Yo! Happy Wednesday!!!!

[doodlebug 3]

my son freaked out when I left him at school... I heard him crying and screaming while I had to walk away... then I got into my work... Late.. and my boss said if I am having so many family issues maybe I should take a week off.... but I cant cause i have to support 4 people.. plus.. staying at home for a week.. would be pure H*LL

the doctor is up my A$$ today....

I wish I could run away

i feel like throwing up

Maybe take a week off and go to family counseling? It can't hurt right? Does the iman do that?

[ya falaha! 0]

Honestly, doodle, from what I know about Dee's husband, I don't think he's the type who would accept any type of counseling. Many MENA ppl associate counseling/psychology with "craziness" or mental instability. Him going to a counselor would be the same as him admitting he's nuts and has a problem. In his mind he probably doesn't think there is a problem. Not with him anyways. My ex was like that.

[doodlebug 3]

Unfortunately I think you are right. Maybe some just don't adapt at all when they get here.

[ya falaha! 0]

I meant to edit...when I said it was the same as admitting he's nuts I didn't mean he IS nuts. I hope it wasn't taken that way.

[mybackpages 0]

I meant to edit...when I said it was the same as admitting he's nuts I didn't mean he IS nuts. I hope it wasn't taken that way.

I read it the way you meant it

In Dee's situation, she can seek some counseling without him. I think they coul dboth benefot, but like Moody says, some men won't do it. Dee , you need to find some tools for coping with this that help you ... Maybe the Imam woul dbe a good choice since he will most likely be familiar with issues of immigration? Going alone might be a good idea, it won't resovle the issues that are making dee "crazy" but might give her some new strategies for handling them.

[peezey 0]

I think Dee is pretty smart. If she thinks it's time to throw in the towel, she's probably thought of all the other choices ahead of that. The worst thing I ever did was NOT listen to my gut at a time like Dee is describing.

I also think there is a lot of excusing these guys' behavior going around here. They are adults. They need to buck up or sut up and get out.

He came on K3. He can go home for a month and reassess his willingness to be an adult in this marriage.

Edited August 1, 2007 by peezey

[peezey 0]

Do you really think an imam is going to be impartial so that Dee gets fair counseling? In my experience, an imam who is impartial enough to see the woman's side and agree with her is extraordinarily rare.

Edited August 1, 2007 by peezey

[doodlebug 3]

I mentioned the imam because I know her husband is very religious but I agree 100% with peezey here. (omg did i just say that?????)

Certain things can be excused due to culture, etc. but bottom line these men are adults and should act accordingly.

[ya falaha! 0]

Yep Some things are inexcusable no matter what.

I mentioned the imam because I know her husband is very religious but I agree 100% with peezey here. (omg did i just say that?????)

Certain things can be excused due to culture, etc. but bottom line these men are adults and should act accordingly.

[peezey 0]

I mentioned the imam because I know her husband is very religious but I agree 100% with peezey here. (omg did i just say that?????)

Certain things can be excused due to culture, etc. but bottom line these men are adults and should act accordingly.

I wasn't being snarky, I'm seriously asking. Imams don't get real counseling training, most are immigrants, most are not going to see the woman's stress in all this. I'm just trying to talk in realities here, there is clearly an emergency situation in Dee's household and she needs support and ideas she can actually follow through on that will help her clear her head and make some decisions either way.

Dee, is there a single mother's support group you know of? I think this is extra hard for single mothers. You already have people relying on you, then this grown man comes here and demands attention and energy you just don't have. Plus, you expected he'd be HELPING you, not draining you.

Edited August 1, 2007 by peezey

[brnidokiegurl 0]

I mentioned the imam because I know her husband is very religious but I agree 100% with peezey here. (omg did i just say that?????)

Certain things can be excused due to culture, etc. but bottom line these men are adults and should act accordingly.

Although we are not married, i have to say also Peezy good post , from what i was picking up on some of this, there is/was to much pampering some (not necessarily this case) these are grown men, and it does seem to be happening alot lately.

[allousa 1]

I don't know everyone's SO status...

But I'm wondering if the some of the people that excuse the behavior don't have their SO here yet. Don't care what region/religion/race....NEVER let someone walk all over you!

It's great to work towards a happy medium, but don't give up yourself.

Looking for single mom support groups are a great idea. Being one right now myself, since Hicham is stuck in Morocco, the support system I have to help me with our little boy is life-saving! Most big cities have some sort of group and they have access to SOOOOO many resources.

[♥JP♥ 5]

I think Dee is pretty smart. If she thinks it's time to throw in the towel, she's probably thought of all the other choices ahead of that. The worst thing I ever did was NOT listen to my gut at a time like Dee is describing.

I also think there is a lot of excusing these guys' behavior going around here. They are adults. They need to buck up or sut up and get out.

He came on K3. He can go home for a month and reassess his willingness to be an adult in this marriage.

Excellent post Sometimes people just need a swift kick in the #######.

[mybackpages 0]

Do you really think an imam is going to be impartial so that Dee gets fair counseling? In my experience, an imam who is impartial enough to see the woman's side and agree with her is extraordinarily rare.

I thought this same thing after I hit the post button. My experience is that many imams come with certain ideas of women, of marriage that is not necessaily goingto help her situation. I think it depends on the imam, what country he comes from, which school of jurisprudence he favors, so many other things. I've only met one in my life I would trust to confide in.

[allousa 1]

Just thought I would let you all know that we are SSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLL waiting for Rome to "log in" Hicham's file! AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!! :angry:

They haven't updated their case list yet either so we don't know if they have it logged in yet.