Anyone else have fights with their spouse?

[Jas S 0]

Well it seems like every few days we are fighting because the wait is unbearable... We got married in India on Jan 3rd and had a blast for a couple of months. We traveled different places and spent lots of time we our families. I came back in March and the papers were filled in mid March by my lawyer. I went back in April to see her, and that is when she got pregnant. Again, we had a great time in India and traveled a bit. I came back a month later in May. Now its the end of July and I havent been able to go back. However, I am planning to go as soon her papers are ready here in the US. Just waiting on that confirmation. The reason we are fighting is because she wants me there now, and I really want to be with her also. However, it is hard to just keep going again and again, so this time around I want to go when the papers are finished here in the US and go to the Indian Embassy. At least that way I can do the running around over there and get the paper work done and bring her back with me when she gets her Visa approved. However, she doesn't understand all that and is just following the pain of being away from me and because of that we fight for me not being with her right now. I don't know what to do...

What do you guys suggest?

Edited July 28, 2007 by Jas S

[YanJeff 0]

Jas S

My fiancee and I do fight sometimes because of the long distance and long wait.

we remind each other that our love is strong enough to survive this. And it will only make us stonger and cherish each other even more when we are together.

One thing is for sure. THE TIME WILL PASS. And we will be together.

Jeff

[MaryandMian 1]

Jas S,

Separation is very hard and we were lucky and did not argue or fight while enduring our long time apart. I will say that your wife being pregnant may be causing alot of her anxiety, mood swings, etc (hormonal from the pregnancy). All you can do is reassure her that you are coming to her soon and that you miss her too.

Mary

[ColombianoGringo 0]

I find it helps to do little things to make her feel special. For example, I found a local florist in my wife's city that gives me great prices on flowers. I call her up and she delivers roses to my wife and then I simply send the florist a moneygram after a few orders.

I am pretty sure that women all over the world love flowers.

Peace,

CG

Edited July 28, 2007 by ColombianoGringo

[Craig_Karina 0]

HI....

I am glad to report that my wife and I have not had any fights rduring this process. I am a little impatient...but, SHE reminds me always..."Paciencia Craig, paciencia." And, I accept that because there really is not anything that I can do about it. And, she has mentioned that during this time it allows us to become closer through e-mails, phone calls and visits. I am going to see her in just 39 days, 4 hours and 48 minutes!!!

Something that I do to make her feel loved and appreciated is: Every Monday, I send out a "Paquete del Amor" which contains a pair of new high-heel shoes, a new dress, candy, a love card from Hallmark, lipstick, perfume...a catalog from VS...anything I can think of during the week to make her happy. As a result, she is very happy to hear me when I call...her voice is trembling with excitement. ( Note: She does NOT get all these things in every package...just a few. And, sometimes I will tell her to pick out a special present from VS...and I have not been disappointed!!! ) It is all in the way you treat a woman...treat her nicely and she will reciprocate.

Good luck...suggest that you respectfully tell your wife that she is the one who must be patient in this case. Surely she must realize that you cannot afford to be spending months with her and not taking care of things back here in the USA. If her life with you is important...she will understand.

Best Wishes,

[Jas S 0]

Jas S,

Separation is very hard and we were lucky and did not argue or fight while enduring our long time apart. I will say that your wife being pregnant may be causing alot of her anxiety, mood swings, etc (hormonal from the pregnancy). All you can do is reassure her that you are coming to her soon and that you miss her too.

Mary

I think you are right...pregnancy might have allot to do with it...and I try to be understanding. However, it's tough to just leave everything every time for 2 months and go and stay with her. You know how things are here in the United States; the bills don't stop coming in...

I find it helps to do little things to make her feel special. For example, I found a local florist in my wife's city that gives me great prices on flowers. I call her up and she delivers roses to my wife and then I simply send the florist a moneygram after a few orders.

I am pretty sure that women all over the world love flowers.

Peace,

CG

I already do that. I have probably sent her flowers at least 5+ times. On her bday I sent her close to 8 different bouquets... one of them consisted of 200 roses making a huge heart. Trust me I am a very romantic guy and do whatever I can do from here...but nothing I do can replace my physical presence there and that is all she wants.

HI....

I am glad to report that my wife and I have not had any fights rduring this process. I am a little impatient...but, SHE reminds me always..."Paciencia Craig, paciencia." And, I accept that because there really is not anything that I can do about it. And, she has mentioned that during this time it allows us to become closer through e-mails, phone calls and visits. I am going to see her in just 39 days, 4 hours and 48 minutes!!!

Something that I do to make her feel loved and appreciated is: Every Monday, I send out a "Paquete del Amor" which contains a pair of new high-heel shoes, a new dress, candy, a love card from Hallmark, lipstick, perfume...a catalog from VS...anything I can think of during the week to make her happy. As a result, she is very happy to hear me when I call...her voice is trembling with excitement. ( Note: She does NOT get all these things in every package...just a few. And, sometimes I will tell her to pick out a special present from VS...and I have not been disappointed!!! ) It is all in the way you treat a woman...treat her nicely and she will reciprocate.

