I gotta say Thanks to you all

[Caladan 19]

Dee, does he know you cancelled the AOS checks? That might be a good way to test the waters, tell him you don't plan of reapplying for some time.

nope I didnt tell him that... and I feel for the moment that wouldnt be the best idea

that def. would be a trigger..

I know half his problem is NOT working.. and if he knew I fudged that up.. he would not be a happy camper.

PLus I dont even know if that means his papers are actually cancelled.. or if I'm just gonna get a notice my checks "bounced"??

Half of is problem NOT that he is not working. Nearly everyone endures a period of unemployment when they adjust on a marriage-based visa; not everyone takes it out on their spouse or worries beyond that their spouse will be bored and lonely. The problem is that he thinks it's appropriate to abuse his wife because he can't instantly whip up the American Dream.

dee, your friends may be well-intentioned but they're treating this as though it's an after school special where all that has to happen is everyone has a teary moment, the lighting goes soft, there's a montage and end credits. Abuse isn't going to be fixed by a week of good behavior any more than drug addiction can be cured by friends talking to someone seriously. And it's not like it's unheard of for an abuser to be nice one week and violent the next; that's why it's so hard for women to leave. That's the cycle: love you, you're wonderful, it was just that I couldn't get a job and that I was frustrated, don't you see why you make me so angry? Blah blah screw that.

If he's serious about changing, get him to one of those counseling programs.

Do not blame yourself. This is his failing, not yours. And there is no shame in deciding after this week (mostly a peace offering to your family & friends to convince them that you tried) that enough is enough.

[deemabrouk 0]

he still doesnt think he did any wrong.... STILL

i talked to him on the phone on the way home from work... He's just saying Sorry... but still not getting that he did something wrong.... He walks around with a puss on.. acting like a beat dog...

i'm really frustrated

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

he still doesnt think he did any wrong.... STILL

i talked to him on the phone on the way home from work... He's just saying Sorry... but still not getting that he did something wrong.... He walks around with a puss on.. acting like a beat dog...

i'm really frustrated

sigh........i'm really sorry to hear you're going thru all of this dee. i'll refrain from saying more.

[ya falaha! 0]

Unfortunately much of his behavior is perfectly acceptable in Egypt so of course he doesn't think he did anything wrong. Sorry doesn't mean squat if it's not said with sincerity. Tell him to save his sorrys. You have much more patience than I, Dee. Between the abusive behaviors and now the pouting...he'd be out on his azz in a hot minute.

he still doesnt think he did any wrong.... STILL

i talked to him on the phone on the way home from work... He's just saying Sorry... but still not getting that he did something wrong.... He walks around with a puss on.. acting like a beat dog...

i'm really frustrated

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

Unfortunately much of his behavior is perfectly acceptable in Egypt so of course he doesn't think he did anything wrong. Sorry doesn't mean squat if it's not said with sincerity. Tell him to save his sorrys. You have much more patience than I, Dee. Between the abusive behaviors and now the pouting...he'd be out on his azz in a hot minute.

he still doesnt think he did any wrong.... STILL

i talked to him on the phone on the way home from work... He's just saying Sorry... but still not getting that he did something wrong.... He walks around with a puss on.. acting like a beat dog...

i'm really frustrated

and with a shoeprint on his behind too. i'm there with you

[doodlebug 3]

he still doesnt think he did any wrong.... STILL

i talked to him on the phone on the way home from work... He's just saying Sorry... but still not getting that he did something wrong.... He walks around with a puss on.. acting like a beat dog...

i'm really frustrated

he needs one of these!!!

[deemabrouk 0]

this woe-is-me-attitude is REALLY upsetting me. It is making me even more short in patience. And he gets to "prove his point" about my attitude problem.. cause technically he isnt "doing anything"

[rebeccajo 14]

If you are going to give someone a 'second chance' it has to be just that. Another chance. If it's done with half a heart then there is no point.

I realize there's a lot of water under this bridge, but it just seems like the drowning is protracted, rather than swift and painless.

[ya falaha! 0]

Agreed 100%

If you are going to give someone a 'second chance' it has to be just that. Another chance. If it's done with half a heart then there is no point.

