled, hollow-eyed fire refugees.  [...]

 

https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-comforts-fire-victims-by-telling-about-how-he-once-ordered-a-steak-medium-but-it-was-served-well-done

 

[TBoneTX 46,010]

Problem Solved:  Newsom Announces Plan To Make Fire Illegal

 

SACRAMENTO, CA — Governor Gavin Newsom neatly addressed California's wildfire problem earlier today by announcing that fire will finally be outlawed in California.

The measure will prohibit fire in any and all forms including pilot lights for gas-lit stoves, home fireplaces, and gargantuan wildfires. Sources say that the ban could even expand to include the fire emoji at some point in the future.

"After doing some research on this problem, it occurred to me that all these wildfires have one thing in common: fire," Newsom said to reporters.  [...]

 

https://babylonbee.com/news/problem-solved-newsom-announces-plan-to-make-fire-illegal

[TBoneTX 46,010]

     

 

Bureaucracy Kills:  CA Requires Inspection for Out-of-State Firetrucks Before They Can Help Los Angeles

 

Of all the insane stories of government mismanagement and negligence this writer's seen coming out of Los Angeles this week, this one might just take the cake.

It's not bad enough that Governor Gavin Newsom and Mayor Karen Bass neglected forestry management and water conservation for years, not bad enough Bass cut the fire department budget and jetted off to Ghana while her city burned, and not bad enough Newsom lies to the faces of Californians who have watched their world reduced to ash.

Oh no.
 

On top of all of that, the state has to be a stickler for stupid rules when out-of-state fire departments come to render aid:  [...]

 

https://twitchy.com/amy-curtis/2025/01/10/oregon-firetrucks-have-to-be-inspected-before-ca-lets-them-help-fight-fires-n2406430

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[TBoneTX 46,010]

Newsom Reassures Fire Victims He'll Be Prepared Next Time, Now That He Knows Water Is Useful In Fighting Fires

 

SACRAMENTO, CA — As wildfires continued to spread destruction across large swathes of California, Governor Gavin Newsom reassured victims of the fires that he'll be more prepared next time now that he knows water is useful in fighting fires.

In a meeting with a crowd of people whose homes, cars, and belongings had been incinerated by the fires, Newsom reiterated that he won't dump all of the state's water into the ocean next time, as it could come in handy battling the blazes.

"I'll be the first to admit — having some water available would have been beneficial," Newsom said.  "But now [...]

 

https://babylonbee.com/news/newsom-reassures-fire-victims-hell-be-prepared-next-time-now-that-he-knows-water-is-useful-in-fighting-fires

[TBoneTX 46,010]

Girl Fireman Rushes Into Burning Building To Tell Victim He's Too Heavy But The Real Firemen Will Be Here In 15 Minutes

 

LOS ANGELES, CA — Girl firefighter Melissa Sandros risked life and limb yesterday as she entered a burning building to tell a victim that he was too heavy for her to carry, but that the real firemen would be there in about fifteen minutes or so.

According to witnesses, Sandros was part of an early response team that arrived at a burning office building.  Upon arrival, she reportedly rushed into the building in an effort to rescue a 215-lb man who had become disoriented because of the smoke.

"Don't worry!  I'm here to stand next to you until someone who can help you gets here," Santos was heard shouting to the suffering man.  "The real firefighters will be here soon.  I can't carry you out of here.  I'm a girl.  Isn't that awesome?"  [...]

 

https://babylonbee.com/news/girl-fireman-rushes-into-burning-building-to-tell-victim-hes-too-heavy-but-the-real-firemen-will-be-here-in-15-minutes

[TBoneTX 46,010]

Seriously for a fleeting moment:  Folks have asked about laylalex, who lives in the fire area.  Here is her update:

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We're packed up and waiting for further info.  Right now, we're just the other side of the road from a voluntary evacuation zone.  The good news is that the reservoir is full and the Chinooks are dumping water on the flare up.  The northward advance of the flare up seems to be getting under control.
 

It's terrifying but things at least for us are turning around, maybe!  I'll check in later.  Pray for us, it's surreal here.

[laylalex 7,300]

Hey, it's me!  Thanks for posting that, TBone. It's been a crazy day, a crazy week. Briefly:

 

Tuesday morning I was at work in West LA and my coworker told me to check out a plume of smoke. At lunchtime, it looked like this when we went out to take a couple pics: 

 

We didn't think much of it -- fires are normal around here, and while obviously dangerous they're not something that goes on for too long. But the Santa Ana winds are in this week, and were blowing crazy hard on Tuesday. We had forecast gusts up to 80-90 mph. And we haven't had any appreciable (and I mean over 0.1 in) rain since May, so this place is a tinderbox. The predictable happened, and this was the sky when we packed up and left around 4:30pm because we were all getting spooked: 

 

My usual 25 minute commute was nearly an hour, all those people leaving at the same time. And when I got home: no power. A tree had fallen, a victim of the Santa Anas, on a car a block away from our home, and it took down a power line. We had no power for six hours, but at least the fires were really far away. I get an email that the office has been evacuated and not to come in until further notice.

