Desperately seeking hope

[null0 1]

Hello everyone,

 

This will be a messed up ( possibly triggering ) and very long post. I don't anticipate it to be received warmly because that's not how life works out. No one cares how you suffer. But maybe it will at least help me organize my thoughts And give you context. So bear with me..

I have been reading you from afar from a distance, but I decided to join up to ask.

So I understand the majority of all of this 130 spousal Visa craziness and I am not concerned with the proofs of relationship and all of that, it's the income problem. 

 

My Mom is dying of cancer, I have been caring for her for the past 3 years and it has absolutely destroyed my life but has saved hers but she's worth it all.

Unfortunately we were given false hope and things are getting even darker. I don't think I can live without her. I have nothing besides her, my fiance and my elderly dog to live for. I've known that since I was a child that I didn't want to go on without her. I've already did everything I wanted to do, I've already accomplished everything I needed to. She's the only person thats ever had my back. I thought that would be my end, but at the last minute I experienced a brilliant reconnection.

 

 I would really like to be married and have my spouse with me, eventually even if I have to grieve alone for a while, I'll have a reason to hang on. I don't need mental health advice, Nothing will change plan B for me If it doesn't work out. Even my daughter left me and her grandmother to run away with her boyfriend. So I've got no one and nothing Left after my mom and my dog and him..

 

So I'm trying my damndest to make this happen. Which has already been a massive struggle. 

 

We're going to be married in Ontario Canada ( I'm American but I live near the Canadian border and he is Indian living in Vancouver on a student visa.)

 

We met online approximately 13 years ago and kept in touch throughout the years But once he got on the side of the world as mewith me and communicating became so much easier ... He became my Sun, my moon and my stars.. We will be meeting in person and marrying in the same day. Pardon the strangeness there, It's pretty odd to me too.

 

I've been being a cancer caregiver for the past 3 years, I haven't had the time I needed for a proper relationship or the money to travel. I don't want a permanent residency in Canada, But he can't support me and I can only stay there 6 months at a time And you're not allowed to work. Also the cost of living in Vancouver is An unholy affront to my senses. He is barely surviving as it is . I also have an 11-year-old dog that I also have to care for that has Cushing's disease ( unfortunately she's not going to live forever either) and he's never going to be able to buy a house there, It's outrageous And deeply unfortunate.

 

Anyway,

He's willing to alter the course of his life to be with me, to support me, if I could get him here

 

Part of the reason I don't meet the income requirement though is because I have to take care of my mother and my home and her home. I do work but I don't make enough. I'll approximate.

 

As far as I know you need approximately $26,000 a year to sponsor someone. I make approximately $15,000 a year. That is a shortfall of 11,000. Therefore, I need either three or five times The shortfall. 33,000 or 55,000. I don't know which one. I really hope it's the three times.

 

I need to know if I co-own a house with my Mom ( currently ) That has no mortgage on it, that even half of it is worth definitely that amount plus.

 

I am also aware that there is no guarantee that this home could be sold in less than a year, but I can produce documentation that the house next door which is in poor shape sold within a week. I could also conceivably sell this house and move into something much smaller because a three-bedroom 1600 square foot home And acreage is frankly, too much for me to take care of alone. I don't know if that context would help at all. Probably not. Nothing seems to help.

 

Can I TRY TO count that as an asset? I know it needs a proper appraisal and It's not liquid. I am completely aware that it is not liquid 🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫 

 

However I would be able to go make more money though if I had help taking care of my mom and house. I have absolutely no support system. 

 

My mom would gladly be a joint sponsor, however if she dies I have no one at all to take her place because everyone else I know is below the poverty line. 

 

I have been reading here and pretty much the answer to my question is That I should pretty much be planning my own funeral right now along with my mom's because it's absolutely futile. 

 

But I'm hoping a tiny little shred of sad pathetic hope, That if I presented all of this to the Powers that be , they might take account the totality of the situation and grant me faith. I'm under the poverty line and I don't even get public assistance. I know the deal with hope though, That it's usually false. Even when you get miracle remissions it doesn't last for long. 

