What Are Your Experiences With Language Issues

[natarussia 0]

Basically, you guys are reenforcing my point here.

If you have true love with someone, it doesn't matter where they're from or how you met. However, you should be able to honestly say to yourself - "Is she doing this because she loves me, or is she doing this because she thinks it's going to open some doors for her?"

I'm not implying Russian women all worked in a factory for $100/month before being "rescued" by their American benefactors. (Although that is what most Americans think. They also think every Russian woman is a mail-order bride and every guy with a Russian wife is a loser that couldn't find a woman willing to marry him here.) What I am implying is if you've met a woman one time and have been e-mailing her for six months and are now going through the visa process, you better be darn sure that she's doing it for the reasons stated in the posts above, not just for the "shot at love with someone", that someone being several years older, several times richer, and in a country where she has a chance of meeting several more guys willing to take her on and pay all her expenses while she does whatever she wants.

If I'm not being clear here, I'll try to sum it up. I believe most women are doing it for love. I believe most of the guys are too. That said, most of the guys are getting "better" wives than what they would get here in the U.S. with American women. Most wives are getting "better" husbands than what they would get with Russian men. However, there are women out there willing to marry men they have absolutely no interest in simply to propel themselves into a higher standard of living. YOU COULD BE ONE OF THOSE GUYS!!! Ensure you're not. Take the time, be honest with yourself, and go with your gut. There are so many good women out there. Find one. Don't just choose the youngest and best looking one that will talk to you. Actually take your time and make sure you're both in it for the right reasons.

Well ... how did you find out what most Americans think? Just curious how you can qualify that statement. The one's I've met are not as sterotypical and cynical as the ones you know apparently. This forum has such potential to bring people down and give them bad information. Don't just take the time to be sure of the man or woman you are choosing ... also choose the posts on this forum that you listen to carefully and better still, talk to people, real people, face to face. How often do we hear good news on about any of these relationships in the press or media. The authors here do the same things as the media who feed them .... they write about the bad experiences, so those are the ones that we use to reference statements like "most Americans". I say to not believe me or slim or anybody else ... believe yourself and do some searching for the real love stories ... there are so, so many.

I disagree the men and women are getting "better" wives or husbands than they would find here in America or in Russia. By saying that, you discount the marriages in America and Russia as less than wonderful. American and Russian women are equally able to make a good wife, is is, in my opinion the inability to communicate or to control an American woman that the American men don't like. And Russian men, for the record, can be absolutely wonderful if there were only enough of them to go around. American men are no great prize, nor Russian women. Also, statistically, more Russian women find husbands in Germany, Sweden, Norway and England than do those in America. I received emails and wrote to men in all of these countries, but my prize happened to a) speak my language and B) be a wonderful man. As a side note, he lived in America.

Natalia

[Kotenochek 0]

I agree with You Natalia,I am here also for one reason my man and my love to him and I truly can say if not him I would never stay here.Not that I dont like it here,just home is better.I know who I am there I have a great family and worked as a Lawyer with a wage far more than averege.

I left bunch of friends and lifestyle that will take years and years to build here.

why I am with american citizen?Just Because he is my soulmate and he is the one.We match and compliment each other perfectly.

We have same ideas and Goals in life and we trying to please each other every second.

Of course there are women out there that are just looking for a better life,but its illusions..you said Yourselves Guys, that money does not come here from nowhere either,just like anywhere else it takes bunch of efforts and work.

And of course there are creepy guys out there that looking for a girl just for sex and then leaving her alone with kids..It happens all over here and there.

Here women do even worse,I mean american women.Once Man is broke they would never put up with him,they would just leave till he gets money back.Or do You think thats called any different than a bi****?

Well no offence meant there are good and bad people out there in every single country.

Its just wrong Idea that russian women dream about America..there is nothing big much to dream of that we have not got...Oh yeah there is..Ocean:)))

and Yes I love europe where i lived past years much more..Its just My man right now has better job here and I dont want to take away from him that.Because he is a Man and He should be able to provide.So I will go anywhere where he will feel right to be at.

[slim 1,530]

You are preaching to the choir here. I understand. The guys on this forum understand. Most people associated with VJ understand. However... talk honestly to your neighbors, coworkers, people at church or wherever you go socially, and they're more likely than not to describe a Russia (and most other "foreign" countries) that's bleak and dark where everyone works at "the mines" or "the factory" or something like that and believe it or not, there's a high percentage of Americans that think most Russians still stand in line for bread every morning before going to work at the factories. These same folks also believe anyone "lucky" enough to get a visa to come to the States has been "rescued" from their horrible life before.