 

Wednesday morning: working from home while the Palisades are getting turned into something my mother compared to looking like Dresden, and out in the east Altadena is disappearing. We have family friends who lost their home of decades, both artists and all their art and instruments and studios and equipment poof. Gone. They are safe, thank god. I have since learned a high school classmate and her husband lost everything. My own parents evacuated to my sister's in Studio City (now they're all in San Diego after tonight). And we had a small fire near us, but it was put down rapidly. Everyone becomes obsessed with the Watch Duty app, checking where fires are, how big, what's in control, links to announcements, etc.

 

Thursday: still at home, but things seem... better? Then we get a random and incorrect blaring emergency alert on our phones telling us to get ready to evacuate, followed by another heart-stopping siren saying whoops, our bad, no emergency. Watch Duty has already told us this! (We love Watch Duty and no, they are not paying me to say that.) Calm night here, and I get an email from my boss saying the office will be open again tomorrow, we have an all hands meeting so be there if I can. Ah, normal life! And then...

 

Early Friday morning: 4:50 am, to be more precise. Blaring emergency alert EVACUATE NOW! Alex is running around cursing about our go bags not being completely ready, and I'm checking Watch Duty (still not paying me, but they should!) and saying, um, honey, I think it's another false alarm. Which it is, but we can't get back to sleep. I get to work, we do an almost all hands meeting (one coworker has totally bugged out and left for Redondo Beach) and everything seems fine until...

 

This afternoon, Friday, around 4:15pm: ANOTHER emergency alert. Except this one is real, I'm at work, and I still have to meet with my boss before I can go so I can brief him on a project before the weekend. I hang around for an hour, while Alex is texting me to come home ASAP, he's worried. I finally leave around 6pm, and when I get to the parking structure in my building there are huge flakes of ash blowing around like snow. I jump in the car and head up the 405, and at some point the air getting into the car is so bad I'm coughing. When I got home, the air was fresh and clear and I felt like everything was going to be okay.

 

Well, it wasn't. News started pinging around on our group text with neighbors -- there's now an evacuation warning (i.e. get ready to go when we tell you) the other side of Ventura Blvd., a few blocks away. I look out the window and the sky is glowing red. It feels surreal, utterly unreal. I go completely numb, and then Alex and I are running around, not really speaking to each other, packing up toiletries and shoving sweaters in bags and what not. I felt anesthetized. I've never seen a fire like this here, ever. Encino doesn't get fires, which is one of the many reasons I felt safe moving here. (It's really just one of the best places that's actually in the City of LA.) We find a place to crash that has enough room and is far enough away from everything; so many of my friends have already evacuated so we're lucky to have a place to be with friends.

 

But then, as we're getting the last things packed, and talking to seemingly everyone to tell them of our plans, I say: let's look at the news. I've been avoiding the news -- the images are traumatizing for me. Seeing places I love unrecognizable is like getting punched in the gut. But now I want to see the news. And what I hear is that the fire line is holding south of us, and the reservoir is full. Chinooks and other choppers are dumping thousands of gallons on the flare up less than a mile from us, firefighters from Orange and Riverside counties, and from Clark County in Nevada. 

 

So right now (1am) I'm going to sleep, with go bags ready, but I am hopeful. Winds are down, humidity is up to almost 30%. Santa Anas are in the forecast again tomorrow, so things may change again. 

 

Thanks for reading this brain dump!  Keep us in your thoughts, I'll check in tomorrow.

[Neonred 3,634]

@laylalex Thanks for your thoughtful and complete, if not horrific update.  I knew you lived close to the fires and asked TBone if he had any updates.

 

I'd much rather be faced with a hurricane.  We all have been watching the news and it is shocking and so sad.  Glad you and your hubby are safe.

 

Looking forward to more updates, and hearing it from you makes it much more real than the generic stories on the national news.

 

We will certainly keep you in our thoughts.  Stay safe.

[Neonred 3,634]

If you want to see something chilling, relevant, and unbelievably timely watch this weeks (Jan 7th) episode of Frontline on PBS.  

Detailed timeline and interviews of the Aug '23 Firestorm on Maui that killed over 100 people and wiped out Lahaina.  

 

[Boiler 45,993]

 

[Ban Hammer 13,501]

keep in mind that the ash from the fires can clog up the air filter on a car - it would be a good idea to keep a spare in the car should you need to evacuate.

[laylalex 7,300]

Great idea. We literally just got a spare air filter last weekend when I took the car in for a service. We changed the one in there and got a spare just in case. 

 

The DWP sucks. The Santa Ynez reservoir being emptied was necessary for repairs but it's been empty for a YEAR. And they never (apparently) let LAFD know it was still empty. I am very grateful to be close to two completely full reservoirs where I am but I had no idea they were full! 

 

Things are looking a little better where I am this morning. We're no where out of the woods yet, but the fire has not advanced and we haven't gotten any evacuation warning yet. So we're staying put and being watchful. I've never been so grateful to wake up in my own bed.