My beneficiary is not telling the truth...

[TBoneTX 44,805]

19 minutes ago, SinghSaab1 said:

While i am indeed a caring person and have extended my care to them, this is turmoil. I know what I described isnt normal nor acceptable.

Brother, if you read what you yourself are writing (above and previously), consider whether you really want to spend many miserable years of torment, throwing good effort after bad, in a completely dysfunctional relationship with her and her family, until you can't take it any longer.  You shouldn't have to rectify what can't be fixed, or fight requests for her parents to intrude at all hours, or have the police called on you (!).

 

The larger question is, why should you be expected to deal with all this?  It's not your concern to have to straighten out severe dysfunction on multiple fronts just to remain married on paper, for this isn't a real marriage otherwise.  How long until your reservoir of emotional wherewithal is drained?

 

This world is full of mentally and emotionally available women who are well-adjusted and with whom a healthy relationship can be developed.  If you find one in the U.S., immigration and tourist visas will cease to be a factor, and you'll be free from all of the other current burdens.

[Boiler 44,983]

You need to move on.

 

The longer you leave it the worse things will get.

[Amunah 61]

I never suggested for you to lie to immigration, or neither has anyone one of us. Let’s get straight. Canada is not over seas, you have no kids or other arrangements keeping you from not coming more often, because if you were able to get married and enter while covid measure were in full force in Canada, what’s stoping you now? Don’t give them, or her, even grounds to contemplate the visitors visa since you’ll be there often enough, so no need for added layer of suspicion and mistrust, especially at this stage of your marriage and the fact that you haven’t even filed the cr1 petition.And you do not need to discuss your itinerary or your daily and weekly agenda with your inlaws once over there, you are a married couple, no need for chaperoning, and do not stay in the hotel down the street. You are two adults, married adults. Make your own decisions, do not involve the whole village, both of you. And if that doesn’t work, as Boiler previously stated you need a different type of legal help, something not offered here. 

Edited September 30, 2023 by Amunah

[SinghSaab1 6]

5 hours ago, Amunah said:

I never suggested for you to lie to immigration, or neither has anyone one of us. Let’s get straight. Canada is not over seas, you have no kids or other arrangements keeping you from not coming more often, because if you were able to get married and enter while covid measure were in full force in Canada, what’s stoping you now? Don’t give them, or her, even grounds to contemplate the visitors visa since you’ll be there often enough, so no need for added layer of suspicion and mistrust, especially at this stage of your marriage and the fact that you haven’t even filed the cr1 petition.And you do not need to discuss your itinerary or your daily and weekly agenda with your inlaws once over there, you are a married couple, no need for chaperoning, and do not stay in the hotel down the street. You are two adults, married adults. Make your own decisions, do not involve the whole village, both of you. And if that doesn’t work, as Boiler previously stated you need a different type of legal help, something not offered here. 

I beg your pardon? When and where did I say you or anyone on here is suggesting that? I am speaking for me in the first person and how her family has tried to make that happen. I was speaking for myself. Not sure where you are getting this insinuation from. I dont think you understood my situation very well. Its my wife, shes sadly a baby child who loves to involve her family into every aspect of my presence there because with her BPD she loves to compare and contrast her married life to her sisters etc. Trust me I know how to make my own decisions etc as a I am a grown man doing a world of good in my own merit within my own shadowed in which I am very comfy in. If anything Ive been pleading to her to get her immigration paperwork in order, but she has to rely on her family to get it done, and they dont seem to want any part of this because they have given up on her mental health to which they are putting it on me. Anytime I bring up immigration paperwork, she starts a fight of some sort. 

Thanks for all the advice but a lot of what you said and insinuated, truly not sure where you got it from, anyhow, take it easy. 

[SinghSaab1 6]

15 hours ago, TBoneTX said:

Brother, if you read what you yourself are writing (above and previously), consider whether you really want to spend many miserable years of torment, throwing good effort after bad, in a completely dysfunctional relationship with her and her family, until you can't take it any longer.  You shouldn't have to rectify what can't be fixed, or fight requests for her parents to intrude at all hours, or have the police called on you (!).

 

The larger question is, why should you be expected to deal with all this?  It's not your concern to have to straighten out severe dysfunction on multiple fronts just to remain married on paper, for this isn't a real marriage otherwise.  How long until your reservoir of emotional wherewithal is drained?

