Lost everything, husband can’t have a relationship.

[M3gaaan 5]

So I made a post I think about a week ago saying how me and my husband reconciled; long story short he changed his mind again while I’m still here in the UK trying to recover from before and I have to now again figure out my entire life again. I am just looking for some sort of support because I feel like I’m the only one who’s ever gone through this. I’m only 21 and I moved my whole life for him and was starting to kind of build a life for myself while there. I’m grieving so much and he said that maybe in the future he’d come back to me after he got serious help. But I don’t even know what the future holds. I was going to settle down with him and have a family. That’s all I wanted in life really. Of course I wanted my own life but I didn’t think of the possibility of this happening let alone this quick after marriage. 

[OldUser 6,367]

Hi @M3gaaan sorry to hear your marriage is falling apart. It's never easy and you may need time to heal.

 

On a plus side, it's better to go separate ways at the beginning of the marriage rather than 5-10-20-25 years into it. You're still young and have the entire life ahead of you!

 

By the sound of it, you may be better off filing for divorce sometime soon. Also, it looks like nothing stops you from re-establishing your life in USA if you see yourself having better opportunities in life there.

 

Good luck!

 

[M3gaaan 5]

59 minutes ago, OldUser said:

Hi @M3gaaan sorry to hear your marriage is falling apart. It's never easy and you may need time to heal.

 

On a plus side, it's better to go separate ways at the beginning of the marriage rather than 5-10-20-25 years into it. You're still young and have the entire life ahead of you!

 

By the sound of it, you may be better off filing for divorce sometime soon. Also, it looks like nothing stops you from re-establishing your life in USA if you see yourself having better opportunities in life there.

 

Good luck!

 

He’s looking at filing for it soon; honestly I am probably going to start my life back up in the UK just because there’s a bigger support system here and the only reason I moved to the US was for him. But at the same time I don’t know; I’m not sure. I know that once you show more ties to your home country the green card is basically abandoned especially after 6 months but he did say that if he were to heal he’d try to reconnect with me. I told him I would want him to move here but I do still love the US. I know there’s direct consulate filing if we were to remarry. But it’s all just uncertain. God only knows what’s gonna happen. 😊

[Timona 4,206]

Do you have a GC? If so, is it 2 or 10 years? 

[Rocio0010 5,579]

33 minutes ago, M3gaaan said:

but he did say that if he were to heal he’d try to reconnect with me.

This is well outside of immigration. I know it is, but you’re not “disposable” or something he can come back to if/whenever he wants to. You’re 21. Plenty of fish in the sea. Divorce now, heal, move on

[M3gaaan 5]

19 minutes ago, Timona said:

Do you have a GC? If so, is it 2 or 10 years? 

2 year green card; I’d need to file for ROC in 2024 

[Timona 4,206]

Then I see no point of you mopping around. 

1. Find an apartment and job in US then come back.

2. While working on 1 above, file divorce. You can do so online. 

 

You can continue all the way to citizenship with divorce. You already got a GC. It's only an immigration judge that can revoke it. 

 

You're 21. You're barely learning to float for someone to sink you. 

Edited December 12, 2022 by Timona

[Wuozopo 4,293]

Christmas Is a difficult time to wrap your head around things. It can be an emotional time. Maybe just put it off for a few weeks. New year, new you. 🥳

 

Make a list.  All the benefits of starting over in the UK. And all the reasons you could make it in the US . A job, and some financial footing would be essential for a place to live, utilities, health insurance, etc. Research what financial benefits Idaho might hold for you in divorce settlements before you just sign off. Maybe a consult with an ID divorce attorney.  Don’t cut him any slack. 
 

And at 21, this is the is probably the most devastating thing that has happened to you in your life. But from a much older bloke, I assure you that you deserve somebody and will find a better person, but it’s hard to imagine that right now. It will happen.  It’s not like you are a thirty-five year old with three kids looking for love. You are free to have a great single life or plan for a new career. You married quite young and your choice of a partner can certainly change over the next few years as you mature more.  

 

If you decide to make a go of it in the US, you can file the ROC with a waiver (by yourself, no spouse signature) as soon as you get a final divorce decree. You don’t have to wait until 2024. You will have to present evidence that you married in good faith with documents showing you had joint accounts, joint taxes, shared utility bills, and all the things others provide for regular ROC, but only covering the time from marriage to divorce. Go read the ROC forum for many ideas of what to get your hands on while you can.

 

 

[Marieke H 2,457]

It's not fair of him to expect you to wait around until he is ready to be in a relationship. Who knows how long that will take? And what if you don't want him anymore by the time he is finally ready? You are young, and there are plenty of other, less complicated guys out there.

 

Take some time to figure out what YOU want to do. It makes sense to want to stay in the UK where you probably have more support from friends and family. But if you want to see what it's like to build a life in the US, you can totally do that. You have not been outside of the US that long yet, you can easily fly back.

[yoda one for me 322]

On 12/12/2022 at 10:03 AM, M3gaaan said:

 I’m grieving so much and he said that maybe in the future he’d come back to me after he got serious help. 

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry you're being put through this. This one sentence really stood out to me. My dad treated my mum this way - kept her on the hook as a 'backup' for years. She was always wondering if/when he would decided he was 'better' or 'over it' and wanted to start the marriage back up. It never lasted when he did and she ended up in a bad state for a number of years.

 

You're worth more than being someone's backup. If he's not willing to work on the marriage together, with you, while you're married - through marriage counselling and through individual therapy (for both of you) - then you should consider his decision final and focus on yourself. Build yourself back up. If you feel more comfortable in the UK because of your support network, return to the UK and stay there and pick your life up as best you can. You'll be able to move on if you let yourself. His weakness is not your fault. You didn't fail at this marriage - he gave up on it. You have to look after yourself foremost now. Close the chapter. Sign the divorce papers. Get your confidence back up and you'll meet someone else who wants to make a relationship with you work.

