FEARS about marriage, future

[goldie 0]

I am married now only 8 month, and things are getting tougher and thougher. My hubby is in top with his job in the national guard, he is all the time busy with stuff going on, he is overwelmed, and I dont know how I can help or manage the whole thing. He isnt that talkative, wants to sought out his problems alone, and I feel I am not needed anymore. In top now, there are the roomers that they might will be deployed again next year to Irak, after only 2 years . It sucks so much, I never thought this might happen again, I am scared, I dont know how and what can I do. And, as in another topic a german lady wrote, yes, its true, its so hard to find real friends over here. Just small talk, thats it. Am lonley, my hubby is stressed out and feels guilty that he put me in this situation. I am scared his love gets lesser and lesser...

any suggestions, anybody has same worries?

[Lona.C. 16]

I know its never easy moving away from your homeland ,

when i moved from germany to canada yes it was tough at first , my ex was in the army and got deployed for 6 month what kept me going was the kids ( had 2 lil once who are adults now , if you dont have kids my succestion is get a puppy or a cat )

I also told my self to stay focused cose this is a lifetime commitment and I do not want to end up like so many who get homesick and trow the towel on something that can make you happy the rest of your life,

I walked into that marriage with hope and love and focused on our happiness instead of getting down on my self thinking of the past , yes no one knows what the future holds but i belive if you realy love someone you hang in together ( yes we did get divorced but at least the divorce wasnt cose i got homesick or the move we simply grew apart after 15 years marriage and i did find my true soulmate 5 years ago ),

make him talk as you have to talk to him a marriage is based on trust ,comunication, loyalty and honesty , see it from his point of view he sees the woman he loves being sad of corse he wont jump for joy ,

but if you talk to him and realy try to get active ( walk around the neighborhood , say hi to people you dont know when there in theyr yard cleaning or just sitting on chairs compliments on the yard usualy gets a conversation goin and keeps your minds from thinking of the future as you automaticialy walk into the future step by step )

it takes time to get used of the new soroundings but tell your self how can life be happy if you cant take the first step into the future without thinking negative what could happen ,

try to stay positive of how the future will look when your happy if you dont work try to get active in volentier work around the community ( like ask at the libery if you could start a story time hour for kids and read to kids for an hour a week) am just trying to give you a heads up so you see it will work out if you hang in,

one more advise try to dont stress about tomorrow when its just today , yesterday we calld today tomorrow, what can happens tomorrow will be next days old news wich is the day of today wich we will call tomorrow, yesterday , go step by step

good luck Lona

[Cécy 44]

1/ you need to talk to your husband about this. Tell him about your fears, your wish to give him support but also your needs.

2/ create times for the two of you. Go walk, go to an exhibition or somewhere else with an environment where you can chat and feel that you are sharing something special.

3/ discuss the Irak possibility, and see if you can seek some moral support with other wives or girlfriends of people in the same situation.

4/ if you don't already have a job, go out and volunteer in your community. It's always a great way to meet new people and feel that you give something and take a part in an interesting project.

[goldie 0]

1/ you need to talk to your husband about this. Tell him about your fears, your wish to give him support but also your needs.

2/ create times for the two of you. Go walk, go to an exhibition or somewhere else with an environment where you can chat and feel that you are sharing something special.

3/ discuss the Irak possibility, and see if you can seek some moral support with other wives or girlfriends of people in the same situation.

4/ if you don't already have a job, go out and volunteer in your community. It's always a great way to meet new people and feel that you give something and take a part in an interesting project.

Thanks alot for the ideas and help, I appreciate it! I know I have to talk about all this, I hope things will go better soon. I do have a job for 3 days a week, it helps alot to do something. I have a 5 year old daughter, and she really keeps me busy. I am never really bored, and this is good, I got very nice neighbours, but of course you just talk small talk with them, no way to go deeper... It would be just nice to share problems with somebody else. I hope things will improve with my hubby, and we will be less stressed out, having more time with me. I try to find time just him and me, but its not so easy when there is a 5 year old kiddy.Evenings he is mostly tired from 12 hours or more work, or hes acctualy working. But, at least, we have planed this weekend a get away to the beach, only us two, its frist time since over 1 year we can do something like this. I hope it will help to reduce my fears. Its a good idea to get in contact with other woman whos hubbys as well might get deployed, guess it helps alot not to be alone.

[nane1104 146]

I am sorry you are feeling this way. I am at the end of our newlywed year as well and sometimes I had thoughts of not being needed too.

Don't think that way. I adressed it to my husband and he was shocked that I felt like this.

Open up to your husband and talk about your fears. I am sure, he will understand. And maybe it will encourage him to open up to you too? Maybe he feels he needs to sort his problems out himself because he is sensing that you have your own issues?

As a military wife, I know how this dark cloud of upcoming deployments can make your life twice as hard, I'd like to invite you to a support board for military spouses. It's a nice fun group, not too big and the girls on there are sooo supportive. I can imagine, you'd enjoy it there.

Here's the link:

spousesbootcamp?

Also..feel free to pm me anytime if you would like to just talk!