URGENT: proposing to girlfriend who is due to leave in a week

[confusedURGENT 1]

Hi,

 

My girlfriend is due to leave the country in a week, she came on a tourist visa (visa waiver and global entry), this is her 3rd trip here and I can't stand to be apart from her for long periods again. I want to marry her and I want her to stay here with me. If she agrees to this, when is best to get married if we plan on then adjusting her status after, before or after her 90 day period?

 

I talked to an attorney who said to get married after the 90 days (due to within 90 days would supposedly show prior intent to stay, and then file for adjustment after that). There are outside factors that have pushed me to decide I can't be apart from her for longer, she is in a bad situation in her home country and a week before she arrived here had to call the police to report physical assault on herself within her home, and my job is a risky one and close encounters at work make me fear if something happens to me she won't be here.

 

I am a citizen with a US passport.

 

Please advise!

 

[Lemonslice 4,722]

Maybe check in with her. Doesn't she have an apartment, or other obligations, to go back to? 

 

Propose, but adjustment of status might be a golden cage.  Discuss the length and duration of that process. 

Edited February 20, 2023 by Lemonslice

[SalishSea 17,535]

25 minutes ago, confusedURGENT said:

Hi,

 

My girlfriend is due to leave the country in a week, she came on a tourist visa (visa waiver and global entry), this is her 3rd trip here and I can't stand to be apart from her for long periods again. I want to marry her and I want her to stay here with me. If she agrees to this, when is best to get married if we plan on then adjusting her status after, before or after her 90 day period?

 

I talked to an attorney who said to get married after the 90 days (due to within 90 days would supposedly show prior intent to stay, and then file for adjustment after that). There are outside factors that have pushed me to decide I can't be apart from her for longer, she is in a bad situation in her home country and a week before she arrived here had to call the police to report physical assault on herself within her home, and my job is a risky one and close encounters at work make me fear if something happens to me she won't be here.

 

I am a citizen with a US passport.

 

Please advise!

 

Is she good with not being able to travel or work for 8 months or so?

[confusedURGENT 1]

No she lives with her parents, we are young (early and mid 20s) she was in and out of school but did start a new job a couple of months before her most recent trip here, the job however was supposed to be a full-time but ended up being a 0 hour contract (until she worked there long enough or something) so they were ok with her leaving for 3 months. She is looking to start online schooling or a small online business.

 

What do you mean by golden cage? I feel like she'd be okay with it, but again I won't know until after proposing and discussing this. My reason for this post is to know what to do in case she is on board with marriage and staying (if possible). As if we'd have to get married within the 90 day period, that is soon up and I want to plan it in time.

[confusedURGENT 1]

3 minutes ago, Jorgedig said:

Is she good with not being able to travel or work for 8 months or so?

Well, she did mention possible plans about seeing her cousin (who lives in another country to her), but outside of that I don't believe she would have a problem with that, plus the attorney I consulted (only a consultation, not hired) told me she would be able to apply for a work permit while waiting. For travelling, I live in a good place with lots to do, however financially recently I am struggling with the rent increases, vet bills and car accidents to pay for, so she understands travelling is not a priority at the moment. Though the attorney did also mention deaths in the family can be a big issue but fingers crossed that would not happen..

[Adventine 3,189]

If you're struggling with bills right now, it's only going to get worse if you need to support another person who won't be able to legally work for a long time. Last I checked, work permits were taking 8+ months. You can check the timelines on this website for a more accurate idea.

[SalishSea 17,535]

9 minutes ago, confusedURGENT said:

Well, she did mention possible plans about seeing her cousin (who lives in another country to her), but outside of that I don't believe she would have a problem with that, plus the attorney I consulted (only a consultation, not hired) told me she would be able to apply for a work permit while waiting. For travelling, I live in a good place with lots to do, however financially recently I am struggling with the rent increases, vet bills and car accidents to pay for, so she understands travelling is not a priority at the moment. Though the attorney did also mention deaths in the family can be a big issue but fingers crossed that would not happen..

