Looking for work... Driving me crazy!!!!!!!

[palilover 1]

No, it's not age. Mine is 40 and his mind is everyplace like a little kid's, Really I have to run to keep up with him:)

[♥JP♥ 5]

No, it's not age. Mine is 40 and his mind is everyplace like a little kid's, Really I have to run to keep up with him:)

True sometimes age has nothing to do with it. My hubby is very conservative and mature for his age, he even looks about 10 years older.

[palilover 1]

Hm...if anything this thread has opened my eyes a bit to some of the things we take for granted. Especially money wise. Banks, credit, 401K, etc, etc. Well, his head is not overflowed with immigration stuff since he's gone but he's going to make up for it with all I've got to teach him, lol

[belinda63 3,038]

ok, now I don't feel so bad. My man is in iran (still waiting on security checks). He has asked me over and over why he cannot work when he gets here. I have explained but he still does not get it. He wants to go straight into a really good job or open his own business, buy a house, get a car (BMW), etc.

I just told him (jokingly) that he was going to be the caretaker of the house until he got his paperwork done.....he did not like that at all.

We have been through all the opening his own business thing. For God's sake he is a veterinarian, what does he know about a bakery?

I think it has something to do with the mindset of the man supporting the family mixed with the beliefs about America and the stories they hear.

The scariest thing is I could get him a job in the restaurant where I work after he gets his papers, but I do not think he would last a day.

In his mind work is serious, and where I am....well...let's just say, in the dining room we are professional, behind the line.....ever seen the movie "Waiting"?

In the first hour he would run out screaming "All Americans are Crazy"

He has a lot to adapt to and a lot to learn about the American way before I would trust him on his own.

[Nasturtium 500]

You know, Dee, have you perpetuated the "great American novel" myth yet? Maybe you should! Set him to task writing a novel that can be a NYT best-seller. It's occupying. Maybe get some stats on how much Stephen King has made or something like that. It's better than the gold-paved streets or money on trees myths. And although both Brits, talk about how JK Rowling has had such market-wide success... or JRR Tolkien published these wildly popular books based on bed time stories for his son. That should help. Best of all? It's QUIET.

:)

[amrssnowangel 0]

My SO and I just had this conversation regarding what to expect. I was surprised when HE said...HE wanted to get more education here and knew it would take time to get to a job he can grow with. I was surprised to hear this but then again he's from a solid middle class family and hasn't had to work at anything to make ends meet. Im thinking that those MENA's that had to scrape to get by there...do anything to make ends meet are thinking more in lines with America dripping in gold..and they can't wait to make a "better life" for themselves. Thats a good thing...if controlled and realistically planned out. My SO is studying more english courses (but he's fluent in it anyways) and knows he will need time to adjust. Just a suggestion, but I've already started to talk to him about building his resume and how he will have to start in entry level work to build up to a successful career. He hasn't talked of owning a business but getting into a good company someday (he knows we need insurance here to cover medical expenses). Guess Im lucky but did wonder if the background had anything to do with the mentality they come with. There were a lot of GREAT suggestions here such as volunteer work....I"ve suggested this to him. I've tried to make sure he has a CLEAR understanding and we have decided to work togther NOW to get a "family plan" for our future....including what he'd like to work as and how we can make that happen. That seems to be working....so far. (We included a timetable realizing that not ALL of his education from Egypt will translate here) WE have a 5 year plan for his career goals. Maybe a "career plan" would help to. Give him his dreams...but create a plan, a map to get him there. No business starts without a "business plan" so it is with our family goals as well...our "family plan". This includes how much to send home if any, children, finances, housework, how to handle our conflicts, WORK, and CAREER GOALS. Anyways...im rambling...

[UmmSqueakster 54]

If anyone wants their SO's dreams crushed, they are more than welcome to talk with my husband. It has been a long, hard road for him.

Things are looking up for us now, inshaAllah ta'ala, inshaAllah inshaAllah, nearly 2 years after he got here.

[ya falaha! 0]

I don't agree with that statement. My husband isn't from a well to do family and has had to scrape by on occasion (so have I) but he's very calm about work or rather not being able to work right now. Whether they are poor, middle or upper class most ppl from MENA (and other parts of the world) have a distorted view on how things really are in the US. I think it's personality coming through when it comes to impatience like this.

"I was surprised to hear this but then again he's from a solid middle class family and hasn't had to work at anything to make ends meet. Im thinking that those MENA's that had to scrape to get by there...do anything to make ends meet are thinking more in lines with America dripping in gold..and they can't wait to make a "better life" for themselves."

Edited July 26, 2007 by moody

[deemabrouk 0]

Has anyone's SO's threatened to go back home due to not working here right away? That is what I'm worried about.

Why would they threaten to go home for that? Is that the woman's fault? If you're worried about that then you need to talk to him before he gets here.

No, I know it is not the woman's fault. But with all the talk of gold falling from trees, his expectations are high. I've tried to set him straight, but unfortunately the neighbor (arab guy) knows that most MENA men feel that way and he was feeding his brain with a bunch of brainwash while he was here before....contradicting everything I said! ANd like Dee, my guy si bound determined to finda job as soon as he gets off the plane:) I'm already getting butterflies just thinking about and he's not even out of USCIS custody yet!! But it makes me feel a tad bit better to know that my husband is not acting out of the norm. I just hope I can debrainwash him:)

well I cant offer you any relief on this one.. I'm gonna PM you..

[deemabrouk 0]

as I type this.. I have him on the phone with a loan agent that speaks arabic... Inshallah this will do the trick.. I told the man to please explain to my SO what it will take for him to get a loan... starting from getting a SSN..

We found this guy out a Islamic Arabic News paper

http://www.nationalcitymortgage.com/bwsb/n...p;LOID=776819...

LOL.. I know he is talking about me but what I dont know

[deemabrouk 0]

he's laughing.. taking notes.. Its been 15 minutes.. and he keeps making hand gestures to stop typing so loud..lol

*the play by play*

[Nasturtium 500]

OOO! The play-by-play! But maybe this will really help things? And honestly, helping your husband learn the reality of life here and how to make his dream come true is actually the most supportive thing you could be doing IMO!

[deemabrouk 0]

OOO! The play-by-play! But maybe this will really help things? And honestly, helping your husband learn the reality of life here and how to make his dream come true is actually the most supportive thing you could be doing IMO!

I know I should know this.. but what is IMO?

Oooooooooo.. he is getting a SECOND piece of paper.. and still LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ya falaha! 0]

I agree!

He's gotta see it, hear it and experience it for himself to really believe it. *Fingers crossed* I hope this talk with the loan guy does the trick.

OOO! The play-by-play! But maybe this will really help things? And honestly, helping your husband learn the reality of life here and how to make his dream come true is actually the most supportive thing you could be doing IMO!

[Nasturtium 500]

IMO= in my opinion.

Laughing is a good sign? Maybe? or maybe he's just laughing at how crazy it seems to him? Who knows? It's better than crying!