K3 and Divorce

[looking4peace 0]

Folks,

My wife arrived to the US late last year on a K3. Within a few days, she told me that she wanted kids (as her security to the marriage) and the she is not willing to accept my kids (from my previous marriage). Further told me that she knew that she would manipulate me into having kids after marriage (as we had agreed on NOT having kids after marriage). So, she did not enter the marital relationship in "good faith".

After months of suffering verbal abuse and name calling, I finally told her that I was done trying to make this work and that I wanted a divorce and am going to withdraw the AOS petition. As soon as I said that, she said that she is now willing to accept the kids even though she will never forgive me for not giving her kids and will get even later (whatever that means).

She says that she is not going to leave the house and not going to give me a divorce. I live in a state where I have to have a reason for a divorce and the only one I come close to is cruel and inhumane treatment (which is a stretch). The bottom line is that I made a terrible mistake in reading this person and she is the complete opposite of me.

Does anyone know what will happen after I withdraw the petition? I had asked this question earlier before but did not get an answer (hoping someone new is reading now). Will she be deported (as harsh as it sounds)? I am willing to help her financially but she "wants it all".

Any ideas as to what I can do? Thanks.

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

Can you fill in your timeline and also information about which country your wife came from?

What is your age?

What is her age?

How many children do you have from a previous marriage?

More information would help everyone understand and give some advice?

[john_and_marlene 162]

Can you fill in your timeline and also information about which country your wife came from?

What is your age?

What is her age?

How many children do you have from a previous marriage?

More information would help everyone understand and give some advice?

That information would only help to give relationship advice and make judgements. He's not asking for relationship advice--he's asking for immigration advice and possible course of actions to obtain his divorce goal. He didn't ask for counseling.

[KarenCee 3]

Folks,

My wife arrived to the US late last year on a K3. Within a few days, she told me that she wanted kids (as her security to the marriage) and the she is not willing to accept my kids (from my previous marriage). Further told me that she knew that she would manipulate me into having kids after marriage (as we had agreed on NOT having kids after marriage). So, she did not enter the marital relationship in "good faith".

After months of suffering verbal abuse and name calling, I finally told her that I was done trying to make this work and that I wanted a divorce and am going to withdraw the AOS petition. As soon as I said that, she said that she is now willing to accept the kids even though she will never forgive me for not giving her kids and will get even later (whatever that means).

She says that she is not going to leave the house and not going to give me a divorce. I live in a state where I have to have a reason for a divorce and the only one I come close to is cruel and inhumane treatment (which is a stretch). The bottom line is that I made a terrible mistake in reading this person and she is the complete opposite of me.

Does anyone know what will happen after I withdraw the petition? I had asked this question earlier before but did not get an answer (hoping someone new is reading now). Will she be deported (as harsh as it sounds)? I am willing to help her financially but she "wants it all".

Any ideas as to what I can do? Thanks.

Definitely speaking with a COMPETENT attorney would be most advisable. Maybe one that is well versed in Immigration issues. I'm guessing if you share with an attorney just what you've shared here you'll get MUCH better advice. Best wishes to you.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Folks,

My wife arrived to the US late last year on a K3. Within a few days, she told me that she wanted kids (as her security to the marriage) and the she is not willing to accept my kids (from my previous marriage). Further told me that she knew that she would manipulate me into having kids after marriage (as we had agreed on NOT having kids after marriage). So, she did not enter the marital relationship in "good faith".

After months of suffering verbal abuse and name calling, I finally told her that I was done trying to make this work and that I wanted a divorce and am going to withdraw the AOS petition. As soon as I said that, she said that she is now willing to accept the kids even though she will never forgive me for not giving her kids and will get even later (whatever that means).

She says that she is not going to leave the house and not going to give me a divorce. I live in a state where I have to have a reason for a divorce and the only one I come close to is cruel and inhumane treatment (which is a stretch). The bottom line is that I made a terrible mistake in reading this person and she is the complete opposite of me.

Does anyone know what will happen after I withdraw the petition? I had asked this question earlier before but did not get an answer (hoping someone new is reading now). Will she be deported (as harsh as it sounds)? I am willing to help her financially but she "wants it all".

Any ideas as to what I can do? Thanks.

What state do you reside in?

