Looking for work... Driving me crazy!!!!!!!

[deemabrouk 0]

Isn't it something like 90% of small business ventures fail within five years? I'm misremembering the percentages, but not by much. Not the sort of thing I'd co-sign on behalf of a immigrant who doesn't yet have his green card.

There's being supportive and there's being supportive. If he wants to open a garage, have him do the sort of homework he'd need to convince a bank to do a loan. What's his expected return? Where will he be located? What's the sort of licensing requirements that he will need?

I totally agree, I don't mind my husband chasing his dreams as long as he doesn't expect me to make them happen. What I have learned is that when you want something bad enough you will make it happen, so if they want it and believe in it then they will find a way to do it.

I agree with this 100%.. he can DEFINATLY have his dreams.. BUT he needs to do the work!! my plate is piled FULL right now... I HAVE sat down with him and had him look over things online.. ie. bank loans.. the costs of gas stations.. dollar stores.. And I have drove him around showing him spots near the house he can introduce himself too and inquire about Work.. I have drove him to arabic shops/ restaraunts so he can get an better idea of whats around for businesses ..

BUT.. he needs to do some of the work.. the "No YOU call and the No YOU do it" attitude just isnt working with me right now..

Alhamdulillah.. things were alittle better when i got out of work...

And inshallah he will walk around Today..

I really thought the Visa Process was hard??!! :lol:

nope

this takes the cake...

but.. inshallah.. What Doesnt Kill You Will Make You Stronger!

[Nasturtium 500]

Dee! I hope things continue on this upswing!!

[deemabrouk 0]

Dee! I hope things continue on this upswing!!

Me too...

And I will some how ask Mohamed if he wants to chat with the other VJ hubbies.. But I gotta find good wording

And Jenn.. if anything does come about with that job.. let us know..

I again thank EVERYONE for all their help.. "listening" eyes.. and supportive words

[Nasturtium 500]

Can you blame it on the other VJ hubbies? Moody? Do you think your husband would accept responsibility for supposedly wanting to "talk" with another Egyptian just about "stuff"? (and then just throw in his explanation of the situation!). You figure yeah you don't want him to know you're talking about it and you don't want him to become more frustrated either.. it just needs to be low pressure and general IMO.

Edited July 25, 2007 by julianna

[ya falaha! 0]

My husband is the Egyptian Tony Robbins. This guy is great at pep talks and motivation. You could always say that my husband would like to have someone to talk to about adapting here and since they're from the same area (Alex) maybe they would have more in common. Somethin' like that.

Can you blame it on the other VJ hubbies? Moody? Do you think your husband would accept responsibility for supposedly wanting to "talk" with another Egyptian just about "stuff"? (and then just throw in his explanation of the situation!). You figure yeah you don't want him to know you're talking about it and you don't want him to become more frustrated either.. it just needs to be low pressure and general IMO.

[Nasturtium 500]

My husband is the Egyptian Tony Robbins. This guy is great at pep talks and motivation. You could always say that my husband would like to have someone to talk to about adapting here and since they're from the same area (Alex) maybe they would have more in common. Somethin' like that.

Can you blame it on the other VJ hubbies? Moody? Do you think your husband would accept responsibility for supposedly wanting to "talk" with another Egyptian just about "stuff"? (and then just throw in his explanation of the situation!). You figure yeah you don't want him to know you're talking about it and you don't want him to become more frustrated either.. it just needs to be low pressure and general IMO.

Perfect! I think coming from the same area will mean more too.

[deemabrouk 0]

My husband is the Egyptian Tony Robbins. This guy is great at pep talks and motivation. You could always say that my husband would like to have someone to talk to about adapting here and since they're from the same area (Alex) maybe they would have more in common. Somethin' like that.

Can you blame it on the other VJ hubbies? Moody? Do you think your husband would accept responsibility for supposedly wanting to "talk" with another Egyptian just about "stuff"? (and then just throw in his explanation of the situation!). You figure yeah you don't want him to know you're talking about it and you don't want him to become more frustrated either.. it just needs to be low pressure and general IMO.

When did your husband come here?? how long?

[ya falaha! 0]

He's been here since May 2nd...so nearly 3 months now.

My husband is the Egyptian Tony Robbins. This guy is great at pep talks and motivation. You could always say that my husband would like to have someone to talk to about adapting here and since they're from the same area (Alex) maybe they would have more in common. Somethin' like that.

Can you blame it on the other VJ hubbies? Moody? Do you think your husband would accept responsibility for supposedly wanting to "talk" with another Egyptian just about "stuff"? (and then just throw in his explanation of the situation!). You figure yeah you don't want him to know you're talking about it and you don't want him to become more frustrated either.. it just needs to be low pressure and general IMO.

When did your husband come here?? how long?

[sara535 15]

a Tony Robbins type talk would maybe do the trick that made me laugh.

I know for my husband a lot of the 'adjusting' was about way overblown expectations, as have been discussed here. the idea that the streets are paved with gold and that within a few months he would be driving a mercedes and sending a thousand bucks a month to his mom. It was quite a reality slap to see it wasnt gonna go that way and frankly led to a period of real disappointment/depression. And although we also had talked about it beforehand it didnt make a bit of difference. Its true that they all know 'someone' who's made it BIG here. I had MANY discussions that involved saying things like, "yes honey, its true that X is buying new cars and sending big bucks home but he's been here 11 years! you cant compare yourself to that!"

