Cultural Shock

[Aymerlu 3]

My husband had done a lot of traveling throughout Africa and had seen quite a bit so there really wasn't much culture shock once he was here. The only thing that still makes him (and me too sometimes) is the lack of transportation here. He could ride a bus, but he has to walk 1/2 mile to get to the bus stop. The fare for a taxi is outrageous here. So now he cannot just walk out of his house and go someplace like he used to. Oh, and the fact that everything closes around 10:pm here kinda freaked him out, but I don't consider that culture shock.

Yup! If you don't have a driving license better get one if you want to live there . Public transportation is not so good in US. I’m in Germany where everything works so good that you don’t need a car at all, ever. The same is in Croatia, where I’m from. Anywhere in Europe is so easy to get anywhere without a car.

LOL! Have you seen my husband drive? He has his permit and he has TRIED driving many times. Put it this way.....my dad used to teach people in the military how to drive and my hubby scares the ####### outta him when he drives. Some days I wonder if he'll ever drive.

[sereia 0]

i'm going to teach my fiance how to drive soon. i'm hoping we can share my car instead of me having to do the driving everywhere. i think that will help him adjust better as well. and as soon as we can, we are both going to buy bicycles.

my fiance is having a little bit of culture shock. nothing major though. he was shocked at naked men in the locker room at the gym and girls wearing really short shorts. he also wishes he had some guys he can do "manly things" with. when he meets someone he can talk to in arabic his face lights up! i think attempting to speak english all day is definitely tiring for him. i can definitely relate! i've traveled places where i knew some of their language and trying to speak it all day is exhausting!

he loves the food here (especially hamburgers) but i know he misses mama's tagines! i am a good cook but i definitely can't recreate her tagines as well as i'd like to. and with ramadan coming up i think the culture shock will give him an extra blow.

[Carolyn 1]

With 2+ years under our collective belt, this is a HUGE topic! A few thoughts on one topic mentioned: driving:

Simo never had a driver's license in Morocco (no need in Marrakech--lots of cheap taxis). It took almost a year for him to get his driver's permit here (3rd try--first two failed attempts at the computerized test were hilarious--"honey, what is a snowplow?")--but then I couldn't get him to even practice for MONTHS because my stick-shift Honda was just too frustrating.

I finally relented and paid $400 for behind-the-wheel lessons from a driving agency that specializes in teaching adult ESL students...WHAT A LIFESAVER!!!!!

Ladies, don't stress yourself out trying to teach your proud habibi to drive!! I am incredibly patient (I am a high school teacher), but trying to teach my honey to drive was a huge stress on our marriage. And, I was driving him to and from work each day (23 miles each way in rush hour traffic--aargh!!).

After taking 3 driver's classes (and borrowing an old automatic transmission Saturn from my parents to practice), Simo passed his driving test with flying colors! This was a HUGE step for his adjustment and integration in the US...ok, this independence opened up another whole set of issues, but I'll save that for another post.

PLEASE TAKE MY ADVICE: IF YOUR HUSBAND/WIFE DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO DRIVE, PAY SOMEONE TO TEACH THEM!!

Good luck,

Carolyn

Edited August 10, 2007 by Carolyn

[caybee 21]

he can't seem to get over the fact that everything looks the same.

the same here

Same here, too! When I was in Morocco, my husband couldn't understand why I couldn't find his street and house immediately when we were walking home. But all of the houses and streets in his neighborhood looked identical to me. For the first month he was here, he told me all the houses in our neighborhood looked the same to him. I didn't realize architectural styles were so ingrained in a person.

My husband's adjustment has been very peaceful so far. I know it is not easy for him -- he tells me so -- but I rarely see it in his behavior. He expresses himself well, and he knows when to take a break from it all.

[allousa 1]

My husband had already been going to school here before we met, so I didn't experience the initial culture shock. While we were dating and after we got married, I could never understand why he would go shopping and compare the prices, never buy anything and drive across town to see if he could get another deal at a better place. It wasn't until I actually started traveling to Morocco and saw him in action at the suuqs. Then I was like...AHA...I get it now! I don't like to shop so much and I would refuse to go shopping with him because he would take so long. It worked out for me in the end because he didn't mind doing the grocery shopping while I stayed home and did other chores.

It's going to be interesting though when he comes home, Inshallah, after being back over there 3 1/2 years. I do have to say though that my husband suffered from reverse culture shock. He had been in the states for close to 8 years and then when he went back to Morocco, he said it had changed so much since he had been home. He had never gone back the whole time he was in the U.S. He says the biggest difference is from the new king and how it's affected the country. He has had a really tough time being there. He says he feels like a fish out of water.

[JODO 2]

There is a Mexican guy, named Poncho, that he works with. They are always joking and laughing. Poncho will start talking to Hachemi in Spanish and Hachemi will talk right back to him in Arabic. Poncho will say, I not understand. Hachemi will tell him, "Speak English, Man!!!!"

Meriem

cute

[monnik 0]

I am curious as to the different ways that your SO handled the culture shock when they first got here.

Mine is doing pretty good now, but he was so depressed and homesick at first. He seriously was ready for us to pack up and move there, but I refused. He hated the food so much, that was a big thing too.

Problems don't end when they get here, they just change. But one thing I know for a fact is that I am hanging on to him because he is a keeper!

