Fiance in US, but deciding not to get married

[lonely_girl 0]

Don't lose hope try your best to make her happy!, take her out on weekends,I am a filipino married to a 47 yrs old american i came here as k-1 fiancee, so far i get used to everything i am now 20 yrs old i got here Last year month of December.Imagine the age difference? Well my husband still acts like a kid lol he likes out doors, sports,etc.. in short he is active!.. Try your best as you can, hope you guys will work things out..We are always going out every week ends shopping, running around,driving,,it could be anything just to be busy.Try to do things like that let's see if it would work for her.God bless to the two of you hope she will stay with you!..

[Yodrak 7]

Medellin,

All you need to do is come to agreement with her that you should not marry and she should return to her country. The agreement and returning to her country parts are not essential, but are the proper things to do.

You cannot be held legally responsible for supporting her at this point (which is why the I-864 was created for immigration purposes about 10 years ago).

Sounds like your problem stems from the fact that your fiancee has only 2 points of reference here in the USA - her friend and you. Her friend likely has a credibility advantage with your fiancee due to length of relationship, common culture, and the friend having longer experience in the USA than she. Don't know how you can deal with that if it is the source of the problem. If the friend knew you and liked you she could be a good ally, otherwise she could be a lot of trouble if she wants to be.

Yodrak

My fiance has been here for 5-weeks and we are not getting along. She is bored since she has no friends

and does not speak english. If we do not work this out, what do I need to terminate the process, what am

I responsible for? What happens if she moves out and does not go back? Need to know all the options

here. Please help.

.....

.....

Some of the problem started with she started talking with her friend and her asking why we have

not gotten married yet? Her friend came here last year. Her friend got her thinking that I am

playing games with her, which is not true. But since this issues, she has become very biligerent

and complaining and yelling about everything. I have tried to reassure, but she has it in her

mind that I must be in a relationship with some other girl. It is not true and not possible since

I spend all my time with her. (Her friend's influence here)

I thought we understood each other, especially since I spent a year going back and forth every

month to better know each other.

Don't know what to do and I do not think it will work out in the long run.

[^KK^ 3]

I hope it all gets better.

[rathroth 0]

I forgot to ask: How much time do you actually spend together each day?

Do you two talk and do things together, or do you just leave her at home and go to work, then come back home expecting everything to be peachy? Have you spent quality time together discussing important things, or just arguing?

Just curious, because all of us here are in a similar situation like you, and I for one do not want my relationship to disintegrate to this point. Regardless who is right or wrong, your relationship isn't where you think it should be.

It's tempting to point to your significant other and list all the things she did wrong, but have you tried listing all the things that you did right? And have you exausted ALL methods of making your significant other happy? If you do have a long list of things that you personally did to make this relationship work, then I think you really should call it quits. However, if you have a short list, then I suggest you come up with more ways of approaching this woman who you intended to marry, for whatever reason you choose.

I hope the two of you work things out. Don't give up on your word and honor to love someone just because you have a few problems. Hang in there. If you give up at this point, when will you ever stand up and fight for your relationship?

Good luck!

[Mr and Mrs Bird 0]

20 years is alot in age difference. And she already are acting very childdish.

Back out when you still have the chance. You are not responsable for her after visa is expired if not being married.

On top of all that, then don't forget that you will never be able to enjoy your retired life together with her.

[trailmix 77]

On top of all that, then don't forget that you will never be able to enjoy your retired life together with her.

I don't understand this point?

[Mr and Mrs Bird 0]

On top of all that, then don't forget that you will never be able to enjoy your retired life together with her.

I don't understand this point?

think twice before marry a 20 year younger person. Thats my point

[trailmix 77]

On top of all that, then don't forget that you will never be able to enjoy your retired life together with her.

I don't understand this point?

think twice before marry a 20 year younger person. Thats my point

I would think that most people would think things through before they marry anyone. It's also not true that they 'will never be able to enjoy' their retirement together. You have no idea what their financial situation is, you assume they won't have a substantial retirement income that could support both of them, perhaps they are independantly wealthy.

Maybe only 1 of them will work, maybe she will work and he won't, but that doesn't mean they won't enjoy it.

Plus, for some people age is not an issue - as it shouldn't be (in my opinion), it's obviously not an issue for the original poster.

[Mr and Mrs Bird 0]

On top of all that, then don't forget that you will never be able to enjoy your retired life together with her.

I don't understand this point?

think twice before marry a 20 year younger person. Thats my point

I would think that most people would think things through before they marry anyone. It's also not true that they 'will never be able to enjoy' their retirement together. You have no idea what their financial situation is, you assume they won't have a substantial retirement income that could support both of them, perhaps they are independantly wealthy.

Maybe only 1 of them will work, maybe she will work and he won't, but that doesn't mean they won't enjoy it.

Plus, for some people age is not an issue - as it shouldn't be (in my opinion), it's obviously not an issue for the original poster.

