Random question about 90 day fiance

[Boiler 45,468]

2 minutes ago, nautilus6122 said:

Its hard for me to believe that no one has ever brought this up. Its a little selfish to not consider the children involved in this. 

Considering children, how to settle etc, schools whatever, now I have seen many of those.

 

Living separately is the aspect I was referring to.

[Jason and May 79]

My youngest daughter still lives at home. My wife does not have children. That said, after my wife and I started talking seriously about me coming to meet her and her family and exploring the possibilities of our relationship actually becoming a reality, I talked with my middle and youngest daughters (my middle daughter still lived at home at that time), and then we started talking with my wife (at that time we were dating) via video chat. Eventually, my youngest daughter and my wife's nieces became friends, and they started texting each other occasionally via WhatsApp using Google Translate (not always perfect for Tagalog, but it worked out all right). Now, my wife and daughters and my mother talk at least weekly, and my extended family in the Philippines (brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law, aunties, mother-in-law, etc) message me pretty regularly. 

 

I would think you could do something similar with your soon-to-be blended family. No, it's not the same as living together; nothing will be the same as living together, circumstances as they are. You didn't have the benefit of taking kids on outings, over to spend time with the other family, and so on. Likewise, I understand it can be difficult for one parent or the other to leave the country for a vacation with the kids, with expenses and potentially the other parent refusing to allow them to go. 

I do think there is potential for an IO to ask questions about why you want to live separately to see how things go when you come to the U.S. Even though this is a fiance visa, I believe there is some language about intent to marry within 90 days of arrival. And marriage implies the blending of families. 

 

Perhaps you and your fiance could find an Airbnb or something similar and rent it on a monthly basis if you are concerned about the blending of families. At the end of the day, you can do whatever you want to. There is nothing that prevents you from living in a separate location for a period of time (so far as I am aware). There may be some question(s) from the IO about your address upon arrival if it is different from the petitioner's. And if you did this too long term, there may be some questions about your address being separate from your husband. But perhaps that will all resolve as the nerves about blending families resolve, and you fully blend. You do have time before AoS and eventually RoC. 

Best of luck with your future.  

[Ontarkie 14,218]

2 hours ago, nautilus6122 said:

Could someone with children, that has been through what I am talking about offer some advice please?

I replied but I guess I was ignored. You are not the first to blend families and far from the last. WHat you are wanting is just prolonging the inevitable. They will not adjust until all are in the same house and no longer feel like a vacation. That can be months to years. 

 

From a mother of 6 

[Lemonslice 4,836]

2 hours ago, nautilus6122 said:

Just a little over 1 year, but but children have never been together

Since it is more than you two being married, I would have made sure that everyone would get to meet and spend time with everyone before moving together, but it seems that you have already made it to the visa phase, while skipping that part.  It seems backward to move half of the family, if it is not going to be possible to live all together; as @Ontarkie stated, whatever adjustments are required will need more than 90 days anyway.   You and your partner probably know your kids best, so work out a plan together?   Is your home large enough for everyone, if so, might has well prepare the nest for the new blended family, no?

Best of luck to you and your family. 

Edited October 30, 2023 by Lemonslice

[nautilus6122 2]

2 hours ago, Ontarkie said:

I replied but I guess I was ignored. You are not the first to blend families and far from the last. WHat you are wanting is just prolonging the inevitable. They will not adjust until all are in the same house and no longer feel like a vacation. That can be months to years. 

 

From a mother of 6 

I was not intentionally ignoring you, just looking for more experiences. Its tiresome when people who have no kids start talking about what should have been done. Honestly i expected more from this group, didnt expect to be quickly  judged by people with no context nor experience.  I regret ever asking for advice. But You get a trophy, your reply was helpful! 

[nautilus6122 2]

1 hour ago, Lemonslice said:

Since it is more than you two being married, I would have made sure that everyone would get to meet and spend time with everyone before moving together, but it seems that you have already made it to the visa phase, while skipping that part.  It seems backward to move half of the family, if it is not going to be possible to live all together; as @Ontarkie stated, whatever adjustments are required will need more than 90 days anyway.   You and your partner probably know your kids best, so work out a plan together?   Is your home large enough for everyone, if so, might has well prepare the nest for the new blended family, no?

Best of luck to you and your family. 

Thanks for your 2 cents, may i ask how many children you have?

[SalishSea 17,819]

9 minutes ago, nautilus6122 said:

I was not intentionally ignoring you, just looking for more experiences. Its tiresome when people who have no kids start talking about what should have been done. Honestly i expected more from this group, didnt expect to be quickly  judged by people with no context nor experience.  I regret ever asking for advice. But You get a trophy, your reply was helpful! 

Huh?   Why are you assuming people here do not have kids?

