My Husband's Secret

[Kanja 201]

3 minutes ago, Pinkrlion said:

That is why emotional abuse is determined by professionals.  Not based on personal feelings.  

What do you mean by professional? Mental health professional or USCIS professional? If the former, seeing a mental health professional/psychologist/evaluation  etc is not required for VAWA. Recommended but not required. 

[OldUser 6,602]

1 hour ago, Kanja said:

What do you mean by professional? Mental health professional or USCIS professional? If the former, seeing a mental health professional/psychologist/evaluation  etc is not required for VAWA. Recommended but not required. 

Licesed therapist. A lot of things are not required, but every time you don't submit something, your chances of approval are getting reduced. On a weak case, this may be detrimental. It's always the immigrant's burden to provide as much evidence as possible to prove their case.

Edited November 20, 2022 by OldUser

[Kanja 201]

34 minutes ago, OldUser said:

Licesed therapist. A lot of things are not required, but every time you don't submit something, your chances of approval are getting reduced. On a weak case, this may be detrimental. It's always the immigrant's burden to provide as much evidence as possible to prove their case.

Totally agree. 

[DanielPlainview 368]

Hey Confused.   Really sorry to hear your situation.   I don't really know all the options, but I wanted to just provide some encouragement to you.    So first of all, you have not been here very long and sometimes it can take a couple time to adapt to being married.   Hopefully, all is going to work out for you and your husband, however, you need to keep your spirits up during this period, and plan out a strategy so you are prepared for anything..   

Someone else had suggested maintaining evidence of his behavior.   I would highly recommend you take that advice.   If you can get emails legally, then yeah, get them or any other evidence such as a picture of the phone with the other woman.   My further suggestion is to document any conversations you have with him where you feel belittled or slighted.   Write down the date and the conversation and the important points of the conversation.   If you need this in the future, it will help establish that it's a frequent and long running problem.   Make absolutely sure that you keep that information CONFIDENTIAL.   You found his phones, don't let him find your documents.   

Someone suggested getting a job.   That's a great idea too.   Sounds like he works an awful lot and that could be putting pressure on him.   Having your own job would provide you with some independence and may help take some pressure off of your husband since you can help with some of the bills.   Put something away for yourself too in the event you need it in the future if all does not go well with the marriage.   You should see your work permit very soon.

Your AOS should process fairly quickly too.   So bide your time until you get that since that likely does afford you some protection.   I have seen enough documents that ask if you're still married or divorced.   So you're definitely not the first person to have encountered this situation.   I believe you'll have some level of protection from being deported in the event of a divorce.  You'll need your own money, however, since completing your process is going to cost a lot.  Obviously you'll need a job and income to pay for an apartment, food, transportation, etc.   So think about those things, hope for the best, but plan for the worst. 

Good luck.  So sorry to hear this happened for you.

 

[debbiedoo 2,339]

On 11/19/2022 at 9:00 PM, confusedsoul said:

I thought at his age of 62 he already past the stage of cheating and lying.  His goal for me when I get here is the not the goal I am experiencing right now 😢😢😢

a dog is a dog no matter the age

[confusedsoul 7]

14 hours ago, DanielPlainview said:

Hey Confused.   Really sorry to hear your situation.   I don't really know all the options, but I wanted to just provide some encouragement to you.    So first of all, you have not been here very long and sometimes it can take a couple time to adapt to being married.   Hopefully, all is going to work out for you and your husband, however, you need to keep your spirits up during this period, and plan out a strategy so you are prepared for anything..   

Someone else had suggested maintaining evidence of his behavior.   I would highly recommend you take that advice.   If you can get emails legally, then yeah, get them or any other evidence such as a picture of the phone with the other woman.   My further suggestion is to document any conversations you have with him where you feel belittled or slighted.   Write down the date and the conversation and the important points of the conversation.   If you need this in the future, it will help establish that it's a frequent and long running problem.   Make absolutely sure that you keep that information CONFIDENTIAL.   You found his phones, don't let him find your documents.   

Someone suggested getting a job.   That's a great idea too.   Sounds like he works an awful lot and that could be putting pressure on him.   Having your own job would provide you with some independence and may help take some pressure off of your husband since you can help with some of the bills.   Put something away for yourself too in the event you need it in the future if all does not go well with the marriage.   You should see your work permit very soon.

Your AOS should process fairly quickly too.   So bide your time until you get that since that likely does afford you some protection.   I have seen enough documents that ask if you're still married or divorced.   So you're definitely not the first person to have encountered this situation.   I believe you'll have some level of protection from being deported in the event of a divorce.  You'll need your own money, however, since completing your process is going to cost a lot.  Obviously you'll need a job and income to pay for an apartment, food, transportation, etc.   So think about those things, hope for the best, but plan for the worst. 

Good luck.  So sorry to hear this happened for you.

 

Thank you!!! I will take your advice. I will suppress now my emotion and think the best for me right now.  Like what the saying goes "keep your friends close and your enemies closer".

[confusedsoul 7]

Just give an update . I confirmed that my husband is not really working at night, he sleeps in the house of his ex. 