It DID help when I finally could hook him up with a couple of VJ husbands so they could swap tales. Sometimes he would get off the phone more down than when he started, but in the big picture I think it was good to know that there were others out there facing the same struggles. Well, just like all of us flock here to VJ to find others in OUR same situation.

Hang in there, Dee, and all you others in the same boat. The best I can say is that while it was tough, and when i say tough I MEAN IT, it all passed and we are happy and (reasonably) well adjusted these days...life is good. Dont let the down days let you lose sight of why you did it all

Edited July 25, 2007 by sara535

[♥JP♥ 5]

Isn't it something like 90% of small business ventures fail within five years? I'm misremembering the percentages, but not by much. Not the sort of thing I'd co-sign on behalf of a immigrant who doesn't yet have his green card.

There's being supportive and there's being supportive. If he wants to open a garage, have him do the sort of homework he'd need to convince a bank to do a loan. What's his expected return? Where will he be located? What's the sort of licensing requirements that he will need?

I totally agree, I don't mind my husband chasing his dreams as long as he doesn't expect me to make them happen. What I have learned is that when you want something bad enough you will make it happen, so if they want it and believe in it then they will find a way to do it.

I agree with this 100%.. he can DEFINATLY have his dreams.. BUT he needs to do the work!! my plate is piled FULL right now... I HAVE sat down with him and had him look over things online.. ie. bank loans.. the costs of gas stations.. dollar stores.. And I have drove him around showing him spots near the house he can introduce himself too and inquire about Work.. I have drove him to arabic shops/ restaraunts so he can get an better idea of whats around for businesses ..

BUT.. he needs to do some of the work.. the "No YOU call and the No YOU do it" attitude just isnt working with me right now..

Alhamdulillah.. things were alittle better when i got out of work...

And inshallah he will walk around Today..

I really thought the Visa Process was hard??!! :lol:

nope

this takes the cake...

but.. inshallah.. What Doesnt Kill You Will Make You Stronger!

Yup, I originally thought that the 17 months of seperation and waiting for the visa was hell but this is harder. It was hard waiting but at least I could log off of yahoo when he pissed me off, lol, now I can't do that anymore!

[MHandMB 0]

I have to agree with those who have said that it helps to have your husband talk to others who are in the same boat. My husband found it hard to believe how expensive insurance, taxes, etc. would be, and thought we should have more money. The condo we were renting was "ok but sooo small" and not really conducive to having people over. That all changed when he met a good friend at the mosque. Once he went to his friend's condo and saw it was smaller than ours, he suddenly really liked where we lived and wanted to invite friends over.

He still has ideas about starting a business, etc., but he's a lot more realistic about it. Now that he's gotten involved at the mosque, he knows a lot of recent immigrants and sees that everyone's not rolling in money fresh off of the plane.

Also, a lot of the stress went away as Amed got used to living here. When he first got here, he made me look at all of the ads in the paper, and made me make the initial inquiries about jobs. He was self-conscious about his English, and didn't know how things worked here. I ended up getting him his first job through some acquaintances, and now that he's been there a year, he is a LOT more confident about his capabilities. He's keeping his eyes and ears open for better opportunities, and no longer asks me to do it .

I know it's very stressful at first, once he's been here a while and gets used to things, he should become a bit more realistic and a bit easier to deal with.

[deemabrouk 0]

I have to agree with those who have said that it helps to have your husband talk to others who are in the same boat. My husband found it hard to believe how expensive insurance, taxes, etc. would be, and thought we should have more money. The condo we were renting was "ok but sooo small" and not really conducive to having people over. That all changed when he met a good friend at the mosque. Once he went to his friend's condo and saw it was smaller than ours, he suddenly really liked where we lived and wanted to invite friends over.

He still has ideas about starting a business, etc., but he's a lot more realistic about it. Now that he's gotten involved at the mosque, he knows a lot of recent immigrants and sees that everyone's not rolling in money fresh off of the plane.

Also, a lot of the stress went away as Amed got used to living here. When he first got here, he made me look at all of the ads in the paper, and made me make the initial inquiries about jobs. He was self-conscious about his English, and didn't know how things worked here. I ended up getting him his first job through some acquaintances, and now that he's been there a year, he is a LOT more confident about his capabilities. He's keeping his eyes and ears open for better opportunities, and no longer asks me to do it .

I know it's very stressful at first, once he's been here a while and gets used to things, he should become a bit more realistic and a bit easier to deal with.

I am taking my husband to a new mosque this friday.. Last friday I came out to see him standing off to the side.. with a look on his face.. I asked him whats wrong.. He said No one said "Salaam Aleikum" to me.. but knowing Him.. he wasnt outgoing saying Salaam to other people too..

SO i called the Imam of another masjid and had a chat (he knows me and my kids) I will introduce them and he can see another masjid too... Inshallah this will help

[allousa 1]

Deema - It sounds like things are going better today...and I'm glad.

[deemabrouk 0]

Deema - It sounds like things are going better today...and I'm glad.

well.. after my last phone call I'm not too sure

anything I try to do to help... just blows up in my face

[ya falaha! 0]

Uh oh Please tell me it's nothing to do with my motormouth husband.

Deema - It sounds like things are going better today...and I'm glad.

well.. after my last phone call I'm not too sure

anything I try to do to help... just blows up in my face