Looking for work... Driving me crazy!!!!!!!

[peezey 0]

Do you have any info about where we can send his degree to be certified? I am looking into ESL classes, those I'm not worrying about costing much. Community college here isn't very expensive either but with my income alone along with all of our expenses it's a bit much right now.

My husband is interested in furthering his education here however, he'd have to get work first to have money to pay for this education. He holds a degree but realizes if he wants to use this degree he may need additional schooling here.

It seems like few of the husbands is interested in pursuing education here, why is that? We all live here and know that education and training is the fastest way to a successful career. Sure, it might take a small investment in the beginning, and time, but the pay off long term is far more substantial than scraping by to save money for a business.

ESL classes are usually free, at least several women from several different states have found this to be the case. In CA, community college fees are cheap, cheap, cheap, with one class usually costing about $50 (not including books). There are other ways to get reduced fees, too. The best thing they can do is go to the International Students advisor because this is probably someone they can relate to, get the inside scoop on the best way to approach school, and even send away to get his degree certified as a US degree. Someone was recently successful at this when he thought for sure there would be no way his degree would be transfered into a US bachelor's degree.

WES is a big one to certify the degree, but ask the closest University, too, what they normally accept. When my BIL came on a student visa, I helped him settle in, and the counselors always answered the phone, always met with us, even before he was an official student. I think advisors/counselors in your local U would totally help out..that's what they're there for anyway.

[deemabrouk 0]

Mine is applying for the PhD in the fall. But he has two goals here-- money and education. (ETA: we had discussed these things before but I think the reality of the situation is totally different than what he had come to grasp from over there.)

Dee-- somehow he needs to learn he has to do it himself and be an adult. My husband wants me to do everything for him as well. But I just don't do it. I tell him he has to learn it and if he has problems-- sure! I'll help. But I'm not going to apply for jobs for him or anything! Anyway, he wouldn't get hired if his wife (read "mommy") was doing everything for him.

ive explained all of this to him sooo many times!

and then again today he said.. "After you pick up the kids.. you can bring me there"

so now ME and THE KIDS will be in the car!!!!!!!

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

ESL classes are free here in San Antonio.

My husband took some when he first arrived to "polish up" -- they put him in the advanced class, and he started coming home with words like "funambulist" and "jocund"

[peezey 0]

Mine is applying for the PhD in the fall. But he has two goals here-- money and education. (ETA: we had discussed these things before but I think the reality of the situation is totally different than what he had come to grasp from over there.)

Dee-- somehow he needs to learn he has to do it himself and be an adult. My husband wants me to do everything for him as well. But I just don't do it. I tell him he has to learn it and if he has problems-- sure! I'll help. But I'm not going to apply for jobs for him or anything! Anyway, he wouldn't get hired if his wife (read "mommy") was doing everything for him.

ive explained all of this to him sooo many times!

and then again today he said.. "After you pick up the kids.. you can bring me there"

so now ME and THE KIDS will be in the car!!!!!!!

Have you tried the "it's not very islamic of you to expect your wife to take out debt and financial risk in her name to finance your personal business pipedreams"???

Edited July 24, 2007 by peezey

[deemabrouk 0]

This also brings up a point to add to the "what to discuss with your SO before he gets here" thread. It seems like goals for the future need to be discussed in lots of detail rather than just "get a job."

everything HAS BEEN discussed a million Times.. about what the future will entail..

BUT

all of those talks apparently were a waste of my time!!!!!!

[ya falaha! 0]

Thanks, Peezey I'll def. look into that.

Do you have any info about where we can send his degree to be certified? I am looking into ESL classes, those I'm not worrying about costing much. Community college here isn't very expensive either but with my income alone along with all of our expenses it's a bit much right now.

My husband is interested in furthering his education here however, he'd have to get work first to have money to pay for this education. He holds a degree but realizes if he wants to use this degree he may need additional schooling here.

It seems like few of the husbands is interested in pursuing education here, why is that? We all live here and know that education and training is the fastest way to a successful career. Sure, it might take a small investment in the beginning, and time, but the pay off long term is far more substantial than scraping by to save money for a business.

ESL classes are usually free, at least several women from several different states have found this to be the case. In CA, community college fees are cheap, cheap, cheap, with one class usually costing about $50 (not including books). There are other ways to get reduced fees, too. The best thing they can do is go to the International Students advisor because this is probably someone they can relate to, get the inside scoop on the best way to approach school, and even send away to get his degree certified as a US degree. Someone was recently successful at this when he thought for sure there would be no way his degree would be transfered into a US bachelor's degree.

