I gotta say Thanks to you all

[Nagishkaw 510]

Al Salamo Alyikom (peace be upon you):

Mrs. Deemabrouk:

I am not sending this post to ask you to stay with your husband or not. But, I want to give your attention for a fact; it may be hidden among clouds, fog and the dark lines of the situation you are facing. Allah Almighty states an important fact in a verse that talks about divorce;

The Translation of the Meanings of the Quran by Muhammad Asad

{[2:237]And if you divorce them before having touched them, but after having settled a dower upon them, then [give them] half of what you have settled – unless it be that they forgo their claim or he in whose hand is the marriage-tie forgoes his claim [to half of the dower]: and to forgo what is due to you is more in accord with God-consciousness. And forget not [that you are to act with] grace towards one another: verily, God sees all that you do.}

Even if during divorce, do not forget that both of you had some good moments someday. He sometimes made you laugh and felt with happiness. Both of you have shared the same life and had dreamed with the dreams. Both of you sometimes were so caring about the other. Do not forget the love was in you heart for him. Do not let the anger inside you now turns your kind personality. Do not let the Satan take his interest from you.

Allah Almighty put a solution for your problem in His Book; have you tried it.

The Translation of the Meanings of the Quran by Muhammad Asad

{[4:35]And if you have reason to fear that a breach might occur between a [married] couple, appoint an arbiter from among his people and an arbiter from among her people; if they both want to set things aright, God may bring about their reconciliation. Behold, God is indeed all-knowing, aware.}

Please, put these words in your consideration "if they both want to set things aright". So, if you both guys still want this relationship to workout, insha Allah the result will be "God may bring about their reconciliation".

Allah Almighty assists and guides and blesses you sister for what causes the best for you.

I and he came from the same background. Again, if you want me to talk with him, I may help insha Allah.

STFUUUUUUUUUUUUU Now this may be the wine talking,but you have some nerve!!!!!!!! Her husband is a total, whack job!!!!!!!

The whack job is Gladiator. What the ###### is wrong with that man?

He Breathes????

[sarah and hicham 3]

Gladiator- have you NOT seen that Dee's husband has been abusive? She is putting her children in danger by staying with him. Wow.

[♥JP♥ 5]

I'm not super religous but I am religious. However I hate when people try to drop that mumbo jumbo ####### in order to make a relationship work. Gladiator, you have A LOT of nerve to post that. I think she has done everything in her power to make it work and he is the one that can't see through the clouds.

Another word of advice to anyone else that wants to advise a women to stay with an abusive husband. ALLAH WILL NOT REWARD YOU FOR THIS, do you really want this person's suffering to be on your hands? I am all for people working out their problems in NORMAL situations however this is far beyond normal.

[lion_lioness 0]

I'm not sure of Gladiator's intentions with that post, but Dee if your husband promised you any dowry he has to pay that to you regardless of what happens. You are entitled to it and you don't owe him anything. In fact, I'd send him a bill once he's back in egypt for the plane tickets and immigration expenses you incurred.

[JODO 2]

I'm not super religous but I am religious. However I hate when people try to drop that mumbo jumbo ####### in order to make a relationship work. Gladiator, you have A LOT of nerve to post that. I think she has done everything in her power to make it work and he is the one that can't see through the clouds.

Another word of advice to anyone else that wants to advise a women to stay with an abusive husband. ALLAH WILL NOT REWARD YOU FOR THIS, do you really want this person's suffering to be on your hands? I am all for people working out their problems in NORMAL situations however this is far beyond normal.

[mybackpages 0]

Let justt be very clear here. Islam does not in any way allow for women to victimize themselves even to save a marriage. A believing Muslim man will never harm his wife no matter what the circumstances.

