How do you deal with loneliness?

[knight3131 0]

I was just wondering how can some of you deal with the loneliness?

Yesterday was my fiancee's birthday. She went out with her friends and brother to celebrate. I wish I was there. I felt sad and angry. The reason I was angry is because it may take 16-24 months for her to get her visa. She is from the Dominican Republic and USA embassy over there is slow.

I called her and we sometimes speak 3 times per day. Maybe 5-15 minutes in the morning and in the afternoon at nights we would talk for 1-3 hours. But it is not the same. Yesterday we spoke only for 5 minutes. She didnt have cell phone service where she was, over there you need to have three different phone companies just to make sure you have services every where. Her batteries ran out, so ill have to wait until the electricity to come back for her to recharge her cell.

I'll have to wait until July 27th to visit her.

[JanaknJanet 0]

Knight... .. simply put.. for myself being female... I cry.. and dang it I have cried alot most lately ..

Last time I was able to be with Jan was July 7th.. ,, we normally have our Daily morning phone call.. 10-30 min .. then textmessages.. then online .. then he sleeps.. when I continue with my day.. My evening is calls to him and texting and of course a good hour or more on chat as well.. However.. he has recently taken a business trip to Belgium... still awaiting a sim card for the phone.. .. .. I am here in Oregon.. our time changed today.. now instead of 10 hours difference.. it is 9 hours. .. making it rather hard to catch each other when we are both awake or not working.. .. .. .. I miss him terribly... I know he is safe.. but.. just not having the opportunity to simply hear his voice on the other end of the phone.. even for a simple minute. is tearing me up..

Totally sympathize about the "no power" situation... many times in India they too get blackouts.. . and have had many times when I tried to call and it rings and rings.. but it never goes tru to him... I have even been online with him .. when i called.. .. no connection.... bad phone card .. or static.. .. then.. time when he sends me 4-5 messages via mobile.. and i never get.. .. times when Yahoo.. clicks off or msn.. isn't compatible.. .. .. sooo frekin frustrating... ..

Even worse when it is a important time.. ie birthday.. or holiday.. or .. special celebration.. or even worse.. family emergency... . My daughter has been in the hospital.. very scary.. and . damit he should be here. but. he cant... grrrrrrrrr.... .. All I can say.. is.. I close my eyes.. feel him close.. know.. that .. he is in my heart.. and myself right there with him.... distance is only relative to space.. .. and that cannot take away the love that is in my heart..

When you finally know what you feel.. the love.. the completeness.. .. distance .. and .. time.. is just a small very important part of us... .. trust your love.. .. .. time is just that. time.. always more of it tomorrow.. but.. true love.. is .. precious.. a gift.. ..

Its hard.. its painful.. but.. trust what you have... don't let it go... hold on tight... HUGS..

[wait4ever 0]

I was just wondering how can some of you deal with the loneliness?

The Consulate has been delaying our visa for close to three years now. We have received so many blue slips I have lost count. I get to see my fiancee an average of once a year.

I won't sugar coat it, it's a very painful situation to be in. I have experienced bouts of fear, depression, anger and rage (internal) for what seems a very long time.

When people are in opressive situations with little control they develop methods for thinking that strenghten their mental resolve. I found that emphasizing growth in our relationship through regular communication really helped. When we talk. I try not to spend too much time lementing about the situation and focus on communicating my love and devotion to her. When she expresses fear, I am understanding but use that opportunity to remind her that we are in this for the long haul.

A method I use to keep fear from encroaching on my thoughts is to divide the idea of us together as dependant upon a visa, from our own relationship. Our relationship is something between only us, and as long as we tend it with love, hope and patience it will survive this process. There is no room for the Consulate in our relationship. Although it effects our relationship by preventing physical presence, it does not stop us from loving each other. The visa is another thing separate from our relationship.

It also helps to minimize the importance of the Consulate and the immigration process (in your mind). You have to look at your life together as a long timeline. Assuming that you plan to spend the rest of your lives together, how long would that line be? Now how much of that timeline will be consumed with this awful, drawn-out process. Two years, four years, out of how long a life from this point?,fifty+? If you think of the Consulate or the process as a slow, dark thunderstorm moving over your head, you know that eventually it will pass, and the storm will go along and rain on someone else.

I hope this helps. It's never easy, but all you can do is learn to cope. Get up every day and just go about your life as best as you can in this situation. What more could you do?

[iceyspots 0]

Hehe.. July 27th is my birthday..

