I really need some advice

[claire2007 0]

Hi everyone,

I am hoping that someone in here can give me some advice on what to do. I came over here to the U.S. with my husband about 6 months ago. I became a conditional resident because at the time we had only been married about 6 months. But since we've been here everything has changed. He is nothing like he was before we moved. He has become very controlling, won't let me go anywhere, has me wait on him hand and foot, accuses me of cheating (says he'll kill me if I am) and says he'll find someone else if I can't give him what he wants - which I'm pretty sure he already has. I really don't know what to do. I really really really do not want to stay with him but I'm afraid of what will happen to me and my situation if I divorce him. Does anyone know what I can do? Any suggestions are much appreciated.

Claire

[PaulineA 1]

Have you and your husband spoke about how you are feeling? If not, I suggest that you do, and tell him you are not happy, and if he doesn't change his ways then you will have to leave. Ask him outright if he has met someone else. You really need to try and sort things out by talking to your husband and letting him know how you feel. If nothing changes and you're still unhappy then you will have to decide what is best for you. Maybe counselling will help?

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Hi everyone,

I am hoping that someone in here can give me some advice on what to do. I came over here to the U.S. with my husband about 6 months ago. I became a conditional resident because at the time we had only been married about 6 months. But since we've been here everything has changed. He is nothing like he was before we moved. He has become very controlling, won't let me go anywhere, has me wait on him hand and foot, accuses me of cheating (says he'll kill me if I am) and says he'll find someone else if I can't give him what he wants - which I'm pretty sure he already has. I really don't know what to do. I really really really do not want to stay with him but I'm afraid of what will happen to me and my situation if I divorce him. Does anyone know what I can do? Any suggestions are much appreciated.

Claire

Claire,

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I am not one for giving free advise, but I can tell you that domestic abuse in all its forms in unlawful in the United States. The previous poster recommended talking to your husband and that could be a good step to begin with. Just remember that the law will be on your side if domestic violence ensues. Let's hope for the best.

Peace, L.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

Hi everyone,

I am hoping that someone in here can give me some advice on what to do. I came over here to the U.S. with my husband about 6 months ago. I became a conditional resident because at the time we had only been married about 6 months. But since we've been here everything has changed. He is nothing like he was before we moved. He has become very controlling, won't let me go anywhere, has me wait on him hand and foot, accuses me of cheating (says he'll kill me if I am) and says he'll find someone else if I can't give him what he wants - which I'm pretty sure he already has. I really don't know what to do. I really really really do not want to stay with him but I'm afraid of what will happen to me and my situation if I divorce him. Does anyone know what I can do? Any suggestions are much appreciated.

Claire

You can continue the process to secure a permanent green card once divorced, if you have sufficient evidence to prove that the marriage was bonafide. It would involve submitting a waiver of the joint filing requirement for form 1-751.

In the meantime, while you contemplate your next step, make sure you gather whatever evidence you have of a shared life with your husband since you arrived here in the USA. Include evidence of commingled finances, bank accounts, tax returns etc.

[raymaga 25]

What you are experiencing is more common than you think. I used to work in the domestic violence section for a short time, and the behaviour you are describing from your husband is how he is attempting to gain control over your entire life. In almost all cases, this behaviour doesn't get better before it gets a whole lot worse, eventually leading to physical harm to you.

You have to be prepared to follow through if you tell him that he must change in order for your marriage to continue. If he sees that you say one thing, and then mean another, his behaviour will most likely not change. Make sure you make it very clear to him how his behaviour towards you must change, and if it does not change, what you will do about it. And then, if his behaviour does not change, you will have to be prepared to follow through. That is sometimes very hard to do when you have no where to go and no family to lean on.

I would suggest counselling and describe his behaviour to the counsellor. The counsellor will surely tell him that he is too controlling and needs to treat you with more respect in order for your marriage to work.

I hope you can resolve the problems in your marriage, but if not, you may have to leave for your own safety.

Good luck.

[notscenenough 6]

, and if he doesn't change his ways then you will have to leave.

WRONG

You're already a permanent resident (doesn't matter that it's conditional), you don't have to leave unless you want to. You can get divorced and apply for removal of conditions. If your marriage was real, you'll have no problem getting a 10-year green card. Good luck!

[PaulineA 1]

, and if he doesn't change his ways then you will have to leave.

WRONG

You're already a permanent resident (doesn't matter that it's conditional), you don't have to leave unless you want to. You can get divorced and apply for removal of conditions. If your marriage was real, you'll have no problem getting a 10-year green card. Good luck!

I meant leave the house and not reside with her husband if she is going to be unhappy. Not leave the country!

[claire2007 0]

I have tried talking to my husband about how I feel he has changed. But every time he just turns it around on me and say I'm the that has changed and that I just have to stop being so sensitive. When it comes to counselling he's already made it very clear what he thinks of that.

As for proving a bona fide marriage.... well before we moved to the U.S. it was only my name on our lease and we had seperate bank accounts. Here in the U.S. we live with his family so there is no lease. All our finances are in his name because the bank wants state identification to put me on the account......which my husband hasn't taken me to get. As for our car and car insurance....all in his name.

[KarenCee 3]

Claire, what about mail in both your names? Letters of support from family and/or friends that have seen both of you together? Have you looked at the list of possible items that can be submitted when applying to lift conditions? I really hope you find a way to resolve this....but more importantly, BE SAFE!!!

[cleverkat 0]

. Here in the U.S. we live with his family so there is no lease.

Go to public record website of your county and print information on the owner (relative of your husband) of the house-that`s a proof you have lived together-he can`t deny his relatieves.

I feel for you as I too went through hell during the end of my marriage. My ex was (is) a drug addict, and made a choice to do what he wanted to do-in this case-to enjoy the drug. He told me to go back from where I came from if I didn`t like his habbit. I still shaking (after six years of being divorced) when I remember some moments of my married life. It`s very unfortuanate that some of us who had dreams of happy marriage and ended up with broken hearts and immigration issues.