VAWA, Part 27

[TBoneTX 45,258]

It seems crucial for everyone to read our Official Weekly VAWA-Thread Joke:

=================

A DOG'S GUIDE TO WALKING HUMANS

 

     Humans need exercise.  If they don't get it, they become chubby.  It's up to you to save them.

     Allow your human to tether himself to you.  This keeps him from wandering off or running away.

     Your human will probably need breaks.  Be considerate -- stop and sniff often.

     Bark frequently.  Humans have short attention spans.

     When you go to the bathroom, walk away.  If you have trained your human correctly, he will pick it up.

     Periodically drag your human as fast as you can.  This is called interval training.

     Do not allow your human to shorten the walk.  He is being lazy.  Sit in protest if you must.

     Once back home, allow your human to remove his tether, then lick his face many times.  This is positive reinforcement for a job well done.

 

[J2020 94]

Hello all, 

 

I just paid the immigrant fee, I understand my green card will be mailed to me soon, but when submitting the N400, do I count 2 years 9 months from the day I received the visa, or from the day I enter the US or the day the actual green card gets issued and mailed? 
 

Thank you 🙏

[Demise 1,277]

17 hours ago, J2020 said:

Hello all, 

 

I just paid the immigrant fee, I understand my green card will be mailed to me soon, but when submitting the N400, do I count 2 years 9 months from the day I received the visa, or from the day I enter the US or the day the actual green card gets issued and mailed? 
 

Thank you 🙏

From the day you enter the US. That'll also be your resident since date on your green card.

[TBoneTX 45,258]

Wednesday -- time to laugh at our Semiofficial Semiweekly VAWA-Thread Joke:

==============================================================

DAD JOKES

 

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and which pizza to order.  I then picked the movie and pizza because I'm the one with the money.

 

What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.

 

My friend got kidnapped by a group of mimes.  They did unspeakable things to him.

 

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him.

Went out.  Had a few drinks.  Nice guy.  He's a web-designer.

 

My wife completed a 40-week bodybuilding program this morning.

It's a girl and weighs 7 pounds 8 ounces.

 

Job interviewer:  "At the start, you'll be earning $20,000; later, it will increase to $40,000."

Me:  "OK; I'll come back later."

 

I tried donating blood today.  NEVER AGAIN!  Too many stupid questions:  "Whose blood is it?  Where did you get it?   Why is it in a bucket?"

 

I picked up a hitchhiker last night.  He asked, "How do you know I'm not a serial killer?"

I replied, "The chances of two serial killers in one car are astronomical."

 

I'm reading a horror book in Braille.  Something terrible's about to happen... I can feel it.

 

My teenage son treats me like a god.

He acts like I don't exist until he wants something.

 

My wife:  "You need to do more chores around the house."

Me:  "Can we change the subject?"

Wife:  "OK.  More chores around the house need to be done by you."

 

Doctor:  "Relax, David.  It's just a small surgery... don't panic."

Me:  "But my name isn't David."

Doctor:  "I know.  I'M David."

 

My neighbor rang my doorbell at 3 a.m. -- can you believe it?

Luckily, I was still up playing the drums.

 

Yesterday, my wife thought she saw a cockroach in the kitchen.

She sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly.

Today, I'm putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

 

[TBoneTX 45,258]

We need more approvals!  To achieve this (that is, if correlation = causation), here's our Official Weekly VAWA-Thread Joke:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

KNOCK-KNOCK JOKES

 

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Luke.

Luke who?

Luke through the keyhole and see!

 

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Isabelle.

Isabelle who?

Isabelle working, or should I keep knocking?

 

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Annie.

Annie who?

Annie one you like!

 

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Robin.

Robin who?

Robin you!  Hand over the cash!

 

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dewey.

Dewey who?

Dewey have to go through this every time?

 

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Will.

Will who?

Will you let me in?  It's freezing out here!

 

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Abbie.

Abbie who?

Abbie birthday to you!

 

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ken.

Ken who?

Ken you just open the door?!

 

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Anita.

Anita who?

Anita borrow ten dollars!

 

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Wayne.

Wayne who?

Wayne drops are falling on my head!

 

[TBoneTX 45,258]

Is it possible that we've had no posts in this thread, other than jokes, for a full week?

---

It is Wednesday, and time for our Semiofficial Semiweekly VAWA-Thread Joke (I like the first three):

==============================================================

SEEN ON TWITTER

 

(At the supermarket)

ME:      Hey, are these carrots genetically modified?

CLERK:   Why you ask?

CARROT:  Yeah, why you ask?

 

My wife and I decided not to have kids.  The kids are taking it pretty hard.

 

WIFE [handing me crying baby]:  Will you please change him?

ME:  OK.

[drives to hospital]

ME:  Hi!  Yes, my baby is crying; can I get a new one?

 

ME [licking lips in anticipation]:  I'm nervous.  I've never done a bungee-jump before.

INSTRUCTOR:  Don't lick my lips again.

 

THERAPIST:  What would you say to your dad if he were alive today?

ME:  Sorry for cremating you.  I honestly thought you were dead.

 

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

Sunflowers are yellow.

I bet you were expecting something romantic, but no -- these are just gardening facts.

 

My wife said I need to grow up.  I was speechless.  It's hard to say anything when you have 45 gummy bears in your mouth.

 

I love how music can take you to another place.  For example, Justin Bieber is playing in this café, so now I'm going to a different café.

 

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office.  Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

 

My ex just sneezed and I accidentally said, "Bless you."  Now she's just staring into the bushes, confused who said that.

 

If I got a dollar for every time I think about you, I'd probably start thinking about you.

