Cultural Shock

[morocco4ever 63]

I am curious as to the different ways that your SO handled the culture shock when they first got here.

Mine is doing pretty good now, but he was so depressed and homesick at first. He seriously was ready for us to pack up and move there, but I refused. He hated the food so much, that was a big thing too.

I have learned a very small amount of cooking that he likes, and we have found a few restaurants he enjoys. He talks on a regular basis through Yahoo and MSN to his family, and as I stated before, his sister that lives in Texas is coming for a visit. One thing is that he feels that our home is actually my home. To correct this we have been remodeling the bedroom and bathroom, and I found that our tastes are very similar, and he has really helped in picking out some beautiful tile and carpeting. I must say that our bedroom and bath are incredibly elegant, with a slight twist of an americanized moroccan style....I love it!

Problems don't end when they get here, they just change. But one thing I know for a fact is that I am hanging on to him because he is a keeper!

[mybackpages 0]

I've posted this before, but I think it merits saying again. Once we decided my husband would be the one to do the immigrating, I intiated some serious conversations about what were his expectations of the move. I asked him what three things he would miss. I asked him what fears he had about life in the US. We talked about his hopes and dreams and how realistic they were.

I tried very hard to make home a sancuary for him. No matter how much Ameircan cultlure might pressure in outside, he has a home (as much as his home as it could be outside of Morocco. I made sure there were pictures, artifacts, etc. Food was a big way to help with the adjustment. Like any of us Moroccans don't like only Moroccan food so we didn't eat tagines every day, but we did have familiar foods, spices. Luckily I live in a huge city with lots of variety of food and that can be an issue for some Moroccans who live in small towns where even findng a decent french baggette is difficult.

After the intial honeymoon phase, there were days of depression (homesickness and frustration with waiting for a job). there isn't much you can do but recognize it and let him feel what he feels. Don't take it personally and be patient. Adjusting to a new country is a very personal path to walk. Personality, experience etc can all shape how a person adjusts.

Culture shock is a real phenomenon and can not be used to explain away alll adjustment problem. The best think anyone (both the USC and Foreign SO) can do is read about the symptoms of CS before tehy happen so you will recognize the symptoms when it occurs.

[Aymerlu 3]

My husband had done a lot of traveling throughout Africa and had seen quite a bit so there really wasn't much culture shock once he was here. The only thing that still makes him (and me too sometimes) is the lack of transportation here. He could ride a bus, but he has to walk 1/2 mile to get to the bus stop. The fare for a taxi is outrageous here. So now he cannot just walk out of his house and go someplace like he used to. Oh, and the fact that everything closes around 10:pm here kinda freaked him out, but I don't consider that culture shock.

[♥JP♥ 5]

I don't know if this is really culture shock but he can't seem to get over the fact that everything looks the same. We drive by Safeway and an hour later we are by another Safeway and he will say" weren't we just here?".

He has made a few comments after seeing girls dressed in their very skimpy summer clothes " I guess its summer now". Other than that, he hasnt said much. He loves the food here.

He also can't beleive the lack of taxi's in our area as well. He gets excited whenever he sees one because its such a rare sight.

Edited August 9, 2007 by amira_ordonia

[Mrs. Beasley 7]

This was too funny and familiar:

He has made a few comments after seeing girls dressed in their very skimpy summer clothes " I guess its summer now".

In the beginning, when my husband saw the skimpy attire he would say, "I will be going back to my country" I asked, "Why?" He said, "I need to go get some clothes and bring them back for them."

[swa 0]

he can't seem to get over the fact that everything looks the same.

the same here

[nivesito 0]

My husband had done a lot of traveling throughout Africa and had seen quite a bit so there really wasn't much culture shock once he was here. The only thing that still makes him (and me too sometimes) is the lack of transportation here. He could ride a bus, but he has to walk 1/2 mile to get to the bus stop. The fare for a taxi is outrageous here. So now he cannot just walk out of his house and go someplace like he used to. Oh, and the fact that everything closes around 10:pm here kinda freaked him out, but I don't consider that culture shock.

