Looking for work... Driving me crazy!!!!!!!

[MrsAmera 41]

Oh shoot me now - this sounds sooooo familiar!! My husband too has all of these hoop dreams floating around and I want to strangle him sometimes. We seriously had floated the idea around of opening a restaurant where we use to live but now here it is totally different. He is working in other jobs but it wasn't easy. I agree with Rahma ENGLISH CLASSES, no matter how much he might hate school this is soooo important. If he can study it will be worth it. Or if he has decent English get him in a certificate program or something. Even if he has a degree from his home country - it just doesn't match up here. I also agree with allowing him to talk, I let my husband talk and tell him "inshallah one day honey" - so far so good.

[deemabrouk 0]

he wants ME to call for everything... NOT HIM... I tell him walk down to talk to people.. he says No you drive me... I tell him.. go ask the lebanese guy at the end of the street about work.. No i cant just walk up to a man i dont know.. no no no no

how can I get a business loan? I dont know.. go ask them... No you ask them

Edited July 24, 2007 by deemabrouk

[peezey 0]

It seems like few of the husbands is interested in pursuing education here, why is that? We all live here and know that education and training is the fastest way to a successful career. Sure, it might take a small investment in the beginning, and time, but the pay off long term is far more substantial than scraping by to save money for a business.

[ya falaha! 0]

My husband is interested in furthering his education here however, he'd have to get work first to have money to pay for this education. He holds a degree but realizes if he wants to use this degree he may need additional schooling here.

It seems like few of the husbands is interested in pursuing education here, why is that? We all live here and know that education and training is the fastest way to a successful career. Sure, it might take a small investment in the beginning, and time, but the pay off long term is far more substantial than scraping by to save money for a business.

[peezey 0]

This also brings up a point to add to the "what to discuss with your SO before he gets here" thread. It seems like goals for the future need to be discussed in lots of detail rather than just "get a job."

[hollyw 0]

It seems like few of the husbands is interested in pursuing education here, why is that? We all live here and know that education and training is the fastest way to a successful career. Sure, it might take a small investment in the beginning, and time, but the pay off long term is far more substantial than scraping by to save money for a business.

My husband started with a Business ESL program at UMass Boston last spring and this fall will finish the classes he needs to take (he had some credits transfered from university in algeria/france) to get his bachelor's degree - it has been WONDERFUL for him. Not only is he getting his education which is worth a ton and will eventually get him a better job, he is making friends, learning the language, getting around the city on his own, building his confidence, etc etc. If you go to a state school it's not a huge expense at all - about $100 a credit (at least in MA or at a community college). Most state schools offer night classes too so you can work around a work schedule.

Edited July 24, 2007 by hollyw

[UmmSqueakster 54]

My husband is interested in furthering his education here however, he'd have to get work first to have money to pay for this education. He holds a degree but realizes if he wants to use this degree he may need additional schooling here.

It seems like few of the husbands is interested in pursuing education here, why is that? We all live here and know that education and training is the fastest way to a successful career. Sure, it might take a small investment in the beginning, and time, but the pay off long term is far more substantial than scraping by to save money for a business.

*nods* The husband would like to study for his Certified Internal Auditor exam, but the review classes are expensive, and he wants to pay for it himself. I've suggested masters programs, but again, he wants to pay for it himself.

[Nasturtium 500]

Mine is applying for the PhD in the fall. But he has two goals here-- money and education. (ETA: we had discussed these things before but I think the reality of the situation is totally different than what he had come to grasp from over there.)

Dee-- somehow he needs to learn he has to do it himself and be an adult. My husband wants me to do everything for him as well. But I just don't do it. I tell him he has to learn it and if he has problems-- sure! I'll help. But I'm not going to apply for jobs for him or anything! Anyway, he wouldn't get hired if his wife (read "mommy") was doing everything for him.

Edited July 24, 2007 by julianna

[peezey 0]

My husband is interested in furthering his education here however, he'd have to get work first to have money to pay for this education. He holds a degree but realizes if he wants to use this degree he may need additional schooling here.

It seems like few of the husbands is interested in pursuing education here, why is that? We all live here and know that education and training is the fastest way to a successful career. Sure, it might take a small investment in the beginning, and time, but the pay off long term is far more substantial than scraping by to save money for a business.

