how do you say "no gifts, but money's ok"

[randolady 1]

Hey! This is a ways off in the future, but eventually Ombeni and I will be having a grand wedding reception! I never like receiving gifts, so I don't want any. But I would, if possible, like to ask people to donate money. We would use it for a plane ticket for my mom to visit Tanzania, and if we had extra money left over after that, we would put it towards sending Ombeni's sister to a boarding school and helping his family out.

I don't want it to look like I'm snubbing my dad, but

a) he doesn't like traveling, and he especially has no desire to visit Tanzania. Too many black people. (Don't worry, he's not racist. He just has certain "values".)

B) if he did like traveling, he could afford to do it. He could even afford to take/send my mom. But he won't, 'cause he's cheap.

I'm obviously bitter about my relationship with my dad, but I don't want that to interfere with me trying to do something amazing for my mom. She has always wanted to travel but never has; instead, she's made huge sacrifices so that her children have as many opportunities as possible.

Is there a polite, non-tacky way to express in an invitation what I want to do?

[lucho562 0]

Tell them to include all receipts so you can take the stuff back. Or do as I do, put it up on ebay.

[William33 110]

No.

People owe you nothing, so be thankful for anything you receive.

[randolady 1]

No.

People owe you nothing, so be thankful for anything you receive.

I understand that. As I said, I don't like receiving gifts, especially not at times when I didn't really do anything (like XMas or my birthday). It makes me feel really guilty. But at the same time, there are people who feel guilty going to weddings empty-handed. That's what I'm talking about; a sort of "in lieu of gifts, please donate to such and such charity". But instead of a charity, it would be an account for a plane ticket.

If I don't get anything, that's totally fine! But if I do, I'd rather have 50% of a plane ticket than a bunch of toasters and dishes.

[Marilyn. 340]

our invitations said some thing like "please contribute to our plane ticket fund"..... we wanted to save up money so my hubby could come and visit me after we were married...

everyone seemed fine with that, they understood the situation...

I did have a few people who gave me little gifts but most people gave us money......

Edited August 2, 2007 by MarilynP

[randolady 1]

Tell them to include all receipts so you can take the stuff back. Or do as I do, put it up on ebay.

Those are good ideas. Thanks!

[William33 110]

In my mind, that approach is bold and presumptuous. But hey, to each his/her own.

Hoping you get the ticket.

[Clarky and Tarah 0]

No.

People owe you nothing, so be thankful for anything you receive.

I understand that. As I said, I don't like receiving gifts, especially not at times when I didn't really do anything (like XMas or my birthday). It makes me feel really guilty. But at the same time, there are people who feel guilty going to weddings empty-handed. That's what I'm talking about; a sort of "in lieu of gifts, please donate to such and such charity". But instead of a charity, it would be an account for a plane ticket.

If I don't get anything, that's totally fine! But if I do, I'd rather have 50% of a plane ticket than a bunch of toasters and dishes.

Just put a version of what you just said in your invitation. Maybe add in the part about you wanting to do something amazing for your mom. It didn't sound rude or anything, at least I didn't think so. Of course a few people will probably be offended, but most of the people that will be at your wedding reception will probably know you or your mother and will understand your situation.

I probably wouldn't ask for reciepts...it might just be me but that does seem kind of rude. If someone goes takes the time to pick something out for you they probably wouldn't like the idea of you rushing back to the store to return it. I would just be honest and tell them what you want the money for, it seems like a good cause.

Good luck!

[Marilyn. 340]

ok, I was trying to locate our wedding invitation to see exactly what I wrote... actually my sis-in-law helped me write it...

We are starting a Plane Ticket Fund...

contributions would be considered an investment in our marriage and would be greatly appreciated...

[misa 2]

No.

People owe you nothing, so be thankful for anything you receive.

There's nothing wrong with requesting contributions to flights, travel, etc. in lieu of gifts.

This is really no different than putting together a wedding registry to inform your guests of what you'd like to receive if they choose to get you something at all.

[William33 110]

No.

People owe you nothing, so be thankful for anything you receive.

There's nothing wrong with requesting contributions to flights, travel, etc. in lieu of gifts.

This is really no different than putting together a wedding registry to inform your guests of what you'd like to receive if they choose to get you something at all.

I guess so. I was raised to not have any expectations for gifts, moreover providing direction or preferences. Perhaps the rules of etiquette have changed over the years.

[Caladan 19]

You don't. It's tacky to ask, and it's tacky to put the registry in the invitation.

But what you can do is just fail to register anywhere, or only register for a few basics, and people will either buy you nice pieces for your home, or give you cash. (We netted quite a lot and we never asked for anything.) Registering and taking stuff back is gauche.

[Marilyn. 340]

well for us gifts were kind of pointless because I had about a year or so before I would be moving and I would have nowhere to store stuff and then I would have had to figure out a way to get the stuff down there etc...

we started the plane ticket fund because we thought it would be cool to raise money for plane tickets for hubby... that was something that was far more useful then stuff....

[no name 1]

You don't. It's tacky to ask, and it's tacky to put the registry in the invitation.

But what you can do is just fail to register anywhere, or only register for a few basics, and people will either buy you nice pieces for your home, or give you cash. (We netted quite a lot and we never asked for anything.) Registering and taking stuff back is gauche.

We registered & listed places we liked for gift cards (we moved across country right after) & had it on our website. Putting any registry in an invite is tacky.

Asking for receipts - does anyone actually DO THAT? My god, how rude.

[Caladan 19]

A wedding website's a good place for that stuff. But there's really no good way to say 'just cash, please', because gifts are never required. You can let your friends and family know what you're planning, and let the information disseminate that way.