Sorry, what I mean is:   The work permit and travel authorization while the green card (taking up to two years) is pending, can take many months.   She won’t be able to leave to ‘tie up loose ends’ like she could if you properly petitioned her for an immigrant visa.   There are disadvantages to jumping the queue by adjusting on an ESTA.

 

Also worth noting-  do you have an eligible joint sponsor, or can you afford to sponsor her?   Immigration is very spendy.

Edited February 20, 2023 by Jorgedig

[confusedURGENT 1]

41 minutes ago, Adventine said:

If you're struggling with bills right now, it's only going to get worse if you need to support another person who won't be able to legally work for a long time. Last I checked, work permits were taking 8+ months. You can check the timelines on this website for a more accurate idea.

 

40 minutes ago, Jorgedig said:

Sorry, what I mean is:   The work permit and travel authorization while the green card (taking up to two years) is pending, can take many months.   She won’t be able to leave to ‘tie up loose ends’ like she could if you properly petitioned her for an immigrant visa.   There are disadvantages to jumping the queue by adjusting on an ESTA.

 

Also worth noting-  do you have an eligible joint sponsor, or can you afford to sponsor her?   Immigration is very spendy.

I would be able to sponsor her myself, I am eligible by the 3x or so the required amount and also do have a good amount of money in savings and crypto (lol), I just did not want to touch them for things that aren't emergencies, but of course would if needed for a time-constrained and important thing like my partner.

Edited February 20, 2023 by confusedURGENT

[Lemonslice 4,722]

2 hours ago, confusedURGENT said:

No she lives with her parents, we are young (early and mid 20s) she was in and out of school but did start a new job a couple of months before her most recent trip here, the job however was supposed to be a full-time but ended up being a 0 hour contract (until she worked there long enough or something) so they were ok with her leaving for 3 months. She is looking to start online schooling or a small online business.

 

What do you mean by golden cage? I feel like she'd be okay with it, but again I won't know until after proposing and discussing this. My reason for this post is to know what to do in case she is on board with marriage and staying (if possible). As if we'd have to get married within the 90 day period, that is soon up and I want to plan it in time.

She would not be able to attend school, or work (even online), for at the very least 6 months.  Please discuss it all with her.  You can still propose, even get married, and let her go home and live her life.  

[Mike E 11,733]

6 hours ago, confusedURGENT said:

global entry

 

 

6 hours ago, confusedURGENT said:

I talked to an attorney who said to get married after the 90 days

Your attorney is advising her to file to adjust  after her 90 day authorized period has expired:

 

* your attorney is not competent 

* there is no 90 day rule for adjustment of status 

* if she files after her authorized stay ends, her global entry privilege can be revoked. And Canada is less forgiving.  Her opportunity to get NEXUS might be forever revoked 

* if she files I-485 after her authorized stay expires, between the day her stay expires and when I-485 is filed, she is subject to detention by ICE. See 

 

 

 

Edited February 20, 2023 by Mike E

[Daphne . 1,827]

Yes you can marry and file for the adjustment of status but please think long and hard about this..

 

What will not being able to work or going ‘back home’ (weddings, funerals, homesickness) do for her mental state? You mention money being tight as well, I see so many factors that will put so much pressure on this relationship, please don’t make any rushed decisions. 

[Crazy Cat 41,345]

8 hours ago, confusedURGENT said:

I talked to an attorney who said to get married after the 90 days (due to within 90 days would supposedly show prior intent to stay, and then file for adjustment after that).

Very bad advice.  There is no 90 day rule for USCIS. 

[Rocio0010 5,579]

I i cerrara de you wanting this to be a surprise but please, please listen to what others are saying here and think it long and hard but most importantly, explain to her what we are telling you here.  She will not be able to work and travel outside of the country, therefore not able to attend funerals, weddings or births at home. 
Maybe do get married and file for a spousal visa instead

[Redro 4,609]

8 hours ago, confusedURGENT said:

Hi,

 

My girlfriend is due to leave the country in a week, she came on a tourist visa (visa waiver and global entry), this is her 3rd trip here and I can't stand to be apart from her for long periods again. I want to marry her and I want her to stay here with me. If she agrees to this, when is best to get married if we plan on then adjusting her status after, before or after her 90 day period?

