84 Percent Couples - Money Creates Tension in Marriage

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Giving Up the Debt Lifestyle

By Deb Price, King Features Syndicate

Growing up a tomboy, I hated the pointy-toed sneakers my mom forced me to wear. I ached for Keds high-tops.

Years later, when as a college junior I giddily found myself holding my very first credit card, I knew exactly what my first purchase would be -- and rightly reckoned this was a momentous adult milestone.

But as I signed the credit slip and laced up those high-tops, I had no idea that I'd actually just bought a painful -- and costly -- learning opportunity: I'd entered the debt lifestyle.

At first, it seemed harmless to pay an item's purchase price, plus a bit of interest. But as the years clicked by and I settled down with my spouse, Joyce, I came to feel like a frustrated gerbil -- always running but getting nowhere financially. What had us spinning was the amount of our income being diverted to interest payments -- on credit cards, cars, our mortgage and home equity loans (taken out to pay off credit cards that we ran right back up).

But, now nearly three decades -- and a lot of peanut butter sandwiches -- after my Keds purchase, Joyce and I owe not one cent. And we don't pay interest. Money, rather than being a crowbar, has become a sweet glue that helps bond us to each other and our shared dreams.

Money tears many couples apart. MONEY magazine surveyed 500 married couples last year and found money caused more fights than sex or in-laws. Most -- 84 percent -- said money creates tension in their marriage, and they said the main reason was because they don't agree on financial priorities.

Having been taught by our goof-ups that we were money dummies, Joyce and I sat down eight years ago and designed a roadmap out of debt. We started by creating a very specific picture of our ideal future with the help of Michael Gelb's timeless book, "How to Think Like Leonardo da Vinci."

Once we came up with a shared, detailed dream of retiring in Hawaii, we found it easier to make the smart choices required to get us off the awful gerbil wheel.

We set a date -- February 2008 -- to be debt-free and made all money decisions based on that shared goal. Quick examples: Joyce loves to travel, so we took up tent camping -- and found ourselves happily cooking lobsters over an open fire and walking the beach alongside wild Assateague ponies. We swapped golf for tennis, a far cheaper sport.

Most importantly, we prioritized debts, putting every extra nickel toward erasing first one car loan, then the other. Once they were gone, we immediately doubled up on house payments. Each time one loan was wiped out, the pace of our progress picked up. Why? Less was being lost to interest.

Along the way, we received three small inheritances, which we used to pay off the last of our SUV, my piano and, just this summer, the final six months of mortgage payments. Pinch me: We actually own our home.

Financially free at last, we don't need a newer car or a house in a ritzier neighborhood. We've matured faster than our savings bonds.

Shared dreams help build strong couples. And shared financial game plans help make dreams come true. So sit down, and start dreaming -- together.

Deb Price of The Detroit News writes the first nationally syndicated column on gay issues.

Edited July 31, 2007 by Mister Fancypants

[Jenn! 918]

Money creates stress in life, even if you're not married, no?

[Leney 0]

I am the most ####### freak when it comes to money I know I drive my husband nuts, but I feel obligated to be very responsible and frugal. I've been dirt poor in the past, and I don't ever want to be that way again. I can't stand people who get a little bit of money and splurge or rich people who waste money on a $50k toilet cover

[tom&tata 2]

Money creates stress in life, even if you're not married, no?

True. It's just when you are married, you will have someone to argue with.

[almaty 19]

$$$$$$$$$$$.. is the root of evil..and the #1 issue in marriage problems..dr dean

[SteveLaura 0]

We saw a free financial adviser at the end of last year. Completely opened our eyes. Since then, with his advice, we have now paid off 2 credit cards, a furniture loan, one car loan and the 2nd car loan will hopefully be gone in a few weeks - debt-free! Woo-hoo! All the money that was being wasted on interest is now going to be going towards the down payment for a lovely little home of our own next summer.

[Cassie 8]

It took us a while to get in synch about money decisions, but once we did, we've been flying. Paid off four credit cards, working hard on finishing off my student loan, and then the car. Our ultimate goal is to own property here and in Canada.

[russ 1]

- debt-free! Woo-hoo! All the money that was being wasted on interest is now going to be going towards the

Debt-free shouldn't be a goal by itself. Debt-free and broke is worse than some debt and wealthy. Some debt you should take - student loans if they will drastically increase your income, mortgage if you want a house and can afford it. If you own a business, you almost need to have debt available.

[Leney 0]

Debt in some cases builds credit, for example the worst thing you can do is pay off your credit cards and cut them up and never use them. Leaving $20-$70 on the card and paying the minimum helps build credit. My credit rating has gone up drastically since I started doing this.

[SteveLaura 0]

- debt-free! Woo-hoo! All the money that was being wasted on interest is now going to be going towards the

Debt-free shouldn't be a goal by itself. Debt-free and broke is worse than some debt and wealthy. Some debt you should take - student loans if they will drastically increase your income, mortgage if you want a house and can afford it. If you own a business, you almost need to have debt available.