Good luck...suggest that you respectfully tell your wife that she is the one who must be patient in this case. Surely she must realize that you cannot afford to be spending months with her and not taking care of things back here in the USA. If her life with you is important...she will understand.

Best Wishes,

Yeah, I do things like that. Whenever I go, I have her make me a list of things that she might want from here. I get those things and surprise her with many more nice things. It's just the distance between us and her being pregnant, she really misses me. That missing each other and distance creates tension and turns love into anger sometimes...

Thanks for the advise

Edited July 28, 2007 by Jas S

[Ta Ta 1]

Hopefully you will have a speedy and smooth journey to your reunion.

Sometimes cases go into AP/AR after the interview and that can take months, almost 8 months for us after his interview. It is a very good idea

for you to be there during the interview. The frequent trips are good evidence for your bona fide relationship but yes, it gets expensive and

the bills keep coming.

Try to get on an even keel now and work on how to avoid the fighting as it can erode your relationship, you have only been waiting for 4 months and have quiet some time ahead of you and I really hope you will not go into AP.

Whe she argues don't argue back and remain calm. Her moods will be all over the place and try to be a stable and calm rock for her emotionally.

We have a good system worked out. If I fall apart and have a hissy fit or just get discouraged he is there to encourage me and soothes my hurts , doubts and fears away.

When he has a rough day and feels discouraged I say things to lift him up and help him to face this process again and again.

When one is down the other does everything to help lift the mood. We have had our times where we have cried together on the phone but mostly

the one up one down works very well for us. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst in your visa journey.

Best wishes !

[Tussie 0]

Hello,

Me and my husband have our arguments too. Really, its more from my end and I really think that it has to do with me being a female, but I can see how your wife can be in emotional rollercoaster especially being pregnant. Is this her first time? I would like to have children but I can not imagine how it will be like if I did get pregnant and my husband is still in the other side of the world. He wants to be with me when I go through it. I hear stories of pregant women and I think its really important for the man to be there emotionally for the woman. She probably is having low self esteem. I know my hubby makes me feel good when he tells me that he loves me everyday and that Im beautiful and he cant wait to show me off to his friends and he always makes me laugh. A funny guy can make a girl do anything. Its hard when two people have pride but eventually one has to give in in order to give the opportunity for the relationship to work. It makes it easier when the both of you "LISTEN" to each other and understand where each other is coming from. When you and her understand each others point of views, then you both will have to come to like an agreement or at least to the same level of understanding and then I think that ends the argument. But you both have to really try and mean it. Since May of 2005, that is what me and my husband have been doing. Long distance sucks but I get excited and take pride to know that not many people can do what we both have done for over two years. And that this has made us stronger and that our love is sincere. I have never cheated on him and never had the thought to be with any of the men around me (beleive me, I have been hit on hard and there are unfaithful men in my area) and the same for my husband in Germany. Do you really think any of your friends can do what you are doing? All my friends, but one said there is no way they would have kept up with long distance. That is not love if you give up. When you love someone, you will fight and give your all. Sometimes I wonder if God approves or does not approve. But the way I see it is that this is my life and I hope that God sees that this is sincere and I feel the best is yet to come (when we are finally living together). I cant wait to see how life will be like then. Buying a house, furniture, living the american dream. Best of all sharing my life, my job and my future with him.

[neel06 0]

awwwwwww... the poor thing must be feeling lonely and the hormone changes probably don't help either. You atleast got to spend quite a bit of time with her. I got married in Jan and came back after few weeks because of my school. I haven't been able to go back cause I am doing my internship. Its been over 5 months :crying:

Just keep your heads up and God will help you guys. Also just remember that fighting is normal... i wouldn't even call it fighting..its more of arguments. God Bless you both........ hmmm i am 3

Oh by the way... you are a really sweet guy for sending her so many flowers and stuff....... my hubby hasn't done that for me..hehhe i think we will have a fight today...lol

Edited July 29, 2007 by neel06

[Jas S 0]

Even though we argue and fight all the time, I love her more then anything in this world. I understand why she feels the way she feels. I try to put myself in her shoes and try my best to understand that she is going thru allot with her pregnancy alone.... However, it just sucks to argue/fight with the one you love the most in this world.

As a matter of fact I sent her some flowers earlier today after posting this. She should receive them when she wakes up...that should end this argument/fight and make her feel better. I hate not being able to talk to her properly. We are so used to talking every day and at night...that when we fight and don’t talk properly it just kills me. Hopefully we will talk now since I sent the flowers.... I love her soo much.

I hope all of us get approved soon. I really want to be with her NOW!!!

[JJWashington 0]

Even though we argue and fight all the time, I love her more then anything in this world. I understand why she feels the way she feels. I try to put myself in her shoes and try my best to understand that she is going thru allot with her pregnancy alone.... However, it just sucks to argue/fight with the one you love the most in this world.

As a matter of fact I sent her some flowers earlier today after posting this. She should receive them when she wakes up...that should end this argument/fight and make her feel better. I hate not being able to talk to her properly. We are so used to talking every day and at night...that when we fight and don’t talk properly it just kills me. Hopefully we will talk now since I sent the flowers.... I love her soo much.