If concealing her determination to have children is the root of your incompatibility, why not try "misrepresentation of a material fact" which is sometimes used as grounds to declare the marriage invalid.

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

Can you fill in your timeline and also information about which country your wife came from?

What is your age?

What is her age?

How many children do you have from a previous marriage?

More information would help everyone understand and give some advice?

That information would only help to give relationship advice and make judgements. He's not asking for relationship advice--he's asking for immigration advice and possible course of actions to obtain his divorce goal. He didn't ask for counseling.

There are always 2 sides to every story and why is divorce the only solution here? In America we are all too fast at getting divorced. If he loved her enough to marry her why not enough to have a baby? It is a reasonable request for a woman that has never had a baby to want one. I too have children from a previous marriage but my wife wanted to have 1 baby. I love my wife with all my heart and if she wants a baby I am willing to change my mind for her.

For example, how many people in their early twenties say they dont want children and then by mid thirties change their mind and want to have a baby? Is this grounds for divorce if it is only one that wants a baby? Women change thier minds all the time.

I think there is more to the problem than just having a baby or not.

[Gaby&Talbert 1]

Also remember "Hell have no wrath like a woman scorned" How many women marry men and try to change them after marriage?

[Arazia 0]

There are always 2 sides to every story and why is divorce the only solution here? In America we are all too fast at getting divorced. If he loved her enough to marry her why not enough to have a baby? It is a reasonable request for a woman that has never had a baby to want one. I too have children from a previous marriage but my wife wanted to have 1 baby. I love my wife with all my heart and if she wants a baby I am willing to change my mind for her.

For example, how many people in their early twenties say they dont want children and then by mid thirties change their mind and want to have a baby? Is this grounds for divorce if it is only one that wants a baby? Women change thier minds all the time.

I think there is more to the problem than just having a baby or not.

I think the problem that the OP is having is because she -agreed- that they would not have children after marriage. From what it reads, and this is just my interpretation, it sounds as if she is blackmailing him by saying 'you'll give me children, or I'll get even some other way'. A baby is a -BIG- commitment and some people just aren't ready or just don't want to have children. Since the OP already has children of his own, maybe he doesn't want any more, and he has every right in the relationship to say 'no, I don't want any more children.' He shouldn't be forced into having kids just because she wants one.

While I'll agree that people are too quick to jump into divorces, it seems as if this woman lied to him or at least misrepresented herself by agreeing that they wouldn't have children as a couple. Now that he's married, she's flip-floped and has made threats because he won't have a baby with her. I, personally, wouldn't feel comfortable having a child with someone like that either and would have a hard time trusting them within the bonds of marriage.

[looking4peace 0]

Thanks for all the objectivity folks. I'd rather not fill out my timeline (to keep anonymity) but I'll share some information here inline. She is from South-East Asia and I am from the same origin. We are both in very close to 40. The reason for not having more kids (for me) is that one of my kids is handicapped and I have my hands full with that child (before I get character attacks, I was NOT looking for a caretaker; hired help would have been cheaper if I had swooped down to that line of thinking). I have 2 kids and their mother has abandoned her kids to "discover herself". So, I have full custody. I am not in a stage of life for having more kids, and this was articulated very clearly during conversations and meetings and she agreed. The introductions between us were made by common family friends and frankly, I made a terrible mistake by getting caught-up in the dream of marrying someone uncomplicated who believes in simple living. The intent of manipulating has really put me off and I am done with this relationship.

Thanks to everyone for their advice -- I live in the Deep South and finding an attorney who knows about immigration and family law is pretty hard (I am still trying). Any brainstorms from y’all is obviously much appreciated.

[john_and_marlene 162]

Can you fill in your timeline and also information about which country your wife came from?

What is your age?

What is her age?

How many children do you have from a previous marriage?

More information would help everyone understand and give some advice?

That information would only help to give relationship advice and make judgements. He's not asking for relationship advice--he's asking for immigration advice and possible course of actions to obtain his divorce goal. He didn't ask for counseling.

There are always 2 sides to every story and why is divorce the only solution here? In America we are all too fast at getting divorced. If he loved her enough to marry her why not enough to have a baby? It is a reasonable request for a woman that has never had a baby to want one. I too have children from a previous marriage but my wife wanted to have 1 baby. I love my wife with all my heart and if she wants a baby I am willing to change my mind for her.

