feeling awful...

[orimai 2]

We're sorry that things are stressful at the moment. Marriages (anymore) are looked at as "disposable", sad to say. Try hanging in there, see a marriage counselor, go to a church and talk to a pastor or someone trained to deal with these matters. Most people who make the commitment to stick with it and get help, have a much more rewarding marriage on the other side. There is light at the end of the tunnel Even though it may appear hopeless at the moment. VJ has some great folks, but you should really seek out a local professional or church.

Best of luck.

Orimai

[karem12 0]

Hi, I know exactly how it feel cause Im in the same situation. Ive been here in the states away from my family for one year now and its ver very hard.

The worse thing is that its hard also for our husband to see this cause they feel guilty since the reason why were are here was coming to live with them up here.

When Im very sad and upsed with him I feel that he doesnt even cherish that I gave up on everything I had in my country and my family specialy,,,do you feel the same way sometimes?

My love for him is the only thing that keeps me strong and Gods presence in my life...

How have you been feeling lately, are you working?

I was real deprese when I came, but since Ive been working its made everythingeasier.

[Jamie76 0]

I think maybe sometimes people think this is going to be a fairy tale story. Then real life abruptly takes over. I think it is foolish if two people come together and don't even discuss some of these things. You really need to be frank about it. Me and my fiancee have discussed her future move here on more than one occasion. I told her it is going to be difficult for her because she will be away from her family and things will not always be happiness and bliss. I also made it clear to her that if she is having any difficulties at all, that we need to talk about them so we can work things out. I told her I wanted to know anything and everything I could do to make her transition here go smoothly.

You two need to sit down and start talking. If he's not willing to budge, which I think is rather pathetic and childish on his part, then perhaps going back home would be your best option.

[giving_up 3]

Hello all, thank you so much for your replies, i hadnt been able to come online due to my health, and i am very surprised and happy to find your replies. Well, taking antidepressants and such was new to me and made me be in bed for 2 days, my husband didnt go to work in order to take care of me and since he went back to work hes been calling me frequently. He promised he will never tell me to go back home again, and he told me that when he's said it it's because he feels i will be better there for now, he said he feels terrible when he has to go to work and leaves me home alone and that he wonders what i'm thinking of, like, that i'm sacrificing myself for him and i'm torturing myself by being home all the time. I told him we knew in advance how things would be here and that i'm used to it by now, i talk with my family everyday and i dont usually tell my husband i miss them because i dont want to hurt him and make him believe i'm not happy here. This time that we had the problem i told him that i missed my mom because my grandma passed away 5 years ago and i know how difficult things get for my mom, so, i think it was normal for me to wish i was with her.

My husband and I go to church every sunday and we always pray for our marriage, i'm sure things will go better now that he's told me all those things that had been making him concerned about me. It's difficult coming to a country moved only by love and hopes of having a nice future with your wife/husband. I will apply for my drivers license next week, today he was encouraging me to study so that when i get it, i can take him to work and then go anywhere i want. Like i said, things seem to be going better, and the fact that i've been sick for over one week because of that fight has made him be more concerned about me.

I thank you all for your replies and I will consider to apply to my marriage things you've mentioned here, mostly the communication one, communication is the key.

Thank you all again, and God bless you for taking the time to read and reply to me. Hugs

[KaiserD 12]

I'm really glad it was a more than a fixable problem for you both to overcome, and that you're feeling a bit better.

If your meds make you feel too weird, there are other options too that you might get on better with.

[britbird 4]

Agreed re the meds. Anti depressants work best in combination with active steps that you can take to make your situation easier. When my husband was deployed to Iraq I thought I was going to be all manner of messed up, but I didn't want to rely on meds, so I just set up an exercise program and a volunteering program for myself. It got me out of the house and got me motivated and feeling much better.

I hope you feel better soon, and that you and your husband keep talking your way through things and get out and about and have a good time.