I gotta say Thanks to you all

[deemabrouk 0]

I have to say thanks to all of you MENA/ VJ'er.. I got a huge amount of PM's showing me support.. Thank you SOO MUCH for the support.. and the offer of a "shoulder"

I actually was surprised at the amount of people who say they are dealing with the same thing

I never really thought this would be life life once he got here

Nothing has gotten better.. maybe i guess worse. I'm on the verge of loosing my job.. I couldnt even go in today.. and I am calling out tomorrow too..

I finally cornered him to speak to a religious leader (imam).. and my out look towards our future in Not a good one... but God knows.. I DO love him... but I will NOT tolerate living how I have had to live these past 3 weeks

I got a few comments that I should be grateful that atleast my man is here... And believe me.. I was Very thankful things went as quickly as they did... BUT abusive behavior.. mental, emotional and physical will NOT be tolerated.. even if this is supposed to be an "adjusting period" of our life together/ getting used to living in america... ESPECIALLY infront of my VERY impressionable 5 and 6 year old boys....... my home is NOT supposed to be a war ground.. but my santuary.

for all of those who confided in me about what they are dealing with now... or what they feel might happen in the future..

Please think with your head and not your heart.. IF he is NOT even hear yet and MY story makes me nervous that this is your future... think LONG and hard BEFORE he comes into the country.. ESPECIALLY if you have kids...

anyways...

thanks everybody

[♥JP♥ 5]

You are a brave woman, best of luck to you.

[m&n 0]

I was thinking about you in the past few days..........I pray that things get better for you Dee.

[Gladiator 0]

Can you let me talk with him as a last opportunity? If I could not help, It would not make it worse than how it is now, like how you said. Insha Allah I may help.

Edited August 7, 2007 by Gladiator

[Caladan 19]

Adjustment is one thing but abuse is bullshit. If there's abuse, it's time, dee. We're all here for you.

[aj1 1]

You have been there to encourage me when i needed it and i am doing the same for you. No matter what you decide you know what is best better than any of us know. And when you have kids yes you are right you can't think with your heart. Stay strong and in the end no matter what god will take care of you and your children. You are a strong woman and i know you will get through all of this. You will be in my prayers.

AJ1

[monnik 0]

Dee, I think you are very strong and very smart. I hope you have luck in making a peaceful home for your family.

One of my experiences -

I pitched a couple of fits here for no real reason except I was feeling frustrated and isolated. (I have been away from my home/country/family for more than a year) I miss my family a lot. (I don't really know why....I mean, after I am with them for a couple of days, I need a break ) And, I really think that when we get to USA and if he starts to feel the same, I will know where he is coming from. I guess I just want to say that anybody can feel those frustrations. I don't think it just affects men, or people from MENA, or any particular group.

You are doing a great thing for yourself by reaching out for support for yourself and your husband to counteract the turbulence at home! I hope it passes soon!

[mybackpages 0]

Dee, It sounds as of you are in a good place mentally and emotionally even though the situation is not improving- if that makes sense? I'm sure you will make the best decision for your family and for yourself. I wish you the best.

[Peggy 1]

I wish you the best whatever you decide Dee.

Adjusting to a new Country is one thing, but verbal abuse does not fall into the catagory of an adjustment period. I think you are a smart women for seeing these signs this soon, and thinking of your sons first. More moms should be like you.

[~Jackie~ 30]

I hope life treats you good.

Jackie

[Visa4habibi! 0]

I'm sorry for two things: what's happening to you and for not being able to read everything and find out what is going on. My two cents: you worked hard and waited for him to come over, right? Now it's not the best time for him - so called 'cultural shock' which I've experienced first hand! It's HUGE, girl! I bet you have no idea!

I'm not defending him or his behavior, but you have to understand that adjusting for two people of the same upbringing and from the same neighborhood would be not so easy! I'm sure if you talk to him somewhere away from home in a calm manner and try to explain things that bother you and how you want things to be for all of you would be better than arguing. I am not saying that I know MENA men very good or understand them too much, but they can be stubborn, also very emotional and hot-headed! And they like to feel like they are 'the boss'. It's up to you if you want to learn how to get what you want and how to keep him happy, totally up to you!

I could go on, but you don't need a lecture, girl. Just a little patience and time. Maybe some time alone with him so he wouldn't get jealous of your kids. And lots of talking on both sides when you're both calm. Hope this helps!

One more thing, maybe you should ask him nicely to do a few hard jobs around the house to keep him busy if he didn't start that by himself - he'll feel more useful and would have less time for looking for trouble.

Good luck, inshallah things will get better!

(((hugs)))

Tanya

Edited August 7, 2007 by Visa4habibi!

[The_dip_sticks 0]

I hope things improve for you and that got enlightens his head and his heart.

[~~~water~~~ 0]

Sending you all the strength in the world, this has to be such a hard time for you and your boys.. best wishes,,,, and to the people who say you should be happy your mans here at least, they are just jealous.... Yeah your ap/ar was fasssst, but god bless you that was your fate, it is not something to throw in your face when your struggling.. Hang in there

[sarah and hicham 3]

Dee,

We all know how grateful you are to have your husband here. I can't imagine going through what you are going through. I for one cannot believe that he is treating you the way he is. I wish you the best,

Sarah

[~Jess~ 0]

just wanted to let you know i am thinking of you dee. i really hope things get better. if there is physical abuse that is pushing the line. yes you should be grateful that he is there after waiting for him but if he is hurting you.....it may not really be worth it right?.........well whatever you decide i wish you the best.