divorce rates

[joej 0]

In light of a topic started on the forum (Moving Here and Your New Life in America), I was looking for divorce rates among US citizens and their immigrant spouses. Anyway I came across this and thought some of you may be interested. Paragraph seven is particularly scarry to me.

http://www.swarayassociates.com/divorce.htm

Divorce rates amongst african immigrants

By Amadu Edward Swaray

African immigrants are all Africans from the African continent who come to the United States to reside permanently. Many of them eventually become US citizens. Some come as a family i.e. with their wives and children. Some come as single individuals. Many of these eventually meet women in the United States and get married to them. They may deliberately marry someone from their home countries. Many of those who do so told me that the cultural and regional similarities make the relationship easier. Many of them also marry women of other races and cultures in the United States.

Compared to their countries of origin, divorce among African families in the United States is very high. The average span of an African married couple in the United States is, unfortunately, only about seven years.

Why is the divorce rate so high? One factor is the impact of the new American culture. Africans in America stumble on the American culture of rights, and, in many cases, do not know how to handle it. In Africa, women are inferior to men, and men have more rights than women. In a typical family, women play domestic roles, while the men are the bread winners. Women do household chores, raise the kids and serve the husband. In America, the women find that they have rights just like, if not, more than men. They hold important non-domestic jobs and are financially strong just like the men. They have equal say on issues in the home, and can financially contribute. They also find that household chores and raising kids should be shared with the men.

The men resent some of these rights, and deem it unacceptable. They see them as challenges to their masculinity. In most cases, their reactions lead to frictions, which in turn, cause marital problems, and many of the marital problems lead to divorce.

Domestic abuse incidents are very high in African families. In Africa, it is normal for a husband to physically or verbally abuse his wife when the wife does something wrong. Wrong things may include extra-marital activity, not treating the kids very well, breaking something in the house, refusing to have intercourse or saying something disrespectful to the husband. The beating is an exercise of the man’s masculinity and punishment of the woman for the wrongful act. The beating does not subject the man to any punishment. There are rare cases, such as if the beating results in murder, where the man is prosecuted.

In the United States, domestic abuse is, fortunately, a crime that goes with serious consequences. If a man is charged with domestic abuse or assault of his wife, and is found guilty, he is subjected to a serious punishment. If the man is an immigrant, who has not become a citizen, he is also subject to deportation. Sometimes African wives take advantage of the consequences, and frequently lie to the police that their husbands have beaten them. There are instances when a wife that is offended by a dispute between herself and her husband, calls the police to lie that her husband has beaten her to cause the police to arrest the husband. Many marriages do not survive instances of domestic abuse.

The highest number of divorces occur in African cross-culture and or racial marriages i.e. an African married to a Caucasian or Mexican or Asian or African American etc. Some of the divorces are simply rooted in the desire of a party to get an immigration “Green Card”, and deserting the marriage once the desire is achieved. Many are rooted in deep different cultural and racial problems. The spouses usually accept their racial differences. They have to look beyond it to get married. Their cultural problems are, however, tougher to overcome. They initially suppress their cultural identities and feelings during courtship. But the differences get out of control in the marriage. The differences come across in daily communication, likes and dislikes, relationships with friends, and most especially their extended family members.

The African initially absorbs everything but eventually reacts against cultural traits that he dislikes. Both at some point do not understand that their different cultural experiences are subverting their relationship, and before they know, the marriage is mired in an acute difficulty. Frictions between the spouses and the African and his or her American spouses’ extended family members are rife, the solution to which becomes divorce.

When divorce occurs, the American domestic relations law governs. Issues of custody, child support, visitation (if there are children), property division (if there is property) and liability allocation (if any) are decided. The divorce leaves behind deep relationship cleavages and sometimes fatal animosities. For a while, the African’s quest for happiness, a strong component of his American dream is lost.

The author of this article is an attorney who does general practice that includes family, immigration and criminal law. No portion should be deemed as legal advice. If you need legal advice on issues raised in the article, see a family, criminal or immigration attorney. If you need advice or legal assistance from the author, call his office at 763-549-0670, or write to him at the Law Offices of Swaray & Associates, Golden Valley Corporate Center, 1710 Douglas Drive, Suite 107, Golden Valley, MN 55422.

