Tips and Advice on Avoiding a Fraudulent Marriage

[Fandango 1,439]

What about cultural nuances? Like say Cuban men are known for keeping a mistress?

Why have you been kicking off about negative stereotyping and now you're inviting it?

Would it raise a flag for you? Would you be more careful/suspicious of your spouse?

You not answering my question is raising a red flag for me.

[Aymerlu 3]

What about cultural nuances? Like say Cuban men are known for keeping a mistress?

You need to know your spouse! Do you know have many times I have heard that my husband has another wife in Egypt???? IF I had for one second beleived any of that I wouldn't have married him. I think we could probably list a cultural nuance from many countries, but that does not mean they hold true.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

What about cultural nuances? Like say Cuban men are known for keeping a mistress?

You need to know your spouse! Do you know have many times I have heard that my husband has another wife in Egypt???? IF I had for one second beleived any of that I wouldn't have married him. I think we could probably list a cultural nuance from many countries, but that does not mean they hold true.

I agree. Just my observation, but we live in terribly fearful world and so many things can add to our paranoia. If we can't judge our partner by their own actions and words, then what?

[ken and mintra 0]

Anyone?

Reminds me of a phrase I was heard that I always follow:

"WHEN THERE'S DOUBT, THERE'S NO DOUBT!"

Kind of like following your gut. Sounds hokie but it is so true.

Edited July 22, 2007 by ken and mintra

[Aymerlu 3]

What about cultural nuances? Like say Cuban men are known for keeping a mistress?

You need to know your spouse! Do you know have many times I have heard that my husband has another wife in Egypt???? IF I had for one second beleived any of that I wouldn't have married him. I think we could probably list a cultural nuance from many countries, but that does not mean they hold true.

I agree. Just my observation, but we live in terribly fearful world and so many things can add to our paranoia. If we can't judge our partner by their own actions and words, then what?

I lived in paranoia with my ex and I swore to myself I would never live like that again. I trust my husband 100%. I never doubt anything he does or says and if a time came that I did, I wouldn't be with him. We both had very crappy marriages and we promised each other we will make our marriage work which sometimes means not listening to what others have to say sometimes. Not that I have deaf ears or anything (or that he does too) we just pick our battles.

[amrssnowangel 0]

I think there are always "clues" but no one can be certain...I'd say you'd need to question if the SO:

1. Talks of visa VERY early in relationship

2. Asks questions on your financial situation early on

3. Talks of his contributions to his family

4. Says how much you are missed, but then doesn't show for days

5. Claims this woman is his "sister" and you see her being a bit to friendly

6. When his friends and family come WAY before you

7. If he asks for money for emergencies (surgeries, business start ups, education)

8. If there is a huge age gap (although this ALONE is not one, but can be...I have an age gap)

9. If there are always excuses not to meet family and friends

10. If he talks of other "friends" who married foreigners and how they got their visas

11. If his family starts to investigate visas with you and makes suggestions on FASTEST way to get one

12. When familly talks of how they'd love to move to your country

13. When he receives calls from "female cousins" and seems very close to them

14. When he talks of marriage shortly after meeting

15. When he or his family doesn't seem to follow the customs of culture or religion to accomodate you

i.e for middle eastern: accepting you unseen with no knowledge of your background, being very acceptive of your divorces and kids, to fast to accept that age difference.

16. Has had past visa applications that failed

17. Has had past engagements or marriages that failed with foreigners

18. Has unaccounted time (maybe a wife over there he has that time with?)

19. Wont give ALL his names (first, middle, last)

20. Doesn't share phone numbers, addresses or doesn't want you to call at certain times or mail his home

21. When he knows more about the visa process then YOU do

22. There is a language barrier and its hard to communicate

Any of these alone, may not be cause for alarm, but a combination of them with your gut feeling should send you running. These are just some things i've noticed USCIS lists as well as from women that it happened to.

With that said....marrying someone from a 3rd world country or with poor financial mean, is a risk. But how can we really know. So, live, love and laugh as if there is no tomorrow. All that matters is that we do right....then trust God will handle the rest.