I hope all of us get approved soon. I really want to be with her NOW!!!

You are doing the best you can and sending the flowers and stuff is really sweet! She should feel much better after she gets out of the first trimester and that will help. I agree with you --- I hope we all get approved SOON>

[The_dip_sticks 0]

There is Christmas coming up in a few months, maybe if you give her a date "like I will try to make it for the Chritsmas holidays", she could calm down a bit. Also maybe she is upset that you are not there to be with her to experience this whole first baby/ preggy situation. If its any consolation you could tell her that she is so much closer to being reuinited with you compared to other people who applied way before you. At least I would be consoled to know that we are moving along the visa journey. In our case its been over a year and we are still wating for the frigging USCIS to adjudicate our I130 or I129F. We are stuck in security checks and there is nothing any one can do not even our congressman or senator can help. They said that we wont get our NOA2 untill the security checks are done. The worst part is that there is no time frame for that. All they say is that can it can take anywhere between a "few weeks, months, or years"

=0(

The distance is hard enough for every one. When my husband and I got married we were only together for 6 days and after that he had to return to London. The next year and a half were a living hell because we were not able to meet for an extremly LONGGGGGGGGGGGG time. I was almost suicidal going nuts and depressed and mad. Thats when all the arguments broke out. We both had financial problems and the fact that we were so far away and had not seen each other for a year and a half really put us through a living nightmare. Still we managed to keep our sanity by the grace of God. I just felt sad that we were married and were not together yet, while couples who applied WAY after us were already reunited. Trust me none of the lovely presents that I got from my hubby could replace his absence. I guess now I have just learned that I cant do any thing to make us be together because its not in our hands. Still it helps to at least see each other once a year. Im really sorry you are going through all this. I'm really hope that you get to be with her soon so that you can welcome your first baby together. =)

Edited July 29, 2007 by The_dip_sticks

[Quiet storm 0]

WELL ME AND MY HUSBAND DO ARGUE AND I AM TO BLAME. MAYBE IT IS A WOMAN THING, BUT I AM MISSING MY HUSBAND AND YEA THIS ALL FRUSTRATES ME. I TAKE IT OUT ON HIM CAUSE IT IS SAFER AND I DONT WANT TO SPREAD NEGATIVITY ALL OVER MY HOUSE. I AM WISHING HIM TO BE HERE LIKE YESTERDAY AND I KNOW IT IS NOT HIS FAULT. BUT I DO ADMIT WHEN I AM WRONG AND APOLOGIZE AND HE UNDERSTANDS WHERE I AM COMING FROM. I THINK I GET JEALOUS CAUSE I THINK HE IS NOT AFFECTED THE WAY I AM AND HE IS MORE PATIENT THEN I AM. BUT I KNOW HE FEEL THE SAME AND MEN HANDLE THINGS DIFFERENT FROM WOMEN, SO JUST TRY AND UNDERSTAND AND REASSURE HER. ROBIN LARRAB

[Jas S 0]

WELL ME AND MY HUSBAND DO ARGUE AND I AM TO BLAME. MAYBE IT IS A WOMAN THING, BUT I AM MISSING MY HUSBAND AND YEA THIS ALL FRUSTRATES ME. I TAKE IT OUT ON HIM CAUSE IT IS SAFER AND I DONT WANT TO SPREAD NEGATIVITY ALL OVER MY HOUSE. I AM WISHING HIM TO BE HERE LIKE YESTERDAY AND I KNOW IT IS NOT HIS FAULT. BUT I DO ADMIT WHEN I AM WRONG AND APOLOGIZE AND HE UNDERSTANDS WHERE I AM COMING FROM. I THINK I GET JEALOUS CAUSE I THINK HE IS NOT AFFECTED THE WAY I AM AND HE IS MORE PATIENT THEN I AM. BUT I KNOW HE FEEL THE SAME AND MEN HANDLE THINGS DIFFERENT FROM WOMEN, SO JUST TRY AND UNDERSTAND AND REASSURE HER. ROBIN LARRAB

Wow, I think we are in the exact same situation. She is just like you and I am just like your husband. I am a very positive and mostly calm person. I like to deal with things positively and try to have a smile on me....she feels that I don't miss her as much because of my positive attitude. Silly woman doesn't understand that I love her so much... Oh well, I will make it up to her for the rest of our lives when we are finally together.

Edited July 29, 2007 by Jas S

[misa 2]

Wow, I think we are in the exact same situation. She is just like you and I am just like your husband. I am a very positive and mostly calm person. I like to deal with things positively and try to have a smile on me....she feels that I don't miss her as much because of my positive attitude. Silly woman doesn't understand that I love her so much... Oh well, I will make it up to her for the rest of our lives when we are finally together.

If she talks about how hard it is being apart and the waiting, don't say, "oh, it'll be fine" because that's not what she wants to hear. From the sounds of it, she wants to hear that you are having as much of a hard time as she is.

India is EXPENSIVE to keep flying over there that often but if you can slip in another trip to go see her, surprise her with that.