 

//A small PSA. If you have gallbladder stones, Don't let them sit there for years, because gallbladder cancer is extremely aggressive, even if rare. We had to MD Anderson in Texas to even get a few more months.//

 

So in conclusion, if anyone's got any great ideas or tips or tricks on how to make this work , I would be really love to hear it. I appreciate your time. I've already got head meds and I've already got therapy and it's not fixing any of this. I also can't afford an immigration lawyer even though I could probably get a loan, excellent credit but can't have all that debt either. 

 

Big rock/big hard place = need help 🙏 

 

 

[SalishSea 17,801]

28 minutes ago, OswRae said:

Hello everyone,

 

This will be a messed up ( possibly triggering ) and very long post. I don't anticipate it to be received warmly because that's not how life works out. No one cares how you suffer. But maybe it will at least help me organize my thoughts And give you context. So bear with me..

I have been reading you from afar from a distance, but I decided to join up to ask.

So I understand the majority of all of this 130 spousal Visa craziness and I am not concerned with the proofs of relationship and all of that, it's the income problem. 

 

My Mom is dying of cancer, I have been caring for her for the past 3 years and it has absolutely destroyed my life but has saved hers but she's worth it all.

Unfortunately we were given false hope and things are getting even darker. I don't think I can live without her. I have nothing besides her, my fiance and my elderly dog to live for. I've known that since I was a child that I didn't want to go on without her. I've already did everything I wanted to do, I've already accomplished everything I needed to. She's the only person thats ever had my back. I thought that would be my end, but at the last minute I experienced a brilliant reconnection.

 

 I would really like to be married and have my spouse with me, eventually even if I have to grieve alone for a while, I'll have a reason to hang on. I don't need mental health advice, Nothing will change plan B for me If it doesn't work out. Even my daughter left me and her grandmother to run away with her boyfriend. So I've got no one and nothing Left after my mom and my dog and him..

 

So I'm trying my damndest to make this happen. Which has already been a massive struggle. 

 

We're going to be married in Ontario Canada ( I'm American but I live near the Canadian border and he is Indian living in Vancouver on a student visa.)

 

We met online approximately 13 years ago and kept in touch throughout the years But once he got on the side of the world as mewith me and communicating became so much easier ... He became my Sun, my moon and my stars.. We will be meeting in person and marrying in the same day. Pardon the strangeness there, It's pretty odd to me too.

 

I've been being a cancer caregiver for the past 3 years, I haven't had the time I needed for a proper relationship or the money to travel. I don't want a permanent residency in Canada, But he can't support me and I can only stay there 6 months at a time And you're not allowed to work. Also the cost of living in Vancouver is An unholy affront to my senses. He is barely surviving as it is . I also have an 11-year-old dog that I also have to care for that has Cushing's disease ( unfortunately she's not going to live forever either) and he's never going to be able to buy a house there, It's outrageous And deeply unfortunate.

 

Anyway,

He's willing to alter the course of his life to be with me, to support me, if I could get him here

 

Part of the reason I don't meet the income requirement though is because I have to take care of my mother and my home and her home. I do work but I don't make enough. I'll approximate.

 

As far as I know you need approximately $26,000 a year to sponsor someone. I make approximately $15,000 a year. That is a shortfall of 11,000. Therefore, I need either three or five times The shortfall. 33,000 or 55,000. I don't know which one. I really hope it's the three times.

 

I need to know if I co-own a house with my Mom ( currently ) That has no mortgage on it, that even half of it is worth definitely that amount plus.

 

I am also aware that there is no guarantee that this home could be sold in less than a year, but I can produce documentation that the house next door which is in poor shape sold within a week. I could also conceivably sell this house and move into something much smaller because a three-bedroom 1600 square foot home And acreage is frankly, too much for me to take care of alone. I don't know if that context would help at all. Probably not. Nothing seems to help.

 

Can I TRY TO count that as an asset? I know it needs a proper appraisal and It's not liquid. I am completely aware that it is not liquid 🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫 

 

However I would be able to go make more money though if I had help taking care of my mom and house. I have absolutely no support system. 

 

My mom would gladly be a joint sponsor, however if she dies I have no one at all to take her place because everyone else I know is below the poverty line. 

 

I have been reading here and pretty much the answer to my question is That I should pretty much be planning my own funeral right now along with my mom's because it's absolutely futile. 

