USCF Currently pregnant getting abused emotionally, verbally, financially from husband - arrived 4 months ago

[AMK2021 29]

Hi Everyone,

 

I got married 3 years ago to a Pakistani (PK) man (both now 32). I am American/Pakistani lineage citizen and he has just been in US for 4 months (it took time with visa process/covid). The long-distance was a little hard and created issues. There were some red flags - he was not the most responsible person and I never met his friends - but I met coworkers and his family. I visited a total of 7 times during that process and spend sometimes a month there, I had to switch jobs often bc there's not much vacation time in USA for that kind of long travel. I always tried my hardest to make it work out. The last trip I visited I got pregnant and currently am in third trimester.

 

Since he arrived in USA, he has been such a different person. Immediately after coming in June, he would threaten to divorce me over every little thing - he would say he is going to get a white girl. He would threaten me financially to show me my bank balance and student loans. He would pressure me so much my heart rate would increase and he would start slamming doors and the table and swearing. He did not believe I had loans bc I am a doctorate here (6 figure earning). Throughout this period, he has not cared a little bit about me or the baby coming. He doesnt care even if I dont eat from 11 am to 9 pm and yells at me if I say lets stop for lunch (while on a trip). He keeps me up late at night to make sure I buy on Amazon something he wants (will not let me sleep till I do it - sometimes it is 3 am). I failed my gestational diabetes 1 hour test and he was basically upset and kept on saying I specefically need to eat more carbs and sugar despite knowing the harms if it is uncontrolled.  He has called baby's ultrasound not normal (when everything is hopefully) which caused a huge huge fight. He has said such awful things to me and explodes over every little thing. I feel like I am not the same person as I was just before he came.

 

He got a minimum wage job (10 dollars hourly) and refuses to contribute to any bill and says he has loans back home. Even just little things like paying phone bill or internet bill would mean alot but nothing. When I ask him will you get this for the baby? He straight up says no. I have tried and compromised on everything 100%.Then this week, I came to find out he regularly smokes marijuana daily (illegal in my state) and is a cheater too. I did not dig - his public profiles he is messaging those types of girls (onlyfan type) asking them if they are from the same state. He kept his PK phone and a US one and takes both of the phones with him even in the shower and they are locked. Then just recently I saw on his PK phone he is messaging a girl with 30 heart emojis and sending voice memos. I confronted him as he said he wanted to go back in November to Pakistan, a month before my due date. He lied on the messaging girls and marijuana but eventually admitted everything when I said I had proofs. When I asked for his phone to see his PK lady. He refused that which was the biggest tell and returned 2 hours later with phone deleted most likely and had removed that ladies chats from whatsapp (her image/chat was not there). I believe this lady is the person he is sending money to and is his more serious relationship. Most likely he may already be married to her and have kids from how he acts and how protective he was to hide her. I left to be at my parents nearby and he has not messaged or called once and is snapchatting and doesnt care about me or baby at all.

 

I would never believe this is how it turned out. I would never get married to him if I knew. I will be divorcing him but am so sad about this and sad for my daughter. I know I can give her a beautiful life alone and am trying to be strong. She would seriously get messed up with this guy as a father and seeing how little he treats me. He turned out to be just a gold digger, cheating, narcissist, abusive, bum person. I don't think anything he is doing is new - he was probably always like that and acting for the few weeks I would visit at a time.

 

I have already started talking to lawyers and getting things going hopefully and hope its peaceful but can go either way. My baby gives me courage and strength bc I would never want her to be treated like I am, but it breaks me down and crying multiple times a day over here...

 

A few questions - he received his 10 year gc and does this 10 dollar job under the table (being paid only cash - no social security pays or w2/etc). He is very attracted to alot of illegal things...I am so worried I am going to get in trouble through this process of being his sponsor. I am assuming I am stuck being his sponsor even after divorce but I believe his pay yearly is above the 125% minimum so how much do I have to add on that after the divorce? If he gets in trouble with law after divorce, will I be held liable?

Edited October 7 by AMK2021
additional background

[Boiler 45,322]

No to trouble with the law. Not your responsibility.

