The women that marry mena men?

[Caladan 19]

Please don't discount those of us who are coming here for the first time and really enjoying the company.

i got buttered kettle corn

gimme. please.

[allousa 1]

Please don't discount those of us who are coming here for the first time and really enjoying the company.

i got buttered kettle corn

gimme. please.

How about a stiff drink to go with it too!!!!!!!!

[Ban Hammer 13,486]

Please don't discount those of us who are coming here for the first time and really enjoying the company.

i got buttered kettle corn

gimme. please.

only since you asked nicely

[me_4_musa 1]

Some ME/NA gals are actually quite borrrrrrring.

awha???

I know your not talking about me!

[sarah and hicham 3]

Maybe you have travelled on planes and travelled a great deal. Not all the people on the forums have. And many are in the painful throes of immigration, a stressful and difficult time for all petitioners.

Why do people talk as if they have just made some huge discovery? Immigration is a difficult and complex process. We are the the first to go through this process nor will be the last.

Because for some of us this is our first encounter with such a huge bureuacracy. For some of us each day apart is hell. I am flying to see my husband in 2 days and I count down every day to each visit. To some of us ,the wait is hell. You maybe dont remember but mine has already been an 8 month ordeal and I have at least 8 more months to go. Its hell when you love someone

Maybe I don't remember???? I'll tell you what I remember. I remember those here on VJ who have waited years just to get the USCIS approval so that the petition can finally make its way to the consulate. I remember couples going through consulates like the domincan Republic who wait 18 months or more just for an interview to be scheduled. I remember the couples here separated by legal red tape becuse families do not merit much value in the eyes of USCIS. I remember all the children who are growing up apart from their parents. I remember the couples who will never be able to overcome the obstacle of immigration and have to make choices they would not be forced to otherwise.

Let's have some respect for real suffering.

As everyone said, excellent post.

It's official, Wahrania is nuts.

[In Gods Hands 0]

well, I totally agree. I was WAY out of the norm in my family and friends to do something whacked out like go overseas to meet an online love in person and then marry him

and I was utterly blindsided by the huge government bureacracy that is immigration. I guess in my 30+ years prior to that I had not only never had any reason to deal with it but honestly had never even given it a thought. Yes, I had travelled a great deal prior to this but not to North Africa and certainly not to hook up with a future husband. I guess most of my friends considered it kinda 'gutsy' but then, they always thought I was crazy anyway.....

ETA: not sure why this needs to turn in to a drama or judgement fest instead of just an exchange of thoughts and opinions.. oh wait, its because its the MENA forum, thats right.

I agree too... I think the great fear and thoughts that I was crazy was stirred up more due to bad media (MidEastern), terrorism and the war.. this plus meeting online did not bring peace to the minds of those who loved me. My bestfriend called my parents crying saying she was afraid I wasnt coming back..and surely I lost my mind. Of course my parents tried to console and reassure her I was fine and they believed Ahmad was a good man. My son asked me to make promises etc.. (he was so worried, and would have been anyway even if he wasn't from Jordan) My youngest daughter was trying to talk me out of it up to the day I left. But thank God.. my parents and my eldest daughter were able to accept and gain more peace prior to my leaving. My son and youngest daughter gained it after speaking to both us in Jordan.

Ahmad and I knew we were entering into a journey that would not be easy..but more than willing to learn & do it together..all in the name of true love and committment. This is all a part of our life.. a journey within our journey in this life together.. Alhumdullilah!!Oh.. as for my bestfriend.. when I got back..I called her and she cried again..then said in her own sweet Rican way.. "You fricka.. you crazy girl.. I was so scared for you.. I thought I would lose you over there in only God knows where.. I swear you have more ba11z then me .. I love you girl.. Thank God you ok"

Well.. it isn't an easy thing to do..but majority find ourselves doing things beyond what we would have ever imagined with the Power of Love in Action... which seems to give some of us more guts (or "bigger ba11z" than our norm.. ).

Edited August 9, 2007 by AhmadGwen4evr

[chri'stina 190]

Something that bugged me in this thread...

I think it's fine if someone wants to feel themselves that their waiting might not be as hard and long as others who have waited longer, but it also doesn't give anyone the right to dismiss someone's pain while waiting because it wasn't as long as someone else, even if you don't like the person.

What I can say about that is that the 2 years before being able to meet Sujeet, and then the 11 months separation after meeting was very hard. And yes I knew of people going through longer waits than me and I applaud them, but it didn't make me feel good thinking about that until Sujeet was here face to face with me. Then you realize you have it better than others who waited longer. But no one should make you feel like you have no right to be upset because you didn't wait as long as someone else. Being apart was horrible still even if I think of people who were separated longer than us. I would not want to go through it again.

[Ban Hammer 13,486]

It's official, Wahrania is nuts.

i'm sure you have the professional credentials to arrive at that assessment.......

[allousa 1]

Charles...plllleeezzzeeee make my drink a double!!!!!!

[RaspberrySwirl 20]

It's official, Wahrania is nuts.

i'm sure you have the professional credentials to arrive at that assessment.......

You need a better hobby, Charles.

This #######'s getting OLD.

ETA: Psst, there's a gun thread in Off Topic.

Edited August 9, 2007 by RaspberrySwirl

[Carolyn 1]

This crazy immigration process is long and difficult enough...can we please just be helpful and supportive of each other instead of cutting and competitive?

