My beneficiary is not telling the truth...

[SinghSaab1 6]

My wife has had long standing depression. It is obviously a sensitive topic but more specifically she has a likely known condition called Borderline Personality Disorder complexed with Psychosis, Anxiety, Depression, PTSD etc and from Canada. She is a Canadian PR. 

Her family has tried to make the claim that this personality disorder is something new, and although no official diagnosis has been made, the psychiatrist who I spoke to in the hospital when she had a traumatic burn accident, said how she stated how she does not want to live and was emotional being placed on Ketamine IV. 

While I know she is my wife, and my responsibility, being long distance I can only help her so much. She does have severe mental health issues where she has called the police on me claiming in a hotel room that I tried to come after her which is not true at all. Her family basically just wants to forget all this and send her on her way. 

I am obviously not okay with this and will not lie on any application. For this, Ive told the family that she needs to see a psychiatrist, determine what her ailment is and determine what treatment is indicated as immigration law requires one to be truthful. 

She thinks that a letter from her PCP will do clearing her to come to the USA where I fear, what if her PCP will lie too denying her mental health past? 

I do want to remain married to my wife but not under these circumstances where she is not getting treatment and thereby wanting to NOT disclose her mental health issues. Its a sad situation as it is a South East Asian family with bounds of stigma in not wanting to disclose it. I almost feel sorry for her but I also need to protect myself and my family. 

What are your thoughts to get around this? Anytime I come forward with the stipulation about her mental health treatment, it turns into deflection where my mental health or whatever they are making it to be comes into question. 

Would a US Civil Surgeon be mindful enough to pick up on work/education gaps asking why did you not work or go to school since 2018 and suddenly you want to go to the USA? Or is the medical review a simple "checkmark" where they wount review her history or wount pick up on her potentially lying about it? 

Thanks a lot. 

[Ontarkie 14,162]

She will have to disclose it. They will want medical records.  If she lies and somehow the doctors don't know everything going on (they most likely do not) then she very well may get through. Another Canadian member years ago had to be evaluated due to depression. She had to be assessed if you're lucky they may require it, but I wouldn't hold my breath.  

 

When she ended up in the hospital, how did she get there? Police if so they may have a record of it and then it will be disclosed. Not as a crime but something that may come out at the interview. 

 

I can tell you though with my experience with my ex with mental illness. It will not get better unless she admits it and actively gets help.

[Mike E 11,733]

How long have you been married and what percentage of that time have you been in each others physical presence?

[SinghSaab1 6]

4 minutes ago, Ontarkie said:

She will have to disclose it. They will want medical records.  If she lies and somehow the doctors don't know everything going on (they most likely do not) then she very well may get through. Another Canadian member years ago had to be evaluated due to depression. She had to be assessed if you're lucky they may require it, but I wouldn't hold my breath.  

 

When she ended up in the hospital, how did she get there? Police if so they may have a record of it and then it will be disclosed. Not as a crime but something that may come out at the interview. 

 

I can tell you though with my experience with my ex with mental illness. It will not get better unless she admits it and actively gets help.

Thank you for your reply. 

From what I know and what her family has told me, prior to me, the EMS and police have come to her home many times due to her panic/anxiety attacks. I am not sure if that is even true or who even called it in? But this was done many times. She would be taken to the ER or not taken at all after her mom would instruct her siblings to basically say she is alright and get her back home. Yes, its sad, her mom saves her like this all the time. 

Also, was in the ICU as I said due to a traumatic burn that occured at 3 am while cooking. I was not there but that is what I was told. Idk if she did it herself. That said, again, the fire dept, police, and EMS came, she was admitted in the ICU and a psychiatrist did see her, and then come talk to me where he said, she likely has Borderline Personality, Psychosis, PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression.

I am certain there is a large paper trial between her, the hospital, previous EMS/police encounters, and then she was placed on a medical leave for her school and had to take multiple medical leaves and essentially never went back. 

My heart tells me, somewhere this will come up in the interview. I dont want her to lie, thats just wrong, but moreso I want her to get better for herself and then to come open about how she is in treatment. But so far, her family isnt supporting, they have left her to it and they want no part of it, but keep asking to either do a B2 visa (yes, and then file for adjustment of status knowing already we are married which would be fraud), or for her to simply get her Canadian Citizenship and go back and forth living as my spouse in the USA which wouldnt work as the Border guards will catch on. 

 

[SinghSaab1 6]

4 minutes ago, Mike E said:

How long have you been married and what percentage of that time have you been in each others physical presence?

 We got married in October of 2021. We met online. We have been in eachothers physical presence for about 2-3 weeks total since then where I would go visit. Everytime I have visited, something dramatic has happened. Between wanting to jump out of cars, calling 911 on me, or just throwing tantrums. 

As much as this is all wrong, I do love her and want her to get better. Being a medical doctor myself, I dont want to feel a sense of hypocrisy in me abandoning her where it seems thats been the mainstay theme of her life where she initially lost her biological father at a young age. 

[Ontarkie 14,162]

I feel for you I truly do. I wish with all my heart she gets to be strong enough to get the help she needs. 