 

Enforcement of the I 864 by the Government well never say never but I have not come across this ever happening and what would he qualify for anyway.

 

I have seen people seek to use the I 864 as apart of the Divorce Settlement, seems he will have responsibilities no matter what. So you need a good Divorce Lawyer. Now quite possible he will be unaware of the potential of the I 864, seems most are.

 

 

 

[EmilyW 1,407]

Divorce <him> and raise your child in peace and love.

Edited October 7 by Crazy Cat

[Pinkrlion 2,711]

I would verify if he is married in Pakistan. They believe in having more than 1 wife. 

[Crazy Cat 41,611]

**One comment edited by VJ Moderator to remove masked language***

[carmel34 3,611]

8 hours ago, AMK2021 said:

I left to be at my parents nearby

Good move.  Stay away from him to be safe while you file for divorce and focus on your own well-being.  With the support of your parents and others, you will be okay, you sound like a very strong person despite the pain you're going through.  He will face consequences for his own illegal actions, you are not responsible in any way.  I'm so sorry that this happened to you.  Wishing you and your soon-to-be-born baby much health and happiness.

[AMK2021 29]

Ok thank you so much. I will not worry about the I 864 too much but have discussed the situation regarding his immigration I864 with the divorce lawyer. Maybe an immigration lawyer is needed too? 

7 hours ago, Boiler said:

No to trouble with the law. Not your responsibility.

 

Enforcement of the I 864 by the Government well never say never but I have not come across this ever happening and what would he qualify for anyway.

 

I have seen people seek to use the I 864 as apart of the Divorce Settlement, seems he will have responsibilities no matter what. So you need a good Divorce Lawyer. Now quite possible he will be unaware of the potential of the I 864, seems most are.

 

 

 

 

[AMK2021 29]

16 minutes ago, carmel34 said:

Good move.  Stay away from him to be safe while you file for divorce and focus on your own well-being.  With the support of your parents and others, you will be okay, you sound like a very strong person despite the pain you're going through.  He will face consequences for his own illegal actions, you are not responsible in any way.  I'm so sorry that this happened to you.  Wishing you and your soon-to-be-born baby much health and happiness.

Thank you everyone.

[AMK2021 29]

1 hour ago, Pinkrlion said:

I would verify if he is married in Pakistan. They believe in having more than 1 wife. 

I am definitely looking into it... what typically happens is the man registers only 1 wife to the authorities but marries alot "religiously" unregistered. That would be great tho if that could be found out. 

[Boiler 45,322]

19 minutes ago, AMK2021 said:

Ok thank you so much. I will not worry about the I 864 too much but have discussed the situation regarding his immigration I864 with the divorce lawyer. Maybe an immigration lawyer is needed too? 

 

Not much an Immigration Lawyer can do, certainly now, maybe if he raises the I 864 in Divorce proceedings, possible but unlikely,

[AMK2021 29]

3 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Not much an Immigration Lawyer can do, certainly now, maybe if he raises the I 864 in Divorce proceedings, possible but unlikely,

Ok thank you Boiler for the help. 

[AMK2021 29]

I'm assuming I also can't report him for fraud or anything like that? He does have the 10 year gc and honestly I just want to be rid of him from my life but just thought to ask. 

[Dashinka 24,377]

19 minutes ago, AMK2021 said:

I'm assuming I also can't report him for fraud or anything like that? He does have the 10 year gc and honestly I just want to be rid of him from my life but just thought to ask. 

Hard to report him now considering what you already went through to get him here in the first place unless you have solid evidence of he deceiving you during that process.  I agree, get yourself safe, and get rid of him.

 

Good Luck!

[Boiler 45,322]

1 hour ago, AMK2021 said:

I am definitely looking into it... what typically happens is the man registers only 1 wife to the authorities but marries alot "religiously" unregistered. That would be great tho if that could be found out. 

Where I come from a Religious Marriage can also be a legal marriage, I understand in Pakistan that is not the case.

 

There is nowhere in the process it asks about current and former Girlfriends.

[powerpuff 6,606]

*** Thread moved from General Immigration discussion to Effects of Major Family changes on Immigration Benefits forum where similar topics are discussed ***