Yup! If you don't have a driving license better get one if you want to live there . Public transportation is not so good in US. I’m in Germany where everything works so good that you don’t need a car at all, ever. The same is in Croatia, where I’m from. Anywhere in Europe is so easy to get anywhere without a car.

[JODO 2]

He is adjusting fine, but he does have his brother, mom and father all here with him now. We'll see if there are any changes once his parents leave,but so far so good. We also in addition to just our daily talks etc, once a week we sit down and discuss any issue(s) that cropped up in the week. So far all very minor.

[hollyw 0]

my husband never showed any signs of culture shock. i don't know if this is because he came from france (where he had lived for almost 5 years), and had already done some adjusting to european culture or what, but he seemed to adjust really well. it worries me sometime that he hides it for my benefit. i know he misses paris a lot. and he misses his friends and family. homesickness is really the only symptom of culture shock that i've noticed during the 9 months that he's been here.

Edited August 9, 2007 by hollyw

[ya falaha! 0]

I feel that way, too. That he hides it for my benefit but he insists that he doesn't. Moh has shown no signs of culture shock either. He's never been out of Egypt and lived in a rural community so this surprises me. The only showed homesickness once but it was homesickness for his family not his country.

my husband never showed any signs of culture shock. i don't know if this is because he came from france (where he had lived for almost 5 years), and had already done some adjusting to european culture or what, but he seemed to adjust really well. it worries me sometime that he hides it for my benefit. i know he misses paris a lot. and he misses his friends and family. homesickness is really the only symptom of culture shock that i've noticed during the 9 months that he's been here.

[chri'stina 190]

I've posted this before, but I think it merits saying again. Once we decided my husband would be the one to do the immigrating, I intiated some serious conversations about what were his expectations of the move. I asked him what three things he would miss. I asked him what fears he had about life in the US. We talked about his hopes and dreams and how realistic they were.

I tried very hard to make home a sancuary for him. No matter how much Ameircan cultlure might pressure in outside, he has a home (as much as his home as it could be outside of Morocco. I made sure there were pictures, artifacts, etc. Food was a big way to help with the adjustment. Like any of us Moroccans don't like only Moroccan food so we didn't eat tagines every day, but we did have familiar foods, spices. Luckily I live in a huge city with lots of variety of food and that can be an issue for some Moroccans who live in small towns where even findng a decent french baggette is difficult.

After the intial honeymoon phase, there were days of depression (homesickness and frustration with waiting for a job). there isn't much you can do but recognize it and let him feel what he feels. Don't take it personally and be patient. Adjusting to a new country is a very personal path to walk. Personality, experience etc can all shape how a person adjusts.

Culture shock is a real phenomenon and can not be used to explain away alll adjustment problem. The best think anyone (both the USC and Foreign SO) can do is read about the symptoms of CS before tehy happen so you will recognize the symptoms when it occurs.

Basically ditto to the above. Just replace Moroccan with Indian(I know it's not the middle east/NA but it's also very different from the US).

I tried to prepare him as much as I could, and told him how things are in the US. He already had a small glimpse from movies and reading the news all the time. He loves his news. And maybe it's different in India, they still have strong ties to English left over from British rule. English is spoken in the business world mostly in New Delhi(and other big cities there I'm sure), so language was fine for him. Still, it's a lot different here than in India.

But overall he felt more positive things about the US than negative after living here. He was most impressed with the infrastructure here and how clean everything was and that people were nicer. That can all depend on where you live, so I guess I live in a place he liked. I warned him about scantily dressed women,and other stuff but he already kind of knew that happens in the US, much MUCH more than in India. So he was never shocked about that really, but is glad I and my friends don't dress that way. I am glad about that too. haha.

