FOR THE GIRLS

[brnidokiegurl 0]

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely

and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is

occupied.Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.

You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are

about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no

doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there

isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if

you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but

you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty

toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had

tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your

purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle

yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's

still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is

hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the

tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny,

crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto

the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare

bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU

never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. You know

that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never

touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you

could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes,

propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist

of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks

everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being

dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're

exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out

inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your

hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting. You are no longer

able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet

paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??). You yank the paper from your

shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's

restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be

kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their

other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can

hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!

This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately!

A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...

Hard to Find

Supportive

Comfortable

Always Lifts You Up

Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging

And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

[zabor 0]

[Jason-Sasha 1]

HAHAHA!! Thank God I'm a guy.

[Yaads 0]

So true why we go to bathrooms in groups!

[Sinergy 3]

how many GIRLS actually read this?

[PaulineA 1]

Funny and so true

[TracyLuis 0]

I can relate all too well...

Very funny!

[L_n_O 3]

hehe

[Mephys 2]

"The Stance"

Holy cow I hate pulic toilets......

[~*Maria*~ 1]

ROFL :lol:

[brnidokiegurl 0]

how many GIRLS actually read this?

Prob more guys

[Ladylethal 12]

At least she didn't describe the same operation when we are under the influence.

It's even harder to take the stance, but at least we're almost too drunk to really care.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

Hehehehehehehhehehehehhehehehehe - no need to say anything more!

[^KK^ 3]

I had to stop reading ...it got to disgusting.

[Imua 0]

I'd love to see whoever wrote this use the typical S. Asian public toilet - no seat, no hook for your stuff, no TP, you're very lucky if there's no visible fecal matter and you've got some water in a jug to wipe yourself with after you do your biz... And then there's the 'mountain toilet' - whatever bush or rock you can hide behind during rest stops on long bus trips...

Edited August 7, 2007 by Pattu Rani