How to cope with adjusting status?

[Hughughug333 3]

So I’m here in a foreign country away from all my biological family, friends.. can no longer work so my bank account is at zero, can no longer drive so my freedom is fully reliant on my husband. He works night shifts so during the day I’m with him in his bedroom as he sleeps then I’m still in his bedroom at night when he’s at work, I will spend time with his family over dinner time but apart from that I’m struggling with feeling trapped and lonely. I’m just wondering what did you do to get through this time? I can’t go anywhere as it’s rural with poor public transportation and I have literally no money. I don’t know anyone outside his family too. 
 

By nature I’m a very driven, motivated, busy person always working on something, always out, always busy so this situation I’m in where I can’t work and drive is difficult for me. 
 

Please don’t get me wrong, I deeply appreciate my husband and everything he does, this is a rant expressing my frustration regarding the situation of AOS and I’m looking for advice on what I can do to help myself feel more fulfilled 

[Daphne . 1,846]

The adjustment of status process is not easy. This is why never even considered a K1 or adjusting status from a non-immigrant visa. I wouldn’t be able to cope with losing my independence for how ever long it takes.

 

Good luck! 

[KMG 108]

28 minutes ago, Hughughug333 said:

So I’m here in a foreign country away from all my biological family, friends.. can no longer work so my bank account is at zero, can no longer drive so my freedom is fully reliant on my husband. He works night shifts so during the day I’m with him in his bedroom as he sleeps then I’m still in his bedroom at night when he’s at work, I will spend time with his family over dinner time but apart from that I’m struggling with feeling trapped and lonely. I’m just wondering what did you do to get through this time? I can’t go anywhere as it’s rural with poor public transportation and I have literally no money. I don’t know anyone outside his family too. 
 

By nature I’m a very driven, motivated, busy person always working on something, always out, always busy so this situation I’m in where I can’t work and drive is difficult for me. 
 

Please don’t get me wrong, I deeply appreciate my husband and everything he does, this is a rant expressing my frustration regarding the situation of AOS and I’m looking for advice on what I can do to help myself feel more fulfilled 

Little bit of advice - the bedroom belongs to both of you "our bedroom".  The house- because his family has opened their home to you, I assume you have access to the whole house?  Do they work?  Maybe ask them "Is there anything  I can clean or do while you all are are at work?"  Can I cook you this dish from my home country? (Assuming you haven't already done this...). Find a hobby too... Ask your husband to bring something home for you to do during the day, sketchpad and some pencils... go outside and draw!  Or yarn and some needles and open youtube and learn some skills.  

 

Cheers!

[Hughughug333 3]

8 minutes ago, KMG said:

Little bit of advice - the bedroom belongs to both of you "our bedroom".  The house- because his family has opened their home to you, I assume you have access to the whole house?  Do they work?  Maybe ask them "Is there anything  I can clean or do while you all are are at work?"  Can I cook you this dish from my home country? (Assuming you haven't already done this...). Find a hobby too... Ask your husband to bring something home for you to do during the day, sketchpad and some pencils... go outside and draw!  Or yarn and some needles and open youtube and learn some skills.  

 

Cheers!

Thank you 

I do have access to the whole house, his family are retired so are at home, I don’t like to impose on them and want to give them their privacy and space, I often will do the dishes when I’m upstairs though. I like the idea of going outside to draw so I’ll give that a go 

[KMG 108]

6 minutes ago, Hughughug333 said:

Thank you 

I do have access to the whole house, his family are retired so are at home, I don’t like to impose on them and want to give them their privacy and space, I often will do the dishes when I’m upstairs though. I like the idea of going outside to draw so I’ll give that a go 

I understand not wanting to impose.  Hoping your AOS gets approved soon! Not sure if English is your Native language, but if it is not perhaps you could offer some online language tutoring- not sure how you would charge though, being you are still in AOS.

[EatBulaga 314]

1 hour ago, KMG said:

I understand not wanting to impose.  Hoping your AOS gets approved soon! Not sure if English is your Native language, but if it is not perhaps you could offer some online language tutoring- not sure how you would charge though, being you are still in AOS.

