Naturalization and Divorce Question (merged)

[R&OC 371]

My husband tends to threaten me with divorce when he feels not heard. This is clearly a marital problem. This morning, however, he called me and sounded more serious than usual and as our state requires a one hear separation time, he conveniently thinks we can just "pretend" we were living separate for a year. Our state allows to live in the same house and deem it as separate. He did, however, move out June 1st because he got transferred. I did not fully realize, he was not just moving but moving on.

 

We just went through the LPR/citizenship process with my kids last year. If he retroactively changes the separation time to October although we were clearly still living together (I have pictures, messages, finances etc), can he seriously threaten me with my children's LPR/citizenship status? My children got their LPR status based on our pending change of duty station (move back to the US). They naturalized automatically (I am a US-Citizen, as well) upon being admitted. My husband started having second thoughts about our marriage a few weeks ago and moved to a new (job) location in June. However, if he changes the dates all the way back to October ,I wonder if this would cause a situation with USCIS or the State Department sometimes later.

 

I have suggested counselling, therapy etc but in the end of the day the two of us need to work on the marriage not just one. I just don't want to have issues with USCIS or the State Department later for accepting a shorter separation time. I honestly don't even see why he is rushing now but it would help me to hear your take on this.

 

I am struggling to think straight right now. Sorry.

[nastra30 2,284]

34 minutes ago, R&OC said:

can he seriously threaten me with my children's LPR/citizenship status? 

No, don't stress yourself.

You and your children acquired LPR and subsequent USC through bona-fide marriage.

 

At this point if he doesn't want to work on the marriage look to divorcing and moving on too, and recapturing some happiness for yourself.

Again, immigration-wise you have no issues. Any threats from him will be empty threats; there's nothing he can do.

Edited October 10, 2022 by nastra30

[mniceguy16 186]

54 minutes ago, R&OC said:

My husband tends to threaten me with divorce when he feels not heard. This is clearly a marital problem. This morning, however, he called me and sounded more serious than usual and as our state requires a one hear separation time, he conveniently thinks we can just "pretend" we were living separate for a year. Our state allows to live in the same house and deem it as separate. He did, however, move out June 1st because he got transferred. I did not fully realize, he was not just moving but moving on.

 

We just went through the LPR/citizenship process with my kids last year. If he retroactively changes the separation time to October although we were clearly still living together (I have pictures, messages, finances etc), can he seriously threaten me with my children's LPR/citizenship status? My children got their LPR status based on our pending change of duty station (move back to the US). They naturalized automatically (I am a US-Citizen, as well) upon being admitted. My husband started having second thoughts about our marriage a few weeks ago and moved to a new (job) location in June. However, if he changes the dates all the way back to October ,I wonder if this would cause a situation with USCIS or the State Department sometimes later.

 

I have suggested counselling, therapy etc but in the end of the day the two of us need to work on the marriage not just one. I just don't want to have issues with USCIS or the State Department later for accepting a shorter separation time. I honestly don't even see why he is rushing now but it would help me to hear your take on this.

 

I am struggling to think straight right now. Sorry.

He sounds more like trying to make your life miserable. You have your kids best interest at hand, on the point of immigration, it is a sealed and done deal and you have nothing to worry about because you proved a bonafide relationship to USCIS before your benefits were granted, so you can move on and divorce him and seek happiness for yourself and the little ones.

[SteveInBostonI130 3,432]

If it seems you will divorce, get a good divorce attorney.

 

If your husband claims you were separated in Oct 2021, then counter his claim to June 2022.  

 

Having a good attorney can make things easier.  Negotiate with your husband through the attorney.  If he agrees not to contest the separation date, offer a compromise like less alimony or better asset division, whatever.  This may be worth it just to avoid the headaches of having to fight him in court.

 

If he pursues the Oct date, then state you have strong evidence and will challenge the claim.  A competent attorney can have him back down before litigation.

 

EDIT:  I am not familiar with children's automatic citizenship process.  Specifically, if the requirement is just to be married, whether separated or not.  If the requirement is to be married and in a bona fide relationship, then pursue the above.  If not, then there should not be any issues with whatever date your husband states for separation.

Edited October 10, 2022 by SteveInBostonI130

[JeanneAdil 6,489]

to the courts for a divorce ,  separation is not just living in different residency but a legal separation document 

 

What is the difference between being separated and legally separated?

 

A separation can be informal—meaning the spouses work out the terms of the separation without any court involvement—or legal—meaning that a court recognizes the separation and issues an order detailing the terms of the separation.

[R&OC 371]

Thank you all for your messages. I am so at loss after all we had to go through in the last years to bring this family together. I decided to stick to the actual timeline and not a timeline he believes works for him to file for divorce. 