The overwhelming parts for him were waiting to work. He felt a little useless. But he never really got depressed. He already lived 500 miles away from his family, fully independent in India, before moving here, so I think that lessened how much he missed them since he already lived away from them. He missed the food. But I learned how to cook Indian food somewhat before he came and bought all the spices we'd need for Indian food. I tried my best to have parts of India here for him. My family also went out of their way to make him feel at home and that helped a lot too when I was working and he was home with them yet had his own privacy. (We lived with my family at first until he got a job, then we moved out).

His family moved around every few years when he was growing up because of his father's job, so that may have helped him be a good adapter.

He'll be here 3 years on Sept 2nd. What he still misses at times is his family of course, and being able to walk to the corner to get some yummy Indian food at any time. But overall he has adjusted very well, I think we are both very thankful for that. Now he works and I don't, another thing to be thankful for. I know that's another big blessing that he was a computer programmer, a well paid job in the US. So I guess you could say he succeeded here.

Edited August 9, 2007 by stina&suj

[morocco4ever 63]

Yeah, the transportation thing is an issue too! My husband got off work early today, but I work too far from home to pick him up. The bus doesn't come around our area, and taxi's are only around the airport. I have an SUV for him, but he just won't work on a drivers license. I hope the latest difficulty getting home is enough to get him serious about a drivers license.

Breakfast.....I can't find anything he likes for breakfast. If he eats fromage and bread he wants tea, but for some reason the tea sends him crawling up the walls. Is our caffeine stronger here? He would settle for juice, but it hurts his stomach. He won't try cereal...hot or cold. Won't eat eggs....about the only thing he will eat is pancakes or crepes with a little milk, but that gets old quick. He tried an omlette, and like it, but said that this is not breakfast food and his stomach can't handle it in the morning. Any suggestions?

[hollyw 0]

That's funny, my husband is the same way... he insists that he's fine and happy. he doesn't miss Algeria at all, but he misses his family/friends there. He does miss Paris, i think he considered that more home than Algeria. He very rarely confesses that he's homesick and usually it's only because he's in a quiet mood and i coax it out of him.

The only other thing i can think of, and i don't know if this is related to culture shock, is i think sometimes he gets tired of speaking english/making the extra effort to communicate with people and wants to stay in the house because of it. so when that happens we usually stay home, watch movies dubbed in french, and order take out. but it doesn't happen very often.

I feel that way, too. That he hides it for my benefit but he insists that he doesn't. Moh has shown no signs of culture shock either. He's never been out of Egypt and lived in a rural community so this surprises me. The only showed homesickness once but it was homesickness for his family not his country.

my husband never showed any signs of culture shock. i don't know if this is because he came from france (where he had lived for almost 5 years), and had already done some adjusting to european culture or what, but he seemed to adjust really well. it worries me sometime that he hides it for my benefit. i know he misses paris a lot. and he misses his friends and family. homesickness is really the only symptom of culture shock that i've noticed during the 9 months that he's been here.

We have a transportation issue too - thank god we're moving in a month! I start work at 8am and he doesnt start until 11am. so i have to drop him off at the train and he has to sit/sleep in starbucks until work starts. then i go home at 6pm and he doesnt get off til 11pm-1am and i have to wait up/wake up and go get him at the train. the schedule is killing us.

My husband won't eat eggs for breakfast either - they are "not a breakfast food." Cereal is also not a breakfast food apparently. We eat a lot of waffles, pancakes, and french toast (well he does.... i eat power bars and yogurt ) Also croissants with nutella or strawberry jam are big breakfast food in our house. Toast. He likes to drink coffee that is basically hot chocolate. He heats milk and adds some nescafé and about a cup of sugar. My husband loves the orange/strawberry/banana or orange/pineapple/banana juices. They too strong for me (too citrusy perhaps?)... what I do sometimes is buy the juice from the international section at the grocery store, i think i usually buy Goya or Allen's, I think the are a bit milder and i like them better. they're also good for smoothies (another huge any-time-of-day favorite). and they're cheaper. He'll also eat any type of cookie or brownie for breakfast. those, i guess, ARE breakfast food

Yeah, the transportation thing is an issue too! My husband got off work early today, but I work too far from home to pick him up. The bus doesn't come around our area, and taxi's are only around the airport. I have an SUV for him, but he just won't work on a drivers license. I hope the latest difficulty getting home is enough to get him serious about a drivers license.