[onwa 6]

Well, I think that could be true. But every single case is different and unique. I remember when I was dating my husband. Some people tried to sit me down and dissuade me from dating a Nigerian. One woman was telling me how Aficans treat their wives like slaves. But the other said--that in Nigeria--women were held in high esteem. But still I shouldn't date this Nigerian as he was just after a ticket to America. I'm so HAPPy I never istened to their advice. And I do feel like my husband holds me in high esteem--so that part has been true for me.

As far as staying at home and raising children. my husband fully expects me to have a good paying job and fully supports me in continuing my education. He really doesn't want a stay at home wife which at times seems kind of nice to me! But I'd rather have someone support me to be all I can be--then someone who forces me to stay at home.

[joej 0]

Well, I think that could be true. But every single case is different and unique. I remember when I was dating my husband. Some people tried to sit me down and dissuade me from dating a Nigerian. One woman was telling me how Aficans treat their wives like slaves. But the other said--that in Nigeria--women were held in high esteem. But still I shouldn't date this Nigerian as he was just after a ticket to America. I'm so HAPPy I never istened to their advice. And I do feel like my husband holds me in high esteem--so that part has been true for me.

As far as staying at home and raising children. my husband fully expects me to have a good paying job and fully supports me in continuing my education. He really doesn't want a stay at home wife which at times seems kind of nice to me! But I'd rather have someone support me to be all I can be--then someone who forces me to stay at home.

The part of the article that worries me most is the interpretations of the two different cultures. All along I have known of the differences, but the author makes them sound unresolvable. It is a little discouraging. Sometimes I feel like we have 3 strikes against us already....cross cultural, interracial, visa process, racism, etc.

[onwa 6]

Well, I think that could be true. But every single case is different and unique. I remember when I was dating my husband. Some people tried to sit me down and dissuade me from dating a Nigerian. One woman was telling me how Aficans treat their wives like slaves. But the other said--that in Nigeria--women were held in high esteem. But still I shouldn't date this Nigerian as he was just after a ticket to America. I'm so HAPPy I never istened to their advice. And I do feel like my husband holds me in high esteem--so that part has been true for me.

As far as staying at home and raising children. my husband fully expects me to have a good paying job and fully supports me in continuing my education. He really doesn't want a stay at home wife which at times seems kind of nice to me! But I'd rather have someone support me to be all I can be--then someone who forces me to stay at home.

The part of the article that worries me most is the interpretations of the two different cultures. All along I have known of the differences, but the author makes them sound unresolvable. It is a little discouraging. Sometimes I feel like we have 3 strikes against us already....cross cultural, interracial, visa process, racism, etc.

Well, it 'aint easy to be sure.' And the differences sometimes are HUGE. BUt the author doesn't give percentages. And the majority of marraiges fail within the first two years or at the 7 year mark. I guess what I feel we need is more positive feedback. Because anyone can look at statistics and say yes--that is what is going to happen to me--or one can say nothing is impossible. But with a disclaimer--that there probably come a point where neough is enough. But why look at it negatively.

Everybody told me before I married that my marraige would be harder since its cross-cultural. And I believed them. But for every thing that's hard, I have to dwell on what's good. And alot of what is good is beacuse of the cultural difference. I guess I'm an optimist--but just because its interracial, intercultural--and international--doesn't mean you're doomed for failure. It might, but why look at it that way. Sometimes I feel the cultural differences are so huge they cannot be surmounted--but they always are in time. I don't believe in doom saying. The reality is there--and its TOUGH. But the reality is not that one is doomed for failure. Sorry for the long rant.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

Well, I don't give much on these type statistics. What about all the African immigrants that eventually divorce here becuase their marriage wasn't actually one to begin with? You know, someone wins a DV slot and sells the "spouse" slot off to provide for the cost of processing the visa, the ticket and to leave some funds for the family they leave behind until they can sponsor them over later on. Or the former African immigrant that returns home to marry brothers, sisters, cousins or (again) strangers for money once accorded US citizenship. This happens every day. Those "marriages" typically last two to three years and since there are quite a number of them, they skew the stats significantly...