It's never an issue with age difference in the beginning. I am not talking about financial issues. But enjoy life together, with same thoughts and life experience are so much better. ( Just my opinion ofcause )

[Empress 0]

Hmmmm...let me see if I have this straight? First, your fiance has "no friends" and now she has "a friend" advising her what to do in her relationship with YOU? She speaks no english...yet, has had a year to learn and did not apply herself? You speak fluent Spanish...why didn't you help her? Surely you must have emphasized that we speak English in the USA? And, she wakes up in the middle of the night and starts hitting you and yelling at you? Dude...you had better do the "waking up!" There is NO EXCUSE for hitting anyone...man or woman...EVER!!! You...meaning BOTH of you have 90 days to decide to marry! Having an "ultimatum" IMHO is not the way to start things out. Should you marry "immediately" is this going to go away and whatever the trust issues are...they are going to disappear? Something seems to be missing in this post!

So, you went through a year of dating and seeing this woman on a monthly basis...and none of this surfaced until she is in the USA? And, you went through 6 - 8 months of getting her on the fiance' VISA...and the related expenses. You join VisaJourney in June...with no timeline, no profile, no photos and one previous post...and you ask for advice from everyone here? And, you get 20+ replies...all giving you good advice. The best of which is...send her home!!! Do yourself...and your country a favor. Put her on a plane and send her back to Medellin. Write a note to USCIS and tell them "it just didn't work out!" Keep a copy.

Regards,

Craig

basically.

she and her friend seem to be up to something

[Sienna 0]

On top of all that, then don't forget that you will never be able to enjoy your retired life together with her.

I don't understand this point?

think twice before marry a 20 year younger person. Thats my point

It's never an issue with age difference in the beginning. I am not talking about financial issues. But enjoy life together, with same thoughts and life experience are so much better. ( Just my opinion ofcause )

Oh, this is terribly offensive and annoying to those of us in age gap relationships. For someone to come and "assume" what's best for someone else.... that "same thoughts and life experience are so much better..." That is a giant assumption my friend, with no basis in fact. I'm in the happiest relationship of my life with a man 15 years my junior. The only time age is ever a factor is when someone with prejudices comes along and makes it their business to judge us.

Happiness comes in all shapes, sizes, ages, colors and nationalities. Don't assume that what works for you or makes you happy will work for everyone else.

P.S. Please don't use the fact that you used the parenthetical phrase "Just my opinion" to excuse your offensive comments on a public board.

[marcy_d 0]

Oh, this is terribly offensive and annoying to those of us in age gap relationships. For someone to come and "assume" what's best for someone else.... that "same thoughts and life experience are so much better..." That is a giant assumption my friend, with no basis in fact. I'm in the happiest relationship of my life with a man 15 years my junior. The only time age is ever a factor is when someone with prejudices comes along and makes it their business to judge us.

Happiness comes in all shapes, sizes, ages, colors and nationalities. Don't assume that what works for you or makes you happy will work for everyone else.

P.S. Please don't use the fact that you used the parenthetical phrase "Just my opinion" to excuse your offensive comments on a public board.

First off *waves to Sienna*... very cool to see you here!!!

Secondly... yea what she said! I'm 18 years older than my husband and we are very happily married.

[trailmix 77]

Oh, this is terribly offensive and annoying to those of us in age gap relationships. For someone to come and "assume" what's best for someone else.... that "same thoughts and life experience are so much better..." That is a giant assumption my friend, with no basis in fact. I'm in the happiest relationship of my life with a man 15 years my junior. The only time age is ever a factor is when someone with prejudices comes along and makes it their business to judge us.

Happiness comes in all shapes, sizes, ages, colors and nationalities. Don't assume that what works for you or makes you happy will work for everyone else.

P.S. Please don't use the fact that you used the parenthetical phrase "Just my opinion" to excuse your offensive comments on a public board.

[Mr and Mrs Bird 0]

It works for some people and that's great.

But for our OP here it seems that she is childdish and too young for him.

She can't even treat him good from the beginning.

I am trying to tell him that maybe there are issues that he have to concider before marriage with her.

[texas_bunny 0]

On top of all that, then don't forget that you will never be able to enjoy your retired life together with her.

I don't understand this point?

think twice before marry a 20 year younger person. Thats my point

It's never an issue with age difference in the beginning. I am not talking about financial issues. But enjoy life together, with same thoughts and life experience are so much better. ( Just my opinion ofcause )

Oh, this is terribly offensive and annoying to those of us in age gap relationships. For someone to come and "assume" what's best for someone else.... that "same thoughts and life experience are so much better..." That is a giant assumption my friend, with no basis in fact. I'm in the happiest relationship of my life with a man 15 years my junior. The only time age is ever a factor is when someone with prejudices comes along and makes it their business to judge us.

Happiness comes in all shapes, sizes, ages, colors and nationalities. Don't assume that what works for you or makes you happy will work for everyone else.

P.S. Please don't use the fact that you used the parenthetical phrase "Just my opinion" to excuse your offensive comments on a public board.

Well said Sienna

Mr and Mrs Bird: I am an young educated woman who is married to an intelligent man that is much older than I am. We discussed and prayed about all the potential issues we could face in the future, including meeting folks with your "opinion". Are you saying because of our age difference we are doomed to failure?