 

I talked to an attorney who said to get married after the 90 days (due to within 90 days would supposedly show prior intent to stay, and then file for adjustment after that). There are outside factors that have pushed me to decide I can't be apart from her for longer, she is in a bad situation in her home country and a week before she arrived here had to call the police to report physical assault on herself within her home, and my job is a risky one and close encounters at work make me fear if something happens to me she won't be here.

 

I am a citizen with a US passport.

 

Please advise!

 

How has your gf been occupying herself during the visits? 
Are you taking PTO or is she able to keep herself busy without you? 
Have a read through this thread to understand the possible implications of adjusting: 

 

[confusedURGENT 1]

5 hours ago, Lemonslice said:

She would not be able to attend school, or work (even online), for at the very least 6 months.  Please discuss it all with her.  You can still propose, even get married, and let her go home and live her life.  

 

1 hour ago, Mike E said:

 

 

Your attorney is advising her to file to adjust  after her 90 day authorized period has expired:

 

* your attorney is not competent 

* there is no 90 day rule for adjustment of status 

* if she files after her authorized stay ends, her global entry privilege can be revoked. And Canada is less forgiving.  Her opportunity to get NEXUS might be forever revoked 

* if she files I-485 after her authorized stay expires, between the day her stay expires and when I-485 is filed, she is subject to detention by ICE. See 

 

 

 

 

46 minutes ago, Daphne . said:

Yes you can marry and file for the adjustment of status but please think long and hard about this..

 

What will not being able to work or going ‘back home’ (weddings, funerals, homesickness) do for her mental state? You mention money being tight as well, I see so many factors that will put so much pressure on this relationship, please don’t make any rushed decisions. 

 

7 minutes ago, Crazy Cat said:

Very bad advice.  There is no 90 day rule for USCIS. 

 

6 minutes ago, Rocio0010 said:

I i cerrara de you wanting this to be a surprise but please, please listen to what others are saying here and think it long and hard but most importantly, explain to her what we are telling you here.  She will not be able to work and travel outside of the country, therefore not able to attend funerals, weddings or births at home. 
Maybe do get married and file for a spousal visa instead

 

 

Sorry for the multi-quote response, I spoke to her about this last night, overall (as there were some grievances) she expressed she felt the same about not wanting to be apart anymore as (due to outside of relationship factors for both of us) it's taking a toll on her mental health. As for what the attorney said, he didn't say it was a 90 day rule but that marrying AND adjusting status within 90 day period shows prior intent to stay (I think that sounds silly).

 

I have shown her this post due to what people want her to know, sadly the proposal couldn't be special with the 1week restraint I now would have. She says the most recent time she has been to either a wedding, funeral or birth is over 10 years ago, it seems as if that part will also not be an issue lol, and if it is she can choose to accept that risk.

 

Plus if any of this is an issue for her I'm more than happy for her to decline as it's her life also, but I am posting here asking for the facts for "IF she agrees" as written originally, so that it can be an informed decision and/or process. I truly appreciate the warnings for the legal costs, however looking at the total, it is a lot cheaper than what I expected initially (not cheap, just cheaper) and I can cover it comfortably with my savings alone.

 

So, would marrying and filing for adjustment before her legal stay here ends be ok? Are there any legal issues to be aware of, and as for what the attorney said, how would we prove there was no prior attempt to stay in the country (that seems like a catch22, how do you prove a negative?). She says her only personal belongings back home are electronics (gaming equipment, TV), clothes and her (sorry my mind has gone blank for the word) personal items (childhood items, gifts from family, objects tied to memories or trips), no car as she doesn't drive and lived with parents so nothing in terms of property. So I'm guessing she can choose to sell/ship whatever she wants if needed.

 

Thank you again for all the responses so far and apologies for the long text.