Looking for work... Driving me crazy!!!!!!!

[deemabrouk 0]

i think I am going to loose my mind.. patience.. and everything else

he never shuts up about work.. and making money.. mean while he has NO idea about the American legal system.. he has NO SSN... NO working permit.. No credit history

he wants to rent a space to make it a garage to park cars..

he wants to buy a car and resell it

he want to buy clothes on a discount.. and resell it full price

he wants to open a dollar store

he wants to buy a gas station

he wants to rent a small shop for Koshari

I want to FREAK OUT!!!!!!!!!!.. HE WANTS ALL THIS TO HAPPEN NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this very fcuking SECOND!!!!!!

[ya falaha! 0]

LOL! Your husband sounds like mine only more impatient. My husband has business/work ideas all the time. Dee, why don't you take him to ask for work so he can see the reaction he'll get. That's what I did and it shut him up. Of course he'll still try to talk to any Arab he encounters to see if they'll hire him. They won't do it either.

[frndly1 1]

I truly understand what you are going thru. I am trying to find a solution myself.

i think I am going to loose my mind.. patience.. and everything else

he never shuts up about work.. and making money.. mean while he has NO idea about the American legal system.. he has NO SSN... NO working permit.. No credit history

he wants to rent a space to make it a garage to park cars..

he wants to buy a car and resell it

he want to buy clothes on a discount.. and resell it full price

he wants to open a dollar store

he wants to buy a gas station

he wants to rent a small shop for Koshari

I want to FREAK OUT!!!!!!!!!!.. HE WANTS ALL THIS TO HAPPEN NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this very fcuking SECOND!!!!!!

[Jenn! 918]

Sorry, but I just have to

It will get better, I promise!

Ever seen the Honeymooners movie with Cedric the Entertainer? I think you should watch it now, you'll get a kick out of it.

[*JG* 2]

Even a year later, Jomo has problems getting it.

It all comes with time......Until then, patience dear.

[deemabrouk 0]

all the time he picks fight........ Even NOW... he wants me to rent in MY NAME (my credit is BAD) some space a HOUR away.. he has No idea where it is.. to rent it to park cars... I tell him its a bad Idea.. Now he is freaking out.. tell me I dont wanna help him in anything

I told him .. go walk around and ask about work.. Introduce your self... He says No he cant do that.. there are several gas stations around me with muslims... Go talk to them.. No I hate the smell of Gas

i am serioulsy biting my tongue so I just dont start bawling at my desk.......

i am sooo overwhlemed.. I'd drive home to take a Zanax.. but he is there and I dont wanna deal with him

[hollyw 0]

LOL! Your husband sounds like mine only more impatient. My husband has business/work ideas all the time. Dee, why don't you take him to ask for work so he can see the reaction he'll get. That's what I did and it shut him up. Of course he'll still try to talk to any Arab he encounters to see if they'll hire him. They won't do it either.

GREAT idea. I got so frustrated explaining to my husband that he needed a social security number before he could do ANYthing that I just started saying, "Ok, call them" or "Fine, go see them." He shut up real fast. And now he has a job and is building credit history.... it just happens sooo slowly.

Just DON'T let him get his hands on those fake credit card applications that will start to come for him... I made my husband wait until a legitimate company that I knew sent him an application. And that was after he got rejected for the first 10 or so he applied for. it's a really slow process, but it will begin to work itself out. I know you live in boston... whenever your husband gets a work permit, my husband has found great work valet parking cars. Good money, good tips, good companies, lots of foreign employees.

[~Jackie~ 30]

hey dee...pass that xanax bottle over here.

Jackie

[Jenn! 918]

all the time he picks fight........ Even NOW... he wants me to rent in MY NAME (my credit is BAD) some space a HOUR away.. he has No idea where it is.. to rent it to park cars... I tell him its a bad Idea.. Now he is freaking out.. tell me I dont wanna help him in anything

I told him .. go walk around and ask about work.. Introduce your self... He says No he cant do that.. there are several gas stations around me with muslims... Go talk to them.. No I hate the smell of Gas

i am serioulsy biting my tongue so I just dont start bawling at my desk.......

i am sooo overwhlemed.. I'd drive home to take a Zanax.. but he is there and I dont wanna deal with him

Wadi just told me that the job he talked about with Mohamed yesterday should be opening up next week. I told him to give him a call. Maybe it will lift his spirits a bit...

