Feelin kinda lonley today ...

[MATTOB 0]

I joined a church and made dozens of good friends. We meet wednesday for bible study/edification time. I happen to be christian though, (I wasn't before I was asked to join the church)

Now I wonder how I would have stayed sane without it. Especially all the time before i met my wife.

I was going to college but made no friends there, no one stuck around and i don't find american college age (20's) very engaging.

Edited August 5, 2007 by MATTOB

[Candace 2]

I've been really positive and had everything going good in as far getting everything done (ssn, license etc) but I woke up today feelin kinda down. One more day of nothing to do, one more day of having no friends around - I'm bored outta my mind and feel friendless!! I know I shouldnt be feeling down as in less than 20 days I'll be starting college and 'hopefully' I'll meet people there. I'm just afraid that I wont find any friends! People here seem to be outgoing and talkative, but I'm the shy one who doesnt really say that much until I know people, and I'm afraid that being that way will stop me from making friends.

I'm sure this is just a moment, bought on by the fact I waited to see what my husband was doing for lunch (he has an extra long one today and was gonna come home to see me) only for him to tell me he's going out to eat with his friends. Thats fine, I dont want to deprive him of seeing his friends, but it made me realize that I have noone to go to lunch with etc. And thats what makes me sad.

I'm sure we've all been through this when moving to a new place, and I'll be fine in a couple of hours, but for now, it's all got a little too much and I just had to share it with someone.

Hey sweetie *hugs* - I know exactly how you're feeling; as our move from Germany to the US gets closer I am having more 'lonely' days than ever before. I hope by now you're feeling a little better

love Candace xxx

PS: I'll send you a message on fb - I want to see your wedding pics!

[thetreble 19]

Hey, hang in there kid! The boredom and loneliness is pretty natural considering all of our situations. I haven't worked in months and I don't have any other friends except for my husbands friends. College will definitely help if you open yourself up to meeting people. I miss just calling up my girls and asking them if they want to go for a coffee and have a chat. My husband works a lot so I spend a lot of time on my own.

But have faith that it will subside. Some mornings I wake up thinking...what the heck am I going to do today. Some days I do a lot and some days I don't. But I know that when I get a job once everything comes through, I will bounce back and be that socialite I once way. Chin up lovely. Chin up!

[Cécy 44]

It's weird isn't it how there are days when you're just fine and days when well you're bored to death.

Saturday wasn't a good day for me. My husband was working and I just couldn't seem to find anything at all to do. I knew there were things I could have done but I couldn't even find motivation to do them. In the end I found a CD-rom of a video game I used to play (building cities in the time of Pharaoh) and it made my day.

I've been here for almost a year because I couldn't stand being away from him anymore and so I came with a B2 visa that I extended. I haven't worked for over a year and I'm glad my family has been helping because it's not easy only on one salary. There are things I could do but I don't want to be spending money when we need it for basic things. It's so frustrating.

I offered to volunteer in an association, I'm waiting for them to call me in now. I'm going to see to take some classes in the local college, but not sure if we can afford it...

I sure look forward to the day I'll have the EAD and will be able to work again.

It's not always easy when you choose to leave everything behind to be with the one you love, but I guess it's some sort of investment and we have to look towards the future to get the full benefits of it.

[Emancipation 2]

I'm feeling your pain today..

Had a lonely moment last night. I did get to see my best friend (girl) from forever this weekend.. Hubby & I met her halfway (she's in Canada).. We came home last night and i had an e-mail from the new friends I have managed to make here in CT.

They were saying that they knew of this girl who was new to our church and who didn't know anyone and they were getting married and they wanted to do something to recognize the day as a group of friends. They wanted to have a shower and encouragement time for them. They wanted my help with the planning & such.. which is all a great idea IMO..

the hurtful bit and the part that made me lonely, was that when I first moved here 6 months ago, I had no one here for the wedding, and no one in this same group of friends even so much as sent me a card!! no one came to the event and the night we got married we were with these people and no one really said anything to us about it.. Just felt really lonely last night cause my group of friends back home would have made such a big deal out of it.. I am longing to make good friends here, but it's not an easy thing.. *sigh..

You are not alone.. and keep on keeping on my friend!!

[maore 0]

hard to advice , but thanks for sharing this with us .

Personally I would join a sport team (I am a guy) , friday local pub and do a bit of charity work (great place for meeting up people of various walk of life and sharing experiences).

[shanna 0]

Oh boy! Just last night I was yappin to my hubby about all the negatives of being here. Of course, the positives are there but sometimes in the midst of sheer loneliness, they seem to disappear! That's when I go on this tangent where I rattle off about mates who know me inside out and how they're meeting up somewhere else in the world without me. And especially being preggers now and slightly off-kilter with the hormones ragin in me, I find I'm craving attention from family and friends who I know will fuss over me. Also, craving my traditional foods without having to prepare em myself. Also, having always thought that I would be bringing a child into the world with a full-fledged career already in full-swing, I sometimes get so annoyed at how hard it has been in the last 3 years to find a decent job here.

BUUUUUUUUT, amidst all the looming negatives, please reach within the depths of you and yank yourself out of the misery. Well, at least that's what I try and drill in my head during seemingly hopeless times. Harder said than done though. Of course, everyone in our situation will go through this stage. Some get hit harder than others but I truly hope everyone who's going through this, including myself, will make it. Someday we can just look back and have a big ol laugh over this. Thank you for posting all your comments here cos as I woke up from a restless sleep and read your posts, I found solace in that I'm not alone and there are people out there who TRULY know what I'm goin through!