We all know that's not reality. However, since that stereotype exists here, can it not be possible that another one exists on the flip side as well? One that says there's a place where everyone has a nice and easy life because they're born rich and they're not allowed to have problems because society doesn't allow that sort of thing? That they're not allowed to beat their wives or girlfriends and would never cheat on them becuase that's not what their society is based on? That they would only create good families free from alcoholism, drug addiction, physical and mental abuse? And if all that didn't work..... there'd be plenty more handsome men more than willing and able to step in and take the place of the dud that didn't hold up to his end of the "saving."????

All I'm saying in my posts here is there are guys out there that are looking for a foreign wife, for whatever reason, and they sometimes overlook some of the signs that they're perspective wife is in the category listed above. The flip side is also true, and sometimes the ladies with that mentality are only looking for a "savior." Either way, if you're one of the people in this category..... YOU'RE MESSING IT UP FOR THE REST OF US!!!!!

I don't think you'd be taking all the time to read all the posts here on VJ if you weren't at least a little bit genuinely concerned about finding a perspective mate to be happy and create a future together with, so I'll give people the initial benefit of the doubt. However, there are people out there that are in the VJ process for reasons other than most of us, and those are the ones that need to take the extra time and ask more questions, spend more time together, and BE MORE HONEST WITH THEMSELVES and EACH OTHER. If you can't genuinely say you're doing it because you love the other person, you may want to rethink the whole process.

Off that soapbox... on to this one. Russian women are way better than their American counterparts. You can discount it all you want, but in my book, you ladies are tops. Control? Yeah right! I've yet to see an American man "control" his Russian wife. And the inability to communicate is not because there's a language issue, it's because there's an issue between men and women in that we don't think or feel 100% the same way. We are different. Very different sometimes, and Russian women are more willing to admit and overcome this difference. It's not a positive or a negative, it's just a difference that needs to be overcome to effectively communicate in the relationship. American women decided about 40 years ago to waive their right to overcome this communication gap. Until they choose to acknowledge it again, foreign women will be "better" by default. Russian women are tops by choice... my choice!

[Fettman 0]

Off that soapbox... on to this one. Russian women are way better than their American counterparts. You can discount it all you want, but in my book, you ladies are tops. Control? Yeah right! I've yet to see an American man "control" his Russian wife. And the inability to communicate is not because there's a language issue, it's because there's an issue between men and women in that we don't think or feel 100% the same way. We are different. Very different sometimes, and Russian women are more willing to admit and overcome this difference. It's not a positive or a negative, it's just a difference that needs to be overcome to effectively communicate in the relationship. American women decided about 40 years ago to waive their right to overcome this communication gap. Until they choose to acknowledge it again, foreign women will be "better" by default. Russian women are tops by choice... my choice!

Feminism has done more to hurt the progress of women's rights in my opinion, but hey, I'm just a guy and not allowed to say things like that . To me it is not about equal rights, but inequality of rights, that somehow men are inferior in most aspects of life. I agree gender differences are big roadblocks at times on the road of a relationship, and alot of people struggle with this, but to go so far to start lumping all American women as femi-nazis is the same as saying all Russian women want out of an American man is a green card. I will admit, I have enjoyed and still enjoy talking to my Liliana over all the women I meet here, some of it for the reasons you discuss. However, practice what you preach and realize that there are some American women that do overcome this gap. Some of them are married to my close friends. I never want to say one country is better than another. Each one has its own quirks and joys and sorrows.

However, still in the end language is key, I truly believe you have to speak the same language to be able to communicate in a meaningful way. I met Liliana by chance in Russia on a mission trip in which she was an interpreter. If she was just a Russian participant I probably would have thought she was a nice girl, but nothing more. In the end the gender gap just gets exacerbated by a language gap.

On that note, anyone have any good terms of endearment in Russian they can share? I know most of the basic ones, but I am always trying to learn more

[Satellite 1]

worked as a Lawyer with a wage far more than average.

Based on your previous posts in the other thread you probably will want to just start a family and never work again. If you do decide to pursue a career path, in California all you need to do is get your LLM, a one year program at any ABA accredited law school and you are eligible to take the bar exam since I presume you have a foreign law decree. It's a good year of study plus about another 6 months to prepare for the bar, but if you succeed you might find yourself making way more money than your man.

they're more likely than not to describe a Russia (and most other "foreign" countries) that's bleak and dark where everyone works at "the mines" or "the factory" or something like that and believe it or not, there's a high percentage of Americans that think most Russians still stand in line for bread every morning before going to work at the factories. These same folks also believe anyone "lucky" enough to get a visa to come to the States has been "rescued" from their horrible life before.

