Looking for work... Driving me crazy!!!!!!!

[deemabrouk 0]

Not directly... but he was saying how he(ur Moh) hasnt worked since he came... and that he said he should try to be happy (which is the TRUTH!)

Then I get the.. How can I be happy??? He hasnt worked in blabla months.. He said I cant work in until i get the papers (which I have told him one million time.. It WILL be hard finding work without the papers!!!!!!!!) How can I talk to my family... how can I just sit here in these wall... Bla Bla blaaaaaaaaaaaahhh

and when I tried to explain to him he SHOULD try to be happy.. Cause him always being stressed helps NOTHING.. and it stresses out me and the kids.. (can of worms... now opening..)

Uh oh Please tell me it's nothing to do with my motormouth husband.

Deema - It sounds like things are going better today...and I'm glad.

well.. after my last phone call I'm not too sure

anything I try to do to help... just blows up in my face

Edited July 25, 2007 by deemabrouk

[ya falaha! 0]

Yeah there's no sense getting stressed over something that is not in your (or his) hands. My Moh is a little embarrased to call home and have to answer the questions about whether or not he's working yet, too. It doesn't help that his friend in NY (who came here on a DV) asks him too and argues with him about how he should have gotten his EAD by now and that it's strange that he hasn't yet. Like he's not trying hard enough as if he can put a fire under USCIS's azz.

Just try to have patience with him, Dee. I know it's driving you nuts and it's unfair that it's all on you right now. Hopefully he'll calm down about it soon. He's only been here a week and a half. He's gotta get tired of beating his head against the wall sooner or later.

Not directly... but he was saying how he(ur Moh) hasnt worked since he came... and that he said he should try to be happy (which is the TRUTH!)

Then I get the.. How can I be happy??? He hasnt worked in blabla months.. He said I cant work in until i get the papers (which I have told him one million time.. It WILL be hard finding work without the papers!!!!!!!!) How can I talk to my family... how can I just sit here in these wall... Bla Bla blaaaaaaaaaaaahhh

and when I tried to explain to him he SHOULD try to be happy.. Cause him always being stressed helps NOTHING.. and it stresses out me and the kids.. (can of worms... now opening..)

Uh oh Please tell me it's nothing to do with my motormouth husband.

Deema - It sounds like things are going better today...and I'm glad.

well.. after my last phone call I'm not too sure

anything I try to do to help... just blows up in my face

[UmmSqueakster 54]

I think I mentioned it earlier on the thread, but have you mentioned volunteering to him? After he gets through the "I need to work NOW" stage, he'll still be bored, and that's a good way to keep oneself occupied. It can be sold as a good resume builder, a good way to get references, a way to build business contacts, all which will help him down the road.

And, if he's deeny (my new favorite word), point out that maybe this time without work is a blessing from God in which he can work to benefit Islam and his deen. It's a break where he can study, memorize quran, volunteer at the masjid to do any number of things, etc etc etc.

[♥JP♥ 5]

Dee I have a suggestion that might help. Stop trying to help him. I don't mean this in a bad way but maybe he just wants to vent. You have offered him countless solutions and it seems to me that is not what he is looking for.

I have a friend like this, she oftens talks about her problems and complains but doesnt want anyone to give her advice or offer solutions. She says she just needs to vent and just wants someone to listen. So maybe try the "uh huh, mhmm, ok" approach and see where that gets you.

He sounds very stressed out and it doesnt seem like anything you do is gonna change that.

[sarah and hicham 3]

Oh dear, he hasn't even been here a month and he's already driving you nuts? Good luck!

[palilover 1]

Has anyone's SO's threatened to go back home due to not working here right away? That is what I'm worried about.

[sarah and hicham 3]

Has anyone's SO's threatened to go back home due to not working here right away? That is what I'm worried about.

Why would they threaten to go home for that? Is that the woman's fault? If you're worried about that then you need to talk to him before he gets here.

[Ban Hammer 13,110]

Oh dear, he hasn't even been here a month and he's already driving you nuts? Good luck!