 

But I'm hoping a tiny little shred of sad pathetic hope, That if I presented all of this to the Powers that be , they might take account the totality of the situation and grant me faith. I'm under the poverty line and I don't even get public assistance. I know the deal with hope though, That it's usually false. Even when you get miracle remissions it doesn't last for long. 

 

//A small PSA. If you have gallbladder stones, Don't let them sit there for years, because gallbladder cancer is extremely aggressive, even if rare. We had to MD Anderson in Texas to even get a few more months.//

 

So in conclusion, if anyone's got any great ideas or tips or tricks on how to make this work , I would be really love to hear it. I appreciate your time. I've already got head meds and I've already got therapy and it's not fixing any of this. I also can't afford an immigration lawyer even though I could probably get a loan, excellent credit but can't have all that debt either. 

 

Big rock/big hard place = need help 🙏 

 

 

You cannot use the home you live in to provide financial support for an immigrant.

 

You will absolutely need a joint sponsor (or ideally, an adequate salary) in order to petition him.  The process can take up to two years once the petition is filed, so you’ll have plenty of time to plan for that.

 

In terms of not having money/time to spend time together in person, unfortunately that won’t fly for immigration.  Depending on his citizenship, I’d strongly advise you to delay filing until after you’ve spent time in person, if you intend to marry on the first visit.   Online time “knowing” someone doesn’t count. But again, due to the length of time before a visa would be issued, you would have plenty of time to work on the marriage bonafides.

 

What is his country of origin?  
 

Sorry to hear of all you’re going through.   I know how hard it is to be a caregiver for someone you love.   Please take care of yourself.

[Ontarkie 14,215]

I'm so sorry to read about your mom and the helpless feelings you are going through. I'm glad you reached out here to us, because even if just one stranger on the internet can give you some hope or confort that may help you get through one more day. 

 

Ok here's my two cents. I see a lot of potential to make this work. Since the time it will take for you to get to the point where you have to show proof of income or assets is a long way off. Not to worry about that right now, take care of your mother. 

 

I would forget about getting married in Ontario, they are notoriously slow getting the marriage certificates back. That would just add more time to your waiting. Since you have known your fiance for years and just reconnected. Go and visit and get a good feel of it all and then you can get married via Utah marriage it's online. It would be much faster then waiting for Ontario to send you your marriage certificate. If you can visit earlier then get married earlier. Also make sure you two meet after the Utah marriage if you go this route and are not together when you get married. If you get married via Utah marriage while you're together then you can file right away. 

 

You are one strong women, do not ever forget that. You can do this. 

[PushaKee 42]

I know you didn't ask for mental health advice but I feel like you are trying to marry this person to fill a void in your life. If you're going to do this, you're going to need to be able to follow all of the protocol as listed by the USCIS. You're going to need a sponsor and the value of the house doesn't factor into play here. Either you figure out how to earn more income or just hold off for a while. This isn't idea and if you barely have funds now, it's going to be even hard as you'll now need to support yourself and him (depending on how long it takes to find employment).

 

Anything is possible but this requires some divine intervention. Best wishes.

[null0 1]

1 hour ago, SalishSea said:

You cannot use the home you live in to provide financial support for an immigrant.

 

You will absolutely need a joint sponsor (or ideally, an adequate salary) in order to petition him.  The process can take up to two years once the petition is filed, so you’ll have plenty of time to plan for that.

 

In terms of not having money/time to spend time together in person, unfortunately that won’t fly for immigration.  Depending on his citizenship, I’d strongly advise you to delay filing until after you’ve spent time in person, if you intend to marry on the first visit.   Online time “knowing” someone doesn’t count. But again, due to the length of time before a visa would be issued, you would have plenty of time to work on the marriage bonafides.

 

What is his country of origin?  
 

Sorry to hear of all you’re going through.   I know how hard it is to be a caregiver for someone you love.   Please take care of yourself.

Thank you kindly for your input and advice. 

 

I held out a small hope that having a paid off home to stay ( no rent or a house payment only having to pay taxes, insurance etc ) in could help but alas, not so...

