My future niece

[addy 0]

My sister is about 8 months pregnant now and I'm excited about seeing her baby. The thing that's bugging me is my sister's husband.

We don't get along. We never did. I tried being respectable towards him last year when he volunteered to take my chow Fluffy to the emergency room because she was dying but it didn't last and we exchange daggers everytime they visit. He always had a bad reputation since high school. When I was in the high school band in the drum section, one guy that knew him was afraid to talk to me fearing the jerk could beat him up or something. My mum tried keeping my sister apart from him when they broke up once and he got in a screaming match with my mum. His grandmother warned my mum that my sister had no idea what her grandson was like. When my sister married the guy, they moved to different places since he's in the airforce and when they stayed in abilene, she invited me to spend a few days with them. I caught the jerk giving me unwelcomed glares and I could just imagine a voice telling me to get out. He's given unwelcome looks to my mum too and she's aware of what he's like. A few months ago when my mum and I were visiting my sister on the other side of San Antonio, he came home from work and saw us and asked me why I wasn't working. It was my day off and my mum and sis knew that but he didn't want me there. He was glaring at me because I was wearing my shoes and he always wants guests to take their shoes off before treading on the carpet. He does not approve that I still live at home with my parents and he thinks I'm robbing my parents of their money. Everytime I go visit my sister, he makes an excuse to my sister and leaves. The worst thing he ever did and it makes me despise the son of a ###### was when Dan came to see me for thanksgiving. We had the dinner over at my sister's and the ####### answered the door, greeted my parents but ignored me and Dan and my baby had no idea why the idiot was like that. Now that I'm going to be an auntie, I fear "his lord and master" is going to give me grief about being there at the house with the baby. He'll give me more nasty looks and because I can defend myself, we'll be getting into fights and I don't want my niece to figure out we hate each other's guts. I fear I won't get to know her with his nibs watching me and glaring at me.

[JenT 0]

What does your sister say about all of this?

Jen

[Fandango 1,440]

Addy, I say suck it up for the sake of your sister's happiness.

If he's always been this way, I think you should stop secretly expecting better of the guy. So if he glares at you, just let it roll off you as it's expected. Don't let this guy make you feel bad....he can try all he wants, but you're the one who's allowing him to do so.

Like when you said 'i could almost hear a voice telling me to get out'....that's your own projecting of what he's doing. He'd prolly be very pleased to know he affects you so....but once you take away his power of being able to do that...all he will look like to you is a petty & childish little boy with anger issues.

Be there for your sister...and if she ever confides in you that she's unhappy or anything like that, just be there for a shoulder and an ear. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink! Because sometimes, you might be confiding in her about how you feel, but that may put her on the defensive about her husband...and it might cause a rift with you two. And that's the last thing you want

But right now, she's going through a lot of emotions...I'm sure she's anxious about the baby, and might have a few fears about how she'll handle it all, etc....Imo, the last thing she needs is family issues. She's obviously made the choice to marry and procreate with this man, so for her sake, try to ignore him.

Yes, easier said than done, I know....

Edited August 1, 2007 by LisaD

[addy 0]

What does your sister say about all of this?

Jen

Yes she knows. She has always known that we don't get along. She got after him when he snubbed my baby during thanksgiving. There were times that he really upset me and all she can say is "I know". I called her cell phone once and he answered and he didn't want to give her the phone until I lost my temper. He was getting such a kick out of what he was doing and when I finally spoke to her, I told her calmly that I hate him and she understands.

She is afraid of him. She always has to park the car away from the driveway so no oil spills on the ground. She does have to be careful not to spill anything on the furniture and keep the carpet clean.

I thought about skipping the baby shower but it would only hurt my sister and it would give the jerk the satisfaction if I didn't show. When he found out about my trip, he got angry because I just got a job and have been there for a few months. While I was in Wales, I heard about my father getting ill and my mum calling everybody for rides to do the errands. The jerk was demanding that I cut my trip short and return immediately but I was happy that they got a taste of what I do when I'm on my own and my parents needed me if there was an emergency.

[Sinergy 3]

Addy i am with you. I had this problem with my sisters husband as well. It all started when i told him that all his hair would fall out and a week later he began a receeding hairline and since thing swears i put a curse on him. He hates me, he hates my family. Hes disrespectful even to my parents and made it very clear that he didnt want them or me and my kids and hubby in his house. When my sisters son was born he specifically stated me nor my mom were allowed to be there. We went, we were not going to let him stop us from seeing that baby. He still hates us, and even hangs up on me when i call my sister and then tells her it was a telemarketer. but i dont care, i know im better than him