ESL classes are usually free, at least several women from several different states have found this to be the case. In CA, community college fees are cheap, cheap, cheap, with one class usually costing about $50 (not including books). There are other ways to get reduced fees, too. The best thing they can do is go to the International Students advisor because this is probably someone they can relate to, get the inside scoop on the best way to approach school, and even send away to get his degree certified as a US degree. Someone was recently successful at this when he thought for sure there would be no way his degree would be transfered into a US bachelor's degree.

[MrsAmera 41]

It seems that at leat in the ME education is not seen as a path upward to success. For example my husband couldn't understand why it was hard for me to get a job after college, he assumed the government would just give me a job. There it seems education = money or more success, it means you get a low level government job and maybe move up if you know people. It's a totally different mentality. I think most of the guys here grew up thinking, if I have a business I can make money and be a respected person. They don't see that that takes a ton of hard work and training. Again I echo the education route!!! (There are always student loans - which I believe are a valuable investment for the future - few ppl can afford a degree based on the cash in their pocket)

[ya falaha! 0]

Do you have any info about where we can send his degree to be certified? I am looking into ESL classes, those I'm not worrying about costing much. Community college here isn't very expensive either but with my income alone along with all of our expenses it's a bit much right now.

My husband is interested in furthering his education here however, he'd have to get work first to have money to pay for this education. He holds a degree but realizes if he wants to use this degree he may need additional schooling here.

It seems like few of the husbands is interested in pursuing education here, why is that? We all live here and know that education and training is the fastest way to a successful career. Sure, it might take a small investment in the beginning, and time, but the pay off long term is far more substantial than scraping by to save money for a business.

ESL classes are usually free, at least several women from several different states have found this to be the case. In CA, community college fees are cheap, cheap, cheap, with one class usually costing about $50 (not including books). There are other ways to get reduced fees, too. The best thing they can do is go to the International Students advisor because this is probably someone they can relate to, get the inside scoop on the best way to approach school, and even send away to get his degree certified as a US degree. Someone was recently successful at this when he thought for sure there would be no way his degree would be transfered into a US bachelor's degree.

[allousa 1]

Deema - would he be open to taking some English classes? Perhaps that way he would get out of your hair for awhile.

Do you have a local community college that he could go to? Their classes can be pretty inexpensive.

Edited July 24, 2007 by allousa

[deemabrouk 0]

Oh! I see he's picking fights with you. Mine told me he was "dissappointed in [me]" in one of his frustrated moments. Then I cried a lot and finally after a few days it was forgiven on both sides. But he was amazed at how much he was grating on my nerves and how I wasn't hiding it! All of our fights have been over him wanting to do somehting I see as assinine, and me not wanting to go along with it. it may not really be assinine either. It could be my fault. I'm just saying we're not in agreement!

well now.. I dont love him or care for his dreams or future... And even thought I am at my job now trying to work.. and not get it TROUBLE... He has been IMing NON stop!!!!!!!!!!! and when I tell him I have to work.. he freaks out cause I dont care about him working.. or his dreams..

:cry: :cry: :cry:

he wants ME to do all the work.. even though now I work. have two kids.. and a husband.. and he wants everything in my name

Edited July 24, 2007 by deemabrouk

[ya falaha! 0]

I agree, he's gotta do the asking himself. Try explaining that it's not gonna look very good to prospective employers if his wife has to do all the asking and talking. I guess I'm lucky with Moh as he's always the one who initiates talking with ppl about getting work.

Dee-- somehow he needs to learn he has to do it himself and be an adult. My husband wants me to do everything for him as well. But I just don't do it. I tell him he has to learn it and if he has problems-- sure! I'll help. But I'm not going to apply for jobs for him or anything! Anyway, he wouldn't get hired if his wife (read "mommy") was doing everything for him.

[deemabrouk 0]

Deema - would he be open to taking some English classes? Perhaps that way he would get out of your hair for awhile.

Do you have a local community college that he could go to? Their classes can be pretty inexpensive.

yup i tried that too...

Why do I need English classes?? you think my english is no good? How can I go to classes when I have to work?! Fine.. I'll go to classes cause you have No patience teaching me!

Edited July 24, 2007 by deemabrouk