Motherhood on ice: lack of suitable men drives women to freeze their eggs

[Boiler 45,451]

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2023/apr/23/motherhood-women-freeze-eggs-male-partners-men-fertility

 

More than 150 interviews later, her research – the largest anthropological study to date into why women freeze their eggs – concluded that it was men, not women, who were the problem. The biggest driving factor for women in the US was a shortage of suitable educated men, a problem which she terms in her forthcoming book, Motherhood on Ice, the “mating gap”.

Inhorn’s research found that women freezing their eggs tended to be in their late 30s, successful high-earning professionals (in both the US and the UK, where it’s not usually covered by the NHS, it is prohibitively expensive for most) and primarily single. “They were one after another women who had been successful in their career and at the same time had been looking for a partner, but they just couldn’t find that reproductive partner.”

[Boiler 45,451]

You need to read the full article, quite amazing how she completely misses the point.

[TBoneTX 45,260]

The problem would be solved if they'd concentrate less on their careers and focus more on being a desirable marriage partner themselves.  (This is not sexist to say.)  Over the years, I've observed innumerable "professional" women who have no clue about how to form or maintain a loving family relationship when they start looking toward the end of their biological clock.

Edited April 23, 2023 by TBoneTX

[Rocio0010 5,579]

1 hour ago, TBoneTX said:

The problem would be solved if they'd concentrate less on their careers and focus more on being a desirable marriage partner themselves.  (This is not sexist to say.)  Over the years, I've observed innumerable "professional" women who have no clue about how to form or maintain a loving family relationship when they start looking toward the end of their biological clock.

I have seen men do that too. 

Respectfully,
Why are we putting the burden only on women to form a loving, healthy relationship? 
 

 

[Boiler 45,451]

36 minutes ago, Rocio0010 said:

I have seen men do that too. 

Respectfully,
Why are we putting the burden only on women to form a loving, healthy relationship? 

I did not get that from the article, my issue I think focused on the need to socialise men, which I assume means shame men to 'stand up'.

 

The article focuses on Boss Babes and Hypergamy without mentioning either. No mention of the high risks involved in freezing, or the possible medical issues if successful.

 

It come across as delusional, Seems older men are out of the equation, 50 is mentioned.

 

So the requirements are somebody of the same educational standing, the same income level, same sort of age, well really higher education and income.

 

So a man c40, with that CV has options, if he wants children how likely is he going to be interested in a similar age woman with frozen eggs? After all the number of men in this category is tiny. I am sure there are the usual list of other requirements. Add it all up and they are looking for the proverbial Unicorn.

 

How could you do a study, write an article have it published without a single input from a male, who could have set them straight in a couple of minutes?

 

Life choices have consequences, now if this had been an article discussing that fair enough.

[Rocio0010 5,579]

2 minutes ago, Boiler said:

How could you do a study, write an article have it published without a single input from a male, who could have set them straight in a couple of minutes?

Because that might not have been the purpose of the article, which is flawed imho. 
I was asking @TBoneTX why he places the burden of a marriage solely in women -it takes two to tango so to speak. 
 

 

 

[Boiler 45,451]

I will let TBone deal with that as that was not where I am coming from.

 

The conclusion:

Quote

 

In her book, Inhorn writes that closing the gap between the genders will be a “critical policy challenge in the decades ahead”. But until society “fixes men”, egg freezing will remain the best reproductive option for single women in their 30s .

But in the meantime, she says, we should focus on celebrating women’s successes. “Women around the world are really doing amazing things in higher education,” she adds. “But unfortunately the downside of that is some men are not doing so well now and women are suffering for that.”

 

Society has to fix men? I am not aware of any changes of consequence to men.

 

Women are suffering from their own actions? What happened to Agency.

 

OK it is the Guardian but even so.

[Rocio0010 5,579]

41 minutes ago, Boiler said:

I will let TBone deal with that as that was not where I am coming from.

 

The conclusion:

Society has to fix men? I am not aware of any changes of consequence to men.

 

Women are suffering from their own actions? What happened to Agency.

 

OK it is the Guardian but even so.

Right, women “suffering” because men are not doing so well. 
The article is emphasizing that “men need to be fixed” by society, which is largely composed by women. So this article is suggesting that we, women, need to fix men. Men are not held accountable for fixing themselves. Women are.

[Boiler 45,451]

It does assume there is something wrong with men that needs to be fixed.

 

And that somehow this can be done, presumably by women.

 

I do not think that is the case, I do not think most men see it that way, probably more accept it is what it is and deal with it accordingly. Perhaps some live in hope.

[TBoneTX 45,260]

2 hours ago, Rocio0010 said:

I have seen men do that too.

Respectfully,
Why are we putting the burden only on women to form a loving, healthy relationship?

Agree with you completely.

[Rocio0010 5,579]

40 minutes ago, Boiler said:

It does assume there is something wrong with men that needs to be fixed.

 

And that somehow this can be done, presumably by women.

 

I do not think that is the case, I do not think most men see it that way, probably more accept it is what it is and deal with it accordingly. Perhaps some live in hope.

Maybe the reason why more women freeze eggs and raise their kids on their own is because they don’t want to raise two kids at the same time -that is, the father and the child.

 

 

[Boiler 45,451]

28 minutes ago, Rocio0010 said:

Maybe the reason why more women freeze eggs and raise their kids on their own is because they don’t want to raise two kids at the same time -that is, the father and the child.

 

 

That is fine but not what the article was covering 

[yuna628 9,671]

I'm going to be one of those weird ladies and say I don't understand why a woman would freeze eggs just because they can't find a 'suitable' man. For health reasons yeah, but the rest no. I also do not believe it is our job to 'fix men', and that is often what causes trouble in some relationships. A guy is a guy. No amount of 'fixing' is going to make one not be a 'mommas boy', a cheater, a jerk, insecure or immature about a woman having a better or different career etc. And if those traits are not desirable for so-called 'professional' women, then they haven't been making enough effort to look for a more suitable partner - because they do exist. Women also do not need to have children to be fulfilled or be happy, nor do they need a partner either in some situations. They also need to realize that they are not perfect, nor are men. There are some terrible men out there, and we'd do well to avoid them but nor should we be so stuck as to not look at various options. Society is also not going to 'fix' men or women. It's going to require parents to raise their children to put them on a better path.

 

I have witnessed female friends of mine, broken-hearted with much baggage, go from man to man in an effort to find happiness, fulfillment, and to 'fix' what is broken in their lives. The men end up being terrible choices you can see from a mile away and 'fix' nothing. And hey, I've been there, in a terrible relationship that put me in a low place. I wanted to help that guy with their recognizable problems by offering everything I could and it was nothing but grief and abuse. What I really needed was a good and kind man, with minimal baggage, enough stubbornness and creativity to match me, and acknowledgement that we don't have to fix each other, we just have to love each other. Kids would be a nice thing to have, but it's not critical... and the part that makes me very nearly angry with these women is that there are so many abandoned children out there that could use a loving and safe home.

[TBoneTX 45,260]

16 minutes ago, yuna628 said:

I'm going to be [...]

The above post merits enshrinement in the pantheon of All-Time Greatest VJ Posts, si Y ma'am.

[Dashinka 24,483]

First world issues?  I am curious if these women freezing their eggs electively thought about the consequences of raising a child either as a single mother or as a family when she and if there, her partner are in their late 40s/50s?