I realize there's a lot of water under this bridge, but it just seems like the drowning is protracted, rather than swift and painless.

[peezey 0]

this woe-is-me-attitude is REALLY upsetting me. It is making me even more short in patience. And he gets to "prove his point" about my attitude problem.. cause technically he isnt "doing anything"

I'm not yelling at you, just at the situation. HE DOESN'T HAVE A POINT. Just because he SAYS you have an attitude problem doesn't make it so.

There's no such thing as "technically not doing anything wrong." He is MANIPULATING you, this is emotional abuse. He is playing the victim and he's not a victim.

Honestly he needs to go. If those egyptians at the BBQ love him so much, tell them to set up their guest room for him so you can move on with your life.

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

Dee... is this what you really want for yourself and your children ?

I know you hold on to the hope that he will suddenly have a change of heart and be the man you dreamed of. You loved him enough to travel to a foreign country to marry him, and you made great sacrifices to bring him here. I know it's sometimes difficult for a person to throw in the towel after so much effort and so many dreams of a happy future -- you keep hoping that the situation will turn around and the enormous emotional investment (not to mention the financial investment) will somehow pay off.

But generally these types of changes in attitude take months or even years to develop, especially for a man who has allowed himself to cross the line into emotional and even physical abuse. I'm sorry to be blunt, but the chance that 1 week will be all he needs to straighten up his act is virtually non-existent.

His current behavior looks like more emotional abuse -- he is punishing you instead of admitting the problem is of his own making. Let this be a big warning sign to you that he is NOT changing at all, only going through the motions of saying words without meaning, in order to get what he wants -- back into your home, where his behavior will surely get worse.

Please heed the excellent advice you are getting here -- we all are on your side. Call your local women's crisis center and ask for counseling. You need it to help you deal with this situation in a way that will ensure your safety and that of your children. Your situation is potentially very dangerous. Abuser/abusee relationships often follow a distinct pattern, and you need to be aware of the behaviors that fit this pattern.

It can be heart-breaking to disengage from a harmful relationship, but better that your heart be broken than your bones, or your children's bones, or even worse. If he does not recognize his problem and actively attempt to change his ways (which MUST involve receiving ongoing professional help to make that change) -- then do not give him the opportunity to hurt you again, because as surely as the sun will rise tomorrow, he WILL hurt you again.

Be safe.

-MK

[RAKASA 0]

for whatever it's worth (probably not much) I'd, personally, prefer to end everyone's pain sooner rather than later and get his pouting azz outta there - this can't be good for you or your kids.

I *do* understand you wanting to give this a final chance - but I also know from staying in a miserable relationship far too long previously, making the final decision is the most agonizing part... once the decision is made and the break is made, a huge weight is lifted and life can go on in a better direction.

Just my 2 cents.... I do, however, support whatever your decision may be. I just hope you end up being happy and well treated.

Good luck getting through this week (and then some).

[Krikit 1,164]

I do not know you, Deemabrouk, but I am concerned for you and the children. Your husband's behaviour will not improve.... it will only escalate. Please ensure you have access to a phone at all times and call 911 immediately when you see signs of his anger/annoyance progressing. If necessary, be prepared to get out of the house as soon as possible, and call the police. I cannot emphasize this enough. Follow your gut instincts and do not listen to "advice" from those who tell you to give him another chance, or who minimize or make allowances for his behaviour. Do not allow him to convince you he will change. He will not. But you, and your children, will. Don't let him take that from you.

My prayers are with you.

K

[deemabrouk 0]

you guys are ALL RIGHT... I feel torn cause he doesnt want to leave.. and I dont want to ruin his life by calling the police.. Now that he has a second chance he should be putting his BEST FOOT Forward.. and he's not..

This 100% SUCKS....

the bandaid is getting ripped off at a snails pace

Edited August 14, 2007 by deemabrouk

[mybackpages 0]

you guys are ALL RIGHT... I feel torn cause he doesnt want to leave.. and I dont want to ruin his life by calling the police.. Now that he has a second chance he should be putting his BEST FOOT Forward.. and he's not..

This 100% SUCKS....

the bandaid is getting ripped off at a snails pace

There are somethings that you just are not responsible for and he is.