[Dan J 277]

I think there are always "clues" but no one can be certain...I'd say you'd need to question if the SO:

1. Talks of visa VERY early in relationship

2. Asks questions on your financial situation early on

3. Talks of his contributions to his family

4. Says how much you are missed, but then doesn't show for days

5. Claims this woman is his "sister" and you see her being a bit to friendly

6. When his friends and family come WAY before you

7. If he asks for money for emergencies (surgeries, business start ups, education)

8. If there is a huge age gap (although this ALONE is not one, but can be...I have an age gap)

9. If there are always excuses not to meet family and friends

10. If he talks of other "friends" who married foreigners and how they got their visas

11. If his family starts to investigate visas with you and makes suggestions on FASTEST way to get one

12. When familly talks of how they'd love to move to your country

13. When he receives calls from "female cousins" and seems very close to them

14. When he talks of marriage shortly after meeting

15. When he or his family doesn't seem to follow the customs of culture or religion to accomodate you

i.e for middle eastern: accepting you unseen with no knowledge of your background, being very acceptive of your divorces and kids, to fast to accept that age difference.

16. Has had past visa applications that failed

17. Has had past engagements or marriages that failed with foreigners

18. Has unaccounted time (maybe a wife over there he has that time with?)

19. Wont give ALL his names (first, middle, last)

20. Doesn't share phone numbers, addresses or doesn't want you to call at certain times or mail his home

21. When he knows more about the visa process then YOU do

22. There is a language barrier and its hard to communicate

Any of these alone, may not be cause for alarm, but a combination of them with your gut feeling should send you running. These are just some things i've noticed USCIS lists as well as from women that it happened to.

With that said....marrying someone from a 3rd world country or with poor financial mean, is a risk. But how can we really know. So, live, love and laugh as if there is no tomorrow. All that matters is that we do right....then trust God will handle the rest.

Thats a pretty good list. But for some people, Even if they see those things happening, they wont draw the conclusion of fraud, because the are in love and don't think that it can happen to them.

[Fandango 1,439]

the bottom line is that the heart wants what it wants

a list a mile long won't stop someone determined to marry a person.

So just roll with it, do your best, and enjoy!

[Team J and B 2]

This has been a HUGE question in my mind since I was first asked to withdraw my application for entry to the USA once. I was shocked and inside I was thinking, "The US gov't thinks I'm like one of them? I can't believe this!" (With them obviously being illegal immigrants and fraudulent visa chasers from (mostly) third world countries. I'm Canadian, I'm your brother!

Many fraudulent visa chasers are still settling down in the USA, they just have to jump through hoops and pay filing fees. So they're still ending up in the USA, but just have more obstacles to go through. In the end, does that make that much of a difference to the US government? The day after someone gets their Green Card they file for divorce. And then what? Are they deported?

But anyhoo, I digress. I'm just a bit bitter having to jump through hoops and feel like I'm being judged and lumped in as "one of them."

My fiance and I met in another country. In that country, we met many couples where the woman was local and the man was an American/Canadian/British/Caucasian from the western world. The age difference was the first thing that struck us as unusual. We rarely see a 40 year old man with a 25 year old girlfriend in Vancouver or San Francisco.

The second thing was, the woman's English language skills were usually quite poor. And the thing their men loved about them was their cuteness and the cute way they spoke poor English.

A whole bunch of other factors stood out in couples like this I'm sure you can all imagine. However, it goes both ways, doesn't it? It's like a business transaction. The man wants exoticism, the woman wants financial security/eventual visa to bring over her family and their dogs.

Sharing a same language with your partner should be the first and foremost trait. Communication is everything in a relationship, and when you both understand the language, you both understand the culture. "Me love you long time" is only cute for the first ten minutes.

Edited July 22, 2007 by Team J and B

[Fandango 1,439]

there was once a poster who commuicated with the non USC via yahoo smileys, iirc....

[TracyLuis 0]

Trust your instincts. We have them for a reason.

[sara535 15]

I think the danger in all of this is that when an international marriage fails the first assumption is going to be that it was some kind of immigration fraud. Statistically a lot of marriages fail in the first couple of years, american AND foreign, so its not always fair to immediately point to fraud.

[Fandango 1,439]

I think the danger in all of this is that when an international marriage fails the first assumption is going to be that it was some kind of immigration fraud. Statistically a lot of marriages fail in the first couple of years, american AND foreign, so its not always fair to immediately point to fraud.

I think this is very true....however, when the two different countries involved are America and a third-world country, one must be exceptionally dilligent because to ignore that factor would be short-sighted. There is 'buying power' with an American visa marriage.

[TracyTN 237]

Anyone?

Why do you ask?

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

Just marry an honest person. It's fail-safe.