 

With all the police reports, she is probably listed in medical and police records of being a suicide, medical crisis risk. I wish I could say for certain that she would be found out during the medical or during the interview. I just don't know, but you do need to know what you are getting into. Your safety and mental health are also at risk. 

 

Have you thought about moving in with her and staying in Canada so you can get her help and find out more? Maybe away from the family as they keep covering things up. 

[Ontarkie 14,162]

5 minutes ago, lifesaver786 said:

 We got married in October of 2021. We met online. We have been in eachothers physical presence for about 2-3 weeks total since then where I would go visit. Everytime I have visited, something dramatic has happened. Between wanting to jump out of cars, calling 911 on me, or just throwing tantrums. 

As much as this is all wrong, I do love her and want her to get better. Being a medical doctor myself, I dont want to feel a sense of hypocrisy in me abandoning her where it seems thats been the mainstay theme of her life where she initially lost her biological father at a young age. 

Ah there we go. You're a doctor you have that need to help and fix things. Sadly she is the only one who can fix or help with this.

[SinghSaab1 6]

2 minutes ago, Ontarkie said:

I feel for you I truly do. I wish with all my heart she gets to be strong enough to get the help she needs. 

 

With all the police reports, she is probably listed in medical and police records of being a suicide, medical crisis risk. I wish I could say for certain that she would be found out during the medical or during the interview. I just don't know, but you do need to know what you are getting into. Your safety and mental health are also at risk. 

 

Have you thought about moving in with her and staying in Canada so you can get her help and find out more? Maybe away from the family as they keep covering things up. 

 I have thought about it. But I know her family does not believe in boundaries. I mean we were at a hotel down the street during a short visit, and her parents wants to come up to our hotel room at 4 am to give me medicine for my back pain where I told them over and over and including her, I am alright, I will get it sent over by the hotel staff or something to where she got upset why I am denying my parents access and called the police. 

That and my own mother is in kidney failure and on a transplant list where I have to watch out for her health to ensure she does not go into cardiac arrest. 

Just now, Ontarkie said:

Ah there we go. You're a doctor you have that need to help and fix things. Sadly she is the only one who can fix or help with this.

Thats the thing. When you have that idea in thinking you can fix things, you cant just walk away. I know she can get better and as you correctly said, only she will need to want to fix herself. Its just sad, her family is enabling her behavior and doubling down on her narrative blaming me saying "She was fine before the marriage, something happened afterwards, we are very concerned", yet initially her siblings spilled all the beans of how "she has destroyed many lives, so please save yourself, this is nothing new". Have all the proof in the world to refute anything they say. 

But I dont want to go down that route. My hope was this immigration process would in some ways "force" her to get help out of fear of being denied a VISA for the USA on the potential idea of someone lying. 

I also know, she will have some doctor write a bogus letter "clearing" her to come to the USA which worries me to what extent can they lie. 

[Mike E 11,733]

9 minutes ago, lifesaver786 said:

We got married in October of 2021. We met online. We have been in eachothers physical presence for about 2-3 weeks total since then where I would go visit

14 days of time together in over 700 days of marriage is weak evidence of bonafide relationship.

 

IMO, these marriages usually do not work out, and the petitioner is stuck with a lifetime I-864 burden.

 

I do not know if Montreal will give her an IR-1 visa, but based on what you have described, it should not.

 

 

[Mike E 11,733]

6 minutes ago, lifesaver786 said:

she will have some doctor write a bogus letter "clearing" her to come to the USA which worries me to what extent can they lie.

Have you submitted I-864 yet?

[SinghSaab1 6]

7 minutes ago, Mike E said:

Have you submitted I-864 yet?

No I have not submitted anything. Anytime the conversation comes up. It stalls on the forefront of discussing her work/education history + medical history for the likely mentioned reasons above on having to disclose certain matters.

[TBoneTX 44,831]

12 minutes ago, lifesaver786 said:

My hope was this immigration process would in some ways "force" her to get help out of fear

This is not the intent or purpose of the immigration process.

 

It seems to me that until things change (and the changes endure) in regard to her medical condition and her family's enabling her current status, you should strongly consider putting her immigration on hold.

[TBoneTX 44,831]

Just now, lifesaver786 said:

reasons above on having to disclose certain matters

Beginning the immigration process, and an envisioned life, on the basis of fudging or less-than-complete honesty is not a foundation for a lasting situation.  Please strongly consider my message just above.

[SinghSaab1 6]

1 minute ago, TBoneTX said:

This is not the intent or purpose of the immigration process.

 

It seems to me that until things change (and the changes endure) in regard to her medical condition and her family's enabling her current status, you should strongly consider putting her immigration on hold.

I agree it is not and had no plan to use it as such. What I meant was, to start the conversation with her family and her regarding what is required PRIOR to submitted. No way under any condition would I ever side with going through with how things are right now. 

[SinghSaab1 6]

1 minute ago, TBoneTX said:

Beginning the immigration process, and an envisioned life, on the basis of fudging or less-than-complete honesty is not a foundation for a lasting situation.  Please strongly consider my message just above.

Thank you. I appreciate your honesty. 

I was really hoping having these conversations with her and the family would enable them to come clean and just tell me what is what so we can get her the help she needs. Immigration is not even something I am considering knowing how muddy the waters are. 

I believe your assessment is correct and hence have taken it into good light.