[sweetee 0]

Well i wouldn't pay 2 much attention to the article because it's only statistics. what about the stats of the marriages that are still 2gether? My hubby has introduced me 2 quite a few married couples: Nigerians w/African Americans and also w/ Caucasians and all those marriages are still holding strong. Im talking about 10+years!!!! Now where are the stats for that! Marriages fail for many different reasons. It just depends on the 2 people involved and their expectations of one another. Marriage is what you make it to be.!!!

Sweetee

[iceyspots 0]

Whether you mistreat your wife also depends on the education level of that person.

[chispas 0]

Staggering Stats. One friend of mine who divorced his Peace Corp bride sited some of those same reasons for the divorce. However, he promptly returned home and married a girl 15 years his junior from his own village. Just thought I'd add that.

[mandolinv 0]

Like most things in relationships (and the visa process) it is important to be aware of things and know there may be stuggles and that you are committed to work through them.

[denitrakelly 0]

I married a Nigerian my freshman year in college and it was the same situation. We were married for 7 years, long enough for him to get a BA, Masters and citizenship. He then divorced me and married a girl from the Bahamas, whom accepted his abusive behavior and constant cheating. It taught me not to be the same fool twice. I have found love again, but the recovery was HELL. DeNitra

[Satisfaction 1]

It is difficult to assess the accuracy of the author claims and findings, which are merely a list of comments, stereotypes and sweeping generalizations, which fall short of analysis and statistics. I can only read comments but no real information (that’s true of a lot of information that I read in the newspaper anyway).

“One factor is the impact of the new American culture. Africans in America stumble on the American culture of rights, and, in many cases, do not know how to handle it”: the same true of all immigrants regardless of their nationality, isn't it?

“In Africa, women are inferior to men, and men have more rights than women. In a typical family, women play domestic roles, while the men are the bread winners. Women do household chores, raise the kids and serve the husband”. That is true in most developing countries in the world, including India and Asia. This stereotype doesn’t account for the many African women who hold university degrees, owns businesses, and are professionals in all areas of the economy and are active participants in society. ILO (International Labor Organization) has revealed that the majority of African women are employed, but mainly in the agriculture sector where they account for a large proportion the workforce. From my own observations, I have noticed that African men and women play an equally important role in raising their children and that both share the family’s responsibilities.

“Domestic abuse incidents are very high in African families.” Domestic abuse is an equal opportunity oppressor. The latest statistics in the US have shown that domestic abuse exists in every class of society, regardless of race, social standing and/or nationality. ”Nearly one-third of American women (31 percent) report being physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives, according to a 1998 Commonwealth Fund survey" (http://www.endabuse.org/resources/facts/)

“The highest number of divorces occur in African cross-culture and or racial marriages”. On what sources does the author rely? According to a very thorough article on interracial marriages by Victor Greto (vgreto@sun-sentinel.com) : "there are no reliable statistics on interracial divorces”. The truth is that divorce is perhaps more prevalent among people with economic disadvantages. "People with economic are just as likely to marry as other people, but their marriages are substantially more unstable. There is a martial quality gap between low-income and other couples but it is not as large as might be expected based on the differences in marital disruption rates" ("Married and Poor: Basic Characteristics of Economically Disadvantaged Couples in the US" by David Feinh http://www.mdrc.org/publications/393/workpaper.html. )

[Aymerlu 3]

statistics are made to be broken I think we just about the marriages that don't work and not about the marriages that do work.

[nkemalozie 0]

You get out of a marriage what you put into a marriage. It doesn't work if you have only one spouse who is willing to work on a marriage. It is a 50/50 deal, give and take. USA divorce rates are high, period. To generalize and state that abuse is high from African immigrants is "narrow-minded". I have been in abusive relationships and the people I was involved with were born and raised USA citizens. My husband is Nigerian and he is very kind to me. We have our disputes and disagreements but we work through them. Yes, culture plays a part....BUT in any dating relationship you only show your best behavior in order to win the heart of the one you are with. When you are married, the blinders come off......the real behavior begins to show......that is with anyone whether from the US or anywhere else.

[ladybutterfly 0]

Interesting but doesnt surprise me one bit!

[dandc3 0]

I get contacted by Nigerian woman all the time on Yahoo Chat. Nigeria is the scam capital of the world, so while I wish everyone the best, who has a relationship with a Nigerian.......I would excercise caution.

I have only been to Nigeria 1 time, but lived in 2 different countries in west Afirca. for 3 1/2 years. Good Luck!!!!