 

Is there anyone here who could help me because I have a video recording of our conversation, it is 45 mins long. It is too large to upload in my email. Is there any app  or procedure so I can put it in my email because I don't want it to keep in may cellphone for long he might see it. Thanks in advance.

[Kanja 201]

12 minutes ago, confusedsoul said:

Just give an update . I confirmed that my husband is not really working at night, he sleeps in the house of his ex. 

 

Is there anyone here who could help me because I have a video recording of our conversation, it is 45 mins long. It is too large to upload in my email. Is there any app  or procedure so I can put it in my email because I don't want it to keep in may cellphone for long he might see it. Thanks in advance.

Can you use WhatsApp and share it with someone there?

 

Also how about google drive or drop box? 

[OldUser 6,602]

19 minutes ago, confusedsoul said:

I don't want it to keep in may cellphone for long he might see it.

Change password / remove his fingerprints from it. Your phone is your property. You don't have any legal or moral obligation to somebody who treated you poorly like that.

Edited November 23, 2022 by OldUser

[confusedsoul 7]

9 minutes ago, OldUser said:

Change password / remove his fingerprints from it. Your phone is your property. You don't have any legal or moral obligation to somebody who treated you poorly like that.

I will use my head right now. I will to gather more evidence about his infidelity. I will be kind to him so he will not suspicious about me. 

[Ontarkie 14,214]

I'm very sorry for you.

 

You also have another issue. You cannot stay in this relationship just for immigration purposes. Buying time to get AOS and not have him catch on that you are already planning to leave is immigration fraud. Either work on your marriage or get out, do not stay in it pretending to be a happy couple. This will come back to bite you. 

[confusedsoul 7]

4 hours ago, Ontarkie said:

I'm very sorry for you.

 

You also have another issue. You cannot stay in this relationship just for immigration purposes. Buying time to get AOS and not have him catch on that you are already planning to leave is immigration fraud. Either work on your marriage or get out, do not stay in it pretending to be a happy couple. This will come back to bite you. 

Thanks for the advice

[Pinkrlion 2,715]

Also, Infidelity is not VAWA.

[Cheschirecat 176]

On 11/23/2022 at 3:18 PM, Kanja said:

Can you use WhatsApp and share it with someone there?

 

Also how about google drive or drop box? 

Is it legal to record in your state? Make sure of that 

[Newyorker2021 3]

On 11/20/2022 at 6:50 AM, Kanja said:

I don’t need to google it as I know a few people that have gotten approved for VAWA but I’ll do it anyways . Even someone’s husband or wife saying “I won’t help you get your green card” can be enough for qualification (as long as marriage was entered in good faith of course). Definitely agree that  not being introduced as someone’s wife is not enough for qualification but the OP indicated many other things that are going on. Either way, if the OP is interested in going down that route a good lawyer will let her know if she qualifies. The other thing that wasn’t really mentioned is if the OPs partner is not willing to complete process with OP so that she may get her green card. OPs husband may be doing all this but still committed to see the process through. 
 

directly from USCIS :

 

 

The definitions for battery and extreme cruelty are flexible and broad. Other terms, such as abuse, acts of violence, and domestic violence, are often used to describe battery and extreme cruelty.

Battery generally includes any offensive touching or use of force on a person without the person’s consent.^[110]Some examples include, but are not limited to, punching, slapping, spitting, biting, kicking, choking, kidnapping, rape, molestation, forced prostitution, sexual abuse, and sexual exploitation. Other abusive actions may also be physical acts of violence and, under certain circumstances, include acts that in and of themselves may not initially appear violent but that are part of an overall pattern of violence.

Extreme cruelty is a non-physical act of violence or threat of violence demonstrating a pattern or intent on the part of the U.S. citizen or LPR to attain compliance from or control over the self-petitioner.^[111] USCIS determines whether a self-petitioner has demonstrated extreme cruelty occurred on a case-by-case basis, and no single factor is conclusive.

Acts of extreme cruelty may include but are not limited to:

• Isolation;

• Humiliation;

• Degradation, use of guilt, minimizing, or blaming;

• Economic control;

• Coercion;

• Threatening to commit a violent act toward the self-petitioner (or the self-petitioner’s children);

• Acts intended to create fear, compliance, or submission by the self-petitioner;

• Controlling what self-petitioners do and who they see and talk to;

• Denying access to food, family, or medical treatment;

• Threats of deportation; and

• Threats to remove a child from the self-petitioner’s custody.

Battery or extreme cruelty may also include:

• Any act or threatened act of violence, including forced detention, which results or threatens to result in physical or mental injury;

• Psychological or sexual abuse or exploitation, including rape, molestation, incest, or forced prostitution;

• Acts that may not initially appear violent but are a part of an overall pattern of violence;

• Acts aimed at some other person or thing may be considered abuse if the acts were deliberately used to perpetrate extreme cruelty against the self-petitioner or the self-petitioner’s child;

• Acts by a third party when the abusive U.S. citizen or LPR acquiesced to, condoned, or participated in the abuse; and

• Spousal abuse, if witnessed by the child of the victim, may be used as the basis for a self-petition by that child.^[112]

This is true. You don't need a police report or anything!