Pre-nups

[Sheriff Uling 3]

JoanBill...

Please read post #14. I also sent you a PM because we have a misunderstanding...

Cheers!!!

Sheriff Uling

[Lona.C. 16]

Aloha,

Yes... Very sensitive subject. But it's becoming more pertinent by the day. Many friends are imploring me to get one written, and I am so confused about what to do.

Guys - how did you handle this touchy area??

Pinays - What are your feelings on pre-nups?? You ok with them or find them insulting??

Mahalo,

Bill

You are either very rich or very stupid. Please tell us which?

Lay off the insults, Epiphany. There is no call or excuse for your rude and attacking comment. Geez..the guy couldn't have been more honest and sensitive in the way he approached this delicate subject.

Samby

Mahalo Samby. You know, I've been on VJ.com for maybe 7 months and read it faithfully. I dont know if it's just me, but I sense the tone here at times has gotten more nasty and vengeful.

In the future, I'll try not to post things as itellectually or emotionally challanging.

Bill

just saw from your timeline , you met her in real for the first time this year ,

yes its a bit late to advice spending more time together in real since her interview is in august ,

so my advise is if you realy trust her and love her , then you should go for it get married have a pre nap if it makes you feel better ,

( might not be such a bad thing since you hardly seen eachother in real )

but be very sensitive how you aproch the subject ,

make her understand even with a pre nap if what you dont hope things should turn sour ,

she wont be left in the cold your her sposer so that automaticialy makes you responsible for her , just follow your heart , my belives in a good marriage to work , is trust loyalty honesty and communication ,,, good luck Lona

[JoanBill 0]

... But the Sheriff's response was very surprising. He is usually very helpful. I come here with a sincere and difficult question and I feel I get slapped...

JoanBill...

By the by, my post earlier was a joke and that is why I put faces throughout the sentences to further assist in giving that vibe. If it was offensive, then I apologize, but my only attempt was to joke around. Like I do from time to time...

Truth is that a pre-nup is a matter of personally, and in some instances family, preference. IMO the pre-nup conversation would go over a lot easier if it were discussed upfront. That way, your fiancee, knows where you stand up front and grants her the opportunity to express her views without being so clouded with the development of the relationship and expectations of starting this new charter of her life with you. As previously stated, go from what is in your heart and instincts. Remember that pre-nups will not necessarily keep an ex-spouse away from your estate no matter how air tight it may seem.

Cheers!!!

Sheriff Uling

Lay off the insults, Epiphany. There is no call or excuse for your rude and attacking comment. Geez..the guy couldn't have been more honest and sensitive in the way he approached this delicate subject.

Samby

Samby...

He was only expressing the enlightenment of his Epiphany... Hehehehehe!!!

Cheers!!!

Sheriff Uling

This is the type of response I expected. Not everything is meant to be trivialized and made a joke of.

[Sheriff Uling 3]

... But the Sheriff's response was very surprising. He is usually very helpful. I come here with a sincere and difficult question and I feel I get slapped...

JoanBill...

By the by, my post earlier was a joke and that is why I put faces throughout the sentences to further assist in giving that vibe. If it was offensive, then I apologize, but my only attempt was to joke around. Like I do from time to time...

Truth is that a pre-nup is a matter of personally, and in some instances family, preference. IMO the pre-nup conversation would go over a lot easier if it were discussed upfront. That way, your fiancee, knows where you stand up front and grants her the opportunity to express her views without being so clouded with the development of the relationship and expectations of starting this new charter of her life with you. As previously stated, go from what is in your heart and instincts. Remember that pre-nups will not necessarily keep an ex-spouse away from your estate no matter how air tight it may seem.

Cheers!!!

Sheriff Uling

Lay off the insults, Epiphany. There is no call or excuse for your rude and attacking comment. Geez..the guy couldn't have been more honest and sensitive in the way he approached this delicate subject.

Samby

Samby...

He was only expressing the enlightenment of his Epiphany... Hehehehehe!!!

Cheers!!!

Sheriff Uling

This is the type of response I expected. Not everything is meant to be trivialized and made a joke of.

Sir:

I will respectfully withhold my form of levity from your thread/post in the future. Good luck!

Cheers!!!

Sheriff Uling

[BJZags 17]

I don't understand why this issue is so freaking emotional to many. It must be a cultural thing. In America, this conversation wouldn't phase or insult a girl one bit, it's just smart for both parties to discuss these sorts of things BEFORE marriage. Putting it in writing is simply a logical way of letting both parties know where the other's thoughts are on the matter of money and such. It's an exercise to deal with the one thing that often ends many marriages: disagreements over money.