 

Maybe ask before assuming?

[Lemonslice 4,836]

3 hours ago, nautilus6122 said:

Thanks for your 2 cents, may i ask how many children you have?

You are welcome - Enough to know they are not pieces of furniture needing to fit together, so moving them is not as easy.   

 

If you think that staying apart is what is best for your family, that is ok, you know them best.  My husband and myself have to be separated regularly, for different reasons, but we are always so happy to reunite.  I wish the same to your family.  Be it that you spend the weekend at the cabin together, or everyday, different things work for different folks.  

 

[Daphne . 1,852]

I think I am allowed to answer because we have 4 children in the mix (my husband has 2 and I have 2), so here’s my 2 cents.

 

We did all of these things BEFORE starting the immigration process. As you mentioned earlier, when kids are involved you can’t be selfish because it will impact everybody involved. We both agreed that it wasn’t realistic to expect our children to just all of a sudden be a happy blended family living together. We included our children in the process that lead up to finally deciding to take the plunge. It seems that this didn’t happen in your case. 

[Cathi 5,747]

6 hours ago, nautilus6122 said:

I was not intentionally ignoring you, just looking for more experiences. Its tiresome when people who have no kids start talking about what should have been done. Honestly i expected more from this group, didnt expect to be quickly  judged by people with no context nor experience.  I regret ever asking for advice. But You get a trophy, your reply was helpful! 

If you don't like the free expert advice here, feel free to hire an expensive attorney who will tell you exactly the same. Seriously dude.

[Dashinka 24,489]

I don't think anyone can predict how either your fiancé or her and your children will acclimate to their new environments.  It is tough for all involved, and the only thing you can do is try and make it as easy as possible.  If you think living separately temporarily is the best way to do it, so be it.  I am not sure I agree, but it is your life and relationship.  If you do choose this path, just be cautious as this could lead to hard questions, or other issues (as @Ontarkie mentioned, if your fiancé and her children arrive and are asked what address will they be staying, and it is not yours, there is a potential CBP could turn them around).

 

Good Luck!

Edited October 30, 2023 by Dashinka

[JeanneAdil 6,492]

12 hours ago, nautilus6122 said:

Perhaps you should read my question again. We are not trying to decide if we want to marry and live together. We are concerned about the children acclimating to new life With new brothers and sisters and new parents. If you dont have kids , you cant possibly offer any help and should just scroll past these types of posts........

i had 2 boys of my own /  3 step children that lived with me

and i had 3 of my grandchildren for almost 2 years thru a family crisis 

kids adjust /yeah its  a lot of work  but kids handle situations better than adults

 

I understand what its like to have household of 7 and only 2 1/2 baths and 5 getting ready for school and a husband wants to dress for work.   Yeah,  u will have some issues to face.   

 

Best u can do for yourself and his kids is to Love him with all your heart

 

if asked at interview where foreign fiancee will live and he says in my own apartment,  the visa will be denied

and living apart doesn't help the kids find out what they will face

the 90 days is to marry and live together and face life 

Edited October 30, 2023 by JeanneAdil

[JeanneAdil 6,492]

its not the kids that will do as much adjusting as its the parents

You have to decide who shares a room

you have to care for all when illness strikes and if young ,  measles, mumps and chickenpox are no fun  and neither is it when the flu hits the family and everyone needs the bathroom

you have to divide the work of who picks up who from school,  band practice,  football practice,  dancing lessons ,  etc

and who goes to watch one compete and who goes to another

we ate many a meal on the road but saved Sunday to share the big dinner and what had happened in the week

you have to save for college /  i had 3 in universities for 2 years so scholarships are needed

cultural differences you need to explain

 

kids will have disagreements /  let them work it out

for things like who gets the remote,  get a xbox and turn it into competition / actually brings kids together

our food fight was fun till they found out they had to clean up

 

Call them our kids not my kids and your kids

[mam521 2,062]

14 hours ago, nautilus6122 said:

Just a little over 1 year, but but children have never been together

I'm having a hard time digesting this.  You both have children and you're speaking about marriage and you've never brought your children together?!?!  Yet, you speak about how selfish it is not to consider the children and how important it is to make things OK between the kids...do you ACTUALLY care what the kids think or have you already decided you're getting married and the kids will just have to deal with it?  

 

If you do care, someone needs to get on a plane, children in tow, and visit the other party, their children at home.  You cannot get married without the kids haven't even having a chance to meet!  I'd want to see how parenting goes with both parties involved and work through some guaranteed disagreements there long before it was permanent.  

 

And yes, I am a parent. 

[Pinkrlion 2,716]

This plan is a huge red flag for immigration. You have to list all your addresses from the past 5 years. How are you going to explain we don’t live together. You can’t lie about because they can look up the information.