How did you manage money while adjusting status?

[Hoggypi 1]

I’m currently adjusting status so I can’t legally work, I’m financially dependent on my husband. I wonder, how did you deal with this stage?
 

I feel guilty spending his money so I will only eat with him when he eats which is once a day during his work week (he eats again at work), we are staying at his parents home but I don’t feel right eating their food since I can’t pay towards it so I go 24hrs without eating a few times per week if my husband eats before he arrives home. I often feel dizzy and weak but feel like there’s nothing that can be done until I begin working. 
 

how did you manage this situation?

[jackiegringa 419]

Your situation is very alarming.

Is your husband withholding all the finances from you, preventing you from eating, using the house as you need? Does he know you don't eat? That's is very strange. Why isn't your husband and his family welcoming you on their house as you are now married and part of the family too?

 

Are you going to have separate fridge and pantry once you are working, so you only eat what you buy? That's very abnormal. This is not a common situation and should be at least be aware of it.

 

People manage their finances best they can when one spouse can't work but I don't think you will find anyone that was being starved because they didn't work. This is weird and dangerous to you.

[Ontarkie 14,193]

~~Moved to Moving Here and Your New Life, from AOS from Work, Student and Tourist Visas. As this is about the struggles of AOS but not a processing question.~~

[Boiler 45,314]

Savings, mind you things were much quicker then.

[midwinterrose 275]

30 minutes ago, Hoggypi said:

I’m currently adjusting status so I can’t legally work, I’m financially dependent on my husband. I wonder, how did you deal with this stage?
 

I feel guilty spending his money so I will only eat with him when he eats which is once a day during his work week (he eats again at work), we are staying at his parents home but I don’t feel right eating their food since I can’t pay towards it so I go 24hrs without eating a few times per week if my husband eats before he arrives home. I often feel dizzy and weak but feel like there’s nothing that can be done until I begin working. 
 

how did you manage this situation?

 

Talk to your husband!

 

You should not be starving yourself ever for any reason.

 

Marriage is a partnership.  Sometimes both partners work and make money, sometimes it's only one working while the other contributes to the household in other ways.  The day may come when you are the wage earner and your husband depends on you.  All of that is perfectly normal and your worth is not dependent on your ability to produce income.

 

Your husband knew full well that he would be required to provide for you while you are unable to work, which I am sure that he is happy to do, considering you are his wife.  Talk to him, express your insecurities and work through it together.

 

This is a stage of life that you are going through together.  Marriage is not a transaction.  He supports you because he loves you, and you changed your entire life for him because you love him.  Don't feel guilty because you have to eat.

 

 

[Siberia 9]

Hey, you should eat something! If you don't, you'll end up in the hospital, and those bills will be way higher than the cost of food. I don't think he'll be happy when he finds out. Why don't you cook something at home for everyone? If you don't know how, just watch YouTube and start with something simple.

[Lemonslice 4,797]

You need to discuss finances with your spouse.  If you have no savings, then he absolutely has to support you since you are stuck unable to work.  Ask him when you could go to the grocery together so you can plan your meals for the week, while he his at work. 
If you are uncomfortable, then you can tell him that you are, and that you would like to plan to pay for a getaway weekend/your first car/deposit on your apartment/[whatever fits your situation] once you are able to work.  Do not starve yourself.

[TBoneTX 45,023]

One post violating the site's Terms of Service has been removed.  The author may repost less judgmentally.

[Corgent 93]

This is a sad situation. Has your husband ever noticed that you aren't eating enough? I can't imagine how I'd feel if my wife wasn't eating enough and didn't feel comfortable talking with me about it.

 

You two need to go grocery shopping for food that you can eat at home while he is away at work.

Edited June 17 by Corgent

[Scandi 4,143]

Never an issue for us, the day we got married was the day we started sharing everything - including money, bank accounts, savings etc. So even if I couldn't work at the time, everything was OURS, not just his.

[powerpuff 6,604]

You need to share your thoughts and concerns with your husband. I’m sure you two can find a solution. 
 

Have you discussed finances and this phase of AOS where your life is sort of hold? Has your husband addressed at all how you will buy essentials for yourself while he’s at work? Or does he expect you to not be in need of anything (that’s unrealistic- we all have needs and that’s normal)? 
 

We also lived with my in laws when I came to the US on an K1 visa and was awaiting my adjustment of status. I did not feel bad eating the food because my husband contributed by paying rent and taking turns buying groceries for the whole house. Even if he didn’t, my mother in law would be very concerned if I didn’t eat anything. 
 

Regarding finances and how we managed that, I was/am an authorized user on my husband credit cards from the start. I never abused that of course; just bought whatever I needed while he was away working like groceries, gas for my car, personal items, etc. Even before I came to the US and was waiting for my visa, I just finished my studies, it was Covid and I didn’t have a job. My husband supported me financially too and that’s normal; I would do the same if he was in need.

 

I didn’t feel bad because we both made the decision to pursue this immigration path and what it entailed and also we share everything and that includes money. If you still feel uncomfortable, think about it this way. I’m sure while he is at work, you take care of the household and perform household chores for you and your husband. That’s work too!
 

In any case, you should talk to your husband openly and share what you’re going through. I’m sure you two will a way forward that works for both of you. 

[carmel34 3,611]

A couple of points you should bring up with your husband:

1. He is your primary financial sponsor, that means he should be providing sufficient money to support you, not only during adjustment of status (he will have to sign a I-864), but beyond that for ten years or until you are a US citizen.

2. Financial co-mingling is strongly recommended if you want to be successful with the adjustment of status application and an eventual green card.  This means a joint checking account, shared credit card, etc. where you have access to his money as needed.

 

Bring these up with your husband in a frank conversation.

[Boiler 45,314]

I participated in the OPs previous thread.

 

The OP had been visiting for nearly 3 months and the plus and minuses of Adjusting vs Consulate Processing were discussed.

 

Perhaps it is me but the situation seems odd.

[TexasRafael 128]

12 hours ago, Hoggypi said:

I’m currently adjusting status so I can’t legally work, I’m financially dependent on my husband. I wonder, how did you deal with this stage?
 

I feel guilty spending his money so I will only eat with him when he eats which is once a day during his work week (he eats again at work), we are staying at his parents home but I don’t feel right eating their food since I can’t pay towards it so I go 24hrs without eating a few times per week if my husband eats before he arrives home. I often feel dizzy and weak but feel like there’s nothing that can be done until I begin working. 
 

how did you manage this situation?

WOW!  You got married and what is his is also yours.  When I got married I told my husband that whatever he needs I don't care what it is he tells me and I either can afford it or I can't.  On top of that I added him to all my accounts and he has his own debit cards to all the accounts and all I ask of him is to check the balance before he uses a card to make sure there is money for the purchase he will make.  On larger items he just ask can he buy.  You need to have a conversation with your spouse because when he married you he said he was going to be financially responsible for you and that is all there is.  Once you are able to work then you can have a conversation about expenses and such but this is NOT a good situation for you to be in.  Very sad.   

[SalishSea 17,745]

Like Boiler said, the OP chose to adjust from B/ESTA, and had feedback on the drawbacks on previous thread.

 

That being said:  OP, hopefully you see how concerning it is to be starting out your marriage amid food insecurity.   Access to food within your household is NOT a normal issue to be dealing with in a marriage, and like everyone else is telling you, the solution starts with communication with your spouse.