[allousa 1]

When my hubbie first came to the US, this was before we met, he was a student putting himself through school. He started off working in restaurants. He learned alot and then started working in some of the nicer restaurants in town. Truth be told, that's one of the reasons I married him....he is the most FABULOUS cook!!!!

But he saved his money and bought his own ice cream truck. During the summer, he made some pretty good profits doing that. He also started his own dry cleaning business where he would go to the office buildings and pick it up and bring it back for them.

I hate this for you Deema...you're definitely battling the MENA "way" of working and making money. Just hang tight and hopefully he will understand that things are different here.

[Nasturtium 500]

Oh good lord. You and me should talk. And never let our husbands talk together.

Mine is really into opening a business as well. He wants to do something with smoothies and coffee. He wants to rent something on the main street 1 town below me and he cannot fathom how much that rent is nor does he understand all the taxes.. and he refuses to believe most businesses fail. He also connot get the idea of profit in this system.. like how you cannot just double the cost of an item to get profit. There is a real formula involving time, effort, etc. It's on my laptop from when I sold things and it works! But he won't look at it. Gah!

here's the way I calmed down about it and let go. 1. I let him dream and yack all he wanted. 2. I made sure he wouldn't sign any contracts without me.

As long as he's not spending your money or signing anything, you're OK. Try to hone him in on the idea of aactually working at a place that does what he wants to do (I know, I see his interests are totally varied!) and tell him it's like apprenticeship, and that he can learn inside trade information if he works there and see how it really goes. Call it research. Whatever. I know for you it's killing because he has no SS# or work authorization. Make him volunteer somewhere! Try to pry him out of the house and into a structured environment where he can't get into too much trouble.

Try not to freak out. I freaked out a lot. You'll be OK. This is that part where people talk about YOU adjusting. I was all ####### is this #######?!?! And then I worked really hard to try to calm down and let him be. Also? Call everyone you know and b*tch. it really helps.

I hope you feel better soon! I totally understand.

[UmmSqueakster 54]

First, take a deep breath. Second, read this.

Then, point him in the direction of a volunteer job. If he can't legally work here, I wouldn't risk a regular job, but a volunteer position would allow him to keep busy and get out of the house. It's also a resume builder for the future when he gets the necessary legal documents.

Another thing, point him towards a job center. He can go in, get tips and hints for job searching, take classes to polish up his resume and work on his interviewing skills. He needs to do everything he can do now to prepare for the day when he is legally able to work.

And finally, english classes. No matter how good his english is, it probably wouldn't hurt to get some conversation circles or take a few ESL classes. It's a great way to make connections, keep him occupied, and his mind of working.

[peezey 0]

What is the "mena" way? None of this resonates with me or any of the women I know with mena husbands so I'm very curious why this generalization is being made.

Juliana, your idea of volunteering is right on. A few recently arrived husbands did this and it was such a great thing for them. It not only helps them have something to do with their time while helping others, it's a fantastic networking opportunity.

[ya falaha! 0]

Owning your own business is a definite dream for most MENA ppl (not exclusive to MENA though). My ex went through 4 businesses before getting into one that was somewhat successful. It's not an easy thing to do. Unfortunately these guys are filled with "success" stories that may or may not be true. My husband is no different. He's willing to work anywhere and do anything to start but he's got it in his head that one day he'll own his own business. That's fine and dandy as long as he's funding it (my credit sucks and I've got no money to speak of). I did talk him into leaving those plans for the future. I told him to work for awhile so he can get used to dealing with ppl (Americans) in a more public setting. He's up for that and agrees that he will need a lot more experience with Americans and the English language before he can handle running his own business. Not to mention needing time to build credit and save money for this venture.

Edited July 24, 2007 by moody

[Nasturtium 500]

Oh! I see he's picking fights with you. Mine told me he was "dissappointed in [me]" in one of his frustrated moments. Then I cried a lot and finally after a few days it was forgiven on both sides. But he was amazed at how much he was grating on my nerves and how I wasn't hiding it! All of our fights have been over him wanting to do somehting I see as assinine, and me not wanting to go along with it. it may not really be assinine either. It could be my fault. I'm just saying we're not in agreement!

Have him go to the mosque and meet other Arabs in a social setting. Maybe suggest he go meet them and brainstorm. If he'll at least do that... then... they are not likely to steer him as far off as he is already.

ETA based on Moody: you know telling him to interact mroe with Americans so he can learn to "sell" to them is a good idea.

Edited July 24, 2007 by julianna