 

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby.  Apparently, that isn't allowed if the baby is yours.

 

Capitalization can really change a sentence.  Example:

I love to eat candy.

I love to eat capitalization.

 

My wife just opened my car door for me.  Would have been a nice gesture had we not been going 70 mph.

 

ME [nervous giggle]:  Goodbyes are so awkward.  Like, do we just shake hands, hug, kiss, or what?

DRIVE-THRU GUY:  Please just take your food, sir.

 

"Hi, I'm Dave and I'm an alcoholic.  I'll be your captain today.  Our flight time into Phoenix will be 3 hours and..."

 

[anonymousVAWApet 4]

Hello family.

 

First let me say that I'm not smarter than USCIS, but I have an approved 360 w/ C31 and deferred action. Why would I apply for a 485? Can't I be deported if I am denied a 485? I've heard about people being taken into custody at USCIS at the interview.

 

Please give me a life-altering reason to apply and I mean something like I'm going to die. Because it would be life-altering and then some if I were denied and deported on the spot.

 

You won't be able to travel. I don't care. You won't be able to get such and such job. I don't care. Your C31 won't be renewed. I don't care.

Edited August 28 by anonymousVAWApet

[OldUser 6,607]

8 minutes ago, anonymousVAWApet said:

Hello family.

 

First let me say that I'm not smarter than USCIS, but I have an approved 360 w/ C31 and deferred action. Why would I apply for a 485? Can't I be deported if I am denied a 485? I've heard about people being taken into custody at USCIS at the interview.

 

Please give me a life-altering reason to apply and I mean something like I'm going to die. Because it would be life-altering and then some if I were denied and deported on the spot.

 

You won't be able to travel. I don't care. You won't be able to get such and such job. I don't care. Your C31 won't be renewed. I don't care.

So you're OK living limited life with possibility of deportation in the future? 

That's an uncertain future most of people are scared of.

[anonymousVAWApet 4]

2 hours ago, OldUser said:

So you're OK living limited life with possibility of deportation in the future? 

That's an uncertain future most of people are scared of.

 

Save it bro.

[anonymousVAWApet 4]

Yes, it is possible to be taken into custody at a USCIS interview if your I-485 (Application to Register Permanent Residence or Adjust Status) is denied, but this typically occurs under specific circumstances.

Reasons You Might Be Taken Into Custody:

1. Immigration Violations:

   • If your I-485 is denied and USCIS determines that you are in the United States without lawful status or in violation of immigration laws, they may issue a Notice to Appear (NTA) in immigration court, which could lead to deportation proceedings.

2. Criminal Record:

   • If your background check reveals a criminal history that makes you deportable, you could be taken into custody immediately after your I-485 is denied.

3. Fraud or Misrepresentation:

   • If USCIS believes that you have committed fraud or misrepresentation in your application, this could result in denial and possible detention.

What Happens If Your I-485 Is Denied?

• Notice to Appear (NTA):

  • USCIS may issue an NTA, placing you in removal proceedings. This usually does not result in immediate detention, but you would be required to appear in immigration court.

• Appeal or Motion to Reopen:

  • If your I-485 is denied, you typically have the option to file an appeal or a motion to reopen or reconsider the decision.

• Voluntary Departure:

  • In some cases, you might be offered the option of voluntary departure, which allows you to leave the U.S. without a formal removal order.

Detention:

Detention at the USCIS interview is not common for most I-485 denials unless the case involves serious immigration violations or criminal activities. However, it is a possibility, and individuals in this situation should consider consulting with an immigration attorney to understand their rights and options.

Precautions:

If you are concerned about the possibility of being taken into custody at your USCIS interview, it is advisable to seek legal advice beforehand. An immigration attorney can help assess your case, prepare you for the interview, and advise you on the potential outcomes.

[Braveheart123 146]

 I have a question that do we  got a notice of action Ie 797 green color page approval notice after your n-400 approved or only the certificate of naturalization  will be issued after the oath ceremony 

[Pinkrlion 2,715]

On 8/28/2024 at 5:05 AM, anonymousVAWApet said:

Hello family.

 

First let me say that I'm not smarter than USCIS, but I have an approved 360 w/ C31 and deferred action. Why would I apply for a 485? Can't I be deported if I am denied a 485? I've heard about people being taken into custody at USCIS at the interview.

 

Please give me a life-altering reason to apply and I mean something like I'm going to die. Because it would be life-altering and then some if I were denied and deported on the spot.

 

You won't be able to travel. I don't care. You won't be able to get such and such job. I don't care. Your C31 won't be renewed. I don't care.

You can go back home

[FaithOct19 2]

Hi everyone, I hope you are well. Question, When you send out a AOS package to Nebraska based on a pending VAWA and it gets transferred to Vermont, do you know how long it takes to receive combo card? (They already have my fingerprints applied to the case) 

[anonymousVAWApet 4]

9 hours ago, Pinkrlion said:

You can go back home

 

Ouch!

 

That could be the answer to almost anyone posting a frustration/grievance about VAWA. It's just that almost nobody says it out loud.

 

Maybe my tone was not so good. I was just doing a risk/reward calculation hypothetical.

 

BTW, I love almost all of your posts/contributions. 

Edited August 30 by anonymousVAWApet

[balo101 669]

10 hours ago, FaithOct19 said:

Hi everyone, I hope you are well. Question, When you send out a AOS package to Nebraska based on a pending VAWA and it gets transferred to Vermont, do you know how long it takes to receive combo card? (They already have my fingerprints applied to the case) 

It is taking 8 to 10 months. If you are lucky you would probably get in 4 to 6 months.