[Aymerlu 3]

Al Salamo Alyikom (peace be upon you):

Mrs. Deemabrouk:

I am not sending this post to ask you to stay with your husband or not. But, I want to give your attention for a fact; it may be hidden among clouds, fog and the dark lines of the situation you are facing. Allah Almighty states an important fact in a verse that talks about divorce;

The Translation of the Meanings of the Quran by Muhammad Asad

{[2:237]And if you divorce them before having touched them, but after having settled a dower upon them, then [give them] half of what you have settled – unless it be that they forgo their claim or he in whose hand is the marriage-tie forgoes his claim [to half of the dower]: and to forgo what is due to you is more in accord with God-consciousness. And forget not [that you are to act with] grace towards one another: verily, God sees all that you do.}

Even if during divorce, do not forget that both of you had some good moments someday. He sometimes made you laugh and felt with happiness. Both of you have shared the same life and had dreamed with the dreams. Both of you sometimes were so caring about the other. Do not forget the love was in you heart for him. Do not let the anger inside you now turns your kind personality. Do not let the Satan take his interest from you.

Allah Almighty put a solution for your problem in His Book; have you tried it.

The Translation of the Meanings of the Quran by Muhammad Asad

{[4:35]And if you have reason to fear that a breach might occur between a [married] couple, appoint an arbiter from among his people and an arbiter from among her people; if they both want to set things aright, God may bring about their reconciliation. Behold, God is indeed all-knowing, aware.}

Please, put these words in your consideration "if they both want to set things aright". So, if you both guys still want this relationship to workout, insha Allah the result will be "God may bring about their reconciliation".

Allah Almighty assists and guides and blesses you sister for what causes the best for you. I and he came from the same background. Again, if you want me to talk with him, I may help insha Allah.

I had the Bible preached at me for years while I was with my ex. I constantly was being told that God forbids divorce, etc, etc by my parents and being very naive at the time I tried to do everything to make that man happy since I thought it was my Godly duty as a women. (yes, I was a tard in thinking this) I think my family put on blinders when I came to their place at 2 in the morning with my son and I had a broken nose and black eyes. It wasn't until he beat me, raped me and more less left me for dead in the kitchen floor that my parents FINALLY decided I needed to get out. (DUH!) It was while I was in the hospital the chaplin came and talked to me about how none of what happened to me was my fault and God did not want me to be with a man that did not show me love. I don't care what a person quotes, Bible, Quran, Dr. Phil.....a women DOES NOT need to nor have to go through this B.S that Dee has been going though.

Allah did provider Dee with a solution. She got the hell out.

Allah has helped Dee and has already helped her choose what is best for her.

[doodlebug 3]

Dee...your voicemail is full Can ya call me please?

You are the strongest woman I know. You did everything you should have Islamically by taking him to the Imam to mediate your marriage. It only works when two people are willing to try.

I hate to say this but I kind of think the "friend" who fixed you up has alterior motives as well. Please stay the heck away from her!!!!!!

Again, call me if you need anything. I sent you a text message just now.

And I agree....get him the heck out. Go with your family tomorrow after a good night's sleep and bring the police after you file a report. File a restraining order if you have to. Wouldn't that demand that he leave? List out EVERYTHING that he has done in the report. EVERYTHING.

bridget

[The_dip_sticks 0]

Al Salamo Alyikom (peace be upon you):

Mrs. Deemabrouk:

I am not sending this post to ask you to stay with your husband or not. But, I want to give your attention for a fact; it may be hidden among clouds, fog and the dark lines of the situation you are facing. Allah Almighty states an important fact in a verse that talks about divorce;

The Translation of the Meanings of the Quran by Muhammad Asad

{[2:237]And if you divorce them before having touched them, but after having settled a dower upon them, then [give them] half of what you have settled – unless it be that they forgo their claim or he in whose hand is the marriage-tie forgoes his claim [to half of the dower]: and to forgo what is due to you is more in accord with God-consciousness. And forget not [that you are to act with] grace towards one another: verily, God sees all that you do.}

Even if during divorce, do not forget that both of you had some good moments someday. He sometimes made you laugh and felt with happiness. Both of you have shared the same life and had dreamed with the dreams. Both of you sometimes were so caring about the other. Do not forget the love was in you heart for him. Do not let the anger inside you now turns your kind personality. Do not let the Satan take his interest from you.