Edited April 11 by OswRae
Wanted to add a couple thoughts

[SalishSea 17,801]

3 minutes ago, OswRae said:

Thank you kindly for your input and advice. 

 

I held out a small hope that having a paid off home to stay ( no rent or a house payment only having to pay taxes, insurance etc ) in could help but alas, not so...

The problem with that is that you can’t both house someone and use the money from a sale to support them. 
 

I know it sucks, but I see no way around the requirement for you to have an adequate income.   But again, who knows what your life will be like two years from now?   And you have time to plan for it all.

[SalishSea 17,801]

1 hour ago, Ontarkie said:

I'm so sorry to read about your mom and the helpless feelings you are going through. I'm glad you reached out here to us, because even if just one stranger on the internet can give you some hope or confort that may help you get through one more day. 

 

Ok here's my two cents. I see a lot of potential to make this work. Since the time it will take for you to get to the point where you have to show proof of income or assets is a long way off. Not to worry about that right now, take care of your mother. 

 

I would forget about getting married in Ontario, they are notoriously slow getting the marriage certificates back. That would just add more time to your waiting. Since you have known your fiance for years and just reconnected. Go and visit and get a good feel of it all and then you can get married via Utah marriage it's online. It would be much faster then waiting for Ontario to send you your marriage certificate. If you can visit earlier then get married earlier. Also make sure you two meet after the Utah marriage if you go this route and are not together when you get married. If you get married via Utah marriage while you're together then you can file right away. 

 

You are one strong women, do not ever forget that. You can do this. 

Maybe I am wrong, but I get the feeling OP has not yet met her fiancé in person.

[Ontarkie 14,215]

8 minutes ago, SalishSea said:

Maybe I am wrong, but I get the feeling OP has not yet met her fiancé in person.

Yes that seems to be correct. Meeting first and not getting married on the first meeting would be best. 

[null0 1]

I'm very bad at forums so I hope I'm not replying 

1 hour ago, Ontarkie said:

I'm so sorry to read about your mom and the helpless feelings you are going through. I'm glad you reached out here to us, because even if just one stranger on the internet can give you some hope or confort that may help you get through one more day. 

 

Ok here's my two cents. I see a lot of potential to make this work. Since the time it will take for you to get to the point where you have to show proof of income or assets is a long way off. Not to worry about that right now, take care of your mother. 

 

I would forget about getting married in Ontario, they are notoriously slow getting the marriage certificates back. That would just add more time to your waiting. Since you have known your fiance for years and just reconnected. Go and visit and get a good feel of it all and then you can get married via Utah marriage it's online. It would be much faster then waiting for Ontario to send you your marriage certificate. If you can visit earlier then get married earlier. Also make sure you two meet after the Utah marriage if you go this route and are not together when you get married. If you get married via Utah marriage while you're together then you can file right away. 

 

You are one strong women, do not ever forget that. You can do this. 

 

I had read about Ontario being slow. They've been ridiculously so with just the marriage license we haven't even gotten that yet. I live 2 hours away from Ontario though so it was most convenient. 

 

There was too many rules and regulations in Quebec which is half an hour from me unfortunately. Even in Ontario I had to get something for a proof of my foreign divorce opinion letter from a lawyer that I spent $500 on ugh and service Ontario has my original divorce decree and my original paperwork so Any change in course would have to wait on that to come back to me. 

 

I had no idea about this Utah thing, although I'm not sure how practical it is for me to get to Utah But it's an option that I didn't know I had, So thank you very much for that lead. I have something else I can research now.

 

However, I have to somehow figure out how to work through the passing of my Mom and work more Even through psoriatic arthritis ( inflammatory arthritis) mental health issues from protracted, caregiving and chronic pain, Then I have all the time in the world and I'm going to need it.

 

Thank you for your kindness and support. It is sincerely appreciated.

 

[null0 1]

 

You are both correct. I forgot to quote you I'm sorry.

 

I've actually only been in long-term relationships with long distance involved.

 

By serendipity, not planning. AOL,aim,and Myspace are where I met my other long term relationships.

 

My first Long-Term relationship. I met him once and we were together from then on. The second one I married ( He went in the military and that ruined our relationship unfortunately )and we lived apart as well, but this was all in this state at least 2 to 4 hours away. And then I was in a relationship for 14 years with what started with my third online long distance relationship, we talked for a year then..  I know when I know. I told my mother this and she knows too.