 

This world is full of mentally and emotionally available women who are well-adjusted and with whom a healthy relationship can be developed.  If you find one in the U.S., immigration and tourist visas will cease to be a factor, and you'll be free from all of the other current burdens.

Thanks for your input. I know the situation I am in is absolutely not the norm. I have an older brother, happily married, his wife is like an older sister to me and trust me I know how a marriage is supposed to be. There is no one size fits all in a marriage, but I do know this status quo that I am in isnt right. There is the element of attachment and love here, I do love her but its fading away. 

For example, last night I told her how I am planning on taking my parents, specifically moreso my mom on a spiritual pilgrimage since I dont know if my mom will be alive next year. She threw a tantrum in how I dont prioritize the marriage yet I have been there numerous of times, all of which have gone to s***. She insists and expects my older sibling take them as opposed to me. While "missing me" is one idea to this is what she claims, if thats the case, then Id imagine she should help close the gap and do the immigration paperwork properly. But she doesnt, why? For a CR1 a medical evaluation is needed and information must be disclosed, which she doesnt want to do, so she picks these random BS fights to keep stringing along. 

But I honestly am glad I wrote about this on this forum. I came for immigration advice and I got a lot more than I asked for in good ways. I appreciate your insight. 

[Amunah 61]

16 hours ago, SinghSaab1 said:

I kind of did do this. 

Got a hotel resort thing set up. Everything was good. She got mad at me for not letting her mom and dad come to our room at 4 am. Why didnt I let it? Well lets just say being a grown man with a grown woman, I could figure out how to uber eats medicine or ask the front desk, let alone we had just finished being intimate. She threw a fit and I told her to lower her voice to where she called 911. Thankfully I recorded it all. She just told the police she had a panic attack and had not taken her meds. 

She doesnt drive or have much independence. I can def try again but I know how she is. She thinks her mother is God. I am not being cynical in this. She legit thinks her mom is God's gift to earth. Nothing against the lady but she wants me to continually just please her mom. If her mom sneezes, she expects me to call her mom and tell her to go to the doctor. While i am indeed a caring person and have extended my care to them, this is turmoil. I know what I described isnt normal nor acceptable. My hope is her family stops being in denial, help me out to get her help, and give this marriage a chance. 

Lying to immigration? Hell no. Will never happen on my watch. She is my wife and if she wishes to come to the USA there is only one way to legally come in obtaining a visa that leads to a green card. 

The last paragraph, that’s why. But I get now that you need to keep repeating this to yourself. Also, I would get pissy too, if my husband is not including me in his priorities as important as taking his mom to pilgrimage, and I am not medically diagnosed, oh wait, diagnosed by my family and spouse. Just like your beneficiary, baby-child, 4 pages I still need to read something good about that woman and I read plenty of good things about you.  But here is me giving unsolicited marital advise. Back to the main topic: CR1 needs to be filed by you, and as pushbrk stated earlier, given the timeline it processes, everything else, including the medical comes up later, way later. File the paperwork to be taken serious. I rest my case. 

[Boiler 44,983]

1 hour ago, SinghSaab1 said:

But I honestly am glad I wrote about this on this forum. I came for immigration advice and I got a lot more than I asked for in good ways. I appreciate your insight. 

No problem

[TBoneTX 44,805]

1 hour ago, SinghSaab1 said:

she should help close the gap and do the immigration paperwork properly. But she doesnt, why?

She's not committed to the partnership.

[SinghSaab1 6]

22 minutes ago, Amunah said:

The last paragraph, that’s why. But I get now that you need to keep repeating this to yourself. Also, I would get pissy too, if my husband is not including me in his priorities as important as taking his mom to pilgrimage, and I am not medically diagnosed, oh wait, diagnosed by my family and spouse. Just like your beneficiary, baby-child, 4 pages I still need to read something good about that woman and I read plenty of good things about you.  But here is me giving unsolicited marital advise. Back to the main topic: CR1 needs to be filed by you, and as pushbrk stated earlier, given the timeline it processes, everything else, including the medical comes up later, way later. File the paperwork to be taken serious. I rest my case. 

Sorry to hit a nerve and sorry I had to clarify myself to showcase I was talking about myself in the first person which you didnt get my point because others did I feel. Not trying to convince you, or others, its also to let future readers know how dangerous a path this can be if God forbid anyone is in my position because lets face it, love can be blinding in the moment where you end up doing not so "legal" things. That was the point, but okay, glad we are on the same page. 