I do know that VJ was exceedingly helpful to me as I was separated from my habibi--the people here were a great wealth of information as well as a fascinating way to spend my long lonely nights...please help keep VJ a positive site.

[jundp 191]

And guess what? I didn't win!!! I lost out to this woman who, during PMS, drove into another car on purpose 'cause she was ticked off that they stole her parking space in a grocery store parking lot.

Oh #######! I was hoping no one would bring that up here

[Henia 11]

1.) I would be curious to hear from people actually in the immigration process about their journeys and experiences.

2.) For some people , marrying outside of their culture and travelling outside of the country is a gutsy move.

3.) Maybe you have travelled on planes and travelled a great deal. Not all the people on the forums have. And many are in the painful throes of immigration, a stressful and difficult time for all petitioners.

I have to respond because I find some of this so outrageous.

1.) I am sorry to break it to people, but there is a lot more to immigration than just getting the visa. There is adjustment of status for some, lifting of conditions, and naturalization (if so chosen). Some get lucky and this happens in about four years from arrival. But this is not the case for all. To write off people because they are not wringing their hands waiting for visa approval is VERY short-sighted.

2.) This is a HUGE assumption to make. It might not be gutsy for some to marry outside their culture as they have always been attracted to different people and experiencing different things. For them to marry someone nearly like themself would be the gutsy thing to do. It also might not be gutsy for others to travel outside the country as they don't drink too much of administration's "terrorism kool-aid" (in other words...they can think, read, and interpret for themselves).

3.) Refer to number 1: this is an arduous journey for everyone who steps into it.

Esalaam/Hello/Salut

I do not think travel or just merely getting another culture is too gusty... but actually commiting to a person clear across the ocean is pretty gusty. It is true for many marrying outside of their locale or culture is a gutsy move, esp when you barely the know the person and you have outside issues like your family's ideas of ideal spousal material not including the one you choose. For some, marrying someone they barely know is normal while for others totally and utterly insane. Intercultural and trans-contiental marriage (mixed marriage if you will) adds an extra set of dynamics to relationship. Regardless of how those differing people (and sometimes cultures) met, then love one another, the desire to marry comes and a course is set to be together. Couples who find partners abroad often come down to earth when they start considering the reality of building lives together under complex circumstances. Many questions arise.Working through the details of what the relatives will think, where they will live, and how they will arrange the paperwork becomes a test of fortitude and staying power. Will our families understand? What about spousal roles? What differences will be encountered and handled? Etc etc ...

Deciding where to live I think is the most difficult and gusty decision. Flexibility and the willingness of at least one spouse to live as a foreigner or immigrant abroad can make things easier. I have experienced the convenience, privacy, and mobility of American life as well as the frustrations of open discrimination( another topic) . At this point for me, hopefully for us the benefits of living in the U.S. outweigh the disadvantages. I live here for now. And it is what is. Good days and some very bad. Many times I hit my head against the wall, thinking this would not happen in the US. But I know even in my own country of birth, I am the foreigner now, having been living aboard for so long. So my husband moving to the US, then later back to Algeria, slowly developing third world country where we both would be foreigners.

Living in an area where diversity is common can make the move easier. Building a community of international friends also helps tremendously. If it’s financially feasible, yearly visits home can also help your spouse feel more in touch with family.

Getting over assumptions about how we live come with each culture is gusty. All of our life experiences through family & cultural background teach us how to deal with life's challenges. Within an intercultural/global marriage (the marriage we all here on this board face), many different assumptions will surface over time. We will formulate our opinions & make judgments based upon our world views. Initially, these judgments will be external or on the surface. In time, all of the internal areas will be exposed also. Often, this is how we begin to formulate our own prejudice against other cultures.

Feeling as though you are expected to be like the wives or husbands of the culture you married into can be a monumental hurdle to cross. Cultural and social norms may be so diametrically opposed to your country of origin that you become emotionally confused. Forces or people can be out there consphering to break up your happiness. And just the pure inability to understand the new perceived role is difficult enough, without the fact that you may not agree with the traditions.

Statistically, intercultural, interracial and interfaith marriages have a high rate of failure. But many succeed. When we look to older generations who dealt with a climate of greater disapproval and discrimination than we do today, we find keys to how to make these marriages work for a lifetime.

Women or men going to MENA or anywhere in this world... I would call all that gusty ... brave. For giving that person a chance, loving them, understanding, knowing each other's culture, being accountable, accepting, embacing each other, taking the time and effort to make possible a life together ( from first meeting, to marriage, to visa, to the new life in the US( or wherever else you may decide), to children, buying a house, to even the final step of immigration: citizenship. As Twila said getting the visa approval is only but a small step on the path. I would call that very brave. Not usual at all.

Edited August 9, 2007 by Henia

[Ban Hammer 13,486]

It's official, Wahrania is nuts.

i'm sure you have the professional credentials to arrive at that assessment.......

You need a better hobby, Charles.

This #######'s getting OLD.

ETA: Psst, there's a gun thread in Off Topic.

i've been replying in it already

Edited August 9, 2007 by charlesandnessa

[palilover 1]

I remember right before I left to see my husband the first time my best friend signed me up to win a contest on the radio titled "she did WHAT???"

And guess what? I didn't win!!! I lost out to this woman who, during PMS, drove into another car on purpose 'cause she was ticked off that they stole her parking space in a grocery store parking lot.

Are you saying that there was a time Boston did not have all this road rage going on all around and it was not NORMAL for people to become irate behind the wheel? Wow! I cannot imagine that:)