Well, naturally we won't be able to buy a house outright, but we do intend, as far as possible, for the mortgage payments to be the only debt in the future. We will keep the credit cards for emergencies, but otherwise we have structured a budget that meets our income at present. A budget for clothes, maintenance, food, bills, etc. Can't afford something this month? Wait 'til next month!

[Cassie 8]

- debt-free! Woo-hoo! All the money that was being wasted on interest is now going to be going towards the

Debt-free shouldn't be a goal by itself. Debt-free and broke is worse than some debt and wealthy. Some debt you should take - student loans if they will drastically increase your income, mortgage if you want a house and can afford it. If you own a business, you almost need to have debt available.

Well, naturally we won't be able to buy a house outright, but we do intend, as far as possible, for the mortgage payments to be the only debt in the future. We will keep the credit cards for emergencies, but otherwise we have structured a budget that meets our income at present. A budget for clothes, maintenance, food, bills, etc. Can't afford something this month? Wait 'til next month!

"wait??? but I want it now!!!! " is the attitude many have right now, and credit card companies are only to happy to provide the means to make that happen. And people that pay minimum balances are their favourites, because they know they will be customers forever and they will make oodles of interest charges off of them. After working in collections for a credit card company for three months, that was enough to make me hate them more than ever. Why pay a company interest ad nauseum in an effort to generate a credit rating, when there are better ways? Just my humble opinion, of course.

We have one credit card for emergencies and that's it. Our goal is to be debt-free (not counting our mortgage, like you SteveLaura ), and savings for the future is part of that plan.

[SteveLaura 0]

- debt-free! Woo-hoo! All the money that was being wasted on interest is now going to be going towards the

Debt-free shouldn't be a goal by itself. Debt-free and broke is worse than some debt and wealthy. Some debt you should take - student loans if they will drastically increase your income, mortgage if you want a house and can afford it. If you own a business, you almost need to have debt available.

Well, naturally we won't be able to buy a house outright, but we do intend, as far as possible, for the mortgage payments to be the only debt in the future. We will keep the credit cards for emergencies, but otherwise we have structured a budget that meets our income at present. A budget for clothes, maintenance, food, bills, etc. Can't afford something this month? Wait 'til next month!

"wait??? but I want it now!!!! "

It's a radical idea, I know.

We have one credit card for emergencies and that's it. Our goal is to be debt-free (not counting our mortgage, like you SteveLaura ), and savings for the future is part of that plan.

Yeah, sounds like we're on the same page. Good Luck!

[Cassie 8]

- debt-free! Woo-hoo! All the money that was being wasted on interest is now going to be going towards the

Debt-free shouldn't be a goal by itself. Debt-free and broke is worse than some debt and wealthy. Some debt you should take - student loans if they will drastically increase your income, mortgage if you want a house and can afford it. If you own a business, you almost need to have debt available.

Well, naturally we won't be able to buy a house outright, but we do intend, as far as possible, for the mortgage payments to be the only debt in the future. We will keep the credit cards for emergencies, but otherwise we have structured a budget that meets our income at present. A budget for clothes, maintenance, food, bills, etc. Can't afford something this month? Wait 'til next month!

"wait??? but I want it now!!!! "

It's a radical idea, I know.

We have one credit card for emergencies and that's it. Our goal is to be debt-free (not counting our mortgage, like you SteveLaura ), and savings for the future is part of that plan.

Yeah, sounds like we're on the same page. Good Luck!

and the same to you!

[SteveLaura 0]

Debt in some cases builds credit, for example the worst thing you can do is pay off your credit cards and cut them up and never use them. Leaving $20-$70 on the card and paying the minimum helps build credit. My credit rating has gone up drastically since I started doing this.

Actually, I'm not sure that paying the minimum helps build credit. (There's probably someone in here who can confirm or deny this.) Personally, I had very little problem getting to a good credit score, just from the furniture loan, then a secured credit card (which was paid off each month), then a 'proper' one (same), and the car loan, which I no longer have. It's possible that now my score may lower, but honestly I'd be surprised. I believe that the length of time you have had credit, and the amount of credit that is available to you, is more significant than leaving some debt in place. Oh, and paying on time!

[one...two...tree 2,762]

We saw a free financial adviser at the end of last year. Completely opened our eyes. Since then, with his advice, we have now paid off 2 credit cards, a furniture loan, one car loan and the 2nd car loan will hopefully be gone in a few weeks - debt-free! Woo-hoo! All the money that was being wasted on interest is now going to be going towards the down payment for a lovely little home of our own next summer.

That's awesome! I'm still trying to be more disciplined with spending. We both like to eat out - it makes me cringe when I think of how much we spent on dining in restaurants per month.