Well, he (or we, rather) haven't made it to the US yet. But, I have definitely experienced culture shock, homesickness, or whatever you want to call it. I get frustrated that I can't just get up and go when I want to (which is similar to the experiences some have posted about their husbands in USA). It's also restricting to feel like there is only one person in the country that you can talk to or that understands you. Sometimes, that person is not on your good side, so then you feel like you have nobody. (or at least I have felt that way) My frustrations didn't start until after we had been here for several months. The immigration process is so slow and drawn out. I felt anxious to get back to work and to see my family again (but somehow found myself missing cheesecake, peanut butter cookies, and chocolate icing more than anything else )

You are right in saying that the problems don't end when you change countries. You just get new types of problems. I know that what lies ahead of us will be tough to deal with, but I am fortunate enough to have had this transition period with my husband. I hope it will benefit both of us. In USA, we will have our roles reversed almost completely (except he speaks much more English than I do Arabic) and we will at least have logged some experience in eachother's situation.

[Aymerlu 3]

I finally relented and paid $400 for behind-the-wheel lessons from a driving agency that specializes in teaching adult ESL students...WHAT A LIFESAVER!!!!!

We've checked into the driving agencies and they are $400.00 for 6 hours and I know he needs tons more than that. I've been taking him to a middle school parking lot and there are times I'm about to jump out and run home. I'm pretty patient, but the times he has rammed my brand new car into the curb....he's learned new words from me! There was even on night that I really wasn't saying much to him while he was driving. We he said he wanted me to drive home, I got out of the car and darn near puked! My nerves were just shot! I was just sitting there TRYING to stay calm and it just got the best of me!

[chri'stina 190]

....

PLEASE TAKE MY ADVICE: IF YOUR HUSBAND/WIFE DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO DRIVE, PAY SOMEONE TO TEACH THEM!!

Good luck,

Carolyn

Also I have seen good advice about the SO learning how to drive in their home country before they come here. While they may drive on the other side of the road(well, in India they do), they still won't feel that driving is so unknown to them. When Sujeet came, he already had a license in India, one of the most crazy places to drive. All he had to do here was take the written test and driving test the same day and passed, after training himself to drive on the right side of the road. I was nervous at first!! But I was overly cautious. It was a little nerve wracking when he first would drive around the neighborhood getting a feel for driving on the opposite side of the road than normal for him and the steering wheel being on the opposite side. He got the US license a few months after being here, but we were told he was allowed to drive on his foreign license(here in FL) for 6 months, so he drove with that sometimes too. I was more worried about the whole thing than he was. Thankfully he never accidentally started driving on the left side of the road.

Edited August 10, 2007 by stina&suj

[a1angied 0]

It is alot different then I expected it to be and that is what I am really trying to focus on is the expectations that I placed on him. Thank God he had a license in Jordan and drove all the time, here is was and at times still is trying on the nerves. He has his permit and will take the behind the wheel test on Monday. He drives really great but not the way I drive and so I freak out. Very trying on a marriage at times. Yesterday I asked if anyone was behind him so that we could cut accross to go to the store and he said I am watching my mirrors, of course I snpped back and said great but I wanted to go to the store. We laughed and then went to the store and he wanted me to drive home. I aks him to forgive me as I am used to being the only one who drives my car and it is difficult for me to give up control but I am working on it everyday.

The food he has really adjusted well. It is me always asking if he needs something as I think it will help me and he tells me I ate it for 41 years I dont' need it, if I need I will ask for it, ok love. Mexican food is really great for him and for me since I am mexican and can cook very well. He loves to BBQ and we kabob vegtables and he loves it. Arabic bread is a must and always have on hand and for breakfest he likes mexican bread or fig newtens. He does like eggs though.

The tough part is looking for work. He is registered with the temp agencies and worknet and doing everything he can to look for work. I am very glad that he is in ESL classes and that gives him a since of accomplishent and he is learning to speak the language better and met a new friend. His new Moroccon friend are not feeling so alone now. He said they have to figure out soem things cos they are not spoken the same so they speak english alot. I am suppose to met his friends wife soon. He just arrived here 4 months ago.

[doodlebug 3]

i'm going to teach my fiance how to drive soon. i'm hoping we can share my car instead of me having to do the driving everywhere. i think that will help him adjust better as well. and as soon as we can, we are both going to buy bicycles.

my fiance is having a little bit of culture shock. nothing major though. he was shocked at naked men in the locker room at the gym and girls wearing really short shorts. he also wishes he had some guys he can do "manly things" with. when he meets someone he can talk to in arabic his face lights up! i think attempting to speak english all day is definitely tiring for him. i can definitely relate! i've traveled places where i knew some of their language and trying to speak it all day is exhausting!

he loves the food here (especially hamburgers) but i know he misses mama's tagines! i am a good cook but i definitely can't recreate her tagines as well as i'd like to. and with ramadan coming up i think the culture shock will give him an extra blow.

Maybe he'll meet a buddy at the ESL classes that he'll be going to.

Do guys in Morocco keep their clothes on in the lockerrooms over there?

[mybackpages 0]

Do guys in Morocco keep their clothes on in the lockerrooms over there?

In teh hammams (public baths) it is a big no no to go completely naked. Usually the underwear is kept on. I know for sure this is true in the women's baths...but i can onlyoffer hearsay from the men;s side

[tnh9479 1]

For my husband, he had such a hard time adjusting to food. The only things I could get him to eat for the first few months were chili, pizza, and chocolate ice cream.

But some of the hardest adjustments that I saw for my husband was getting used to the isolation. I have no family in the immediate area. To be able to support us those first few months when he couldn't work, I was working three jobs. So, I was not around a lot and was tired and stressed. He was depressed about sitting home and wondering when fate might give him his work permit. We had to get rid of the internet for a while to save money. So...he talked to his family about once every two weeks. It was not especially a fun time. Luckily, we have some awesome neighbors who have grown to be good friends whom we now share holidays with. That seems to have helped immensely (not to mention working and making a support network of friends there as well).