[smoke20 0]

bill, the fact you are even thinking about it speaks volumes. weather it is your friends idea or yours doesn't matter. you're thinking about it, do you doubt the relationship? if so, yes do the pre nup. if not, no don't bring it up. there is no easy answer to this question.

yes, she is going to be offended.....wouldn't you?

she is coming here for you...if after she is hear, you start to get an uneasy feeling or suspect some BS, there are steps you can take to protect yourself i.e ( put your property, stocks or whatever into someone elses name that you know won't burn you.)

IMO: i think your doubting the relationship, (it could just be the reality that this is really about to happen) but i don't know you, your SO, or your financial state.

good luck bill. this is your decision, think long & hard on it.

[JoanBill 0]

bill, the fact you are even thinking about it speaks volumes. weather it is your friends idea or yours doesn't matter. you're thinking about it, do you doubt the relationship? if so, yes do the pre nup. if not, no don't bring it up. there is no easy answer to this question.

yes, she is going to be offended.....wouldn't you?

she is coming here for you...if after she is hear, you start to get an uneasy feeling or suspect some BS, there are steps you can take to protect yourself i.e ( put your property, stocks or whatever into someone elses name that you know won't burn you.)

IMO: i think your doubting the relationship, (it could just be the reality that this is really about to happen) but i don't know you, your SO, or your financial state.

good luck bill. this is your decision, think long & hard on it.

The reality is I would be having these thoughts irregardless of whether Joan was from Honolulu or Pampanga. I like our relationship alot or I wouldn't be going through this process. But I also know there are no guarantees in life - circumstances change and people change. And I do bring alot more into the relationship financially.

Please don't question my motives for bringing this up - it is difficult enough as it is. I said in my original post this aint a pretty topic. But I still think a discussion of it is a good thing.

[smoke20 0]

bill, the fact you are even thinking about it speaks volumes. weather it is your friends idea or yours doesn't matter. you're thinking about it, do you doubt the relationship? if so, yes do the pre nup. if not, no don't bring it up. there is no easy answer to this question.

yes, she is going to be offended.....wouldn't you?

she is coming here for you...if after she is hear, you start to get an uneasy feeling or suspect some BS, there are steps you can take to protect yourself i.e ( put your property, stocks or whatever into someone elses name that you know won't burn you.)

IMO: i think your doubting the relationship, (it could just be the reality that this is really about to happen) but i don't know you, your SO, or your financial state.

good luck bill. this is your decision, think long & hard on it.

The reality is I would be having these thoughts irregardless of whether Joan was from Honolulu or Pampanga. I like our relationship alot or I wouldn't be going through this process. But I also know there are no guarantees in life - circumstances change and people change. And I do bring alot more into the relationship financially.

Please don't question my motives for bringing this up - it is difficult enough as it is. I said in my original post this aint a pretty topic. But I still think a discussion of it is a good thing.

yah bill i understand what you're saying...but, aren't relationships about trust, sharing & growing together? not what either side brings in but, what you both make of it together?i'm not questioning you at all.

like i said this is you're decision & no easy answers. just keep in mind- when you bring this up, feelings are going to get hurt & your relationship will change- you can protect yourself later if you see issues...its not like she coming to a place she knows 20-30 people...she's coming for you. & i wouldn't do it.

[JoanBill 0]

bill, the fact you are even thinking about it speaks volumes. weather it is your friends idea or yours doesn't matter. you're thinking about it, do you doubt the relationship? if so, yes do the pre nup. if not, no don't bring it up. there is no easy answer to this question.

yes, she is going to be offended.....wouldn't you?

she is coming here for you...if after she is hear, you start to get an uneasy feeling or suspect some BS, there are steps you can take to protect yourself i.e ( put your property, stocks or whatever into someone elses name that you know won't burn you.)

IMO: i think your doubting the relationship, (it could just be the reality that this is really about to happen) but i don't know you, your SO, or your financial state.

good luck bill. this is your decision, think long & hard on it.

The reality is I would be having these thoughts irregardless of whether Joan was from Honolulu or Pampanga. I like our relationship alot or I wouldn't be going through this process. But I also know there are no guarantees in life - circumstances change and people change. And I do bring alot more into the relationship financially.

Please don't question my motives for bringing this up - it is difficult enough as it is. I said in my original post this aint a pretty topic. But I still think a discussion of it is a good thing.

yah bill i understand what you're saying...but, aren't relationships about trust, sharing & growing together? not what either side brings in but, what you both make of it together?i'm not questioning you at all.

like i said this is you're decision & no easy answers. just keep in mind- when you bring this up, feelings are going to get hurt & your relationship will change- you can protect yourself later if you see issues...its not like she coming to a place she knows 20-30 people...she's coming for you. & i wouldn't do it.

At least for the moment, you have changed my mind about pursuing this. Mahalo.