Cheers, Sha

[Krikit 1,165]

I know what you mean about the intermittent loneliness. I think what compounds it is that we have to struggle to find things that we're used to knowing without giving it a second thought. For example, I would like to take a course on Adobe Photoshop CS2. It's been a major chore trying to figure out where it's available. I've given up for now because it seems that colleges only offer degree courses but no individual courses.... not that I even know where any of those colleges are in relation to me. sigh. Wish I'd done it before I left Canada. When it gets disheartening like this, it tends to highlight the fact that you know nothing and no one.

Edited August 17, 2007 by Krikit

[mendeleev 68]

OK -- this is interesting to read about -- and painful to read about -- how can a USC spouse help?

[Leney 0]

I know what you mean about the intermittent loneliness. I think what compounds it is that we have to struggle to find things that we're used to knowing without giving it a second thought. For example, I would like to take a course on Adobe Photoshop CS2. It's been a major chore trying to figure out where it's available. I've given up for now because it seems that colleges only offer degree courses but no individual courses.... not that I even know where any of those colleges are in relation to me. sigh. Wish I'd done it before I left Canada. When it gets disheartening like this, it tends to highlight the fact that you know nothing and no one.

I work for a Business Institute that offers individual courses vs. a whole course load. so there have to be more like it out there. The owner is also a psychologist, so she offers career and life counseling/coaching as well. We don't require people to have SSN's or have any sort of education based visa to attend classes (as long as they are legally in the usa, there is no problem). We offer certifications, and CEU's (continuing education units) that are transferable to Allegheny College which has campuses in Pennsylvania and Maryland. I'm not sure where you are in the world, but try looking for Business/Technical Institutes within your area, also state funded Career link type places (they only work for you if you have a SSN though) offer classes and refresher courses from time to time.

[Krikit 1,165]

try looking for Business/Technical Institutes within your area, also state funded Career link type places (they only work for you if you have a SSN though) offer classes and refresher courses from time to time.

Thanks Leney! I'll give that a try.

[Krikit 1,165]

OK -- this is interesting to read about -- and painful to read about -- how can a USC spouse help?

Awwww. That's so sweet of you to ask.

In my case, it's to be aware that your spouse is far from home and everyday things can be a struggle at times. It's not that this is the case all of the time.... it's not. Sometimes just a hug is all that's needed. Or a nice flower for no reason. Tell them "I know you're far from home and you're probably missing your friends and family, but I want you to know that I love you and I appreciate you." Or "I know you're used to a certain product or item and it must be frustrating trying to find something comparable here in the US." The little things you say and do go a long way.

[Mrs.J06 4]

OK -- this is interesting to read about -- and painful to read about -- how can a USC spouse help?

Awwww. That's so sweet of you to ask.

In my case, it's to be aware that your spouse is far from home and everyday things can be a struggle at times. It's not that this is the case all of the time.... it's not. Sometimes just a hug is all that's needed. Or a nice flower for no reason. Tell them "I know you're far from home and you're probably missing your friends and family, but I want you to know that I love you and I appreciate you." Or "I know you're used to a certain product or item and it must be frustrating trying to find something comparable here in the US." The little things you say and do go a long way.

I agree 100%

Sometimes that's all it takes to bring the positives of being here in the foreground again!

It's just too easy to take each other for granted.

That being said, I feel very lonely at times too, especially when my husband travels on business. But I keep telling myself that it will get better...

[Lansbury 19]

I know what you mean about the intermittent loneliness. I think what compounds it is that we have to struggle to find things that we're used to knowing without giving it a second thought. For example, I would like to take a course on Adobe Photoshop CS2. It's been a major chore trying to figure out where it's available. I've given up for now because it seems that colleges only offer degree courses but no individual courses.... not that I even know where any of those colleges are in relation to me. sigh. Wish I'd done it before I left Canada. When it gets disheartening like this, it tends to highlight the fact that you know nothing and no one.

One of our local community colleges does Photoshop courses, so I would guess it is something there is a call for. I'm sure if you search you will find what you want, not everyone does individual courses but they are available.

[lubezee 0]

OK -- this is interesting to read about -- and painful to read about -- how can a USC spouse help?

Awwww. That's so sweet of you to ask.

In my case, it's to be aware that your spouse is far from home and everyday things can be a struggle at times. It's not that this is the case all of the time.... it's not. Sometimes just a hug is all that's needed. Or a nice flower for no reason. Tell them "I know you're far from home and you're probably missing your friends and family, but I want you to know that I love you and I appreciate you." Or "I know you're used to a certain product or item and it must be frustrating trying to find something comparable here in the US." The little things you say and do go a long way.

I just spend the better half of this week overwhelmed by loneliness, it is like you have to start life all over again, and everything you where and did suddenly means nothing, and all your friends and family are going on with their lives and i am stuck looking at 4 walls, unable to work and that is the most frustrating thing ever. I talked to my husband about it, starting off by saying- this is how i feel, and it is not your fault, i just need you to show me that you understand how i feel, and the words above were just so spot on. I think i actually said that right now i need more nurturing than i ever have in my entire life, and on the flipside i also understand that suddenly being responsible for my every need can be frustrating in itself.

But we love each other, and i would not be here if i didnt. Nobody said it was gonna be easy adjusting, but the loneliness really kills me.