And if you read, she has been diagnosed, so please dont assume my family or myself diagnosed her. Very presumptuous. How I know this? Thats why she doesnt want her medical for the CRI to happen because her doctor in the ICU told me that these symptoms have been present since before your marriage. You forgot the whole point it seems of why I wrote the post in the first place. In fact her doctor and I who spoke during her ICU stay told me all her diagnosis and told me NOT to do her immigration paperwork yet. 

The question initially asked here was about medical disclosure for a CRI and question if she is able to nefariously "lie" about her medical history and the ramifications from therein. I know the crappy position I am in. This is someone who is sadly very ill, someone who I love and care for and want to make it work out, but as others have suggested it depends on her if she wants to, and to that I cannot force her to get treatment if she doesnt want which would not work for me. Thats all there was to it. 

[pushbrk 12,621]

4 hours ago, SinghSaab1 said:

. If anything Ive been pleading to her to get her immigration paperwork in order, but she has to rely on her family to get it done, and they dont seem to want any part of this because they have given up on her mental health to which they are putting it on me. Anytime I bring up immigration paperwork, she starts a fight of some sort. 

 

 

See enlarged bold above.  All you need from her is information that's in her head and a certified copy of your marriage certificate.  What are you talking about regarding "immigration paperwork"?  YOU are the one to file the petition.  Have you even looked at the I-130 and its instructions?  Anything else comes a year or more after you file the petition.

[Boiler 44,983]

The very worst thing he could do is file an I 130.

[SinghSaab1 6]

1 minute ago, pushbrk said:

 

See enlarged bold above.  All you need from her is information that's in her head and a certified copy of your marriage certificate.  What are you talking about regarding "immigration paperwork"?  YOU are the one to file the petition.  Have you even looked at the I-130 and its instructions?  Anything else comes a year or more after you file the petition.

 I have actually. I know the instructions are simple for a simple filing but this is far from simple. 

 

The reason why I am hell bound on getting the medical aspect started is because her diagnosis is a potential Class A Diagnosis rendering her inadmissible if she went in cold turkey without any remedial healing plan. There needs to be a paper trail of her medical condition being attended to for more than just 1-2 months that requires a very specific set of treatment plans. I know this comes later, but this is specific to my situation in ensuring WHEN the time comes for this, there was already a plan in place. I am being proactive not reactive in trying to cure any forseeable delay or denial. That said, "immigration paperwork" is a loose term I throw around for her family so they understand I am not just going on a "witch hunt" for this, she needs to type up her affidavit from her mother to testify certain events in her life took place which she has no documentation for. That paperwork. Its a collective term. 

[pushbrk 12,621]

8 minutes ago, SinghSaab1 said:

 I have actually. I know the instructions are simple for a simple filing but this is far from simple. 

 

The reason why I am hell bound on getting the medical aspect started is because her diagnosis is a potential Class A Diagnosis rendering her inadmissible if she went in cold turkey without any remedial healing plan. There needs to be a paper trail of her medical condition being attended to for more than just 1-2 months that requires a very specific set of treatment plans. I know this comes later, but this is specific to my situation in ensuring WHEN the time comes for this, there was already a plan in place. I am being proactive not reactive in trying to cure any forseeable delay or denial. That said, "immigration paperwork" is a loose term I throw around for her family so they understand I am not just going on a "witch hunt" for this, she needs to type up her affidavit from her mother to testify certain events in her life took place which she has no documentation for. That paperwork. Its a collective term. 

If you want meaningful help here, be specific and accurate in your descriptions.  The above is "gobledegook".   I do get that you want to have some assurance the medical issues will be dealt with, before you start the process, but that is not "her immigration paperwork".  What kind of "events in her life" do you need her mother to write about, and why?  This is not a normal part of the spouse immigration process.

[SinghSaab1 6]

54 minutes ago, pushbrk said:

If you want meaningful help here, be specific and accurate in your descriptions.  The above is "gobledegook".   I do get that you want to have some assurance the medical issues will be dealt with, before you start the process, but that is not "her immigration paperwork".  What kind of "events in her life" do you need her mother to write about, and why?  This is not a normal part of the spouse immigration process.

Can I please PM you as I do not want give out too much, more than I have. 

[pushbrk 12,621]

3 minutes ago, SinghSaab1 said:

Can I please PM you as I do not want give out too much, more than I have. 

No.  I don't give advice by PM.  If you need professional help, start here.  https://www.visajourney.com/partners/

 

Otherwise, provide real information here.  Nobody knows who you are or who she is.