WES is a big one to certify the degree, but ask the closest University, too, what they normally accept. When my BIL came on a student visa, I helped him settle in, and the counselors always answered the phone, always met with us, even before he was an official student. I think advisors/counselors in your local U would totally help out..that's what they're there for anyway.

[Nasturtium 500]

well now.. I dont love him or care for his dreams or future... And even thought I am at my job now trying to work.. and not get it TROUBLE... He has been IMing NON stop!!!!!!!!!!! and when I tell him I have to work.. he freaks out cause I dont care about him working.. or his dreams..

:cry: :cry: :cry:

he wants ME to do all the work.. even though now I work. have two kids.. and a husband.. and he wants everything in my name.

Hmm. Somehow he has got to get it that the answer is NO. What gets through to him?

As Peezy suggested-- does religious appeal or machismo appeal work?

Edited July 24, 2007 by julianna

[♥JP♥ 5]

Dee I have 2 words for you: TOUGH LOVE

He won't appreciate it now but he will later. If he doesn't learn how to stand and walk on his own, he will crawl for the rest of his life. I think you need to sit down with him and have a good long talk. I know he will probebly just nod and it will go in one ear and out the other but the more times you do this the more it will begin to register with him.

He wants to provide but he feels like his legs have been cut off, I think many people who are used to being independent and providing for themselves go through this when they come here. My hunny went through this too, and once he started working and got a car it just made a world of difference to him. Once he didnt have to rely on me picking him up and dropping him off, his outlook on life here changed so much. The best thing is to keep doing what you are doing, DON"T BABY HIM.

[Jenn! 918]

My hunny went through this too, and once he started working and got a car it just made a world of difference to him. Once he didnt have to rely on me picking him up and dropping him off, his outlook on life here changed so much.

I can't agree with this enough. Jesus (the car ) was HUGE in the adjustment.

Things changed so much for the better once he got his license and was able to be more self-sufficient.

Edited July 24, 2007 by jenn3539

[♥JP♥ 5]

My hunny went through this too, and once he started working and got a car it just made a world of difference to him. Once he didnt have to rely on me picking him up and dropping him off, his outlook on life here changed so much.

I can't agree with this enough. Jesus (the car ) was HUGE in the adjustment.

Things changed so much for the better once he got his license and was able to be more self-sufficient.

Jesus

[maggieNomar 0]

Sorry, but I just have to

It will get better, I promise!

Ever seen the Honeymooners movie with Cedric the Entertainer? I think you should watch it now, you'll get a kick out of it.

I agree Dee. I know it's trying on your patience. I think many of the guys come here with these grand ideas. Omar did the same thing, talked about various business ventures. I just let him talk out his ideas, asking details about he thought his shop might look like or how he would set it up. IT made good converstion. Seems they are like kids in a candy store. If nothing else it gives you something to talk about and a tool to get to know him more, if you look beyond the wild words. He will settle down after awhile, I think.

[Nasturtium 500]

Have you thgouht about canceling or disconnecting (while you're out) your cable/satelite/etc? Because I have noticed commercials really rile them up. Suddenly they want 3 new cars because look! it's only 199/month! Ands they have no idea about insurance, the fact that that is a lease with terms and conditions, down payments, etc.

[mybackpages 0]

What is the "mena" way? None of this resonates with me or any of the women I know with mena husbands so I'm very curious why this generalization is being made.

I agree with you peezy, This is not anything that resonates with anythign I think of when I think of MENA generalizations, but i would say there is a sub-culture within MENA among certain classes (would that be the right word?) to think this way..although I am not sure the impatience is culture..that's surely personality shining through.

[deemabrouk 0]

all he talks about it what EVERYBODY ELSE DOES!!!!!!!!!!! what this person did... what That person did...

so and so in Italy rents a garage and make tons of money.. Ayman came here (remind you 7 - 10 years ago) and bought a car (without licence, without work papers) started working at a supermarket delivering... blablablaa..

I tell him.. he needs to learn the American way better... the legal system.. he need to talk to more Brothers... and NO his wife cant come with him to ask about Jobs!!!!

"Thank you Dee.. Thank you SO much!!!! "

[ya falaha! 0]

The commericials that get Moh going are the $40,000 available for college loans. It's...look habibity I can use that for school and with the left over I can start a business! I had to explain that #1 you have to have a soc. no. for that #2 they may check credit for it and since he has no credit well... #3 you eventually have to pay it back and they will tack on interest. That shut him up about that.