Allah Almighty put a solution for your problem in His Book; have you tried it.

The Translation of the Meanings of the Quran by Muhammad Asad

{[4:35]And if you have reason to fear that a breach might occur between a [married] couple, appoint an arbiter from among his people and an arbiter from among her people; if they both want to set things aright, God may bring about their reconciliation. Behold, God is indeed all-knowing, aware.}

Please, put these words in your consideration "if they both want to set things aright". So, if you both guys still want this relationship to workout, insha Allah the result will be "God may bring about their reconciliation".

Allah Almighty assists and guides and blesses you sister for what causes the best for you.

I and he came from the same background. Again, if you want me to talk with him, I may help insha Allah.

Have you completely gone MAD OR WHAT???? IF YOU CAN INTERPRET THINGS from the Quran why cant you simply read her posts and COMPREHEND THAT HER HUSBAND crossed the line with the physical abuse! YOU MUST BE A NUT JOB IF YOU THINK THAT IS STILL OK. YOUR ADVICE IS NOT FIT FOR THIS SITUATION. I hope your SO follows your train of thought for your sake. DEE HAS DONE ALL THAT SHE CAN TO HELP her husband and save her marriage. IF YOU ACTUALLY READ WHAT SHE HAS SAID these past few days, you will see that they even went to talk to an IMAM for help, yet it did not work. I mean what better mediator for a married couple than a religious leader when the family is not available? EVEN he recognized that their marriage was on thin paper because of his behavior. HIS behavior at this point is NOT acceptable and should never be under any circumstances!!!!!!

IT LOOKS TO ME THAT YOU ONLY READ INTO WHAT YOU WANT TO. GO READ YOUR HOLY BOOK AGAIN AS IT IS EVIDENT THAT YOU MISSED A FEW VERSES. Makes me think your as wack in the head as her husband if you think that Dee's head is just clouded at the moment. I wonder if you had a daughter or sister in this siuation and their husbands beat them, would you react the same way ? Im sure as hell glad that Im not related to you because you might advice me to stick with my husband till he beat the life out of me.

I SEE NOW THAT MEN NOT ONLY SUFFER FROM SELECTIVE HEARING BUT ALSO SELECTIVE COMPREHENSION WHEN READING!AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG IM SO MAD RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

[Ban Hammer 13,489]

I SEE NOW THAT MEN NOT ONLY SUFFER FROM SELECTIVE HEARING BUT ALSO SELECTIVE COMPREHENSION WHEN READING!AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG IM SO MAD RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

not all men....i'm 100% behind dee on this.

[deadbird 2]

Oh Dee, you're in my prayers! I'm glad you got out of there somewhat safe!!! I have to admit I'm a little worried though now that Doodle said your voicemail is full...of course it could just be incessant badgering from HIM but I hope by now you have gotten in touch with the police, even if they can't help they can surely point you in the direction of someone who can. Even though you've found a place to stay, have you thought about contacting a women's shelter for advice?

[MelindaandTarek 0]

well.. last night took a turn for the worst. The fight about being a "Lesbian" exploded again @ 11 pm? Apparently when looking through my stuff he found a picture of me and one of my best friends of 13 years... This was before I convered.. hair out.. etc. Well The picture has me puckering(mouth closed) a kiss at her cheek and her mouth is open.. showing teeth.. a piece of tongue.. piercings and everything near mine (no tongue OR lip action )....... BUT apparently this picture "proves" I am a lesbian...... That she is inlove with me... etc

He told me he found a picture that proved everything... And i racked my brain of what God awful picture i took in my crazy days... but HONESTLY i couldnt think of ANY pic like that...