 

We spend our days with each other for over a year, living on video just to be close to each other. I am in 100% conviction. He's the only person that's gotten me though.

 

I'm only worried about the money, I am not worried about the bonafides. My heart is pure. I know this man better at this point that I did with any other online relationship. 

 

I ended the relationships, across the board. I'm ok being alone if my mom is ok. She won't be though. 

 

 I had a whole life. I had a whole family. I had a beautiful garden, A job that I loved, I had a dysfunctional relationship because there was no intimacy but I had something I had at least numb contentedness. 

 

 Until he couldn't handle me taking care of my mother. He told me that he could never take care of me without hurting my feelings without making me feel like a burden. That's what I get for being a selfless person 

 

Self-less, I have been people pleasing my whole life. I've been pleasing my mom my whole life. My whole life is built upon her.

 

I humbly advise everyone to be as selfish as they possibly can to prevent being what I am now. Unmoored and without purpose. I don't want things, I don't want money, I don't have dreams, I have hobbies I love but hobbies aren't enough for me anymore.

 

 I refuse to tolerate this existence without love, that is my way, my choice, please judge not and grace for my misguided ways.

 

Edited April 11 by OswRae

[Ontarkie 14,215]

I can understand knowing if he is the one. I've been there and in June it will be 16 yrs. The caution is more for the consulate, many times they see one meeting and marriage on that same trip as a red flag.  

 

It sucks your divorce decree is with Service Ontario. They are slow as molasses in January.

 

Talk things over and look more in the Utah marriage aspect. Since it is online you can be in two different places(just need to meet up before filling the I-130) or in the same place together to use that. 

 

Also get on YT and check out how keto/carnivore can work for your inflammation and mental health. It has changed my family's lives. 

[null0 1]

2 hours ago, PushaKee said:

I know you didn't ask for mental health advice but I feel like you are trying to marry this person to fill a void in your life. 

 

My life is a void. You are not wrong. I can certainly admit it. He knows this too. Everybody knows this. It's not a secret. The people that know me well know that I'm not going to survive without my Mom. My boss even knows it. Maybe there will be divine intervention. Maybe I'll win some sweepstakes before I'm too far gone. If not, no one's going to be putting Humpty Dumpty back together again. Oh well. Thank you for your input. I appreciate your time

[null0 1]

2 minutes ago, Ontarkie said:

I can understand knowing if he is the one. I've been there and in June it will be 16 yrs. The caution is more for the consulate, many times they see one meeting and marriage on that same trip as a red flag.  

 

It sucks your divorce decree is with Service Ontario. They are slow as molasses in January.

 

Talk things over and look more in the Utah marriage aspect. Since it is online you can be in two different places(just need to meet up before filling the I-130) or in the same place together to use that. 

 

Also get on YT and check out how keto/carnivore can work for your inflammation and mental health. It has changed my family's lives. 

 

You seem so kind. Thank you .I have an entire meat aversion 🤣 most of it makes me gag because I have texture issues. But I would entirely try it if I didn't have major issues with meat. That red flag is one that I can deal with because I have proof every other way...I appreciate your warmth and kindness so much

 

 

[SalishSea 17,801]

The bonafides are not something to dismiss, OP.   
 

Your relationship will be scrutinized.  Green card  marriage fraud is common, so relationships are vetted, even more so depending on what country he is from.

 

You are getting excellent advice from veteran Visa Journey members, and it has been the experience of MANY here that marrying on the first in-person visit, filing immediately, and having minimal time spent together before the interview will not bode well for you.

 

The financial aspect is important, yes, but no more so than other components to the totality of your application.

 

Also-  Montreal is the only option for where he will eventually interview.

[Ontarkie 14,215]

2 hours ago, OswRae said:

 

You seem so kind. Thank you .I have an entire meat aversion 🤣 most of it makes me gag because I have texture issues. But I would entirely try it if I didn't have major issues with meat. That red flag is one that I can deal with because I have proof every other way...I appreciate your warmth and kindness so much

 

 

Awe thank you, I wish you the very best.