[Jenn! 918]

In America, this conversation wouldn't phase or insult a girl one bit, it's just smart for both parties to discuss these sorts of things BEFORE marriage.

I don't think that's an accurate statement. I know plenty of American women, including myself, who would be insulted.

[Epiphany 0]

Aloha,

Yes... Very sensitive subject. But it's becoming more pertinent by the day. Many friends are imploring me to get one written, and I am so confused about what to do.

Guys - how did you handle this touchy area??

Pinays - What are your feelings on pre-nups?? You ok with them or find them insulting??

Mahalo,

Bill

You are either very rich or very stupid. Please tell us which?

Lay off the insults, Epiphany. There is no call or excuse for your rude and attacking comment. Geez..the guy couldn't have been more honest and sensitive in the way he approached this delicate subject.

Samby

Mahalo Samby. You know, I've been on VJ.com for maybe 7 months and read it faithfully. I dont know if it's just me, but I sense the tone here at times has gotten more nasty and vengeful.

In the future, I'll try not to post things as itellectually or emotionally challanging.

Bill

Maybe its just me but if you dont trust the girl your going to marry why are you getting married? You should not be getting married if you have doubts like that about your money. I KNOW for a fact that my gal and I wont need a pre-nup. My gal and I will be together to the end and there is NO doubt in my mind of her intentions. I think the sherrif thought your post was a bit nutz as well. But he did some back peddling. I chose to stand my ground as a man instead of back peddling. Do some little happy faces help this post

[Epiphany 0]

Aloha,

Yes... Very sensitive subject. But it's becoming more pertinent by the day. Many friends are imploring me to get one written, and I am so confused about what to do.

Guys - how did you handle this touchy area??

Pinays - What are your feelings on pre-nups?? You ok with them or find them insulting??

Mahalo,

Bill

You are either very rich or very stupid. Please tell us which?

Lay off the insults, Epiphany. There is no call or excuse for your rude and attacking comment. Geez..the guy couldn't have been more honest and sensitive in the way he approached this delicate subject.

Samby

Mahalo Samby. You know, I've been on VJ.com for maybe 7 months and read it faithfully. I dont know if it's just me, but I sense the tone here at times has gotten more nasty and vengeful.

In the future, I'll try not to post things as itellectually or emotionally challanging.

Bill

Other people may have been thinking along these line but they did not post it. Well one did and then he removed it.

I stand by what I said. If your offended then so be it. Maybe you should look at your question and do some soul searching instead of blaming the messenger. Should you really be getting married so soon to a gal you dont know well enough? That should have been your question. The fact that you attack me 3x for being honest about your post concerns me.

[Epiphany 0]

Aloha,

Yes... Very sensitive subject. But it's becoming more pertinent by the day. Many friends are imploring me to get one written, and I am so confused about what to do.

Guys - how did you handle this touchy area??

Pinays - What are your feelings on pre-nups?? You ok with them or find them insulting??

Mahalo,

Bill

You are either very rich or very stupid. Please tell us which?

Lay off the insults, Epiphany. There is no call or excuse for your rude and attacking comment. Geez..the guy couldn't have been more honest and sensitive in the way he approached this delicate subject.

Samby

Mahalo Samby. You know, I've been on VJ.com for maybe 7 months and read it faithfully. I dont know if it's just me, but I sense the tone here at times has gotten more nasty and vengeful.

In the future, I'll try not to post things as itellectually or emotionally challanging.

Bill

Other people may have been thinking along these line but they did not post it. Well one did and then he removed it.

I stand by what I said. If your offended then so be it. Maybe you should look at your question and do some soul searching instead of blaming the messenger. Should you really be getting married so soon to a gal you dont know well enough? That should have been your question. The fact that you attack me 3x for being honest about your post concerns me.

[BJZags 17]

I don't think that's an accurate statement. I know plenty of American women, including myself, who would be insulted.

In my opinion, if one party is so insulted by a pre-nup, it is THEY who may have the doubts about the relationship, or may have alterior motives. Assuming the soon-to-be marriage is based upon love, it really doesn't matter what papers are signed beforehand; the marriage will last forever so it will in the end be a moot point.

[Jenn! 918]

I don't think that's an accurate statement. I know plenty of American women, including myself, who would be insulted.

In my opinion, if one party is so insulted by a pre-nup, it is THEY who may have the doubts about the relationship, or may have alterior motives. Assuming the soon-to-be marriage is based upon love, it really doesn't matter what papers are signed beforehand; the marriage will last forever so it will in the end be a moot point.

Oh but it so *does* matter to me. IMO, asking someone to sign a prenup is a sign of mistrust. To others, that may not be the case and that's fine. Two people who are not compatible on this issue may just not be suited for each other.