Am I being used ?

[Jm1999 0]

Hello everyone, about 2 years ago I met a woman on a dating app (Badoo) who had set her location to the United States. I used to do this myself as I’d get very little matches in the states but seemingly endless amounts abroad, she wanted to try pursuing a relationship with somebody abroad as well and we immediately expressed deep attraction towards one another. The relationship progressed rather fast, we used to speak for extended periods of time over calls , show one another where we live , talk about interesting topics and themes , practice language .. I eventually came to see her two months later and she went above and beyond to make me feel happy and comfortable , she always brought me fruits , gifts , took many photos of me, she wanted my to meet her entire family and she wanted to meet my family as well because she said it’s necessary, she tried to get me involved in her church community , I’m not religious or faithful but It’s a nice gesture and I liked the sense of community , she never asked me to pay anything for her and most of the money i brought we used for groceries to cook together. I returned home and we were away for about a year , I returned again briefly and went home again, I felt like the happiest I ever had in my life because I never truly had a girlfriend and a genuine person who I felt loved me as much. After several months I returned again , i stayed In an apartment , she initially said we cannot sleep together in the same room because her parents disapprove of it before marriage although they were aware that we were together everyday , she eventually stayed with me when her roommate left . She has two phones and never worried about me using one of them but I noticed she seemed more cautious about the second one , in her contacts there weee probably hundreds of people many of which had American flags next to their name , she had shown me previously that she had met many friends on the dating apps and kept their contact information , even showing me all their messages and pages , it seemed a bit unusual to me but maybe it’s none of my business. Anyways , recently she had shared her phone screen and I saw the same dating app we met even though we both deleted the app after meeting, I deleted the account but it seems she still had hers, she told me she had merely deleted it on her other phone and forgot to do so on the other one although I don’t recall seeing the icon when I was using that phone months prior, it seems to have  reappeared , most of the people she matched with were Americans but also people from countries she also expressed moving too  she always wanted to move to American temporarily to work save money and send it back, she told me it doesn’t make sense why she’d used me because hypothetically she could have done that with anyone not me. She also has big plans saying she’d want to marry me eventually and have children , and establish a business together , she says she doesn’t want to live in the US and that she merely wants to work there and live with me in her home country, I spent a lot of money on various trips and my friends suggested that if she really cared about me she’d tell me to be mindful of how much money I’m spending on these short trips, which was probably a couple thousand dollars . She’s never acted toxic or immature towards me we’ve always communicated when I’ve been sick she’s always taken me to the hospital and stayed with me often being awake half the night if necessary , she’s helped me scope out hotels when we couldn’t find any and if I ever ran out of money somewhere she’d help even if she doesn’t make a lot . Im not sure what to think  

[Crazy Cat 41,837]

Do you have an immigration question?

[Jm1999 0]

18 minutes ago, Crazy Cat said:

Do you have an immigration question?

I’m curious if anyone has experienced something similar upon marriage , I was inspired to write this post by a similar one I stumbled upon whilst searching for the topic 

[D-R-J 192]

It’s a possibility that this is a scam, but impossible for us here to know.

I guess the question is it worth taking the risk considering you could be hurt badly?

 

In my mind, I would make sure that you don’t rush into anything, often time will bring clarity. The more time you can spend in person, the better you’ll know her. This will be important whether to figure out if this is genuine or just if you are compatible.

[Jm1999 0]

4 minutes ago, D-R-J said:

It’s a possibility that this is a scam, but impossible for us here to know.

I guess the question is it worth taking the risk considering you could be hurt badly?

 

In my mind, I would make sure that you don’t rush into anything, often time will bring clarity. The more time you can spend in person, the better you’ll know her. This will be important whether to figure out if this is genuine or just if you are compatible.

True , thankyou for your input 

[Daphne . 1,852]

You mention that she told you that she only wants to be able to work in the US, but live with you in her home country. Technically she can already do that, there are plenty of US companies that have outsourced work to foreign remote workers. 

[Jm1999 0]

7 minutes ago, Daphne . said:

You mention that she told you that she only wants to be able to work in the US, but live with you in her home country. Technically she can already do that, there are plenty of US companies that have outsourced work to foreign remote workers. 

True, although she’s not particularly interested in fields like digital marketing, computer programming , cybersecurity etc 

[Daphne . 1,852]

6 minutes ago, Jm1999 said:

True, although she’s not particularly interested in fields like digital marketing, computer programming , cybersecurity etc 

Companies don’t only outsource jobs in those fields. I work in Staffing and plenty of companies also outsource basic admin jobs. Order processing, quotes, etc. 
 

Part of me thinks that she is saying these things to you to convince you that she is not using you for a greencard. The fact that she has many US Citizen (and citizens of other countries that she is interested in) in her phone speaks volumes of course..

[JeanneAdil 6,494]

seems your head is telling u to protect your heart

We Americans say   "if it walks like a duck and quacks like  a duck ,   its a duck"

 

she's talking to a lot of foreigners saying "interested in living in your country";   she's shopping for "just the right one" 

 

not to say she wouldn't be a good partner or wife,  but u post some red flag issues 

[JeanneAdil 6,494]

who had set her location to the United States. I used to do this myself as I’d get very little matches in the states 

 

 

but doesn't sound like he's in the states which maybe why sh'es still searching for the right USC

 

[Jm1999 0]

20 minutes ago, JeanneAdil said:

seems your head is telling u to protect your heart

We Americans say   "if it walks like a duck and quacks like  a duck ,   its a duck"

 

she's talking to a lot of foreigners saying "interested in living in your country";   she's shopping for "just the right one" 

 

not to say she wouldn't be a good partner or wife,  but u post some red flag issues 

True it’s a painful pill to swallow because I genuinely thought she’d be different , I’ve been cheated on in every relationship but I need to assume responsibility 

[Jm1999 0]

22 minutes ago, JeanneAdil said:

who had set her location to the United States. I used to do this myself as I’d get very little matches in the states 

 

 

but doesn't sound like he's in the states which maybe why sh'es still searching for the right USC
 

she does say I’m a very good person and trustworthy 

Edited May 18 by Jm1999

[D-R-J 192]

Ok, some other questions to ask yourself:

 

If you were both in the same country, would she be dating you?

 

Is she much more attractive, smart, funny than you are?

 

Are you both about the same age?

 

Did you end up meeting her family? If so, what was their reaction to you?

 

Have you had a conversation about seeing each other exclusively?

 

It might be helpful to share what country your girlfriend is from?

[JeanneAdil 6,494]

1 hour ago, Jm1999 said:

 

what is your country?

and hers?

[smilingstone 168]

It sounds like your friends have already tried to warn you but you're here trying to find someone who will tell you that she doesn't have bad intentions. Sometimes reality can be hard to face but we should listen to those who are closest to us. Your friends know your situation better than any of us.

 

Personally I don't see why anyone would be talking to umpteen people from countries other than theirs on a dating app, if they didn't have the intent on trying to bag a way out of a life they're not happy with. I also find it odd that she has two phones, unless one is strictly for work purposes, but the fact that she had this dating app installed on both suggests it's not a work phone.

 

You mention that you have been cheated on in every relationship you've been in. Perhaps you need to take a step back and analyse the type of people you are "matching" with. If you are meeting all these people through these dating apps, then maybe the approach you are taking to meeting a potential partner needs to change.