Breakfast.....I can't find anything he likes for breakfast. If he eats fromage and bread he wants tea, but for some reason the tea sends him crawling up the walls. Is our caffeine stronger here? He would settle for juice, but it hurts his stomach. He won't try cereal...hot or cold. Won't eat eggs....about the only thing he will eat is pancakes or crepes with a little milk, but that gets old quick. He tried an omlette, and like it, but said that this is not breakfast food and his stomach can't handle it in the morning. Any suggestions?

Edited August 9, 2007 by hollyw

[Meriem_DZ 37]

When Hachemi came, I was all prepared for him to be home sick and have a difficult time. It never happened. He was never home sick. He would say "I just miss my mom, that's it." He stays in contact with his friends and family by internet. I kept money in our pingo account so he could call anytime he wanted. He is very happy here. He has his drivers permit, and is ready to take his drivers test soon. About eating breakfast. Hachemi does not like eggs for breakfast either. He loves pancakes. His favorite breakfast is steak, potatoes and french bread. I get the meat department to cut chuck eye steaks or rib eye steaks (if they are on sale), really thin. I cook them in a cast iron skillet and it doesnt take long to cook. He loves guava juice.

When Hachemi stepped off the plane last August, I was shocked at how much weight he had lost. He was so skinny and his color was gray. The stress of immigration really got to him. He had traveled to Algiers (4 hours one way) for immigration stuff for 8 weeks in a row, prior to and after his interview. Now almost one year later he has gained 20 pounds.

At first he would not speak at all. If someone asked him a question, he would look to me to answer. Now, you cant get him to shut up. He really likes his work, and has made some good friends. There is a Mexican guy, named Poncho, that he works with. They are always joking and laughing. Poncho will start talking to Hachemi in Spanish and Hachemi will talk right back to him in Arabic. Poncho will say, I not understand. Hachemi will tell him, "Speak English, Man!!!!"

Meriem

Edited August 9, 2007 by Meriem_setif

[mybackpages 0]

That's funny, my husband is the same way... he insists that he's fine and happy. he doesn't miss Algeria at all, but he misses his family/friends there. He does miss Paris, i think he considered that more home than Algeria. He very rarely confesses that he's homesick and usually it's only because he's in a quiet mood and i coax it out of him.

The only other thing i can think of, and i don't know if this is related to culture shock, is i think sometimes he gets tired of speaking english/making the extra effort to communicate with people and wants to stay in the house because of it. so when that happens we usually stay home, watch movies dubbed in french, and order take out. but it doesn't happen very often.

These are perfect examples of culture shock. For most people it is normally mild and subtle. Think of it like this..there are hundreds of little things that we do everyday without thinking about, 1000s of little clues that wer are not even aware of that guide us in interacting with people, driving, scheduling our day etc. Many of those clues disappear for someone in a new environment or the clues are there but have different meanings....it's wearing to go through day to day being disoriented.

I think culture shick happens to us in moments rather than a long period of time. Like the very first time you try to pump gas using a debit card at the pump and the pump doesn't cooperate. It's frustrating at that moment. You could feel disoriented because in your home country you never had to face this and your USC SO never seems to have a problem with the debit card. It's brief and it passes quickly and once you pump gas successfully- you forever add that new culture clue.

I think this is what adjustment for the immigrating SO is all about. Getting out there on their own and learning to do things without their hand being held. It builds confidence and any culture shock disappears quickly.