Slim, outside of Moscow and St. Petersburg and maybe a few downtown areas of other major Russian cities, this stereotype is reality to one extent or another. Even in Moscow, get on a commuter train. In less than 30 minutes you will see village people, pensioners who are selling sunflower seeds and flowers instead of enjoying cruise ships. Latest statistics show that at least 25% of Russians are living below poverty. And if your wife / fiancée never took you out to the villages, shame on her. The professional middle class that is earning a decent salary outside of Moscow is actually very small. Instead you have something like 10% of extremely rich and the rest working for food and vodka.

And when you do run across the average Russian who makes an average wage, they will consider a marriage of one of their girls to an American to be a "savior".

And other statistics show a decline in Russian population growth due to low life expectancy, more deaths than births, and a whole sleuth of people emigrating out.

If things were so good then why would the government offer these programs:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/09/11...tion=cnn_latest

And an example of the rich:

http://www.theage.com.au/news/world/b52-no...7462582827.html

Edited September 13, 2007 by Satellite

[Fettman 0]

worked as a Lawyer with a wage far more than average.

Based on your previous posts in the other thread you probably will want to just start a family and never work again. If you do decide to pursue a career path, in California all you need to do is get your LLM, a one year program at any ABA accredited law school and you are eligible to take the bar exam since I presume you have a foreign law decree. It's a good year of study plus about another 6 months to prepare for the bar, but if you succeed you might find yourself making way more money than your man.

they're more likely than not to describe a Russia (and most other "foreign" countries) that's bleak and dark where everyone works at "the mines" or "the factory" or something like that and believe it or not, there's a high percentage of Americans that think most Russians still stand in line for bread every morning before going to work at the factories. These same folks also believe anyone "lucky" enough to get a visa to come to the States has been "rescued" from their horrible life before.

Slim, outside of Moscow and St. Petersburg and maybe a few downtown areas of other major Russian cities, this stereotype is reality to one extent or another. Even in Moscow, get on a commuter train. In less than 30 minutes you will see village people, pensioners who are selling sunflower seeds and flowers instead of enjoying cruise ships. Latest statistics show that at least 25% of Russians are living below poverty. And if your wife / fiancée never took you out to the villages, shame on her. The professional middle class that is earning a decent salary outside of Moscow is actually very small. Instead you have something like 10% of extremely rich and the rest working for food and vodka.

And when you do run across the average Russian who makes an average wage, they will consider a marriage of one of their girls to an American to be a "savior".

And other statistics show a decline in Russian population growth due to low life expectancy, more deaths than births, and a whole sleuth of people emigrating out.

If things were so good then why would the government offer these programs:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/09/11...tion=cnn_latest

And an example of the rich:

http://www.theage.com.au/news/world/b52-no...7462582827.html

I agree, I saw most of this on my mission trips and when I went to my girlfriend's dacha. I was proposed to many, many times by young women (I myself was only 19), not saying that always happens, but for some of them I was the first American they had met. I didn't see many factories or mines, but it was pretty much a similar idea. However, the savior part I won't comment on, I am sure that differs from case to case, although Satellite's argument is a compelling one. I love Russia, I love its culture and I am glad to have seen all I did. Moscow is trendy and flashly at parts, but as my girlfriend told me stories her grandparents told me about the village her dacha is in I felt like I was getting to know the true Russia. I feel like there is an old sadness in much of rural Russia. Moscow may be becoming "rich" but it is leaving much of the country behind.

[slim 1,530]

To clarify further....

Don't get caught up in a "scam." If it sounds too good to be true, it just may be. On both ends.

[KGSodie 0]

Wow, I hadn't visited this thread (even though I started it) for a long time. Lots of good thoughts here, thanks everyone.

I agree with those who have said: If you're a man looking to 'save' someone, or if you're a woman looking only for a better life, you may find it but it probably won't last. Natasha looked for love for more than 5 years prior to finding me, and she had plenty of opportunities to grab onto coat tails if a better life is all she wanted.

We all get to the point in our lives (I hope) where we examine our lives and ourselves and decide what is important to use in a mate, and then we go out and find it. For me, I came to the realization that it was far more important that I find the right woman and not just a woman for right now.

Thanks again, everyone!

[slim 1,530]

what is important to use in a mate,

Well, I know one thing that's absolutely necessary to use when you mate! (Two things, actually!)

Edited: I just remembered the part in Zoolander when Ben Stiller said "I wanna mate with you." (You know that's his wife in real life? FX DVD on TV. See mom, TV really is good for learning useless information!)

Edited November 12, 2007 by slim