[palilover 1]

Has anyone's SO's threatened to go back home due to not working here right away? That is what I'm worried about.

Why would they threaten to go home for that? Is that the woman's fault? If you're worried about that then you need to talk to him before he gets here.

No, I know it is not the woman's fault. But with all the talk of gold falling from trees, his expectations are high. I've tried to set him straight, but unfortunately the neighbor (arab guy) knows that most MENA men feel that way and he was feeding his brain with a bunch of brainwash while he was here before....contradicting everything I said! ANd like Dee, my guy si bound determined to finda job as soon as he gets off the plane:) I'm already getting butterflies just thinking about and he's not even out of USCIS custody yet!! But it makes me feel a tad bit better to know that my husband is not acting out of the norm. I just hope I can debrainwash him:)

[♥JP♥ 5]

In most cases, they will want to go back for the first year. Sometimes they will want to go back until their first visit back home and once they get there they realize that they can't wait to go back to the US.

I say this from personal experiances of my family members, even my parents felt this way. My mom had her entire family here when she immigrated and whined everyday for a year about going back to Jordan. I think I would feel the same way if I had to move to Jordan. Being there on a vacation and living there are so different. Alot of people say they wouldnt mind living in their S.O.'s country but if they are basing that on their trips there vacationing, they might be surprised how life is when you actually live there.

Even if they threaten to go back, in most cases they won't.

[Dakine 26]

Buy your guys a hammer and have him go chip up the gold American streets are paved with!

Next best thing is get him a job at the "Golden Arches".

[palilover 1]

LOL

Now THAT is a job worth writing to mommy about:)

Well....as for going back for the first year.....he ws here on a visitor's visa (not really a vacation for him though since it was kinda like living here as he had his sis here and then me) and was not too enthused about going back. And about once a week sinc ehe's been back I hear "Habibi, has immigration called you yet" (and it's only been almost 2 months since he's been back). So I think he won't want to go back but if he is frustrated with finding work.......now that is another story.

[♥JP♥ 5]

LOL

Now THAT is a job worth writing to mommy about:)

Well....as for going back for the first year.....he ws here on a visitor's visa (not really a vacation for him though since it was kinda like living here as he had his sis here and then me) and was not too enthused about going back. And about once a week sinc ehe's been back I hear "Habibi, has immigration called you yet" (and it's only been almost 2 months since he's been back). So I think he won't want to go back but if he is frustrated with finding work.......now that is another story.

True but it's not like the job situations overthere are any better. Before my hubby came over, on a daily basis I would tell him how miserable life was here. How the first 3 years we would be struggling a lot. I painted a bad picture for him, it kinda worked. He came here with hardly any expectations and things have been working out well. He is working and he bought a car already.

He even turned to me and said, life isnt so bad here. I think many of us focus on preparing them for coming here and in the process we forget to prepare ourselves. Honestly I think its more challenging for the USC that it is for them.

[palilover 1]

Hm...you make an interesting point. Well, hopefully him being around me when he was here will be enough of an influece that you have to work for everything. It's the whole "get your wife to get a bank loan so you can start a business" thing that my neighbor has planted into his brain that I am not liking. But I will try that..paint a bad picture fo rhim. Hopefully that doe snot backfire and he say "habibi things re ginog to be so hard for you and I dont want to make things harder fo ryou so why don't you come and live here" LOL

[♥JP♥ 5]

Well I think the grand picture they have in their minds and the miserable one we can paint will balance things out. They probebly don't believe us but its stays in the back of their minds. I completely agree on the bank loan. I wouldnt do it either. Not because I don't trust him but I haven't even done that for myself!

My hubby, like many others here, often talks about opening a business. However we both agreed he should feel the market out, learn english slang, get some work experiance under his belt, and learn the laws of the land before he proceeds. I think he is a bit more reasonable than some of the S.O.'s I've read about. However it could be an age thing, I don't know how old the others are but he is approaching his 30's. The other thing is I told him if we get a loan and you start a business, you bascially have one shot and then we are broke. So he better make sure he knows what he is doing, that definiltly got him back down to earth.