How I deal with lonliness :

Keep myself busy with school and friends from student organisations

Play Mah jong tiles and bejeweled... Sleep.. bbbbffffff lol

[ivona 0]

you don`t, you just....survive- I try to keep busy until we can talk but it`s still like I am only half alive.....I break down every few days, and it takes a long time for me to go back to thinking that it will be just a bit longer and then we will be able to be together....and then I function for two- three days and break down again.....goodbyes are hardest, it takes us a looooooooooooooong time to finally hang up when we talk on the phone....

but, there is a light at the end of the tunel- this will not be forever

[latitudes 0]

I write letters. in the days of email, it seems silly. but its kindof like a journal entry, but I'm writing it to Ollie instead. I trust him with my heart and soul, so why not my journal too? the process of writing the letter, addressing the envelope, buying the stamp, etc, i find very theraputic. he doesn't have reliable internet and his cell signal is bad, so it can be days before i hear from him. sometimes i just need to talk, and that's what the letters help with. maybe it'll be something we can show our kids down the line, or maybe it will just be a silent reminder of what we went thru because we love eachother. at any rate, i know he saves every letter i send

[MrMrsKnight 0]

Talking to him 8 hours a day still doesn't bring him back to me. I feel lonely even when there are hundreds of people around because I know I'll come home and lay on this empty bed one more time..... who knows for how long!!

Trying to focus on what we can still do together even being so far apart (like watching a movie using the web camera, watching tv, listening to music, playing some game) is the best to keep me from going insane.

And of course..... spending about 10 hours a day on VJ plays a big part on it too!!

[blackbettie 0]

Chocolate and Visajourney!

[yogib37 3]

Hehe.. July 27th is my birthday..

How I deal with lonliness :

Keep myself busy with school and friends from student organisations

Play Mah jong tiles and bejeweled... Sleep.. bbbbffffff lol

well your not the only one birthday is July 27.. that is mine also.. we are twins

[Tiksman 0]

Webcam, work, Webcam, Work so on and so on

[LebaneseMama 1]

As far as the loneliness, I am OVERLOADED. Work full time, school full time (last year of university), VJ all the time, and of course talking to my Ali as often as possible (usually 1 or 2 hours a day). Someone said they could be in a room with 100 people and still feel lonely ... took the words right out of my mouth. I know exactly how you feel. I hate it when I'm all dressed up and look good and Ali is not there to see it. So what's my solution ? Stop going out so much ! Stay busy at home. Hopefully the wait will not be much longer ....

Edited April 3, 2006 by LebaneseBride

[samantha2699 0]

Well going thru this process takes loads/tons of patience. But when you get it,it's worth the wait.Keep yourself busy, workout, get a hobby and if you believe in prayers it can really lift ones spirit.There wil always be a light at the end of the tunnel. Keep the faith burning.

Good luck....

[shayrene 0]

This post is so depressing. I try to be positive, but it is hard. I think that this time apart is just a sacrifice (an inconvienence) for us being together for the rest of our lives.

[tewlip 1]

I've had too many days when I think that no one understands how I'm feeling. And then I'll read a topic like this one and realize that I'm not alone, and to stop my self pity train. It's true that none of my friends or family know the extent of my lonliness, but, people here on VJ do, and on days like today, it's been my lifeline. Last year, my fiance was very ill, and I had the opportunity to be able to spend 8 months with him (coming home every 5-6 weeks for a week or so, so not to tick the border off). Although we were fortunate that we were able to do this, I now see that others going through this process don't have the opportunities to be with each other when they're going through difficult times....and my heart goes out to you. On the downside of the time I spent with him.......we had a taste of being together for that long, and then when his medical condition improved (he had an organ transplant) and I had to return to my job, home, etc......I MISSED HIM EVEN MORE. It's ironic reading this post today...my fiance and I just had a conversation this morning where he asked if I was losing my "spark" for us. I explained that NO, I'm not.....it's just that lately I've been flat and my self defense mechinism has kicked in it doesn't seem that I'm letting myself feel ANYTHING these days. Ok, I'm rambling, time to stop now. I'm usually shy about posting, but, feeling sorry for myself here today instead of realizing that we're one of the lucky ones.

[ajames79 0]

Loneliness...hard to cope with in general...not a minute goes by when I am not thinking of Chris. Sad to say...a little sappy, but honestly I can be talking about something at work and I will use him in the conversation or imagine him doing this with me or what ever. I always wonder if people are as sappy as me or if I am driving others crazy?!?

I'd say that I am one of the lucky ones out there. I get to see Chris every 6-8 weeks. So complaining is something I shouldn't do very often compared to some of the stories you all have.

I love to cook...so lately I have been planning meals and day dreaming about things I might cook when Chris is here the next time. Or like today I am planning a short hiking trip for while here is here next.

We text throughout the day...then catch up on Skype later in the evening.

What gets me the most..when I feel the most loneliness, is at night right before I drift to sleep. When he isn't their beside me. Reading our books together..maybe touching feet...waiting for that moment when we turn the lights off and he kisses me good night. That is when I am lonely. AND now I am sad! *giggle*

5 more weeks to go!! Then I can cook a meal for him...