 

Good luck x

[M3gaaan 5]

On 12/13/2022 at 9:04 PM, yoda one for me said:

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry you're being put through this. This one sentence really stood out to me. My dad treated my mum this way - kept her on the hook as a 'backup' for years. She was always wondering if/when he would decided he was 'better' or 'over it' and wanted to start the marriage back up. It never lasted when he did and she ended up in a bad state for a number of years.

 

You're worth more than being someone's backup. If he's not willing to work on the marriage together, with you, while you're married - through marriage counselling and through individual therapy (for both of you) - then you should consider his decision final and focus on yourself. Build yourself back up. If you feel more comfortable in the UK because of your support network, return to the UK and stay there and pick your life up as best you can. You'll be able to move on if you let yourself. His weakness is not your fault. You didn't fail at this marriage - he gave up on it. You have to look after yourself foremost now. Close the chapter. Sign the divorce papers. Get your confidence back up and you'll meet someone else who wants to make a relationship with you work.

 

Good luck x

Thank you so much everyone for the support ❤️ it really got me through those days; I know things seem like a rollercoaster but things seem to be looking back up and he promised me that by January I’ll be flying back and we will work things out and ONLY if we go through every option and I have my ten year green card/ life over here that’s when we will divorce. I honestly would prefer to live in the US on my own to be fair because I came to love the country and it feels more like home to me now that I’m back in the UK. I assume everything is fine for me to fly back on my green card; i flew out using my UK passport; but I assume it’s very similar when using your green card. 😊 I can’t wait to be back to the home I made for myself and heres to a future hopefully where we work things out. 😊 

[carmel34 3,605]

49 minutes ago, M3gaaan said:

I know things seem like a rollercoaster but things seem to be looking back up and he promised me that by January I’ll be flying back and we will work things out and ONLY if we go through every option and I have my ten year green card/ life over here that’s when we will divorce. I honestly would prefer to live in the US on my own to be fair because I came to love the country and it feels more like home to me now that I’m back in the UK. I assume everything is fine for me to fly back on my green card

Do what you decide to do, it's your life after all.  Sounds like you still have doubts about the marriage.  This is really more of a marriage and relationship issue than immigration.  If you really love him, go back and try to salvage the marriage.  If it doesn't work out, you can file for divorce, move into your own place anywhere in the US, get a job, and submit the paperwork for a 10-year green card with a divorce waiver.  Or, you could decide to go back to the UK.  I would not stay in a bad marriage thinking that it would be easier to apply for the 10-year green card, because it isn't true.  Start to compile lots of evidence that you entered into the marriage in good faith--shared finances, property, utilities in both names, joint IRS tax return statements, etc.  You have options, do what is best for you.  Good luck!

[M3gaaan 5]

18 minutes ago, carmel34 said:

Do what you decide to do, it's your life after all.  Sounds like you still have doubts about the marriage.  This is really more of a marriage and relationship issue than immigration.  If you really love him, go back and try to salvage the marriage.  If it doesn't work out, you can file for divorce, move into your own place anywhere in the US, get a job, and submit the paperwork for a 10-year green card with a divorce waiver.  Or, you could decide to go back to the UK.  I would not stay in a bad marriage thinking that it would be easier to apply for the 10-year green card, because it isn't true.  Start to compile lots of evidence that you entered into the marriage in good faith--shared finances, property, utilities in both names, joint IRS tax return statements, etc.  You have options, do what is best for you.  Good luck!

Oh definitely obviously I’m sure that things will work out; he wants to atleast make it so if it were to happen down the line I wasn’t losing my entire life. But that’s a worst case scenario. Heres hoping it will all work out but I’m sure we can salvage things. 😊 thank you so much everyone again 

[da95826 387]

1 hour ago, M3gaaan said:

I assume everything is fine for me to fly back on my green card; i flew out using my UK passport; but I assume it’s very similar when using your green card. 😊 I can’t wait to be back to the home I made for myself and heres to a future hopefully where we work things out.

You have a 2-year conditional green card returning to the USA is not an issue, if you return within 180 days (six months) no issue at all. If you return between six months to a year you will be fine to enter the USA, but you have broken the continuous residency requirements for naturalization pushing back when you can file n400. If you are out of the USA more than a year, then you can have issues maintaining your green card, you risk abandoning your LPR status. 

 

Good luck with your marriage and I hope it all works out well for you.

 

As for your goal of staying in the USA you have options, you don't need to be married to get the conditions removed from your green card. You will need to file to remove the conditions on your LPR status within 90 days before the expiration of your 2-year green card if you are still married by filing a i751 joint application with evidence of the ongoing bonified marriage (being on lease, joint tax returns, joint bank records, joint bills, joint insurance, photos together and so on) so you need to collect evidence of your good faith married relationship now until you file. 

 

But you can file to remove the conditions on your LPR yourself by filing an l751 divorce waiver application any time after a divorce is final. There is no time limit to when you can file an i751 waiver application, but you need a final divorce decree to be approved along with good faith marriage proof. So, if your spouse and you do not get back together and you wish to live in the USA you can plan to do that. You just need a divorce decree and bonified marriage evidence proof between the time you got married to when you separated and file an i751 divorce waver case. If you separate you will need to file for divorce quickly as you will need the divorce decree in hand for your immigration case. 

 

 

[Rocio0010 5,579]

Penny for your thoughts but… do you think he’ll want to reconcile if you asked him to move to the UK?

I mean, it’s easier to reconcile when you’re not the one leaving everything behind and doing all those sacrifices . A marriage is a LOT of team work.