For example, how many people in their early twenties say they dont want children and then by mid thirties change their mind and want to have a baby? Is this grounds for divorce if it is only one that wants a baby? Women change thier minds all the time.

I think there is more to the problem than just having a baby or not.

Exactly as I thought--you want to thrash about in the details of his relationship when he wasn't asking for relationship advice. It doesn't matter how many sides there are to a story if he wasn't asking our opinion on what he wants to do. The question was how to do it. He didn't give details--none were needed unless you want to pick apart his motives, which would be entirely extraneous to answering the question that was asked. If you want to get into those discussions, perhaps Oprah has a forum somewhere.

[Kym 0]

There are always 2 sides to every story and why is divorce the only solution here? In America we are all too fast at getting divorced. If he loved her enough to marry her why not enough to have a baby? It is a reasonable request for a woman that has never had a baby to want one. I too have children from a previous marriage but my wife wanted to have 1 baby. I love my wife with all my heart and if she wants a baby I am willing to change my mind for her.

For example, how many people in their early twenties say they dont want children and then by mid thirties change their mind and want to have a baby? Is this grounds for divorce if it is only one that wants a baby? Women change thier minds all the time.

I think there is more to the problem than just having a baby or not.

I did not read the OP wanting a divorce just because his wife wanted to have a baby and he does not. And it is certainly not a question of "if he loved her enough to marry her why not have a baby". Everyone's situations are different!!! That is something that you decide upon before you get married, and it seems they did. That is great that you are willing to give your wife a baby, but please don't judge others until you have walked in their shoes.

[KarenCee 3]

Thanks for all the objectivity folks. I'd rather not fill out my timeline (to keep anonymity) but I'll share some information here inline. She is from South-East Asia and I am from the same origin. We are both in very close to 40. The reason for not having more kids (for me) is that one of my kids is handicapped and I have my hands full with that child (before I get character attacks, I was NOT looking for a caretaker; hired help would have been cheaper if I had swooped down to that line of thinking). I have 2 kids and their mother has abandoned her kids to "discover herself". So, I have full custody. I am not in a stage of life for having more kids, and this was articulated very clearly during conversations and meetings and she agreed. The introductions between us were made by common family friends and frankly, I made a terrible mistake by getting caught-up in the dream of marrying someone uncomplicated who believes in simple living. The intent of manipulating has really put me off and I am done with this relationship.

Thanks to everyone for their advice -- I live in the Deep South and finding an attorney who knows about immigration and family law is pretty hard (I am still trying). Any brainstorms from y'all is obviously much appreciated.

Not sure where you are in the "Deep South"...I'm in Georgia and this is a link I found earlier (Google is a good friend!) and maybe, just maybe this might be a starting place to find you some help.

http://lawyers.findlaw.com/lawyer/firm/Imm...Atlanta/Georgia

[Boiler 45,519]

I would forget about the Immigration aspects other than to write and withdraw the adjustment petition. Her Immigration issues are her problems.

But I would consult with a Family Lawyer, sounds like you have been through this once so know the basics.

She has an Immigration issue you do not, unless you carry forward with the adjustment.

[looking4peace 0]

Thanks -- and I agree that immigration problems are her problems and not mine. However, she said that she is not willing to leave the house even if she is out of status. Meaning, I will have an out-of-status alien living in my house. I cannot "force" her to leave as the local authorities consider this as her legal place of residence irrespective of her immigration status (I have checked). If I change locks while she is away, then I get attacked by the "battered women association" (can't think of the acronym for their organization) for abuse. The Family Law attorney who I spoke with advised me to move out of the state i.e. leave the house with the kids (as one of us has to leave the house for a divorce). Groan.

Surely there has to be another way out of this pickle.

I would forget about the Immigration aspects other than to write and withdraw the adjustment petition. Her Immigration issues are her problems.

But I would consult with a Family Lawyer, sounds like you have been through this once so know the basics.

She has an Immigration issue you do not, unless you carry forward with the adjustment.

[Boiler 45,519]

You have a Divorce Problem not really an Immigration one, so wrong board.

Each State has its own rules, Immigration is Federal.