@Hughughug333 Absolutely ask your husband to use a computer to sign up and learn some online courses. If you don't have a driver's license, study for the written exam. Study Khan Academy's Personal Finance and Financial Literacy courses. You need to understand the US tipping culture, taxes, Social Security, etc. Take this time to learn a skill. Also, try some coupon or cash back, gift cards apps like Ibotta, Fetch, etc., but make sure you don't get more than 600, otherwise, you have to give your SSN and then it becomes work income, which you can not have while AOS.

Think of this as a career hiatus that many would love to have.

Edited July 25 by EatBulaga

[Hughughug333 3]

9 minutes ago, EatBulaga said:

@Hughughug333 Absolutely ask your husband to use a computer to sign up and learn some online courses. If you don't have a driver's license, study for the written exam. Study Khan Academy's Personal Finance and Financial Literacy courses. You need to understand the US tipping culture, taxes, Social Security, etc. Take this time to learn a skill. Also, try some coupon or cash back, gift cards apps like Ibotta, Fetch, etc., but make sure you don't get more than 600, otherwise, you have to give your SSN and then it becomes work income, which you can not have while AOS.

Think of this as a career hiatus that many would love to have.

Thank you these are very helpful tips

[Ellie_7 103]

@Hughughug333, Welcome to the United States!

 

The adjustments and culture differences are everywhere and one always has them to deal with, regardless of whether the paperwork is adjustment of legal status or if it's an immigrant visa process. It can be challenging but the challenge can get easier with time.  Sending you encouragement and wishing you the best of success! 😊

[Scandi 4,142]

Sounds like you chose the wrong visa, should've applied for the CR-1 instead. The K-1 was perfect for me in that regard, I LOVED having months off doing nothing. Playing games, reading, taking the dogs for walks etc. And we were married of course, so it was OUR money, not his or mine. So I always had money even if I didn't work, I could order things online and take a taxi/Uber/whatever to places I wanted to see etc. The best times, miss it a lot. 😄 

[SalishSea 17,744]

2 hours ago, Scandi said:

Sounds like you chose the wrong visa, should've applied for the CR-1 instead. The K-1 was perfect for me in that regard, I LOVED having months off doing nothing. Playing games, reading, taking the dogs for walks etc. And we were married of course, so it was OUR money, not his or mine. So I always had money even if I didn't work, I could order things online and take a taxi/Uber/whatever to places I wanted to see etc. The best times, miss it a lot. 😄 

OP posted in the AOS from work, tourist, student visas, so it may not have even been a K-1.  

[Hughughug333 3]

1 hour ago, SalishSea said:

OP posted in the AOS from work, tourist, student visas, so it may not have even been a K-1.  

That’s right it’s AOS from the visa waiver program 

[Hughughug333 3]

4 hours ago, Scandi said:

Sounds like you chose the wrong visa, should've applied for the CR-1 instead. The K-1 was perfect for me in that regard, I LOVED having months off doing nothing. Playing games, reading, taking the dogs for walks etc. And we were married of course, so it was OUR money, not his or mine. So I always had money even if I didn't work, I could order things online and take a taxi/Uber/whatever to places I wanted to see etc. The best times, miss it a lot. 😄 

I just feel immense guilt over not being able to contribute while he goes out to work 12 hour shifts earning money to support us when all I can do is stay home doing nothing productive, it just goes against my values

[SalishSea 17,744]

57 minutes ago, Hughughug333 said:

That’s right it’s AOS from the visa waiver program 

Unfortunately, that is a bit of a trade off for adjusting and not having to wait in line for a visa like everyone else though.   

[Daphne . 1,846]

5 hours ago, Hughughug333 said:

I just feel immense guilt over not being able to contribute while he goes out to work 12 hour shifts earning money to support us when all I can do is stay home doing nothing productive, it just goes against my values

Did you and your husband discuss this prior to choosing to adjust status from your Esta? 

[Hughughug333 3]

8 hours ago, Daphne . said:

Did you and your husband discuss this prior to choosing to adjust status from your Esta? 

Yes and at the time we determined that it would be worth it since we have done three months long distance which was very hard