Manic Monday

[The_dip_sticks 0]

Any news from Wendy and Tammy? What was the last thing they said at the slumber party did any of them get a call?

[ya falaha! 0]

Sorry to hear about your dad, Charles.

[mybackpages 0]

Count to at least 20 before lowering the boom !

Seriously, marriage is a huge adjustment for both sides. But keep trying to remember that you're in your *own* environment, while your husband left his family, his country, his culture -- probably everything he ever knew -- to come here. Of course it can be rough for you, but acknowledge that it's even tougher for him. The familiar framework of his life has completely vanished.

Hehe you thought immigration was hard ?! Noooooope that was the easy part. You're gonna need every bit of patience and understanding that you can muster while he gets used to a whole new life. Give him plenty of space and allow him to be "grumpy"... even let him have some freak-outs. Don't take it personally. It's completely normal. Grit your teeth and keep a lid on your annoyance. Insha'allah it will get better.

-MK

Disclaimer: of course I'm not talking about abusive behavior. This should never be tolerated.

wonderfully stated MK. We here focus so much on the visa process, a whole new set of challenges emerge once our SO's get here, and imho while the visa process is grueling, marrigage is hard work!

You could look at it as at least during the visa process you are both essentially living normal lives - both in home countries, family around, work, friends, everything familiar. Upon the big move many changes.

very very helpful and insightful comments! Myhusband commented to me recenty (he's een here only since Feb) that he knows we both have made changes,but 70% of them were changes he had to make. He wasn;t sayig the adjustment should be more 50/50, but rather than along with adjusting to living with a wife, he had to adjust to be away from family, friends, and a new country and language.

The best you can do is let him have space, never take things personally and keep your sense of humor.

[ya falaha! 0]

Not taking things personally is great advice. My husband is always reminding me to stop taking everything so personally. I can't say that everything was 100% peachy for us Moh's first month here but it wasn't immigration/culture issues really. It was mostly me freaking out over having to share my space with another grown adult. Having to adjust my routine to include him. It doesn't help that I'm not the most patient person in the world.

I'm sure things will improve with time, Dee.

[allousa 1]

all of that sounds very familiar, my dad just recently passed away and the family (us kids and his sister) were not notified of anything.

I am very sorry to hear of your sad news, Charles -- I had no idea of your loss. And you and Nessa were just down here visiting him a couple of months ago.

My heartfelt sympathies to you and your family in this difficult time.

-MK

thanks he did get to meet nessa over the memorial day weekend. and gone less than a month after. i was able to attend the graveside service as stepmother tried but couldn't hide things from our research abilities.

May the evil stepmonsters rot in the only appropriate place for them!!!!

[Nasturtium 500]

It was mostly me freaking out over having to share my space with another grown adult. Having to adjust my routine to include him. It doesn't help that I'm not the most patient person in the world.

This was exactly my problem as well. I'm really territorial and having someone come in and decide he's going to clean like this, or move this to this place, or whatever.. it was like NOOOOOO!

Then I had to calm down and breathe, and think-- is this his home now too? And if it were me, wouldn't I like to feel involved in my home? Same thing with him wanting to go here or there, etc.