When he should me the pic I had to laugh.. It was Completely NUTS that..... It escalated into Finding out that our Mutual friend has also been feeding him BS.. telling him I am still talking to 2 american muslim men online in myspace.. and a BUNCH of other ####### (my friendship to her is now OVER)

Around 2:30 am things got physical... and I IMMEDIATLY decided that was the LAST time that was going to be done to me.. the fighting, name calling etc continued until 6 am... (during this time I stood frozen.. staring at the same white dot on a black checkered square in my kitchen)

He fell asleep.. I quietly got my kids up, dressed and snuck out the house.....

Now I am staying somewhere until he is gone........

Last night was it... It is over.. No more

I hope you are okay......my thoughts and prayers are with you............

[MelindaandTarek 0]

Dee.

I am not sure which state you live in, however all states have a women's crisis center with in person and telephone support, most have 24 hour hotline for concerns or to have someone to talk to. You indicated your husband became physical w/u and if ur in any way afraid for ur safety and ur children you can talk to a DV support person regarding the pros/cons of obtaining a restraining order. You know ur SO better than anyone and can judge if this is helpful...you would file a temporary order at your court house and if granted you can request that he leave the house. The Police will have to serve him and he will be ordered out of the house, if he violates the restraining order he may face other charges...however I only know the laws for my state, so not sure of yours...It is worth checking on to see what are your rights and what is the best course of action for you. ** Forgot to mention most women's centers will be able to provide an advocate to help u w/the process of filing the restraining order, taking you through the steps, what info to include, etc...wanted to state that as well....

I agree with others it is unfortunate that you are out of your house w/your children. Your strength during this horror is amazing and I am sure you will choice the best plan for you and your children.

Stay safe and I would strongly encourage contacting your local woman's crisis center, it may be helpful to talk to someone about some of these issues......again you will know what is right for you..I only offer input.....my thoughts are w/u, Melinda

Edited August 11, 2007 by MelindaandTarek

[~*Dorothy*~ 2]

Dee,

I have been following your experience from the beginning and can't believe how quickly things had escalated. I am sorry that you and you little ones are facing this horrifying situation. You and your boys are in my thoughts and prayers.

I am so amazed at your strength thru this ordeal and you enormous bravery - I hope that things will work out and this nightmare will be over soon. Please do all that you can to distance yourself and your children from this man... He sounds like a dangerous individual who needs serious reality check or a mental evaluation. Take care and keep us posted...

Dorothy

[Henia 11]

I have not followed your story much, but as I said the last few posts I am truly sorry you are going throu this Dee. No women deserves this. Esp when children are in involved.

I, personally would attend the AOS (if you filed already) and tell them the whole story. Saving him from ever filing again or tricking them into thinking YOU abused him.

What Gladitor said is total nonsense. Abuse is not an Islamic tradition. In fact, Islam does not condone abuse to women and children. It is forbidden. But unfortunately there will always be men out there "picking and choosing" surats (an-Nisa 4:34) to suit their current mood and cause. MENA husbands still (sometimes) they are still in MENA and try exercises complete and rigid authority over his wife and family.

Many men cannot adjust, since life in the US is so different then life in their own home country. They do not get their way and after a time abuse can occur. The Qur'an exhorts the husband to treat his wife kindly and not overlook her POSITIVE ASPECTS. And all agruements should be dealt within 3 hours. But obviously the situation is way beyond.

Have you talked to an imam? Has he tried to speak with your husband or have another brother speak with him? As I am not sure what the current living arrangement is ... but him living there just angry is not healthy for anyone.

I would also expose him to all the masjid, if he attends and his family. Surely they will *not* side with you... buuuut at least they will hear the "other" side instead labeling you a putan or judging you without hearing your side.

You are very brave, patient and strong sister. If it were me, the least he would be out in the street with nothing but his drawers and some shoes. I would not even put it past myself to do a Lorena on him! I truly from my heart pray for you sister.