 

 

[R&OC 371]

I always appreciate updates from other members: And want to provide some to my situation.

 

He agreed on a separation date in June which is the earliest possible separation date I could agree to. I had no idea into which direction this was heading until September (weird feeling without really being able to point my finger at the source) to finally realizing in October what his intent is. I am personally struggling with the speed of which the decision was made without discussing it beforehand or giving us an option. But to argue that our separation was in reality last year, is neither true nor fair.

 

Having said that, I interviewed/consulted about seven lawyers. I learned a great deal and already had a good sense of how a fair settlement could look like. We are in a community property state in the US and my proposal was almost immediately agreed upon after he consulted with his lawyer. As we settled without litigation or going to court, I am hoping my kids and I can heal soon and move past all this as the last few weeks was just an extreme whirlwind experience.

 

I thought I was personally finished with USCIS administrative processes but realise, I am still waiting for my kids n-600 to finish (they do have their US passports and SSN cards by now) and I will change my name back to my maiden name and ask for another naturalisation certificate. 

[TBoneTX 45,244]

17 hours ago, R&OC said:

I am hoping my kids and I can heal soon

Thank you for your update.  From your description, I'm confident that your healing will begin soon and will progress rapidly.

[Family 3,988]

17 hours ago, R&OC said:

He agreed on a separation date in June which is the earliest possible separation date I could agree to. I had no idea into which direction this was heading until September (weird feeling without really being able to point my finger at the source) to finally realizing in October what his intent is. I am personally struggling with the speed of which the decision was made without discussing it beforehand or giving us an option. But to argue that our separation was in reality last year, is neither true nor fair.

He sounds like a douche ..just on asking to “ backdate “ a pretend separation  . ..is slick and  contrived advantage.

 

Plus bringing  you and two children to the US , then in less than a handful of months,  walking away and cutting ties with surgical precision. 
 

I am sorry you never had a chance to work through the issues ..but he took such rapid fire calculated actions, there is nothing left there of the partner you married.
 

Say good bye and don’t look back. 
 

Hope you and children make many new friends 
 

 

 

[R&OC 371]

Thank you all for your kind words. I am heartbroken and am trying to wrap my head around it all.

 

He gave up so quickly. Too quickly. We experienced four different duty stations while he was in the military. And I am seriously struggling with how the got rid of us so quickly after all we went through. I just wasn't expecting it all and I am seriously wondering if the US culture is a lot faster in moving on and cutting ties? I also don't want to feel sorry for us or myself, in particular. 

 

I know this is an immigration forum and not a divorce one. I do feel, however, that you guys understand the struggles around immigration and cultural differences a lot better than most. Thank you all at VJ for giving me a tribe/community for the last 5+ years.

 

PS: this isn't a good bye - just a thank you.

Edited November 14, 2022 by R&OC

[R&OC 371]

Dear all,

 

I may ask a very dumb-for-comfort-question here but one of the last few posts I was reading made me concerned. So here we go: I naturalized in 08/2020 while stationed overseas with my husband in my home country (Germany). My husband got orders to Germany literally just as I was holding my green card in my hands. My children had wanted to finish school in Germany and my plan was to commute between the US and Germany while waiting for my kids to finish middle school. (In case someone is surprised why my husband didn't petition them right away). But I never had to commute because my husband had, unknowing to me, asked to get stationed overseas and one of the places he asked for was Germany. So we never really left but he moved in with us as we live right next to the base he got orders. 

 

As his tour was drawing to an end, he petitioned my children so that we could all move to the US. The kids received their green card in 12/2021 and because I was already a US citizen, they naturalized immediately under INA 320 § 1431 (a) and (c). He retired in 01/2022 - and this was a really close call. We were really appreciative and so happy! 

 

Fast forward to 06/2022, he moves to the US ahead of us. The kids and I arrive in 08/2022 and he tells me in 10/2022 he wants a divorce ( I work remotely and thankfully never lost my job plus we still had our house in Germany).

 

Here is my question: When my son will go for his n-600 interview - will my children's n-600 be scrutinised because my husband asked for a divorce (we are still not divorced) while they are in the process of waiting it? The do have a IS passport and my children finally got their SSN after months of waiting. Am I worried too for no reason?

[Timona 4,207]

You are good to go. 

And FYI, do not offer unsolicited information.

[Ontarkie 14,214]

~~Follow up thread merged with existing thread.~~

[R&OC 371]

2 hours ago, Ontarkie said:

~~Follow up thread merged with existing thread.~~

Sorry about the similarity of those two threats. I totally forgot!